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In the Name of God بسم الله

Disowning Children

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Salam to all

I am going through a tough time at the moment and wanted to know if anyone had any advise.

I have been engaged and had a sigha marriage done 6 months ago. It is my choice to marry my fiance but my parents and family still do not approve. Im in univeristy trying to get my degree but my fiance hardly any education. How ever he is very hard worker and will strive to provide for his wife inshallah. He has much more islamic knowledge than me and his parents and family will be glad to have me as a daughter in law.

The problem is my parents wish to disown me after my nikkah to him. I did istikhara before i got engaged from ayatullah mohammed gerami in iran and it was veryyy good. My parents put many doubts in my head about my fiance and his parents and so i became confused about what i should beleive. So then i did istikhara again and yet again it was very good.

My dad will accept me having a nikkah....but will disown me after that.

Will i be punished for this? What is the ruling for this and could you please give references

Wsalam

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(wasalam)

Show your parents this book on Greater Sins, especially chapter 9 which is on Qat'a ar-Rahm, the breaking up of relations with one’s kith and kin. May be they will change their mind knowing Imam Ja’far as-Sadiq (a.s.) says: “Beware of those who cut off relations because I have found them cursed thrice in the Qur’an.” Islam gives you absolute freedom of choosing your spouse as long as you look at their Imaan and Integrity. Therefore, it is your right to choose whomever you want to marry but its always best to have the parents on the same boat, show them references about Qat'a ar-Rahm in Quran and in this book. Good luck.

Edited by Mushkil Kusha
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(wasalam)

Show your parents this book on Greater Sins, especially chapter 9 which is on Qat'a ar-Rahm, the breaking up of relations with one’s kith and kin. May be they will change their mind knowing Imam Ja’far as-Sadiq (a.s.) says: “Beware of those who cut off relations because I have found them cursed thrice in the Qur’an.” Islam gives you absolute freedom of choosing your spouse as long as you look at their Imaan and Integrity. Therefore, it is your right to choose whomever you want to marry but its always best to have the parents on the same boat, show them references about Qat'a ar-Rahm in Quran and in this book. Good luck.

In the same book, there is also the following, in the section on Disobedience to parents (chapter 8):

Obedience to parents is not obligatory in the following cases:

When it causes unbearable hardships or harm. For instance, if they restrain the son from marriage when he feels the need for it. Or they order the son to divorce his wife without a sound reason. If such an action will result in harm to both the spouses, it is not obligatory to obey the parents.

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Salaam Allaikum,

If he's suitable for marriage (in terms of being religious and with good akhlaq, etc...) then it shouldn't be a problem per se. Try to speak to your parents though and smooth out any issues...that would be best. Usually these things are over misunderstandings....with persistent talking and dialogue they should be resolved inshallah

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word of advice: you will NEED your family in the future for support & helping out (emotionally) and losing them over a guy isn't worth it even if the guy is AMAZING. I know a lot of girls who ignored their parents, and ended up SUFFERING without them. It is a really hard thing to go through.

PLus a guy without an education doesn't really have many opportunities. It is hard enough for people with big degrees to get ANY job, let alone people without anything, and you shouldn't be the one paying for your life together (if he can't find a job in the future God forbids)

by the way, when Istkarah is really good it doesn't mean the out come will be great, it could mean it's a test God wants you to go through. In my past, I have done istkharas and they were EXCELLENT and I hated every minute of that path I chose.

Good luck

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NO NO NO NO. There are two sides to this, one is to listen to your parents and be good to them. The other is not to listen to them. But if you did get permission to do so marry him. Think this through though, i know if i had a daughter who married a guy i didn't want her to marry i would be really furious. Ask god for guidance and suggest you do marry the guy though.

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Wa alaikum assalam. You shouldn't worry about your parents disowning you because of who you want to marry, as the brothers above showed Islam doesn't stand for such restrictions. You marry who you choose.

However, you should also be ready to work your whole life, because it's realistic in this case. As wonderer said someone without education is going to have lower chances. Inshallah if he's hardworking and really struggles for the family (i.e. does jihad) he'll find a good job it will turn out well. All the best.

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PLus a guy without an education doesn't really have many opportunities. It is hard enough for people with big degrees to get ANY job, let alone people without anything, and you shouldn't be the one paying for your life together (if he can't find a job in the future God forbids)

Imam Sadiq (a.s.) said: "One who does not get married for fear of poverty is suspicious of Allah."

Imam Sadiq(a.s.) said: "Life will be prosperous by getting married."

(wasalam)

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