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In the Name of God بسم الله

Are Some People Called To Be Single?

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This is like your 10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000th marriage topic. I am going to give you some advice - I really hope you listen to it. You are obviously suffer

No offence but this is really really bad advice. What in the world does that even mean "aiming high" ?? Islam is about submission to Allah - achieving a PHD is not an indication of any height of spiri

^ its obviously the issue. You arn't married and you are suffering (clearly). We all hope you get married soon - every one wants to see you happy inshaAllah. I think people are tired of your constant

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Well, if youre asexual the need for marriage is going to be a lot less pressing. But it is possible to free yourself from sexual desire, Buddhist monks do this putting their philosphy into practice. So if you really dont want to get married, but have some level of sexual frustration you could try their techniques.

Can i ask what makes you ask the question? are you feeling temporarily disheartened or is it something more substantial?

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What's wrong about staying single ?

Because Prophets did not remain single, so why should we?

But OP is more concerned because "she could not find a spouse". Its not by choice, its by compulsion.

I personally think women should be open to be 2nd, 3rd, or 4th wives, and all this "not finding spouse" problem would go away in a poof.

Ok ladies, attack me.

Ok Br. AliMohamad40, come protect me. (ooppps I just became kafir because I asked help from someone other than Allah).

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Because Prophets did not remain single, so why should we?

But OP is more concerned because "she could not find a spouse". Its not by choice, its by compulsion.

I personally think women should be open to be 2nd, 3rd, or 4th wives, and all this "not finding spouse" problem would go away in a poof.

Ok ladies, attack me.

Ok Br. AliMohamad40, come protect me. (ooppps I just became kafir because I asked help from someone other than Allah).

No,

Actually I am in favour of polygamy, I do think men should have multiple wives.

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Because Prophets did not remain single, so why should we?

But OP is more concerned because "she could not find a spouse". Its not by choice, its by compulsion.

I personally think women should be open to be 2nd, 3rd, or 4th wives, and all this "not finding spouse" problem would go away in a poof.

Ok ladies, attack me.

Ok Br. AliMohamad40, come protect me. (ooppps I just became kafir because I asked help from someone other than Allah).

I was single for 7 years after my marriage ended (no, I didn't want it to be that long till I got married again, but I was very picky about who I would marry). It was a little lonely, but I never knew how independent I could be till then. I had my own apartment alone, paid my own bills, worked, and I was completely on my own. It was nice alot of the time, but eventually I wanted to have a husband and children. Believe me, I met alot of men who were "seeking a wife" and ladies, I can tell you that had they been the last Muslim men on earth, I would've just stayed alone and childless forever rather than have the misfortune of marrying one of them. I mean they were absolute jerks and many had disapproved of my independence which I resented because I was proud of the life I made for myself. I met Shane who was my opposite in many ways, but here we are 5 years later and it is a good marriage with alot of understanding, love and best of all, he makes me laugh. This is not to say that our lives are perfect, we fight and argue sometimes, but mostly it is good. I was not willing to be a second, third or fourth wife because although I was raised in a Muslim family, I was not raised to be one of four wives. My grandmother was a first wife and then my grandfather took on a second, and there was a lot of problems, so I was raised to only know one wife, one husband, that is all.

There are good men out there, they are just hard to find among the dregs of society, and it might take you a little bit of time, but it is worth it.

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I personally think women should be open to be 2nd, 3rd, or 4th wives, and all this "not finding spouse" problem would go away in a poof.

Do you know how many lives are ruined when a man takes on a second wife? Forget the feelings of the first wife for a minute, the children of both marriages will not have the undivided attention of their father and will understand their father's choice to marry a second woman to mean that their mother and themselves (ie their family) was in some way inadequate and not sufficient for their father. u can quote me all the hadiths about the virtues of polygamy but I have yet to hear of a successful polygamous marriage in this day and age and that is because men are deficient and perhaps women are too. if the standard man was even 1/10th of what imam ali as was as a man then it might well work and if the standard woman was 1/10th of the women fatima as was then it may well work. otherwise, can u tell me if in ur own experience u have heard of a SINGLE typical case of polygamous marriages bringing harmony to both the first wife and her children and the new wife and her subsequent children.

In that case, why would any woman want to put another woman and her children in so much distress? I would rather live a single life than potentially destroy the life of another family. Why? because like i said, im not 1/10th of fatima as and i dont know of a man who is even 1/10th of imam ali as.

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Do you know how many lives are ruined when a man takes on a second wife? Forget the feelings of the first wife for a minute, the children of both marriages will not have the undivided attention of their father and will understand their father's choice to marry a second woman to mean that their mother and themselves (ie their family) was in some way inadequate and not sufficient for their father. u can quote me all the hadiths about the virtues of polygamy but I have yet to hear of a successful polygamous marriage in this day and age and that is because men are deficient and perhaps women are too. if the standard man was even 1/10th of what imam ali as was as a man then it might well work and if the standard woman was 1/10th of the women fatima as was then it may well work. otherwise, can u tell me if in ur own experience u have heard of a SINGLE typical case of polygamous marriages bringing harmony to both the first wife and her children and the new wife and her subsequent children.

In that case, why would any woman want to put another woman and her children in so much distress? I would rather live a single life than potentially destroy the life of another family. Why? because like i said, im not 1/10th of fatima as and i dont know of a man who is even 1/10th of imam ali as.

It is true, like I mentioned, my grandparents' marriage was ruined by his second wife. She was just evil and was always doing something to my grandmother. Plus, his second wife had 5 children. After my grandfather's death, my mother never saw her half brothers and sisters. In fact, I don't know any of them or even their names. I would never be involved in a marriage with a man who has other wives besides me. In fact, that was one of my requests to Shane when we got married, I want to be the only wife and he had no problem with that. We are not like the Masooms where we can handle situations like this. With my bad temper, I'm liable to kill Shane and the wife he takes if he tried to do that in our marriage, LOL!

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This is like your 10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000th marriage topic.

I am going to give you some advice - I really hope you listen to it. You are obviously suffering from not being married. You have expressed that a million times. Here is how to solve the problem - GET MARRIED.

Make it simple/easy for your self.

When you make it difficult and have unrealistic expectations and reject suitable people - you will suffer as you are suffering now.

There is an old joke:

A man goes to the doctor and says - doctor doctor it hurts when I go like this (he bends his elbow in an awkward way). The doctor looks at the man dead in the face, he says simple - stop doing that.

That was a bit blunt, :unsure:

Edited by ShahBano_BZ
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This is like your 10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000th marriage topic.

I am going to give you some advice - I really hope you listen to it. You are obviously suffering from not being married. You have expressed that a million times. Here is how to solve the problem - GET MARRIED.

Make it simple/easy for your self.

When you make it difficult and have unrealistic expectations and reject suitable people - you will suffer as you are suffering now.

There is an old joke:

A man goes to the doctor and says - doctor doctor it hurts when I go like this (he bends his elbow in an awkward way). The doctor looks at the man dead in the face, he says simple - stop doing that.

Getting married is not the problem, it is finding the right person.

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That was a bit blunt, :unsure:

That's the point -

Getting married is not the problem, it is finding the right person.

There are several hundred thousand potential marriage partners for single shia individuals in the United States (where the OP lives) its not that difficult to find one person who is " the right person".

Also your standards of what is "right" have to be reasonable and a person needs to show a bit of humility when seeking a spouse, instead of thinking that every one is below them - and unsuitable based on pointless and un-Islamic criteria.

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Also your standards of what is "right" have to be reasonable and a person needs to show a bit of humility when seeking a spouse, instead of thinking that every one is below them - and unsuitable based on pointless and un-Islamic criteria.

{5:26} He said: So it shall surely be forbidden to them for forty years, they shall wander about in the land, therefore do not grieve for the nation of transgressors.

The destination was close but they couldn't find it.

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What happens when you are a woman who would accept any muslim man but gets rejected by all men or men are only willing to be your husband for a few hours or a few days and the men refuse to give that woman any thing of real value?

I personally admire women who wait for the right one and have high standards.

I have noticed men disrespect wives or women who they easily get .

And The

women who get married to the first man they meet are usually willing to do all to please their men. Men do not seem to appreciate women who are too eager to marry them and please them. Men seem to really cherish a woman when he has to work hard to get her.

Do any one else agree with that?

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{5:26} He said: So it shall surely be forbidden to them for forty years, they shall wander about in the land, therefore do not grieve for the nation of transgressors.

The destination was close but they couldn't find it.

(bismillah) (salam)

This is Shane, Johanna's husband (alhamdulillah).

I think it is best that before you start talking to people about their standards that you keep in mind that you don't know people the way you think you do because of a profile picture or the cover of a book. This is Shiachat; We all here are strangers and don't know each other from a whole in a wall.

Whats wrong if it takes time to find the right person you want to be married to? It is your right to be married to who you want. I matched everything that Johanna my wife expected in a man and she did the same for me as a wife and in fact she exceeded my greatest expectations

I don't know if some of you have waited for a long time to get married or if you've never been married at all or if your marriages have been a failure. What right have you to talk about people whom you do not know anything about? We are here to talk about subjects and not to cut one another down.

How dare you compare my wife to these transgressors who built a golden calf. You fool, what has your sister in Islam done to deserve this? Before you start saying things believing that you can say whatever you want remember that we are all held accountable for what we say and do on this earth.

If you have problems finding the right person then take your frustrations out somewhere else instead of on people or on my wife specifically.

What happens when you are a woman who would accept any muslim man but gets rejected by all men or men are only willing to be your husband for a few hours or a few days and the men refuse to give that woman any thing of real value?

I personally admire women who wait for the right one and have high standards.

I have noticed men disrespect wives or women who they easily get .

And The

women who get married to the first man they meet are usually willing to do all to please their men. Men do not seem to appreciate women who are too eager to marry them and please them. Men seem to really cherish a woman when he has to work hard to get her.

Do any one else agree with that?

Salam alaikum,(from Johanna)

I hate hearing about women who get used this way for only a couple of hours or a few days. I do agree with you, a woman has to have standards and by doing so, you are really cherishing yourself and having self worth because you know what kind of quality man you want as your husband. I hope that this is a reminder for men that they shouldn't take a woman for granted.

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What happens when you are a woman who would accept any muslim man but gets rejected by all men or men are only willing to be your husband for a few hours or a few days and the men refuse to give that woman any thing of real value?

I personally admire women who wait for the right one and have high standards.

I have noticed men disrespect wives or women who they easily get .

And The

women who get married to the first man they meet are usually willing to do all to please their men. Men do not seem to appreciate women who are too eager to marry them and please them. Men seem to really cherish a woman when he has to work hard to get her.

Do any one else agree with that?

I do agree,

but there seems to be no clues to decipher human psyche,

anything can work out for anyone !

Edited by ShahBano_BZ
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I think women who jump into marriages who live in the western society with the first man who claims to be muslim.

There is an increase chance the marriage will not work out and that woman might spend the rest of her life in and out of marriages. If she does not evaluate who she is as a person, her level of faith in Allah, her environment and her options of men to choose from as to what has greater possibility of working for her and instead go with any muslim man all her efforts may not be good enough for the marriage to survive.

If both men and women wait a descent amount of time to make a life decision(marriage) not too short or too long they should

be able to appreciate their spouse when they get married.

I do believe women who are not strong in their religion or feel they are not where they need to be with Allah (have no choice) but to wait a longier period of time before getting married to develop a strongier relationship with Allah this will lator help secure her future marriage. I also think the weakier a person is in their faith if they choose to get married (they must) have specifically, high demands spiritually so they must requests more out of their future spouse because if one weak in faith marries another weak muslim the marriage will suffer more.

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This is like your 10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000th marriage topic.

I am going to give you some advice - I really hope you listen to it. You are obviously suffering from not being married. You have expressed that a million times. Here is how to solve the problem - GET MARRIED.

Make it simple/easy for your self.

When you make it difficult and have unrealistic expectations and reject suitable people - you will suffer as you are suffering now.

There is an old joke:

A man goes to the doctor and says - doctor doctor it hurts when I go like this (he bends his elbow in an awkward way). The doctor looks at the man dead in the face, he says simple - stop doing that.

LOL!! :D

There you go ShiaChat members, your comic relief.

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(bismillah)

How dare you compare my wife to these transgressors who built a golden calf. You fool, what has your sister in Islam done to deserve this? ..

Bro, I did not read it like this. This was a general comment about not implementing Islam (total submission to Allah) in someone's life. I read a Hadith and paraphrasing, it went like "once Muslims abandon one halal thing out of complicity, Allah tests them with even harder calamity". The Ayat brother quoted does fit perfectly for those who are looking for a immaculate Mahdi (as) or Maryam (as) in marriage, while they themselves have many deficiencies. I think everybody will agree, people change and get better, get rushd, grow mentally, over time, so pick a person who has a good Akhlaq and good eiman and then get bett together.

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Again, I would say there is hardly a set pattern for such things,

sometimes men who have seen the world, who are successful and influential and instead of pairing up with like-minded women---successful, independent or compatible in any other sense, they fall for girls who hardly know anything about life and its realities.

Human mind is strange and human heart is even stranger.

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You have miss understood the verse - and I am not sure what (if any thing) it had to do with your wife.

This verse is not even about the worshipers of the calf- Allah did not punish bani isreal to be bannished in teh desert for worshiping a calf, the calf worshipers repented and then they were executed in a away deemed fit by the laws of the torat - (they covered their eyes and killed each other blind folded - on the orders of Allah - and this is mentioned in the narrations of Ahlulbayt (as) as well as the bible).

The punishment of being lost in the desert for 40 years had to do with Bani Isreal being un thankfull to Allah for the blessings that were in front of them - and refusing to put in any effort to enter in to the holy land - Ie they told Musa (as) we do not want to go to Cannan because when we get there we have to struggle to fight the people that are in it, tell your lord to grant for us a different land that is easier etc.

The point of this is in relation to this discussion is that some people are very un-thankful to the blessings that Allah has put in front of them.

For example there is an entire Sea of available spouses for them - but they don't want any of Allah's blessings, they want some thing different.

Its like when bani isreal were being sent food from Allah from the skies - manna and salwa - and they told musa (as) go tell your lord to send us some thing different.

Allah has put forward a plethora of individuals for others to marry - but people make un-islamic criteria and hence they miss out on the blessings that Allah has put in front of them and then complain about being deprived.

Instead people should focus on the great amount of blessings that Allah has allowed them/put in front of them and be thankful for what they have.

Don't people ever think - what if (god forbid) you were born with a severe physical handicap - or was paralyzed or given some sort of chronic illness that prevented them from ever getting married.

Why don't people be thankful for what is put in front of them and take from that and see how much Allah will bless them instead of thinking I want the "perfect spouse".

He/She has to have all these criteria - if not i will never marry any one.

If that's the case = you will never get married - and hence you don't have a right to complain.

How difficult can it be to find a spouse when there are hundreds of thousands of potential partners, its only difficult if people make it difficult on them selves with unrealistic conditions.

If you are insisting that your Husband MUST have a PHD or must be a Medical Doctor - then you only have your self to blame for not being married.

I was never looking for a PHD or a medical doctor, just someone who is a good person and unbelievably, that was hard to find and it took 7 years till I met and married my husband.

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I was never looking for a PHD or a medical doctor, just someone who is a good person and unbelievably, that was hard to find and it took 7 years till I met and married my husband.

My comment was to the OP who has shown in countless posts/threads an unwillingness to marry any one with out a high level of "education".

Although in relation to your personal comment - I find it very difficult to believe that it takes 7 years to find some one who is "good" (what ever that means) because i meet decent shia brothers every day who are well mannered, ordinary working or studying - with a reasonable level of religious practice - who are single.

However I will give you the benefit of the doubt and assume your description of your situation is accurate. Allahul Alim.

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My comment was to the OP who has shown in countless posts/threads an unwillingness to marry any one with a high level of "education".

Although in relation to your personal comment - I find it very difficult to believe that it takes 7 years to find some one who is "good" (what ever that means) because i meet decent shia brothers every day who are well mannered, ordinary working or studying - with a reasonable level of religious practice - who are single.

However I will give you the benefit of the doubt and assume your description of your situation is accurate. Allahul Alim.

Well, you must understand that at the time I was Sunni. I only became Shia in 2010, that was only 2 years ago. So, the people that I met who were like me at the time were of Egyptian-American or Canadian heritage and they were not really what you'd call Allah fearing people. I was looking for someone who was of Egyptian descent because I wanted my mother to be happy. I met successful men, but their religion was a joke and they were corrupt. There was one for example, that thought I was backwards and unsophisticated because I didn't approve of his wine tasting parties. Suffice it to say, I had no interest in him at all. There were others who were new immigrants who just wanted someone with a green card so that they can stay in the country. Some others who gave me lectures on how wrong I was living my life because I had my own apartment and lived alone, worked, paid my own way, and I was single. Those are the types of men I had the misfortune of meeting. I got tired and took some time to myself, just worked, not looking to meet anyone and really by accident, I met my husband. He was Shia and I wasn't, so I thought it wouldn't work. However, we met and got married. It took 3 years for me to convert from Sunni to Shia, but like I always say, I've never known more peace than I do now as a Shia. So you see, that is the reason it took 7 years.

BTW, who is the OP that I hear so much about? I'm kind of new, so please forgive the dumb question.

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Congratulations ! on finding the right one. There are 40,50 and 60 year old women in some places in the world who have been married several times and still have not found the right one. Many of them suffer physical and verbal abuse and even are abandoned. So if it only took two tries and seven years between. It is still a miracle worth celebrating.

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Guest Endless Emotion
If you are insisting that your Husband MUST have a PHD or must be a Medical Doctor - then you only have your self to blame for not being married.

Well, nothing wrong with aiming high! A PHD Muslim guy is worth waiting for...

OP if u're a high level educated woman don't think of marrying someone lower than u.. he'll turn ur life to hell...

don't rush sis', remain single till you find the right one! Inshallah!

I think women who jump into marriages who live in the western society with the first man who claims to be muslim.

There is an increase chance the marriage will not work out and that woman might spend the rest of her life in and out of marriages. If she does not evaluate who she is as a person, her level of faith in Allah, her environment and her options of men to choose from as to what has greater possibility of working for her and instead go with any muslim man all her efforts may not be good enough for the marriage to survive.

I totally agree with u! Mashallah, and I also like your posts keep them up! ^_^

Edited by Endless Emotion
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This is exactly the type of mentality I spoke about - thinking your better than others because of a piece of paper...

so 6 years of difficult medical studies as a GP and 4 years Residency and some extra years Fellow ship/phD and u call it simply just a ''piece of paper''?.. and afterward perhaps marrying someone with no-education, manner, low mentality ( unfortunately those kind of men exist), no JOB ???....

No offense but ----> this may happen only in your dreams, not in reality! WAKE UP BRO!

Me out of here!

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