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In the Name of God بسم الله
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Ibtihaal

I Want To Get Married

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I can understand how hard it is to find perfect spouse these days, my DUA is with all momeenin and momeenat to get their better half as soon as possible Ameen summa Ameen....

Edited by WhiteHorse

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Salam

ok... there is an item here that i am having a little trouble with, namely:

 

 

 

i agree with u guys .. its nt abt finding mr.perfect .. no1 s perfect in this world including me .. but the thing is tht nowadays guys want a girl tht looks like miss world.. hvng make up, wearing tight jeans nd all tht .. if they see u in chader .. they r like : she s too old fashioned.

 

... but it is ok for girls to make demands, such as the guy must have have:

 

1. a high paid job,

2. loads of money,

3. a phd (or high standard of education),

4. loads of money,

5. a fast car,

6. oh and did i mention loads of money!!!

 

wearing a chador dosnt mean squat if there is a hypocrite behind it!

(i'm not pointing any fingers, just speaking generally)

 

Bottom line is, girls need to take it easy on men, believe it or not a lot of guys are trying their best to meet your demands (including yours truly) and yet you still will not be satisfied!

 

I don't think it's too much to ask for the girl to at least look nice to the guy.

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Salam!

 

Just because a Girl (Woman ) wears Chador she doesn´t have to be ugly and hide ist that way. She might just want to look Nice ONLY for her Man and not everyone on the Outside of her Home.

But you are saying the truth too. Most Women and Men looking for a Spouse aim way to High.

What happened to Modesty? Whats the Problem with simple Lifestyles? Finding the right Match should be put first not Money. What is all the Money worth if you live in an unhappy Relationship? Nowadays every Man and Woman can make there own Living find a job and take care of Themselves so they don´t need to ask of so much Money to get married. Its different now if a Marrige shouldn´t work out and end up in a Divorce they are cared for or can care for Themselves.

 

ws Salima

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Yes but the point i was trying to make was that if a girl was to be presented with 2 potential suitors, one who is filthy rich and is like a hollywood star and the other is not so rich, but is hard working and honest. Regardless of whether she is financially secure already, what choice do you think most women would go for? It seems to be only AFTERWARDS that people realize that money doesn't buy happiness... when it is too late.

 

Unfortunate indeed.

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Jaguar_knight : sounds like me in from 10 years ago. Therefore we deduce the same ideology is still in practice today. However my advice would be, be who you are, enjoy life and find someone your self.

 

Ali_ so why aren't you married yet?.... I recall a post that your buddy made last year, for you. :)

 

 

But what I find funny is, my non muslims poor friend, can find a girlfriend easily. But as always he has the same problem. After a 6 months or so, they break up, because he just is not rich enough.

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Ali_ so why aren't you married yet?.... I recall a post that your buddy made last year, for you. :)

Are you speaking to me bro?

Yes, that thread... LOL Brother PureEthics made it as a joke. Silly boy. Top bloke nonetheless ^_^

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^That seems to be the problem here in Nebraska. Most older men cant find spouses their age. Where do you live? I thought Shias were everywhere. lol Also most guys here in Nebraska are just not marriage material, their too too Americanized, they call themselves Muslims yet they have sex, drink alcohol, but when it comes to eating pork, they dont. Thats Shiat Imam Al Ali for you. ~facepalm~

 

That's not Shiat Imam Ali. That's a flawed representation.

 

 

bismillahir rahmanir rahim

salaamun alaykum..

well.. m 22 yrs old girl who has done hawza studies and i really want to get married.. my parents and other people keep asking me hw cm m still single ?!

i did get many proposals but we rejected them voz they wer not religious.. sm dint pray, sm wer into drugs nd sm wer against the hawza thingy.

well.. plz help me out .. wat shud i do? m a khoja btw frm africa..

 

I wouldn't advise anyone to post about marriage on this site, you're going to get a whole bunch of spam male messages now which I'm sure wasn't your intention.

 

In any case, I'm 25 and still unmarried as well so I can relate to what you're saying but here's the deal ; age is a number and when God sees fit he will grow a man from the dirt just for you.

 

So have faith, have STRONG faith and put your trust in no one and nothing except Allah (swt), even after your married. The comments mentioned about some people not praying and some not wanting to do hawze are really irrelevant. At the end of the day faith starts in the heart, maybe that man doesn't pray but maybe he wants to and is trying. 

 

Intention and purity of heart are key. They are rare, but your trust in God will bring you what you deserve.

 

Good luck to you. 

Salam

ok... there is an item here that i am having a little trouble with, namely:

 

 

... but it is ok for girls to make demands, such as the guy must have have:

 

1. a high paid job,

2. loads of money,

3. a phd (or high standard of education),

4. loads of money,

5. a fast car,

6. oh and did i mention loads of money!!!

 

wearing a chador dosnt mean squat if there is a hypocrite behind it!

(i'm not pointing any fingers, just speaking generally)

 

Bottom line is, girls need to take it easy on men, believe it or not a lot of guys are trying their best to meet your demands (including yours truly) and yet you still will not be satisfied!

 

I don't think it's too much to ask for the girl to at least look nice to the guy.

 

What girls are you looking at? You need to filter better. Seriously. As does ibtihal, not all guys are like that. Stop overgeneralizing, both of you and start filtering better.  

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In any case, I'm 25 and still unmarried as well so I can relate to what you're saying but here's the deal ; age is a number and when God sees fit he will grow a man from the dirt just for you.

LOL, where do people get these retarded phantasmal quotes from?, the law of life is, get your back side off your chairs and start hunting. So you are 25 and one day randomly some turd will appear and swoo you off your chair? and that would mean GOD grew him or made him for you?. 

Step back and think like a bird flying over people. Those who are moving are achieving.

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LOL, where do people get these retarded phantasmal quotes from?, the law of life is, get your back side off your chairs and start hunting. So you are 25 and one day randomly some turd will appear and swoo you off your chair? and that would mean GOD grew him or made him for you?. 

Step back and think like a bird flying over people. Those who are moving are achieving.

 

This isn't a hunting game. Its marriage. 

 

It's not a job, it's not a course in college. Its marriage.

 

Yes I believe when God made us he designed a specific spouse for each of us. When I find that spouse I will get married.

 

It's easy to get married, easy to find a good enough person. But I'm searching for someone for this life and the hereafter. So just finding someone isn't my issue. 

 

How "retarded" you might find that isn't my problem. 

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according to your idea, we deduce that for all those single losers out there, GOD forgot to make them a partner?. Clever thinking. I know of few old people who died spinsters and bachelors. GOD must have really hated them. Poor souls.

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according to your idea, we deduce that for all those single losers out there, GOD forgot to make them a partner?. Clever thinking. I know of few old people who died spinsters and bachelors. GOD must have really hated them. Poor souls.

 

Just because they're single doesn't make them losers, I wonder if you're as critical of yourself as you are of others, I surely hope not.

 

God doesn't forget, and he definitely doesn't hate. Those people just weren't meant to get married. They were meant for other things. Hopefully better things. 

 

That doesn't mean there wasn't someone designed out there for them. That person just wasn't meant to be found in this life. 

 

Whether I find him here or on the other side is irrelevant to me. When God sees best we will meet. 

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What girls are you looking at? You need to filter better. Seriously. As does ibtihal, not all guys are like that. Stop overgeneralizing, both of you and start filtering better.

 

Assumptions, assumptions... you are making it out that I am looking in the wrong places.

 

If decent girls do really exist then I would like to know why they are hiding. There are countless ahadeeth, which I do not need to mention, that tell people to just get married asap. All I am seeing in this day and age are girls making too many demands and are extremely picky. Personally, I trust the teachings of ahlul bayt more, they must have said get married sooner rather than later for a very good reason.

 

Lebsyeda, Correct me if I am wrong but what you are saying is that it is down to sheer luck that I, or anyone else, will get married. And that partners are not chosen based on their honesty, sincerity, piety etc.

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Assumptions, assumptions... you are making it out that I am looking in the wrong places.

 

If decent girls do really exist then I would like to know why they are hiding. There are countless ahadeeth, which I do not need to mention, that tell people to just get married asap. All I am seeing in this day and age are girls making too many demands and are extremely picky. Personally, I trust the teachings of ahlul bayt more, they must have said get married sooner rather than later for a very good reason.

 

Lebsyeda, Correct me if I am wrong but what you are saying is that it is down to sheer luck that I, or anyone else, will get married. And that partners are not chosen based on their honesty, sincerity, piety etc.

 

I have no issue correcting you because that wasn't at all what I was saying.

 

I wasn't saying that all girls are decent nor was I saying anything about sheer luck.

 

I was simply telling you that in this generation piety and sincerity are hard to find because they are scarce but that doesn't mean they don't exist. And that applies to both men and women. 

Yes but the point i was trying to make was that if a girl was to be presented with 2 potential suitors, one who is filthy rich and is like a hollywood star and the other is not so rich, but is hard working and honest. Regardless of whether she is financially secure already, what choice do you think most women would go for? It seems to be only AFTERWARDS that people realize that money doesn't buy happiness... when it is too late.

 

Unfortunate indeed.

 

Assumptions. Assumptions. Assumptions :)

 

Your scenario here is totally flawed. I'm a girl and I've been presented with countless handsome and rich suitors that I've declined because of their lack of piety, honesty and religion. 

 

Some of us have sense to realize what true happiness entails. Like I said, you've just been attracting or attracted to the bad seeds. 

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This isn't a hunting game. Its marriage. 

 

It's not a job, it's not a course in college. Its marriage.

 

Yes I believe when God made us he designed a specific spouse for each of us. When I find that spouse I will get married.

 

It's easy to get married, easy to find a good enough person. But I'm searching for someone for this life and the hereafter. So just finding someone isn't my issue. 

 

How "retarded" you might find that isn't my problem. 

 

Easy to get married??? Of course you would say that, because you are not making any effort to do so... and why would you need to? "countless handsome and rich suitors" keep knocking on your door and you are waiting for mr perfect to drop out of the sky (or grow out of the dirt  :)). 

 

Please, please please try to understand that a guy does actually have to go through a lot to find and court a potential spouse, and has to do a lot more. He is the one who has to make the effort, or at least show to Allah that he is (Allah helps those who help themselves).

 

From my point of view, and how the world is today, MOST girls are just not appreciating any of this.

 

What do girls have to go through? Making the "exceedingly" difficult choice of who they get to have their "big wedding day" with and how they are going to plan that big day.

 

 

 

 

 Like I said, you've just been attracting or attracted to the bad seeds. 

 

looks like we have something in common then  :lol:

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wow i feel bad for you, just leave it to Allah. Enjoy your single life and study more.

 

 

eh? well thanks for you sentiments, but there is no need to feel bad, I'm merely stating a point. I would rather stay single than marry someone who will make my life a living hell...  :lol:

and yes... If only I was a student again  :(

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Ok Ok... ceasefire! 

 

I think we share the same viewpoint but just from different angles. I never said all girls are like this now did I? I said "MOST"    ^^^

 

I am new to this forum and one of the reasons why I joined was to find out what the Shia community around the world have to say on why it seems so hard to get married these days. Almost every girl I have tried with DOES seem to be asking for Mr Perfect.... Apologies for unfairly putting you in that category of people.

 

Not only that, but a lot of girls go on about how loads of suitors come to them and they get to do the rejecting at will! A Distasteful and disrespectful thing to say when a guy is coming to court them for marriage. Certainly not something that I myself would do.

 

Perhaps this is worthy of a new topic, but opinions of brothers and sisters are still welcome.

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Not only that, but a lot of girls go on about how loads of suitors come to them and they get to do the rejecting at will! A Distasteful and disrespectful thing to say when a guy is coming to court them for marriage. Certainly not something that I myself would do.

 

Perhaps this is worthy of a new topic, but opinions of brothers and sisters are still welcome.

 

We probably do. Male vs. female point of view. 

 

I wouldn't say "rejecting at will" is an exciting experience, and it's definitely not one to brag about.

 

It's actually very difficult to say no to someone because you know you may be hurting them, however, if you are certain you two wouldn't be right for one another it's haram to keep the situation going. This doesn't necessarily mean the suitor is a bad guy, it just means I know we won't fit. 

 

Here's another random topic since we're throwing topics around; what's up with so many Muslim guys hating the hijab?

 

You know how many suitors have said : " I'm going to need you to take that thing off" ? And yes, they were practicing Muslims. 

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[EDITED]

 

In practicing I mean they pray, fast, help the poor and other similar acts.

 

I don't wear a ninja suit.

 

Yes. They don't believe the hijab is in the Quran at all nor that it is wajib. 

 

Oh and one of them just thought it was "ugly". :)

Edited by Basim Ali

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I don't think there is such a thing as soul mates. Some die single, some marry multiple times, some have multiple partners. This isn't a Disney cartoon or Bollywood movie, people. If you're a single guy you'll never marry until you work and get involved in the community. If you're a woman, don't settle for an irreligious and undisciplined guy. At the same time, be realistic. Too many girls are waiting for a tall handsome religious and charming single doctor from the "right" culture to pop into their lives with a 40,000 dollar dowry in their hand. And maybe a few of you will get that, but if the rest don't get a whiff of reality, they may end up alone at home with themselves.

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Well I for one have admiration for women who wear hijab... but not the type of hijab where she may as well not be wearing a hijab at all  :lol:. 

Living in a seaside town, I once saw a hijabi on the beach in her bikini  :o. That was funny.

 

I wonder if those guys who hate hijab reckon that the ladies of Ahlul Bayt (as) used to walk around without one?

 

 

I don't think there is such a thing as soul mates. Some die single, some marry multiple times, some have multiple partners. This isn't a Disney cartoon or Bollywood movie, people. If you're a single guy you'll never marry until you work and get involved in the community. If you're a woman, don't settle for an irreligious and undisciplined guy. At the same time, be realistic. Too many girls are waiting for a tall handsome religious and charming single doctor from the "right" culture to pop into their lives with a 40,000 dollar dowry in their hand. And maybe a few of you will get that, but if the rest don't get a whiff of reality, they may end up alone at home with themselves.

 

I too have doubts about this soulmate business.... There might be some truth to it, but I think a lot of people over think it thus becoming a barrier to getting married.

What is a soulmate supposed to mean any way? Love at first site or something?

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Here's another random topic since we're throwing topics around; what's up with so many Muslim guys hating the hijab?

 

You know how many suitors have said : " I'm going to need you to take that thing off" ? And yes, they were practicing Muslims.

Maybe they meant as in to see what you looked like without Hijab, not actually take it off after marriage? Of course, you'd know better than anyone what they were implying but perhaps they meant to see you with no Hijab because if a man wishes to see what his potential wife looks like with no Hijab, he is allowed (according to our Fiqh) to look once (with the Father's consent of course) if the girl agree's.

But then again, how many Daddies would agree to that? :rolleyes:

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I think only smart Muslims should get married. What I mean is all Muslims who want to get married should take an IQ test.

If they score high we should help them get married because we want our future generation to be intelligent.

If the person scores low we should encourage them to permanently sterilize themselves first before getting married.

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