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Repentant

Your Marriage Tips

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Sallam Alykum,

I thought it would be a nice thread to have all our married persons here to give us a tip or two for us unmarried folk on marriage. What advice do you think all people should know before marrying or for those who are newly weds?

The Prophet (SAWA) said, 'Whoever wants to meet Allah pure and immaculate should meet him accompanied by a wife.’

[bihar al-Anwar, v. 103, p. 220, no. 18]

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What if both feel the same way?

I was thinking about this tip also, why should one not apologize when they did nothing wrong if the apology could fix a problem? I myself tend to be too apologetic and am interested in knowing.

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Because when you apologise for something you didn't do at all, it only causes more problems in the future. Your spouse may take your good nature for granted and expect this of you all the time. If youre not wrong at all, why should you apologise? I understand if you want to make peace, but there's other ways to do that. You can be forgiving. You don't need to be apologetic for nothing. You're deserving of getting your Haq.

Unfortunately, being too apologetic (especially if you're not in the wrong) makes people mistake you for being weak.

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always smile.

Bismehe Ta3ala,

Assalam Alikum.

Golden advices given by many posters, Mash'Allah. From the get go I told my husband the most important thing in a marriage for me is honesty. Alhamd'Allah we have this in our marriage. Sometimes it's the little things in a marriage that counts. It's important to say to one another, I love you. If you don't like to say it verbally, show it by affection.

Try to do activities together as much as you can. Having breakfast/lunch/dinner together, do salat with each other when you can, take walks, etc... you get the point.

Your manners or respect to one another. When you call each other say, my love, the light of my eye, (sounds better in arabic, habibee, noor 3neeya) Thank you for taking us out, thank you for doing this or that. Appreciate the things you do for one another by saying it out loud and acknowleding it.

Oh I agree wholeheartedly with Sister Tima about not financially burderning one another. If you have a certain income you need during marriage, you should let him know before you get married, he may not be able to afford your spending needs.

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN Allah

i desire marrige, after reading this post...

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Before marriage: discuss your expectations from the marriage with your potential partner before leaping into it.

After marriage: Cherish each other, express your love towards your partner in any way possible, communicate instead of bottling up feelings, do not be passive aggressive towards each other :)

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salam alaikum wrb,

some Hadith from this book " Principles of Marriage and family ethics". it is a great short book. http://www.al-islam.org/marriageandfamily/

"The Holy Prophet (SA) stated: 'The duty of a woman is to answer the call at the door and welcome her husband'."'[18]

"Imam Sadiq (as) stated: 'A woman who respects her husband and does not harass him, will be fortunate and prosperous'."[19]

"Imam Rida (as) stated: 'The greatest gain for a man is a faithful woman who, when she sees him, becomes happy and protects his property and her own honour in his absence'.

"Imam Sadiq (as) stated: 'No life is more agreeable than the one which is of a pleasant nature." [26]

"Therefore, if you care about the quality of your life and the relationship you have with your husband, do not be negative in nature. Be positive in your attitude and disposition since the best supportive pillar of security to marriage is a good set of ethics leading to a pleasant disposition".

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Well, the first thing that came to mind for me is 'dont take each other for granted'. Its easy to get into routine and to get comfy and start to expect certain things from each other which can lead to loss of appreciation. Also, personally, i like that there arent rigidly defined lines, like 'i do this, you do that'. Like for instance, my sweetpea doesnt enjoy cooking much and i enjoy it more, so naturally we fall into me mostly cooking, but he will also sometimes do bits and peices for me to help and cook as well, so its quite flexible.

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Make sure she doesn't snore before you dive in, that's a deal breaker bro... That was my first criteria then came if she knows her ways around the kitchen... Trust me it's for the happiness of you both. It would be uncomfortable for her if you woke her up with a hit or a push or swift pillow tug then quickly turned back pretending you're deep in sleep...

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don't go to a sheikh that will register your marriage with the State ,

unless you want the State to :

  1. be the most powerful partner and decision maker in your marriage
  2. own all your's and your wife's assets
  3. own your kids
  4. make it's laws superior to that of the :Quran , and enforce it's laws and punish you for practising :Quranic law.
  5. still have powers in the family affairs even after a divorce .

As all these conditions are not explained to you at the time of your marriage , therefore under :Islamic law , this makes your marriage not valid .

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Bismehe Ta3ala,

Assalam Alikum Brother Sami,

Brother, if our marriage was not valid, wouldn't the marja3ya brought this issue up to the masses to not register with the state?

Please it is highly offensive to tell people who ARE married that their marriage is invalid under "islamic law." You will be held accountable with what you say, so please becareful.

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN Allah

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Wa Alikum Assalam Wa Rahamah Brother Sami,

I read the pages earlier today. But your posts do not address my question. Just show me one marj3 that agrees with what you are stating and I will be on board.

Thank you.

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN Allah

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salam ,

Please show me where a :Marja . allows you to :

  1. contract with an enemy state in which it has total control over the affairs of your marriage and family affairs.
  2. marry on usurp land and seek permission by the aggressors to marry on such lands.
  3. sell your kids into servitude to an enemy state through contract of marriage.
  4. make an oath against :Allah (swt) , the :Quran and :Islam.
  5. let your marriage contract be securitised for the purposes of creating debt and destroying the :Muslim nations .

I have gone into more detail about these points on :

please read it carefully and answer your own question , I am not your :Marja , nor am I responsible for your religious affairs .

You are and you have your :Marja , please take it up with them .

You are welcome to use my notes . and If you want to present this to your :Marja , you are welcomed to in order to get a direct response.

But don't be surprised if they don't answer you .

There's alot of stuff you are not aware of that goes on behind the scenes.

I'm not going to get involved in those levels just yet .

And I don't want to comment further on their reasons to let you know of these knowledge or not .

With all respect .

ws

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Bismehe Ta3ala,

Wa Alikum Assalam Wa Rahamah.

FYI: I don't live in an enemy state

Anyway, the onus is on you. I don't mind you sharing all this information, anyone can take it or leave it. The only problem I have is when you say our marriages are invalid. And then what does that make our kids. Akhi do you really want to face Allah swt and argue that we are all illegitimate? If you want to have that huge burden so be it. May Allah swt have mercy on all of us.

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN Allah

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