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In the Name of God بسم الله

Can A Muslim Husband Order His Wife To Love Him?

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  • Advanced Member

(salam)

Is it obligatory for a wife to love her husband in Islam?

What if the wife feels that the husband in question has no redeeming ‘lovable’ personal qualities (according to her own perception ), hence ruling out any feelings of attraction for him either now or in the future?

Under such circumstances, if the wife fulfills all her Islamic duties, then would she be in the wrong not to love him?

Can a Muslim husband order his wife to ‘love’ him?

What does Islam say about it?

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  • Advanced Member

Salam

In accordance to logic and reason, I don't think Allah will oblige a wife to love her husband as long as she has just reasons not to do so, because that would be burdening her, and as we know Allah burdens not a soul more than it can bear (stated in the Qur'an). Try workout your problems, give him a chance to explain, let him know you don't like 1.2.3, don't just disregard the potential of change.

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  • Advanced Member

How do you force someone to love you?

Exactly! I just wanted to clear up a few doubts, since in Islam, I've been told that a man can bestow his love exclusively on the wife he loves best (if he's in a plural marriage), and there's nothing unjust about that - so when it comes to a woman, can she choose not to love the husband she's married to - since love and affection are things beyond the control of the man or the woman?

Are the rules different or the same?

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  • Advanced Member

(salam)

Is it obligatory for a wife to love her husband in Islam?

What if the wife feels that the husband in question has no redeeming ‘lovable’ personal qualities (according to her own perception ), hence ruling out any feelings of attraction for him either now or in the future?

Under such circumstances, if the wife fulfills all her Islamic duties, then would she be in the wrong not to love him?

Can a Muslim husband order his wife to ‘love’ him?

What does Islam say about it?

Would you honestly tell you husband you have absolutely no love for him from every single angle? Why did this person marry him in the first place??

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Is it obligatory for a wife to love her husband in Islam?

strange question! a wife may force her self to adjust with his husband but it is not possible to force her her heart to feel love, are you able to feel pain when there is no pain in your body? you may imagine that there is pain , but still you can not feel it in reality.

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  • Advanced Member

Why did this person marry him in the first place??

She probably had little choice in this matter. Well, the situation is not so far-fetched, in jahil cultures, it’s fairly common for a girl or a woman to be pushed into a marriage where she feels no attraction at all towards her spouse.

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Salaam

Allah sanctioned khul3 for such situations

If the reasons for not wanting the husband are not related to transgression and noshooz then she can use khul3 But she has to give up her dowry or some thing,

If the reason for divorce is transgression then the hakim can impose an iirevocable divorce if there is noshooz on behalf of the man.

If you don't like some one you can not pretend but you are not allowed to deny him intimacy under any circumstance

If the situation is bad and can't fix then such people shouldn't be together because they need to love each other for it to be a marriage.

Salaam

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(salam)

Is it obligatory for a wife to love her husband in Islam?

What if the wife feels that the husband in question has no redeeming ‘lovable’ personal qualities (according to her own perception ), hence ruling out any feelings of attraction for him either now or in the future?

Under such circumstances, if the wife fulfills all her Islamic duties, then would she be in the wrong not to love him?

Can a Muslim husband order his wife to ‘love’ him?

What does Islam say about it?

Does Allah need to intervene and tell you EVERYTHING! have you no intelligence, no rational or logic? Why do you people want a hadeeth on every stupid, self inflicted problem you have ?

Wouldnt it be easier simply to WIN HER LOVE by being comforting, wooing her, praising her, loving her, killing her unkindness with your super kindness, telling her she is beautiful, buying her gifts????

Order her to love you indeed tut, tut :rolleyes:

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  • Advanced Member

sister you sound really unhappy in your marriage?

i remember that you once also posted a thread with the title something along the lines of "do you hate the fact that you are a woman" or something along those lines

sister your life sounds miserable if you are being "forced to love" and i remember that you were talking about parents insisting into a marriage

like a arranged marriage or something

see im Muslim and shia to be specific and i am from European background, so i am not rally familiar with how exactly Arabic culture has influenced your lives(or eastern cultures) because you sound like you from one of those

but i thought all those arranged marriages were rumours by western media to make Islam look bad, but here i am actually reading all this which has realized itself, and in your life

i mean for God's sake if you are really living this miserable life, and your husband is really this intolerant and from what i perceive from this "force to love" thing rather irrational if he is requesting you such

Brother 'yukapuka',

You seem to have me confused with some other SC sister. I am single, and not in a bit of hurry to change my status any time soon. -_-

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  • Advanced Member

If you don't like some one you can not pretend but you are not allowed to deny him intimacy under any circumstance

From a woman's point of view, the very idea is - revolting, unsavoury and distasteful.

Sadly that wouldn't be much of a concern for a lot of men.

If the situation is bad and can't fix then such people shouldn't be together because they need to love each other for it to be a marriage.

In theory it sounds good, but the test of it is when you try to put it into practice.

For starters, what does a woman do, if the man is 'reluctant' -_- to let her go and she is in no way empowered ( due to her belonging to an economically and/or socially disadvantaged background ) enough to seek a 'khula'.

What's the solution then?

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  • Veteran Member

Ordering someone to love you wont work. Probably backfire big time.

A person who is kind and caring and attentive to your needs is loveable. If the wife reciprocates (and most women would), he becomes even more willing to be kind, caring and attentive...aka loving... There are a few men, who are so concerned with being obeyed, that they have never gained the ability to love and to be loved. It is a true art form that needs to be cultivated and practiced.

If, according to the prophet (pbuh) “The best of you are those who are the best to their women. ; and “The best among you are those who are kindest to their wives”... then the onus falls on the husband to be loveable... he is supposed to be providing a foundation for love and respect, through the best of intentions. If a man orders love in a loveless marriage - give him a mirror to talk to...he has some work to do....

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