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In the Name of God بسم الله

Will You Ever Consider Being 2Nd, 3Rd Or 4Th Wife?

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:Sami

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Thanks for keeping your objectivity sister. Definitely a rare trait among Shia women I found here on SC. I agree with all your objections, and I also agree with what good AliM40 and MDM brought to the SC. Same goes for AlyReza.

Respectfully disagreeing, but you are almost absolutely wrong on both accounts here. I don't know how many and what kind of men you have encountered in your personal life to be so negative on these topics. I personally know tens of men who have married tens of women who were widowed or divorced. Even here in the west (usa and uk) I have witnessed men with with multiple partners and never doing haram. To be fair, I've only known 1 person who married a 19 yrs old and that was also due to family issues and pressure. It's people like this shallow mentality 'man haters' who make it a stigma for those thousands of deserving and good natured sisters who are living in loneliness but fail to take the step because of ridicule and backbiting of such bunch of shallow 'man haters'.

Gender imbalance is also a fact, both statistically supported by decades of population studies and by general observation and anecdotal accounts. If nothing else, go look around, go to Sunday schools, go to public schools, go attend the Muharram majalis, I'm sure if you look with open mind, you shall see the gender imbalance.

All 'man haters' hide your head in the sands all you want, but the reality is, this particular "Islamic Liberty" that you all shove in the trash so leisurely, if not you, your grand daughters will be coming back to it anyway, specifically here in West where Muslim female population easily outnumbers Muslim men population by good 10-15%. I know it's not nice to say, but there is a whole wide and complex world out there beyond your kitchen window.

Peace!

If it is all the fault of "man haters" as you say and not to do with the gender imbalance being a bunch of overblown hot air then why can't you or most of the boys on this site find a wife? Why are you all running around crying about your urgent needs and no one to take care of them and no one to do mut3ah with?

I for one don't hate men....but I sure haven't seen any men jumping at divorcees or widows...they want the young ones who haven't been married or touched ever.....even the old divorced or widowed men are going after this.

And as for you accusing me of being greedy and not having a heart for "poor lonely" single women out there.....if we took another woman under our wing we would go straight on welfare....no thank you....so you should all stop blabbering since you don't know most of our personal, home, or financial situations.

Edited by ImAli
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I also used him to measure how retarded other members were or weren't :dry:

This has to be the post of the day lol.

Thanks for keeping your objectivity sister. Definitely a rare trait among Shia women I found here on SC. I agree with all your objections, and I also agree with what good AliM40 and MDM brought to the SC. Same goes for AlyReza.

Respectfully disagreeing, but you are almost absolutely wrong on both accounts here. I don't know how many and what kind of men you have encountered in your personal life to be so negative on these topics. I personally know tens of men who have married tens of women who were widowed or divorced. Even here in the west (usa and uk) I have witnessed men with with multiple partners and never doing haram. To be fair, I've only known 1 person who married a 19 yrs old and that was also due to family issues and pressure. It's people like this shallow mentality 'man haters' who make it a stigma for those thousands of deserving and good natured sisters who are living in loneliness but fail to take the step because of ridicule and backbiting of such bunch of shallow 'man haters'.

Gender imbalance is also a fact, both statistically supported by decades of population studies and by general observation and anecdotal accounts. If nothing else, go look around, go to Sunday schools, go to public schools, go attend the Muharram majalis, I'm sure if you look with open mind, you shall see the gender imbalance.

All 'man haters' hide your head in the sands all you want, but the reality is, this particular "Islamic Liberty" that you all shove in the trash so leisurely, if not you, your grand daughters will be coming back to it anyway, specifically here in West where Muslim female population easily outnumbers Muslim men population by good 10-15%. I know it's not nice to say, but there is a whole wide and complex world out there beyond your kitchen window.

Peace!

Rest apart, I fail to see what's so "man-hating" in the post you quoted.

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Ok I didn't want to derail OP's very intriguing thread ... But the truth to be said, the horizon of humanity is way larger than the sky that you see only from your window. Whenever you pass judgements, remember the story of the toad who used to live in the well thinking this was his whole world. Most of those 'male demeaning' stunts come from women who themselves have been in bad relations with their fathers, brothers, and spouses and think this is the only kind which exist in the larger world.

Like I said I've witnessed and known men who are beyond your narrow definitions of 'salivating on 17 yrs olds' ......

Back to the OP's.

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Most females on SC are from rich or atleast middle class background. They don't know its better to be 3rd 4th wife than to be a prostitute on a brothel....

It happens in india, just watch some youtube videos. Many prostitutes in those videos were unable to get married or were divorced when they were young. So they are wanted by man that's why they are in business. But a selfish lady is not ready to share her crockery with her or thinks she is a snake who will eat his husband...

Most females on SC are from rich or atleast middle class background. They don't know its better to be 3rd 4th wife than to be a prostitute on a brothel....

It happens in india, just watch some youtube videos. Many prostitutes in those videos were unable to get married or were divorced when they were young. So they are wanted by man that's why they are in business. But a selfish lady is not ready to share her crockery with her or thinks she is a snake who will eat his husband...

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Most females on SC are from rich or atleast middle class background. They don't know its better to be 3rd 4th wife than to be a prostitute on a brothel....

It happens in india, just watch some youtube videos. Many prostitutes in those videos were unable to get married or were divorced when they were young. So they are wanted by man that's why they are in business. But a selfish lady is not ready to share her crockery with her or thinks she is a snake who will eat his husband...

Most females on SC are from rich or atleast middle class background. They don't know its better to be 3rd 4th wife than to be a prostitute on a brothel....

It happens in india, just watch some youtube videos. Many prostitutes in those videos were unable to get married or were divorced when they were young. So they are wanted by man that's why they are in business. But a selfish lady is not ready to share her crockery with her or thinks she is a snake who will eat his husband...

LOL, then if you're so worried and it's so easy, go marry 4 of them before they hit the brothel....save the world dude.

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Most females on SC are from rich or atleast middle class background. They don't know its better to be 3rd 4th wife than to be a prostitute on a brothel....

It happens in india, just watch some youtube videos. Many prostitutes in those videos were unable to get married or were divorced when they were young. So they are wanted by man that's why they are in business. But a selfish lady is not ready to share her crockery with her or thinks she is a snake who will eat his husband...

Most females on SC are from rich or atleast middle class background. They don't know its better to be 3rd 4th wife than to be a prostitute on a brothel....

It happens in india, just watch some youtube videos. Many prostitutes in those videos were unable to get married or were divorced when they were young. So they are wanted by man that's why they are in business. But a selfish lady is not ready to share her crockery with her or thinks she is a snake who will eat his husband...

If my husband wants to have other women, then thats up to him, though I would take him to the cleaners.

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Sister atleast i am not discouraging others not to do it.

Thanks for saying this bro. People really need to read this 100x daily with translation, even if someone is ME'ner, got to understand Quranic Arabic....

أَرَأَيْتَ الَّذِي يُكَذِّبُ بِالدِّينِ {1}

[ 107:1] Have you considered him who calls the judgment a lie?

فَذَٰلِكَ الَّذِي يَدُعُّ الْيَتِيمَ {2}

[ 107:2] That is the one who treats the orphan with harshness,

وَلَا يَحُضُّ عَلَىٰ طَعَامِ الْمِسْكِينِ {3}

[ 107:3] And does not urge (others) to feed the poor.

فَوَيْلٌ لِلْمُصَلِّينَ {4}

[ 107:4] So woe to the praying ones,

الَّذِينَ هُمْ عَنْ صَلَاتِهِمْ سَاهُونَ {5}

[ 107:5] Who are unmindful of their prayers,

الَّذِينَ هُمْ يُرَاءُونَ {6}

[shakir 107:6] Who do (good) to be seen,

وَيَمْنَعُونَ الْمَاعُونَ {7}

Edited by Waiting for HIM
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Of course those men exist. I also know of such cases. But if truth be told in all honesty those are exceptions rather than the norm.

Anyway, I have been curious about the case for polygamy being made on the basis of gender imbalance which turned out to be hogwash; a theoretical exercise, a semantic nightmare, and at the same a dishonest and desperate attempt, just to score some brownie points in favour of men taking multiple wives.

So what you think, why Islam allowed polygamy??

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to save would be hindu brothel queens?

It's funny how you accuse me of discouraging it when I tell you to go marry 4 of them and "save" them.

Its good to have nice sense of humor but ...

I am talkin about real humans forced into brothel and you find it funny...

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Its good to have nice sense of humor but ...

I am talkin about real humans forced into brothel and you find it funny...

I don't find it funny at all....but unfortunately I'm not in a position to help them. However you are! So if you were so concerned to bring it up why don't you go marry a few of them? Or was it just for arguments sake?

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You are assuming everything From your mind. When you Make polygamy a taboo it effects all , those who are not looking for virgin/16 yrs old..

I don't find it funny at all....but unfortunately I'm not in a position to help them. However you are! So if you were so concerned to bring it up why don't you go marry a few of them? Or was it just for arguments sake?

And how you know i am in that position ??

Edited by silvercrest
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You are assuming everything From your mind. When you Make polygamy a taboo it effects all , those who are not looking for virgin/16 yrs old..

And how you know i am in that position ??

Speaking about my personal preference doesn't make it taboo....and everyone has a right to choose their own lifestyle if so possible. If I don't want to be married to a man who is married to others I don't have to. What part of that don't some of you understand?

So you say you are not in the position to marry 4 women who would go to a brothel instead? But how aren't you? I mean it's so easy right?

Ok ..interesting ...

Are there any sisters who are in a polygamous marriage that like to share their thoughts here .

or those that are married and are considering such a situation.

(funny thing most wives are not aware that they are in such situations anyway , :halal or otherwise ).

Love to hear your thoughts

Ok Sami I don't think anyone here is a cowife......so why don't you get your wives to sign on and tell us about it.

This should be interesting :dry: :shifty:

Edited by ImAli
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Speaking about my personal preference doesn't make it taboo....and everyone has a right to choose their own lifestyle if so possible. If I don't want to be married to a man who is married to others I don't have to. What part of that don't some of you understand?

So you say you are not in the position to marry 4 women who would go to a brothel instead? But how aren't you? I mean it's so easy right?

Ok Sami I don't think anyone here is a cowife......so why don't you get your wives to sign on and tell us about it.

I didn't object on your personal preference, i was saying not everyone marries a 16 Yrs old etcectra

Again you are assuming everything ,where did i say its easy ??

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Ok Sami I don't think anyone here is a cowife......so why don't you get your wives to sign on and tell us about it.

This should be interesting :dry: :shifty:

they can't come to the computer , they are all old ,widowed , orphaned since birth ,disable , bed ridden and in need of 24 hr medical assistance , so I have devoted my life to helping such women .

Polygamy was needed and necessary at that time and place. Not only Islam maintained it but polygynous unions with lots of babies were common throughout the medieval times, whether in or outside wedlock. Why? Because it was necessary to have as many children as possible, preferably male, to increase one's family and tribal security. More hands to work and more bodies to fight recurrent bloody wars. It was a social security thing and a practical and prudent one at that.

Women, on account of their illiteracy and social inability to earn their own living, needed complete male protection. There were hundreds of thousands of widows after every war. People lived in small communities and it was only logical to consume those war widows within those communities. Those women (and their children) would have starved to death if men were not tasked by Islam to take up that social responsibility.

Those ground conditions if replicated today in any part of the world may warrant similar solutions but in the age of mass literacy, employment opportunities, state benefits, strong state policing, war-widow pensions etc, all of which in one way or another translate into relative female independence from complete male protection as well as self-reliance, I believe most major reasons that necessitated polygamy in medieval times have already been eradicated from global society.

I have said it before many times and I say it again that polygamy (as a social norm) is thing of the past. As for the never sated "male lust" argument and other pseudo-scientific balderdash about male libido, well, that's when religious teachings about having control on your nafs come handy. After all, a man's desires are already being taken care of if he already has a wife. So why resort to another women to fulfill the same desires? Tharak wa bass

you make polygamy sound like polio ., or some killer virus to humanity .

Edited by :Sami
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you make polygamy sound like polio ., or some killer virus to humanity .

Why not focus on what I said?

Anyway, mass illiteracy, mass poverty, recurrent and brutal wars, lower life expectancy, nonexistent or minimal state security infrastructure...none of these were ever good. Humanity took its times in dealing with those conditions and people used whatever arrangements that worked for them.

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they can't come to the computer , they are all old ,widowed , orphaned since birth ,disable , bed ridden and in need of 24 hr medical assistance , so I have devoted my life to helping such women

There is only so much you can troll, brother, before it becomes glaringly and hilariously obvious.

Edited by Marbles
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Why not focus on what I said?

Anyway, mass illiteracy, mass poverty, recurrent and brutal wars, lower life expectancy, nonexistent or minimal state security infrastructure...none of these were ever good. Humanity took its times in dealing with those conditions and people used whatever arrangements that worked for them.

The same logic/reasoning can be used for almost all religious teachings. What about them ??

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Polygamy was needed and necessary at that time and place.

As for the never sated "male lust" argument and other pseudo-scientific balderdash about male libido, well, that's when religious teachings about having control on your nafs come handy.

Again it's been mentioned on SC so many thousands of times, the Quranic ayaat came in legitimizing 4 wives did not come with "expired on Jan. 1st 2013".... Just because some "I" said it.

Male or Female SEXual union is not bad in Islam as long as humans channel it through halal means. Sex is not considered "bad" in Islam. It is Christian and Jewish concepts that we all are born in sin. Islam encourages unions and promotes healthy sex. A different topic all together.

And.... Please brother don't mention "browny points" ever, if there are any browny points, it's for those who please stupid pro-feminism loud mouth women here. Those of us who support Quran and teachings of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) and his Ahlulbayt (as) on these threads are mostly ridiculed and taunted by certain selfish females on SC and their brownie point winning 'sincere' brothers. :)

Edited by Waiting for HIM
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And.... Please brother don't mention "browny points" ever, if there are any browny points, it's for those who please stupid pro-feminism loud mouth women here. Those of us who support Quran and teachings of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) and his Ahlulbayt (as) on these threads are mostly ridiculed and taunted by certain selfish females on SC and their brownie point winning 'sincere' brothers. :)

* In ghetto voice* Oh no you didnt!

Dude, Im not a selfish, or stupid pro-feminism loud mouth woman. You are really showing your lack of maturity resorting to cheap and nasty tactics. Im beautiful (and modest) and clever, I dont need to share a man

Grow up!

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The same logic/reasoning can be used for almost all religious teachings. What about them ??

No, not across the spectrum. It depends if we are talking about general and eternal principles of religion or dealing with specific social issues. In the case of the latter, if the ground reality changes for good and if things have become very different from the old times when those teachings were enacted and practiced then they might have to change to reflect the changes the global society has undergone over the course of modernity.

Take the law of witnesses wherever it applies. In the age of video and forensic evidence, a jurist that holds that it doesn't suffice and that he must have direct and jadil witnesses to decide the case is already behind times and guilty of making a terrible jurisprudential mistake.

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