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In the Name of God بسم الله

Will You Ever Consider Being 2Nd, 3Rd Or 4Th Wife?

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:Sami

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Yes if the man can truly do it right (treat each wife fairly and as equal as possible), has a real reason (he can't just be some wannabe player or something lol), and most importantly, the current wife must agree and be someone who I can get along with. So I would take time to get to know the man and woman, and I'd like her to be a mominah who could be a very good sister/friend for me. However, I probably wouldn't do this unless I move to the east, since polagamy is illegal in the US...

Also, I would not be the third or fourth wife because with that many other women, the chances for drama go way up.

Edited by Raafiki
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No. I need way too much attention and am too needy of security and reassurance. Also my children will do better with a full time male parent - their father. This requires a full time husband.

Anyway, at this time, it is kind of selfish for a man to do that. Women of marriageable age do not outnumber men - actually it is very much the opposite in many countries, where men significantly outnumber the women. So if you marry 2 - 4 wives, there will definitely be men who cannot marry.

Edited by Maryaam
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No. I need way too much attention and am too needy of security and reassurance. Also my children will do better with a full time male parent - their father. This requires a full time husband.

Anyway, at this time, it is kind of selfish for a man to do that. Women of marriageable age do not outnumber men - actually it is very much the opposite in many countries, where men significantly outnumber the women. So if you marry 2 - 4 wives, there will definitely be men who cannot marry.

not the case in Eastern Europe and parts of Russia Sister.

the women outnumber the men in some of these countries by 8:1.

Yes if the man can truly do it right (treat each wife fairly and as equal as possible), has a real reason (he can't just be some wannabe player or something lol), and most importantly, the current wife must agree and be someone who I can get along with. So I would take time to get to know the man and woman, and I'd like her to be a mominah who could be a very good sister/friend for me. However, I probably wouldn't do this unless I move to the east, since polagamy is illegal in the US...

Also, I would not be the third or fourth wife because with that many other women, the chances for drama go way up.

would you live in the same house or separate houses ?

Edited by :Sami
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not the case in Eastern Europe and parts of Russia Sister.

the women outnumber the men in some of these countries by 8:1.

would you live in the same house or separate houses ?

I would love to live in the same house!!!(: but I didn't know of that was allowed on Islam? I thought each wife HAD to have their own house?

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not the case in Eastern Europe and parts of Russia Sister.

the women outnumber the men in some of these countries by 8:1.

Could I see the source for that please.

Here is a source for information. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_sex_ratio

Here it says that:

A ratio above 1 means there are more males than females, while a ratio below 1 means there are more females than males. A ratio of 1 means there are equal numbers of females and males. I dont see a country with more women than men and some have significantly more men. Russia has 106 men to every 100 women. As populations age, women often outnumber men, but women over 65 are not usually considered marriageable.

I have also read that in Northern India and parts of the Punjab that the male to female ratio is as high as 125:100. Some villages and towns in India and China have NO women of marriageable age due to sex selective abortions over the last 25 years.

Edited by Maryaam
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(salam)

Yes, I'm the independent type . I like doing long studies and research , i like travelling, speaking, working and meeting new people across the world . I don't like staying locked at home with a husband, so I would consider being the 2nd or 3rd or 4th wife.

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Could I see the source for that please.

Here is one source. Here it says that:

A ratio above 1 means there are more males than females, while a ratio below 1 means there are more females than males. A ratio of 1 means there are equal numbers of females and males.

http://en.wikipedia....es_by_sex_ratio

I don't have any theoretical sources from internet .

In Ukraine , there are approximately 6-8 women to every man .

I have been told this by many people who live that country .

there is a very big problem in that region when it comes to good quality men , suitable for marriage.

Same goes for Poland .

The influx of :Muslim men from arab countries have created an interest in :Islam, and crating new markets of suitable wives .

These women are very accepting to polygamy.

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I don't have any theoretical sources from internet .

In Ukraine , there are approximately 6-8 women to every man .

I have been told this by many people who live that country .

there is a very big problem in that region when it comes to good quality men , suitable for marriage.

Same goes for Poland .

The influx of :Muslim men from arab countries have created an interest in :Islam, and crating new markets of suitable wives .

These women are very accepting to polygamy.

Ukraine is 106:100 as well. They can be accepting of polygamy and it is fine to do that. I was just pointing out that there will be men (regardless of "quality") with no one...as there is noticeably already in many parts of the world. Men outnumber women on that source I linked - in every country listed.

Edited by Maryaam
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Ukraine is 106:100 as well. They can be accepting of polygamy and it is fine to do that. I was just pointing out that there will be men (regardless of "quality") with no one...as there is noticeably already in many parts of the world. Men outnumber women on that source I linked - in every country listed.

in my travels , I have always found the opposite .

many women and not many men .

do you have the socio-economic stats of these countries where men are alone .

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in my travels , I have always found the opposite .

many women and not many men .

do you have the socio-economic stats of these countries where men are alone .

There are a number of studies now being undertaken in villages in China that have no women to marry; the studies are because of the increase in violence - looking at the impact of no women in a community. In India - there is an increase in selling of women to villages with no women of their own and then these women are sold again to the next highest bidder, I will see if I can find some of these. But you can also google. :)

Right now I am watching a movie tho - but will find some and post here later if you like.

Edited by Maryaam
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There are a number of studies now being undertaken in villages in China that have no women to marry; the studies are because of the increase in violence - looking at the impact of no women in a community. In India - there is an increase in selling of women to villages with no women of their own and then these women are sold again to the next highest bidder, I will see if I can find some of these. But you can also google. :)

Right now I am watching a movie tho - but will find some and post here later if you like.

enjoy the movie

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There are a number of studies now being undertaken in villages in China that have no women to marry; the studies are because of the increase in violence - looking at the impact of no women in a community. In India - there is an increase in selling of women to villages with no women of their own and then these women are sold again to the next highest bidder, I will see if I can find some of these. But you can also google. :)

Right now I am watching a movie tho - but will find some and post here later if you like.

That's because pagan's custom of female infanticide. A very common trait among Hindus and Buddhist/Maoist Chinese to abort female fetus. The natural course of humanity is more women than men, so much as one of the signs of the times of Al-Hujjah (atfs) is that there will be 50 women to one momin man competing and requesting the momin man to marry with them, even in long term muta' as only the lucky four would be to be the first four long term wives.

So all those sisters who are against this Islamic thing, watch out, in very near future you will be begging us to take you :)

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That's because pagan's custom of female infanticide. A very common trait among Hindus and Buddhist/Maoist Chinese to abort female fetus. The natural course of humanity is more women than men, so much as one of the signs of the times of Al-Hujjah (atfs) is that there will be 50 women to one momin man competing and requesting the momin man to marry with them, even in long term muta' as only the lucky four would be to be the first four long term wives.

So all those sisters who are against this Islamic thing, watch out, in very near future you will be begging us to take you :)

Im surprised a brother like you don't have 4 already and another 4 begging just in case the first lot stuffs up.

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There are a number of studies now being undertaken in villages in China that have no women to marry; the studies are because of the increase in violence - looking at the impact of no women in a community. In India - there is an increase in selling of women to villages with no women of their own and then these women are sold again to the next highest bidder, I will see if I can find some of these. But you can also google. :)

Right now I am watching a movie tho - but will find some and post here later if you like.

Ooookay - here are some interesting articles.... that describe the impact of the lack of women.... and gender selective abortion is not just limited to China and India - the impact is now being felt in many countries.

From: Unnatural Selection http://www.mercatorn...tural_selection

Mara Hvistendahl, a liberal, pro-choice feminist, painstakingly documents the catastrophic consequences of the worldwide “choice” for male babies: gender imbalance leading to prostitution, sex slavery, and male frustration and aggression.

Hvistendahl found gender imbalances all around the world, not just in China or India. Albania, South Korea, Taiwan, Viet Nam, parts of Singapore, all have experienced skewed sex ratios. The normal gender ratio at birth hovers around 105 boys for every 100 girls, with anything between 104 through 106 boys considered normal. The Caucasus countries of the former Soviet Union have badly skewed sex ratios. Azerbaijan has a sex ratio of 115 boys, Georgia 118, and Armenia, a whopping 120.

French demographer Christophe Guilmoto estimates that roughly 163 million baby girls are missing in the world today. This is approximately the population of women in the United States. This magnitude of a sex-ratio imbalance means that when all these little boys grow up to be men, there will not be enough women for them all to marry.

Hvistendahl recounts in sickening detail the lives of women shuttled from one place to another in a life of sex slavery. Women are scarce. Hence, so are their sexual services. The exclusive sharing of sexual intimacy with a husband in the protective bonds of marriage becomes more expensive than arrangements giving multiple men access to a single woman. Hence, prostitution, voluntary or otherwise, becomes lucrative as the demand for commercial sex increases. In addition, men without wives are more likely to become violent and commit crimes.

Indeed, Hvistendahl shows that the gender-imbalance ratio is a better predictor of a region’s crime rate than poverty. All these consequences, foisted on the poorer countries of the world by a population-control establishment that has yet to concede its errors, flow from the gender imbalance.

Here are some others at random – (but there are lots – just google impact of gender selective abortion)

“In 2005 in China, "it was estimated that 1.1 million excess males were born across the country and that the number of males under the age of 20 years exceeded the number of females by around 32 million," writes Professor Therese Hesketh, UCL Centre for International Health and Development, London, United Kingdom with coauthors.

In India, similar disparities exist, with sex ratios as high as 125 in Punjab, Delhi and Gujarat in the north but normal sex ratios of 105 in the southern and eastern states of Kerala and Andhra Pradesh.”

“The societal implications mean that a significant percentage of the male population will not be able to marry or have children because of a scarcity of women. In China, 94% of unmarried people aged 28 to 49 are male, 97% of whom have not completed high school , and there are worries the inability to marry will result in psychological issues and increased violence and crime.”

http://www.scienceda...10314132244.htm

The claim that doctors in the UK have been caught agreeing to conduct sex-selective abortions is extremely shocking – but certainly not surprising. At a time when doctors are becoming more and more interventionist in fertility rites – even creating designer babies on demand through assisted reproduction – why would the sex be left out? And if there is a deeply negative social impact of these abortions, they appear unaware of it.

With many more men than women in India, it is not surprising that there has been a steady rise in the instances of violence against women, both young and old – including heinous crimes like rape and acid attacks. The trafficking of women as well – the buying of brides – has also become a profitable business.

http://www.guardian....ective-abortion

Edited by Maryaam
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(salam)

Yes, I'm the independent type . I like doing long studies and research , i like travelling, speaking, working and meeting new people across the world . I don't like staying locked at home with a husband, so I would consider being the 2nd or 3rd or 4th wife.

have you tried this arrangement ?

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Too much drama. Can't handle it. I suppose I would prefer to be the first wife and if the situation dictates it, ONLY if it does and my husband NEEDS a second wife, then I would allow it. And ofcourse I would be sad and I might not be able to talk to my husband for days, maybe months. :(

Edited by Your sister in faith
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Too much drama. Can't handle it. I suppose I would prefer to be the first wife and if the situation dictates it, ONLY if it does and my husband NEEDS a second wife, then I would allow it. And ofcourse I would be sad and I might not be able to talk to my husband for days, maybe months. :(

Salam, sister I don't know may be you are new, but you need a crash course with "Dr. Ali Muhamad 40", unfortunately who was 'so callously' banned from SC. :)

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Personally, no.

I wouldn't feel comfortable that everything going on between the two of us would be going on between him and someone else. Even if jealousy is a trait women shouldn't have, it's one of those things people have to suppress, like lust. I'm almost 100% sure that if my husband had multiple wives it would arise jealousy in me.

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Salam, sister I don't know may be you are new, but you need a crash course with "Dr. Ali Muhamad 40", unfortunately who was 'so callously' banned from SC. :)

I was also dissapointed that he was banned (despite my frustrations with his attitude towards women) - I also miss MDM (whom I really liked). So many posters I enjoyed who had individual brains and thoughts are gone with the banning sword....... sigh....

However, Alimo was not good at the polygamy and mut'a-ing he promoted with zeal. He seemed to have a lot of difficulty finding and keeping multiple women he claimed were swarming the earth waiting for him to save them from zina. Probably, because, at least in his writings, Alimo never reflected on women as humans - thier needs, wants, desires and comfort - they seemed to be objects to be obtained. It was all about men and their rights - entertaining - but very narrow. If a man decides to have multiple women in his care, he needs to understand them first.

Edited by Maryaam
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However, Alimo was not good at the polygamy and mut'a-ing he promoted with zeal. He seemed to have a lot of difficulty finding and keeping multiple women he claimed were swarming the earth waiting for him to save them from zina. Probably because, at least in his writings, Alimo never reflected on women as humans - thier needs, wants, desires and comfort - they seemed to be objects to be obtained. It was all about men and their rights - entertaining - but very narrow. If a man decides to have multiple women in his care, he needs to understand them first.

The band of blind followers he had never ceased to amaze me........I also used him to measure how retarded other members were or weren't :dry:

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The band of blind followers he had never ceased to amaze me........I also used him to measure how retarded other members were or weren't :dry:

LOOOL

For most of them, I dont think they agreed so much with everything he said, as they wanted to be part of the attention train and loved the entertainment. :P

Edited by Maryaam
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I would love to live in the same house!!!(: but I didn't know of that was allowed on Islam? I thought each wife HAD to have their own house?

You are the bravest woman I've ever encountered... :o MashaAllah.

not the case in Eastern Europe and parts of Russia Sister.

the women outnumber the men in some of these countries by 8:1.

Given their history, I am not surprised.

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I was also dissapointed that he was banned (despite my frustrations with his attitude towards women) - I also miss MDM (whom I really liked). So many posters I enjoyed who had individual brains and thoughts are gone with the banning sword....... sigh....

Thanks for keeping your objectivity sister. Definitely a rare trait among Shia women I found here on SC. I agree with all your objections, and I also agree with what good AliM40 and MDM brought to the SC. Same goes for AlyReza.

....as for the gender imbalance.....it's a bunch of cr@p. The gender imbalance is due to women outliving men. So unless they want to start marrying women in their 50's and older it won't make a difference. This isn't the case though....they want to marry 13 and 14 year old girls, they have no interest in helping poor widows and divorced women.

Respectfully disagreeing, but you are almost absolutely wrong on both accounts here. I don't know how many and what kind of men you have encountered in your personal life to be so negative on these topics. I personally know tens of men who have married tens of women who were widowed or divorced. Even here in the west (usa and uk) I have witnessed men with with multiple partners and never doing haram. To be fair, I've only known 1 person who married a 19 yrs old and that was also due to family issues and pressure. It's people like this shallow mentality 'man haters' who make it a stigma for those thousands of deserving and good natured sisters who are living in loneliness but fail to take the step because of ridicule and backbiting of such bunch of shallow 'man haters'.

Gender imbalance is also a fact, both statistically supported by decades of population studies and by general observation and anecdotal accounts. If nothing else, go look around, go to Sunday schools, go to public schools, go attend the Muharram majalis, I'm sure if you look with open mind, you shall see the gender imbalance.

All 'man haters' hide your head in the sands all you want, but the reality is, this particular "Islamic Liberty" that you all shove in the trash so leisurely, if not you, your grand daughters will be coming back to it anyway, specifically here in West where Muslim female population easily outnumbers Muslim men population by good 10-15%. I know it's not nice to say, but there is a whole wide and complex world out there beyond your kitchen window.

Peace!

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I dont think I could do that. I couldnt share a house with another woman, she might try and take over the running of the house, that is unacceptable. What if she used my bone china plates for beans on toast or tried to wear my clothes :o

I know it's not nice to say, but there is a whole wide and complex world out there beyond your kitchen window.

Peace!

:no:

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