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In the Name of God بسم الله

Question To The Sisters

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(bismillah)

(salam)

To the sisters on this forum, I have a legitimate question: if your soon to be husband / fiancé revealed to you that he had been involved in a mut'ah relationship previously, would you leave him and / or think any less of him? Please answer truthfully.

Keeping your answer in mind, what would you think if he told you he had not done mut'ah, but struggles / struggled with watching haraam content and masturbation (nauthu billah)?

Please answer truthfully or don't answer at all.

Why would our opinions matter to you? Not all woman are going to respond the same....ya3ni if we all told you our opinions on it.....the girl in your life is going to think the same ? Is this a gimmick to try and advertise to us that your a guy with a strong libido and can't control himself? I think you know how girls will respond...they're going to all respond DIFFERENTLY...and in the end you shouldn't take anyone's opinion ....except you're own.

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Look awaiting, i'm not saying this stuff to antagonise you, honestly you're my brother in faith and what kinda muslim would i be to put you down?

Salam Alikum,

I was about to quote what Jebreil said that women generally are more shy/moral etc as its computed in their nature by Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì. Their Nafs E Amara attract them to different things. No women (let alone Muslim) would love to be with many guys unless she has basically crossed the boundary of being human and Fitrati has become an animal. While, for men obviously its different.

I am not sure what your views are on Nafs so i will leave it there. I wish you best of luck on seeking advice of women on how they got that psychological restraint, take notes and publish the article and inshAllah i would be one of the first ones to read it :). I believe its women nature to be the way they are nothing psychological, which is obviously seen among animals too that the female mostly would be selective, monogamous (exception: pigs and probably other ones too) relationship during her reproductive years.

Again, i am not a promotor of Mutah (rather replacing Haram with Halal).

I have read so many times on SC, brothers starting Mutah thread or the Haram act thread, when obviously some sisters just drop their 2 cents with comments like "oh look another such thread". Has no one ever bothered to think Why such threads are being created time and again? Why isn't the control thing working for men but easily for women? I have seen people cry on their knees, in sajdah's because they can't control at times, while how many times have you even heard a sister say she cant control this carnal desire? My brother this psychological restraint is a cop-out not "the biological excuse". I really dont want to hear a women opinion on how a guys body is (referring to sisters here) and how he should control when you cant even control your own body (periods), which is also due to hormones too FSH, LH, Progestins. And when guys say that hormones are making it harder to avoid haram, then obviously control it (no mutah). Please, control your monthly's and lets not have another of those threads again. I know i tore a page from Women 101 here but i just had to let that out.

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Why would our opinions matter to you? Not all woman are going to respond the same....ya3ni if we all told you our opinions on it.....the girl in your life is going to think the same ? Is this a gimmick to try and advertise to us that your a guy with a strong libido and can't control himself? I think you know how girls will respond...they're going to all respond DIFFERENTLY...and in the end you shouldn't take anyone's opinion ....except you're own.

It is a very simple question, no need to get accusing or defensive. I ask because a very good brother I know was talking to a girl and ready to get serious in terms of marriage or close to it, and he had been involved in a long-term mut'ah relationship some time before. When the girl found out, she called things off with the brother and he was quite hurt. I assume however, if he had told her he hadn't done mut'ah, but struggles with the above-mentioned sins, that she would take sympathy on him and not reject him, so I merely wanted to ask actual Shi'a girls, and see if my assumptions are correct, or incorrect.

This has nothing to do with "my libido."

Fi aman Allah

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Salam Alikum,

I really dont want to hear a women opinion on how a guys body is (referring to sisters here) and how he should control when you cant even control your own body (periods)..... Please, control your monthly's and lets not have another of those threads again.

'Women can't control their periods', that is a ridiculous statement. what on earth are you talking about? I don't see what a physiological event which is women's periods have to do with a psychological phenomena which is men's libido, how did you come up with this??

And i find it very insulting you would speak this way of women. Just as advice, if you keep this up, it will be hard for you to find a woman who sees you eye to eye.

It's obvious you and i don't see eye to eye in regards to blame for sin (i believe every person is guilty for their own sin, they don't have excuses), so i will courteously agree to disagree, and leave it at that.

Peace

Edited by mohammad_mahdi
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It is a very simple question, no need to get accusing or defensive. I ask because a very good brother I know was talking to a girl and ready to get serious in terms of marriage or close to it, and he had been involved in a long-term mut'ah relationship some time before. When the girl found out, she called things off with the brother and he was quite hurt. I assume however, if he had told her he hadn't done mut'ah, but struggles with the above-mentioned sins, that she would take sympathy on him and not reject him, so I merely wanted to ask actual Shi'a girls, and see if my assumptions are correct, or incorrect.

Still, you are going to see different responses for this specific situation. There's no standard reply. So better not make any sort of assumptions or conclusions.

It's not unusual for a girl to reject a guy who they view as promiscuous. Brothers reject promiscuous girls all the time.

And women also have needs.

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(bismillah)

(salam)

mohammad

Imam Sadiq (as) : Chastity (shame, ar. hayå) has ten parts: nine has been bestowed on women and one part on men.

(wasalam)

Oh no. That's so blatantly sexist -_-

By the way, how did you translate haya as chastity?

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If I am with a guy who didn't mention anything about any previous relationships, and just before the wedding he decides to confess and share, then yes I would be very upset. A relationship should be built on honesty from the start. I wouldn't want to know about details, but few facts are a must know. It's not a deal breaker if he told me from the start, but sneaking away with info is a NO NO.

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Brother Jebreil, thankyou for your reply brother.

In terms of abstinence, I certainly agree that the aim is not to inflict abstinence on oneself for a long term and alhamdulillah our religion has provided solutions. My post was not intended to be against the sunnah, naudhubillah, I was simply pointing out that from experience and based on certain rules I find it highly unlikely that many mu'mineen (as it was claimed) would practice mut'ah with prostitutes.

However, as you pointed out it appears that the restrictions I pointed out were either not fully binding or misunderstood by myself. I stand corrected and thank you for your clarification on these points.

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The reality of the situation is that the majority of women(I believe) would rather not marry someone who has been in a mutah relationship in the past, as this in itself shows a mans incapability of restraining his temptations, and gives her a lack of trust and can just create many problems in itself. It's best to refrain in indulging in such acts, like i said before unless the situation gets so bad, to the extent where he is contemplating suicide! I cannot stress more on this point, and hope Muslims have enough will power and self-respect to not even tread on the path of even considering a Mutah relationship. I keep returning to this thread because this topic is becoming more of a concern in our communities.

Majority of men would also not marry girls who have done mutah before. They prefer to marry virgin girls. The same is with the girls.

You are not going to be able to do much about this since people have preferences and expectations, rightly or wrongly.

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It is a very simple question, no need to get accusing or defensive. I ask because a very good brother I know was talking to a girl and ready to get serious in terms of marriage or close to it, and he had been involved in a long-term mut'ah relationship some time before. When the girl found out, she called things off with the brother and he was quite hurt. I assume however, if he had told her he hadn't done mut'ah, but struggles with the above-mentioned sins, that she would take sympathy on him and not reject him, so I merely wanted to ask actual Shi'a girls, and see if my assumptions are correct, or incorrect.

This has nothing to do with "my libido."

Fi aman Allah

again the answer is obvious....every girl will answer differently...and u know it

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again the answer is obvious....every girl will answer differently...and u know it

I agree...I'm very forgiving, but some women aren't

In fact I think some people on here would want to stone, burn then decapitate my husband if they knew of some of the things he did in his early 20's and late teens :mellow:

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The only time sisters should refuse a man is if

a.) he has STDS

b.) he used to be gay or was bisexual

c.) he has mental problems that would cripple a family

d.) he is abusive

e.) all the above and more

I would also identify the following characteristics to be very important and ideal to have in men

  • Akhlak
  • Religiosity/Eman
  • Responsible adult
  • Caring/understanding/
  • Ability to support his family

and much more.

Edited by Gypsy
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let me tell you the truth, good boys dont do mutah. not cause its bad but because they dont want to upset their mothers and beccause its impossible for them to do.

the only guys who do mutah are bad boys who hang out with girls etc

lets be real folks ... can you imagine a good guy proposing mutah to a shia girl then going to meet her now an again and keepin it secret from family and community? it really doesnt happen.

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If it was a legitimate, serious, responsible mut`a with a Muslim woman, then that is normal and acceptable. But if he was just fooling around as a teenager with non-Muslim girls, then sisters, you don't need to be so forgiving. These things are highly subjective yes, and there is nothing wrong with marrying a divorcee, but there are plenty of religious brothers who have enough self control to wait for the right woman.

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let me tell you the truth, good boys dont do mutah. not cause its bad but because they dont want to upset their mothers and beccause its impossible for them to do.

Brother, where do you get this from? Some of the most religious brothers I know have been in temporary marriages.

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Brother, where do you get this from? Some of the most religious brothers I know have been in temporary marriages.

proper temporary marriages just to keep away from haram ...or those engagement things where u end up marrying the girl?

bro you seen it yourself. how is a brother supposed to do it when no girl wants to and the community hates it?

hows a brother supposed to just walk up to kitabi women and say 'yo, can i do temp marriage with you?' its impossible. you have probabaly seen odd circumstances. let me do a poll.

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proper temporary marriages just to keep away from haram ...or those engagement things where u end up marrying the girl?

Proper mut'ah, brother.

bro you seen it yourself. how is a brother supposed to do it when no girl wants to and the community hates it? hows a brother supposed to just walk up to kitabi women and say 'yo, can i do temp marriage with you?

I didn't ask how it was done, but some of these brothers hardly ever speak to non mahram women alhamdulillah. I would imagine in cases where the woman is a widow or a divorcee it is simpler. Personally I've always been more favourable towards temporary marriage with these categories of women, firstly because you don't need to seek permission, secondly because they wouldn't have an issue with it in the way virgin girls might and finally because I wouldn't want to make things difficult for a virgin girl in the future.

Edited by Follower
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Personally I've always been more favourable towards temporary marriage with these categories of women,

you are right, this is the best way to do it. i agree with u but i know only one good bro who does this .... the bad ones choose other ways! the good one has to keep it a secret from everyone .... he lives away from home. not all bros can do this and will get a bad rep.

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