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coldcow

How Did You Find Your Spouse?

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Especially those of you in America, or other western countries.

  1. Was it a family friend that suggested someone? Did you submit your papers to a committee at your masjid? Did you go to the Islamic equivalent of speed dating? Your parents find the person?
  2. What was the courtship process like once you met? Just one meeting? Several meetings? How did you work out issues that you didn't agree on?
  3. Did you have to turn anyone down after meeting? Or someone turn you down? Was that awkward? How did you do it?
  4. If you're married now, was any information kept from you? Or are there any issues you wish you had clarified prior to marriage? How do you deal with any promises made prior to marriage that haven't been kept?

Just trying to figure the most Islamic and realistic way to go about this without hurting feelings or getting blindsided by something. Any other info you could throw my way would be appreciated.

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Especially those of you in America, or other western countries.

  1. Was it a family friend that suggested someone? Did you submit your papers to a committee at your masjid? Did you go to the Islamic equivalent of speed dating? Your parents find the person?
  2. What was the courtship process like once you met? Just one meeting? Several meetings? How did you work out issues that you didn't agree on?
  3. Did you have to turn anyone down after meeting? Or someone turn you down? Was that awkward? How did you do it?
  4. If you're married now, was any information kept from you? Or are there any issues you wish you had clarified prior to marriage? How do you deal with any promises made prior to marriage that haven't been kept?

Just trying to figure the most Islamic and realistic way to go about this without hurting feelings or getting blindsided by something. Any other info you could throw my way would be appreciated.

Salam Alakom,

I haven't yet found but those points are exactly really the most important is:

- Family your mother, your father, your sister, will know someone that knows someone else and from there they can be approached

- As for the rejection/turned down phase, usually the procedure I guess, when the guy's parents goes to the girls parents usually its like they call, the women go, than you wait, you get an answer, and really if you get a no, is a no not much you can do, if its yes, than its contuined

- I guess it is all about communication between different families from people you know, or a friend that maybe you know, but is all you can call it 'public relations' lol,

- Also, from what I have been told people tell me make sure you when you do find a spouse look at the Family, family must also fit you, because you are going to be marrying, but as well be part of a new family!.

May Allah Help us All isA, Allah Aid you as well

Femanallah

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My situation was different then most. My father told me what ever I did with my life was up to me. I still ran things by him though out of respect.

I was working at a store and knew a lot of Muslim families. One family said they would like to introduce me to their cousin, and that yes, he had his papers already-never want to be just a green card. LOL I accepted, and we met a few days later at the families house. It was love at first sight you might say. He was different then anyone else I had met, something special about him. I just knew he was the one. So I accepted his proposal (after several series of events that took place that night, which in return answered my dua of guidance). I had never received an answer so quickly to my prayers as I did that night. We decided to marry soon, due to circumstances that were out of our hands, so we met 5 nights in a row for a few hours to know each other more, and the 5th night we married. :) We were legally married by the government 1 month after our Islamic marriage.

Before I married, I had several other proposals. With the first I turned down right away. For one, he asked me to marry him before he even told me his name, or even knew mine. Another, when I said no (he was 20 years older then me, at first he lied to me about his age, but then I found out his real age through a friend), later he became a stalker- scary time that was.

A proposal I took seriously was through a friend of mine who was also an American revert. Her husband had a friend who was from Bosnia. We met at their house for 2 weeks, but nothing really clicked. So we both agreed to end it. It is best just to be open with the other person. Being open can make you vulnerable, but it is better then making a life changing mistake. Marriage is a big deal and it is something very serious.

My husband and I were very open with each other, so there hasn't been any mistrust in our relationship. We haven't had any fights or arguments. Misunderstandings, yes, which is normal. We were both raised differently, came from different cultures, not 100% fluent in each others language. But if you both want to make it work, then it will. :)

If I haven't been clear in anything I have said, then just ask and I will clarify for you. :)

May Allah bless your marriage with more and more love.

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UmmAhmad, you make it sound too easy (aside from the creepy old guy). I think one of my problems is I tend to over analyze everything. But getting married is kinda scary,so I'm not sure if it deserves the extra analyzing or not.

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Guest Zahratul_Islam

Another question, if you get a proposal, do you facebook friend that other person? Or try to facebook stalk them somehow before moving forward with a meeting? How does that work?

Yes and hell yes.

Edited by Zahratul_Islam

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Ah man .. I mean in my culture (Persian) most (not 100% of the people) MOST of them marry at the age of 23/24/25/26 but I wanted to ask if its possible for someone to marry at the age of 20 ?

If not then can someone do things such " Namzad " at the age of 19 or maybe less ? Then move forward after 4 or 5 years then marry officially ?

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Ah man .. I mean in my culture (Persian) most (not 100% of the people) MOST of them marry at the age of 23/24/25/26 but I wanted to ask if its possible for someone to marry at the age of 20 ?

If not then can someone do things such " Namzad " at the age of 19 or maybe less ? Then move forward after 4 or 5 years then marry officially ?

What's namzad? An engagement? I'd recommend against prolonged engagement because during that prolonged time, you're probably going to want to get to know each other more, and spend more time with each other and what not, and it increases the chances of you doing something unIslamic. Also, I hear from family that they tend to break off. If you find someone you're willing to get engaged with, I don't think you should wait more than 6 months to do the nikka.

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Guest Inaya

aww, you never told me that was how you felt! :wub:

Dude, you never told me you were married to someone else next to me. But I guess Shabbu is capable to handle more than one wife. I'm going to ask my parents to propose. Maybe Fanaa will join us. You, me, and Shabbu and Fanaa wil make the happiest family ever.

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the awkward moment when it's not you...

:lol:

:wub:

:cry:

Dude, you never told me you were married to someone else next to me. But I guess Shabbu is capable to handle more than one wife. I'm going to ask my parents to propose. Maybe Fanaa will join us. You, me, and Shabbu and Fanaa wil make the happiest family ever.

well, she dumped me, if that makes you happy :wub:

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I found her on here

it was love at first chat.

:wub:

:wub: You maketh me blush.

Dude, you never told me you were married to someone else next to me. But I guess Shabbu is capable to handle more than one wife. I'm going to ask my parents to propose. Maybe Fanaa will join us. You, me, and Shabbu and Fanaa wil make the happiest family ever.

Of course, I'll join you gulls. We shall be one happy chubby family :blush:

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