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In the Name of God بسم الله

What Prevents A Man From Seeking A Woman's Hand?

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PureRose

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(salam)

Let's give you an example. Let's say there is a girl who has dentists as parents and is herself training to be one and has quite a good standard of living. Most of the families in her community don't have the education her family has, neither do they have the same standard of living. The girls' parents often tell people when chatting that they don't plan on getting her married until she is finished with college.

Would this for example scare a man or his family away from approaching that family for their daughter's hand? Would they believe they would be rejected anyway, so why bother?

What other reasons would prevent a man seeking a girl's hand?

Edited by PureRose
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The following would make me reject a woman:

Her skin tone is not appealing

She has physical defects

She doesn't have a good career

She can't cook

She is not feminine

If she blinks too much

If she's divorced or has been in any intimate relationships

You're not very demanding are you?

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If she had her own home making business like Martha Stewart, then I'd consider. How else are my wife and children supposed to survive if I get hit by a bus on my way to work?

Agree!!

I would also add to the OP, that some men r afraid of the responsibility the whole marriage will give. That may be a reason. (I hope i understood the topic right)

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the prophet pbuh married 9 women albeit at different times

we men can have many intimate relationships

but we tell women STOP. YOU DID NOT FIND ME BEFORE AND YOU HAD TO PREDICT I EXISTED.

lol.

as long as she is not a s....t i do not care.

(if she had mutah relationships, then i disregard any bad habits, defects, ect)

JK ^

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Bro Allah (aj) provides not you. U are nothing more than a post man deliviring goods for your family, dont u ever think ur the big tough guy going out to earn a living cuase we are nothing and Allah (aj) provides. Nabi Musa (as) had the same concerns about his daughters and Allah (aj) replied him as well so thats a silly question reagrding if u got hit by a bus. I am not against female education I just dont think women need to be career oriented thats all.

Edited by La fata illa Ali
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Dirty fingernails? it could be anything, who knows. Misconception, ignorance, small mindedness are like cuddly toys to most people, we just loooove how judgemental we are, the oppotunities to be self righteous are too juicy to miss. Lack of confidence could also be a reason why someone doesnt approach. I wouldnt sweat it.

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^ LOL lets make this thread super akward.

i hold my saliva because i don't want people to see my swallowing it and think i am no confident

i just don't like staring into peoples eyes and intimidating them. i look at them, nod ect

but i force myself these days, to keep eye contact...

it feels to intimate....

it's all coming out

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^Nope, I wouldnt say I shy. I don't shy for no reason, am just normal but its just something i suffered from since I can remember. even my mom used to ask me to look at her when she talks to me but I couldnt. Its so awkward. I get ppl ask me all the time why I dont look at them so I started to carry a bottle of water and pretend like am drinking while talking to them lol....

21dmtmt.jpg

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I think ALL the criteria you mentioned make sense except this one. I found it interesting. It cud be in the nature of the person to blink a lot. I never thought that would put ppl off. I blink all the time, cant keep eye contact for more than 2 seconds and I tend to look around when having conversations with ppl :(

Unfortunately, it's a major turn off and and could even impact your work negatively. My grandfather's care giver had blespharospasm. Soon it got bad enough that she could not administer him the proper medicine dosage, her eyes would involuntary close and blink excessively. Such bad luck for her to inherit this trait, she had a sibling back in Liberia with the same problem. Had to let her go sadly, it interfered in her work and made her incompetent. I would advise you to get your eyes checked.

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^ LOL lets make this thread super akward.

i hold my saliva because i don't want people to see my swallowing it and think i am no confident

i just don't like staring into peoples eyes and intimidating them. i look at them, nod ect

but i force myself these days, to keep eye contact...

it feels to intimate....

it's all coming out

LOL dude you need to socialize more :P you seem to want to but not confident enough :P as for the saliva thing, do not hold it it will only make it worse when you do have to swallow. If you have eye contact you can swallow and the person wont notice. You need to focus on the convo rather than what you're doing because then it happens naturally and then you will get rid of it over time. And again, when you look into someones eyes don't force it, it should happen naturally as the convo goes on.

Practice or read on it if you have too, this isn't such a problem at a young age but at uni or in your career it's a big problem.

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islam teaches me to lower my gaze.

what else was i meant to do ?

a houris women comes on tv, i have to look away

houris in my class? not allowed to look at them

this is a child-hood trauma experience that's not developed into my adulthood

I guess you'll find out when you are crossing the road, and have to lower your eyes when you see a houri driver heading your way at 70 mph.

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