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In the Name of God بسم الله
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UmmAhmad

What I Think Would Be A + For Shiachat

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You said 'unpleasant moments of pregnancy' is what you would find 'embarrassing' to talk about, i asked why and you said because you have 'shame and modesty', as if unpleasant things about pregnancy are something to have shame about or to talk about would be 'immodest'.

So women poop them selves giving birth, get gas and leaking urine and loose vaginal muscles after child birth which will affect their relationships with their husbands, but to warn men to prepare themselves for these issues would be immodest, so lets not communicate them to our sons or brothers or in schools or talk openly about them in the community or in forums and everyone can be ignorant and shocked when they encounter these things and think theryre not normal or theyve done something wrong or something terrible has happened. Brilliant.

* Embarrassing* to talk about around MEN. Surprising for you maybe, but none of the above things that you mentioned happened to me during labor. The only thing my husband was surprised of was how fast the little one came out- 2 hour labor- and that I was up and walking 10 minutes after delivery.

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^ Well, thats great for you (no really, mashAllah- i should be so lucky inshallah) but ive heard of women unable have sex for months after giving birth because of the physical trauma, but ppl dont prepare men for this possibility and women can feel a huge pressure because of these expectations that they will give birth and then get on with things just like they were before.

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^ Well, thats great for you (no really, mashAllah- i should be so lucky inshallah) but ive heard of women unable have sex for months after giving birth because of the physical trauma, but ppl dont prepare men for this possibility and women can feel a huge pressure because of these expectations that they will give birth and then get on with things just like they were before.

That is why you should take birthing classes together, and study it together online.

If a husband has "expectations" of a woman before she is ready, then there is a communication problem between the two of them. I told my husband every little pain and problem I had so he would understand what I was going through.

Sometimes though it is nice to talk to other women who have been through things before. For me, I had morning sickness terribly for the first 3 months. I lost a lot of weight, and who would of thought, one lady advised me to eat organic black licorice. There was iron from the molasses and other minerals, and the anise oil soothed the stomach. (This is the nice side of pregnancy by the way)

Who wants a man to read a post talking about, "Is it normal for my colostrum to be leaking this early?" or "How can I know if my mucus plug fell out?" I wouldn't want any man other then my husband to know those things.

Edited by UmmAhmad

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If they had a pregnancy group/Mom group that was closed and only accessible for sisters. I know there are a lot of single sisters here, but I am sure that there are also pregnant/mom's here as well.

When I was pregnant I didn't have any one to talk to. My family is far from me and my husbands family is over seas. I didn't really care for the secular networks either. Now that I have a 6 month old, I wish I knew a sister that I could share his milestones with, or knew of a sister who has a baby the same age as mine. What do you sisters think?

(salam)

There is a sister who used to post on this forum who has a 'muslim mommies' forum

This is the sister: http://www.shiachat.com/forum/index.php?/user/70553-umm-fatima/

This is her forum: http://muslimmommies.forumotion.com/

It doesn't seem to have much life, but it is still up an running, maybe a few of you can get together and breath some life into it, insha Allah

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^^^

I would not even want my husband to know these thing ( if God Forbid I decide to have any )---well I am a believer in a segregated society in every sense of the word--- :D

Aren't you married to a tribal warlord in Afghanistan?

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(salam)

There is a sister who used to post on this forum who has a 'muslim mommies' forum

This is the sister: http://www.shiachat....553-umm-fatima/

This is her forum: http://muslimmommies.forumotion.com/

It doesn't seem to have much life, but it is still up an running, maybe a few of you can get together and breath some life into it, insha Allah

Thanks! I didn't know about this. :)

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(salam)

There is a sister who used to post on this forum who has a 'muslim mommies' forum

This is the sister: http://www.shiachat....553-umm-fatima/

This is her forum: http://muslimmommies.forumotion.com/

It doesn't seem to have much life, but it is still up an running, maybe a few of you can get together and breath some life into it, insha Allah

Now that I looked at it and signed up for it, the reason why it is lifeless is you can't post on it!

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Salam, lol at the tribal warlord stuff lol... what the heck is going on with that randomness! made me laugh!

ImAli's cute hiding children made me laugh a lot too loool! That is so adorable, just to imagine sister ImAli running around like a headless chicken, and then her calm husband picks up the blanket to find a laughing child lol, too funny!

As for ladies only forum to discuss women's issues of pregnancy, well if at least forum members were at least to fill in a section that displayed whether they were male or female, that would only be visible to the mods and that either automatically blocked them from the sisters forum or a pregnancy and women's health forum, or if the mods kept a better eye on males entering topics that thread posters have asked to be women only etc. I can see why men get curious and wish to find out about women's pregnancy and health issues on a relatively anonymous Islamic forum. In some respects I agree with Umm Ahmed on the modesty of keeping these issues between the ladies, but in another sense I can agree with Ruqqaya's amal that these topics shouldn't be taboo. There are examples of hadith that have made me embarrassed and blush... even I believe there were instances where the muslimat used to go to the prophet(sawas) or Imam of their time(as) with regards to various issues, otherwise how do we have such intricate rules and guidance with regards to women's issues? It seems to me, from the little research that I have done, that in the time of the Prophet(sawas) these issues weren't treated as taboo like how muslims treat them today. I am not sure that I would discuss my female issues with a non mahram, even a non mahram medical professional where possible. However, I will be very open and honest(age appropriate though) about issues surrounding sex(without getting specific about inappropriate things that are private between me and my husband), women's and men's personal health issues, reationship issues, and how this all relates to what Islam says about all this. I will even talk about this with other sisters, and possibly in appropriate Islamic environments discuss these general issues and the halal haram etc related to them with brothers in Islam. It is all a matter of personal comfort, and I guess it isn't as simple as saying that we should cater to everyones different modesty requirements, this is near impossible, everyone is different and views things differently. It would be really nice though to have a place of sisterhood, where brothers respected our rights to privacy, and where women could choose to post their private issues and discuss them in a safe and comfortable environment and get some sound and strong advice on it, especially Islamic advice. Marriage and parenthood, the heavenly path is a very good book on a lot of the Islamic rulings, though it doesn't really go into the detailed health issues etc. If we could have some kind of mums/mums to be forum that was only accesable to shiachat members, and where brothers agreed not to read it or participate, and then women who don't mind sharing with brothers and sisters could post their issues and experiences in the general sisters thread, or another mixed gender thread for parents and parents to be in the social, family and marriages forum? This would maybe help alot of the members to get what they want inshallah! I would love to participate in both threads inshallah.

Salams and duas inshallah

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Sister, the idea in itself is good but unfortunately there are quite a lot of risks with password protected forums. How do you determine (100%) if someone is really female? Once such a forum exists males/females will be a lot more open in these protected forums, which is fine as long as the security is good but all it takes is one leak, one hack or one technical error and suddenly it all becomes public.

My suggestion would be to slowly develop a Skype network of sisters who know each other. This way you can see exactly who is in front of you (via webcam) and know that your conversations remain between yourselves. Apart from pregnancy/women issues, it would also be a nice platform to have discussions on in general.

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Salam, lol at the tribal warlord stuff lol... what the heck is going on with that randomness! made me laugh!

He asked me a question and I replied, nothing random; besides, sometimes people do remember the other post/comments of each other and sometimes link them, if they are curious.

It's a web-based community and internet communication do tend to have its own ebb and flow--do not take it to heart if people slightly digress to ask about each other.

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