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In the Name of God بسم الله

Are Some People Called To Be Single?

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This is like your 10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000th marriage topic. I am going to give you some advice - I really hope you listen to it. You are obviously suffer

No offence but this is really really bad advice. What in the world does that even mean "aiming high" ?? Islam is about submission to Allah - achieving a PHD is not an indication of any height of spiri

^ its obviously the issue. You arn't married and you are suffering (clearly). We all hope you get married soon - every one wants to see you happy inshaAllah. I think people are tired of your constant

so 6 years of difficult medical studies as a GP and 4 years Residency and some extra years Fellow ship/phD and u call it simply just a ''piece of paper''?.. and afterward perhaps marrying someone with no-education, manner, low mentality ( unfortunately those kind of men exist), no JOB ???....

No offense but ----> this may happen only in your dreams, not in reality! WAKE UP BRO!

Me out of here!

So in your dictionary there is no middle way. You may be an MD, he could be an engineer, an employee in government, an entrepreneur, but all you got was using a hillbilly highchool dropout in your example.

As far as 6yrs of MD + 4 yrs redicency mentality of women, where I live there are literally tens of Shia women who are MDs who are living alone, without any spouse, living a life of a 35 yrs old robot who wakes up in morning and slug along till midnight, mostly because once they get an MD, they think they are better than everybody else. Which shows how small they are in their heads.

End of the day nobody marries them, (not one of my Shia friends, and they are in 100s, are interested in them) because nobody wants those women to be the mother of their daughters. Too Toxic.

Edited by Waiting for HIM
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so 6 years of difficult medical studies as a GP and 4 years Residency and some extra years Fellow ship/phD and u call it simply just a ''piece of paper''?.. and afterward perhaps marrying someone with no-education, manner, low mentality ( unfortunately those kind of men exist), no JOB ???....

No offense but ----> this may happen only in your dreams, not in reality! WAKE UP BRO!

Me out of here!

You've again though demonstrated the problem in mentality here. The options you've provided are that it's either A) you're a PhD doctor or B ) you have no education, manner, mentality or job. How about, you're not a doctor, but somehow you still manage to have a good character including the right work ethic to be able to support a family?

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Some of us are at points in our lives when we should be completing our educations. When a couple is around, say, 21 or 22, then it is understandable when the couple is still studying. But when the girl is, say, around 28, she won't want to marry someone who hasn't even finished his undergraduate studies, if she has completed her grad school.

Edited by OneNoteSong
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There is no shortage of doctor guys interested in me...it is about finding the RIGHT guy. E.x. I'm not marrying someone who looks like an uncle to me, or is not very faithful

You got to grow up and undertand that people change. If somebody looks like an uncle to you, have them work out after marriage, they won't look like an uncle. You might look like an auntie though soon after the 1st kid and a small imbalance in thyroid (very common among women 12 months after pregnancy), may be looking 10 yrs older than him.

My suggestion, listen to some of us (and your parents) and pick someone who has good Akhlaq and good Iman. As far as education he must be your "kafu" that is compatible, meaning if you are college graduate, he should be similar, you could be a PhD, he could be a MS in English Literature, and so on. As long as he is not a total freakout loser, worldly he will be compaitble for any PhD or MD or Lawyer woman.

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Just asking---

----ever thought what if men started to handle things the same way ---

My A-level result was not even out yet when I got married , and my husband was a Graduate from Drexel University,

Yeah sister, you got to inject (or tatoo) some brains in bunch of "silly" ladies on SC. You will encounter many. Some have not waken up yet due to different continents that we are living in, otherwise this thread would have been filled with trolls, man-eater, fun-makers, jokers, who would distract you from any serious conversation.

A test in case - My cousin sister got married when she was in 10th grade. Her husband was 22 years old recently graduated from college and landing his first job. They later had 5 kids, my cousin did her high school, her undergrad, her masters, her PhD., all with kids and husband's support, and now she is one of the most renowned Shia Women Investment Banker in EU. (Obviously I won't name her here).

I've seen many other examples who grow together as a couple and become almost the "ideal couple" whatever that means. 90% of the Iranisn students that are coming to USA and UK universities are married, are doing their PhDs (both of them), and are going back home or settling here, without leaving their values and Islam. I see them all the time around me in the centers that I go to.

I've seen the same for Chinese students in UK/USA schools as well.

I really don't know what's so wrong with many of these Shia young women on SC and outside.

Haha thanks. I've been busy!

Besides your daily Salat, keep a few moments for SC everyday. We miss you here.

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Yes I don't know what is wrong with the young women on SC either because the men here have proven to be so perfect.

I really don't know what's so wrong with many of these Shia young women on SC and outside.

Besides your daily Salat, keep a few moments for SC everyday. We miss you here.

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----

What I wanted to say that despite having the post graduate degree in Architectural Engineering and working in the world's most prestigious

corporations, he did not mind marrying a girl who was still in her teens, no degree, no experience of life and people. He was absolutely fine with it.

Edited by ShahBano_BZ
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Waiting, some of us WERE willing to be couples like that who grew together, but we either didn't find anyone suitable (even by JUST your standards), or had parents preventing us from getting married early.

Ok so your parents thought they were more smarter than RasoolAllah (by being anti early marriage) so they had you waited for marriage till now.

Learn a lesson and don't be like them once you have (or adopt) your son or daughter. Be like Ali (as) not like your daddy. Be like Fatima (as) and not like your mum. These are fallible people, just a little older than us.

Yes I don't know what is wrong with the young women on SC either because the men here have proven to be so perfect.

Here's one I was waiting for :) . Sister its not about perfection, its about getting better together. This whole mentality that some here seem to celebrate by ganging up on anyone who utters some sense, is wrong and against the teachings of our Prophet (s). What's wrong being perfect together. Afterall, isn;t it in Islam that seeking knowledge (or gaining Rushd) is alife long process, from lap of mom to the grave. So why to look for perfection in a 22 yrs old boy for your 17 yr old daughter?

Are we who are not 22 yrs old anymore, perfect? Would you allow your son or daughter suffer through lonliness (no spouse) till he (she) is in mid 30s.?

Edited by Waiting for HIM
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Here's one I was waiting for :) . Sister its not about perfection, its about getting better together. This whole mentality that some here seem to celebrate by ganging up on anyone who utters some sense, is wrong and against the teachings of our Prophet (s). What's wrong being perfect together. Afterall, isn;t it in Islam that seeking knowledge (or gaining Rushd) is alife long process, from lap of mom to the grave. So why to look for perfection in a 22 yrs old boy for your 17 yr old daughter?

Are we who are not 22 yrs old anymore, perfect? Would you allow your son or daughter suffer through lonliness (no spouse) till he (she) is in mid 30s.?

You completely missed my point. We are constantly criticized and even harassed in our own subforum by the "well meaning brothers"....while the "well meaning brothers" never take a look at themselves. Everyone is very quick to jump and assume that the OP has been in the wrong the entire time simply because she voices her opinion on here.....but none of you really know her. For all you know she is just having really bad luck finding the right man to settle down with and she could be having that bad luck for a reason (because something better is waiting for her).....then suddenly one day she will find someone she is comfortable with. No I am not talking love at first site....just someone she feels comfortable with. This same thing happened to me...I thought I would never get married because the proposals I had all gave me a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. Then FINALLY I met someone who didn't make me nervous and uncomfortable and now we are married.

Edited by ImAli
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Who can't find spouses

Hello OneNoteSong,

I do believe that there are some people (not the majority of people though) who are called to be single. That does not depend on if they can find a spouse or not, but rather on what they believe God has called them to do with their life. For example, Mother Theresa could not have so totally dedicated her life to helping people other people despised if she was married.

If a person is worried about being called to be single for the only reason of not being able to find a spouse, it's important to do the following:

1. Pray and ask God what is His will for one's life

2. If one has sexual desires and/or the desire to have children, it is important to tell God about those (though of course He already knows) and to trust in God to bring a wonderful husband or wife to start a family with and with whom to enjoy God's gift of an intimate relationship.

3. If one has an issue with their appearance, it's good to use the time waiting to work out one's body, toning muscle and eliminating unnecessary fat.

4. Studying and growing in academic skills, as well as enjoying the beautiful things in life, are worthy things to do while waiting. :)

5. Being single does allow much more time to help people, so while being single, that's a great time to get involved in helping others in need, because once married, there is less time to do that!

Peace and God bless

Edited by Christianlady
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You completely missed my point. We are constantly criticized and even harassed in our own subforum by the "well meaning brothers"....while the "well meaning brothers" never take a look at themselves. Everyone is very quick to jump and assume that the OP has been in the wrong the entire time simply because she voices her opinion on here.....but none of you really know her. For all you know she is just having really bad luck finding the right man to settle down with and she could be having that bad luck for a reason (because something better is waiting for her).....then suddenly one day she will find someone she is comfortable with. No I am not talking love at first site....just someone she feels comfortable with. This same thing happened to me...I thought I would never get married because the proposals I had all gave me a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. Then FINALLY I met someone who didn't make me nervous and uncomfortable and now we are married.

LOL - my parakeets have the same feelings. They will get comfortable around some people and get very jittry with others :)

Joke apart, I hear you, and totally agree with you. All we (a whole bunch of us) keep saying on SC is that start the process early. Don't wait till you or your son-daughter is in high school, or after college and so on. Don't make your own worldly milestones. This doesn't mean make bad choice of Spouse, but give yourself good 15 years (from 15yrs to 30yrs of age) to find a good spouse as oppose to start at 25 and lose all interest by 35, and then become a bitter, old, crazy, depressed, workohlic (or lazy), stinky, or flashy, wasting money on cars and jewlery fart.

And understand that getting perfection is a life long process. The perfection doesn't stop as soon as you earned your PhD or MD. That's just a tool to live your life, perfection is more deep than this and (SHOULD) go on till a person dies. SO why not get perfect together, than be perfect alone.

That's why Prophet (pbuh) said, marriage gets you perfection in half of your deen (Deen = your way of life).

Edited by Waiting for HIM
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Besides your daily Salat, keep a few moments for SC everyday. We miss you here.

Thanks, that is so nice! I miss SC too! When things settle down here soon, I'll try to start coming back more frequently on SC!

:o You've got married?

Lol no marriage isn't the only thing in life! I've got so much other stuff going on-- new job and stuff! But things will settle down soon enough and I should be back inshAllah!

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How dare you compare my wife to these transgressors who built a golden calf. You fool, what has your sister in Islam done to deserve this? Before you start saying things believing that you can say whatever you want remember that we are all held accountable for what we say and do on this earth.

I wasn't even aware that you or your wife had posted on this thread. I think you have misunderstood what I was trying to imply when I responded to Al-Mufeed. That story of the Jews highlights the fact that some people can miss a thing even if it is not far away from them. In their case it was because of their wrong doings but this may not always be the reason. An analogy is not always perfect.

It is only correct for a person to be humble and acknowledge the possibility that they need to improve before Allah changes their condition. Perhaps they need to change their approach to solving a problem or perhaps they are just being tested by Allah. These are all possibilities and I wasn't attacking your wife.

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So in your dictionary there is no middle way. You may be an MD, he could be an engineer, an employee in government, an entrepreneur, but all you got was using a hillbilly highchool dropout in your example.

Well it depends on the country/area we're living in. Where I used to live not a Shia bro in our ''Muslim community'' had an Uni degree or MD (believe me, they don't even know what it's). Unfortunately, most of them are ''high school dropouts'' with no future, no manner, illegal workers, taxi drivers, or having part time job in a kebab or felafel restaurants...

why would an educated woman settle down or marry these type of men? When there is so great knowledgeable Muslim guys on the other side of the world!!! honestly, back at home I had no respect for shia brothers, but during my travels I changed my mind after meeting some awesome shia educated men.. :angel: mostly engineers that values the mentality of women with MD.

OneNote Song

Don't rush into marriage with the first best man. Relax, u're doing fine by waiting for the right one ( not lacking intelligence or education). I'll keep you in my prayers, Inshallah khayr!..

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(salam)

Let's imagine for a moment that you have a man who is seeking Allah (swt) with all his might, but he does not have a high paid job. Lets say he earns £20-25k but he engages in Islamic works, such as charity and community work. His job is just a means for him to do what he wants for Allah (swt) such as help the poor.

Is that not enough for some of you out there?

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He needs to be ambitious, too. Perhaps he needs to get off his lazy butt and haul himself to university/grad school.

It's about the education, not money.

You should always strive to be the best in every area of life.

Remember, if you have influence in this world, then you can do more charity, on a larger scale. It's no good to do dawah if Muslims look like a bunch of mediocre losers.

Edited by OneNoteSong
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He needs to be ambitious, too. Perhaps he needs to get off his lazy butt and haul himself to university/grad school.

It's about the education, not money.

You should always strive to be the best in every area of life.

Remember, if you have influence in this world, then you can do more charity, on a larger scale. It's no good to do dawah if Muslims look like a bunch of mediocre losers.

Subhanallah. I recognize you're writing this from a negative head space, so I'm trying to give some consideration of that as I read.

But I don't think you comprehend how vain and superficial and lacking in perspective and humility that comes across.

Re: education - if you've been that long in universities, one of the biggest lessons you should have learned there is that university is mostly a scam and that real education is in no way bound by those walls. (And I say this as someone with two of those stupid pieces of paper on my wall)

As for influence, it is amazing how much of those sorts of grand intentions can fall by the wayside, even despite the best of intentions going in, as you get more comfortable in life. The old parable of the man who gained the world but lost his soul exists for a reason. Beware the danger that this man, in learning "ambition," learns also greed and stinginess and haughtiness.

Edited by kadhim
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Remember, if you have influence in this world, then you can do more charity, on a larger scale. It's no good to do dawah if Muslims look like a bunch of mediocre losers.

Please show me how getting a phd contributes to being able to do more charity?

Also how in the world is dawah work related to having a phd?

Who is becoming muslim because the person talking to them about Islam has a phd? In fact I think you should speak to allot of converts/reverts and ask them which one of them came to Islam and the path of Ahlulbayt - due to some ones secular education degree. I think your out of touch with reality. People come to Islam based on seeing the truth in the religion and the good akhlaq of true believers. Having a piece of paper that says you have a working knowledge of chemistry - in no way qualifies you to teach any one about Islam.

"if muslims look like a bunch of mediocre losers"

^ this speaks volumes about your mentality. It's amazing that you are not married yet - subhanAllah - who wouldn't want such a compassionate and humble person to be the mother of their children?

Just because some one doesnt want to get a Phd doesn't make them a loser. You really need to check the way you look at the world because its very unhealthy.

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He needs to be ambitious, too. Perhaps he needs to get off his lazy butt and haul himself to university/grad school.

It's about the education, not money.

You should always strive to be the best in every area of life.

Remember, if you have influence in this world, then you can do more charity, on a larger scale. It's no good to do dawah if Muslims look like a bunch of mediocre losers.

I just want to point out one bit here..

'It's no good to do dawah if Muslims look like a bunch of mediocre losers.'

I just want to ask what is a mediocre loser to you? Please answer, I'm genuinely interested

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Guys, it's not an issue of me having no humility...I'm just advocating for us to STRIVE to be the best....remember, if we reach for the moon, we fall amongst the stars. I'm not saying any particular field is better than the other. I'm not saying everyone should be a medical doctor. I'm saying, once you pick your field, aim for the highest...e.x. for business, aim to get that MBA, for law, instead of just being a paralegal, aim to get that law degree.

If we have Muslims in high places, then that gives him access to a lot more. E.x. if you are doing some charity work, you can have access to the rich people to ask them for donations, so you can get greater donations (just one example). Perhaps if we get Muslims in high places, we can have an influence on politics....which is important, because the American government likes to get involved with foreign politics. These are just examples, by the way.

But I do apologize if I have offended anyone.

Btw, my problem is not finding someone educated, but rather, finding the RIGHT person.

Edited by OneNoteSong
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Salaam sis,

Btw, my problem is not finding someone educated, but rather, finding the RIGHT person.

How did you decide if the man was RIGHT or not? I mean, what are your criteria for the right person?

Maybe you should lower your standards..

I don't understand why all those degrees and pHD's etc. are such an important thing.. Knowledge is not only about this worldy knowledge we learn in the universities. I think knowledge of Islam and strong faith in Allah swt is the main and best thing to wish for.

I'm also still studying in uni, but if I ever think myself to be to good to marry someone religious but not very high educated, than may Allah swt punish me. There are so many hadith that concentrate on someones faith first instead of his wealth and education. In my opinion, someone who is practising his religion and has strong Imaan and knowledge about Islam, he is the true knowledgeable. They are the blessed ones in this world and the hereafter.

Ofcourse, the husband should'nt be lazy and sit at home, but any of his effort to sustain a good household should be appreciated. We don't need a luxurious life, we need to appreciate a simple life in the less wealthy times.

Imam al-Jawad [a] wrote in a letter: "Whoever solicits you in marriage and you are convinced of his religion and his honesty, then do unite with him in wedlock."

AI-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 347

Man La Yahdhuruhul-Faqih, vol. 3, p. 393; AI-Tahthib, vol. 7, p. 394

Once a man told Imam Husayn [a] that he had a daughter and asked whom he [a] would advise him to give her to in marriage, and he said: "Give her in marriage to someone who (has Faith and) fears Allah, Almighty and Glorious, because he will love and respect her, and if he becomes angry with her, he will not hurt her."

AI-Mustatraf, vol. 2, p. 218

Imam Sajjad [a] said: "He who marries for the sake of Allah, Almighty and Glorious, and for the union of kindred, Allah will grant him the crown of glory and honour."

Man La Yahduruhul Faqih, vol. 3, p. 385

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people come in all shapes and sizes. you can't say that formal education is synonymous with arrogance or greed for materialism. u can get an educated person who is religious and an educated person who is not religious. just as u can get an uneducated person who is religious or unreligious. u cant make assumptions about someones level of eman based on their educational achievements.

what i will say is that in this day and age, in the west there are very few excuses not to gain a formal higher education. i think some of u were alluding to people who have made a purposeful choice not to engage in formal education and instead to pursue their own form of education through self directed study and learning because they value such self-directed learning to be better than the drawbacks associated with formal university education. these kinds of people are few and far between. the majority of people who have not striven to gain a bachelors (or above) do not fit into this category. i recognise that in a minority of cases, university may have not been attainable for someone in the west eg they needed to provide for their family financially by working because their parents were ill/deceased and other such rare circumstances. the vast majority of people do not fit into such categories. in this way, is there a valid excuse for someone not to pursue formal higher education? im asking this genuinely to al-mufeed, kadhim and kamran-syed..?

wanting to seek a partner who values education is not wrong in itself. restricting urself to people who have attained only medical degrees or masters/phd is silly because although a phd or masters can illustrate a fervor for learning and education, many people these days take up such degrees because they did not manage to find employment straight away and decided to further their education in the meanwhile. i dont think u can say that someone with a masters necessarily has a greater desire for learning than someone who doesnt.

also, there are issues of compatibility. generally, people seek spouses with similar outlooks and goals in life.

Edited by AR2011
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people come in all shapes and sizes. you can't say that formal education is synonymous with arrogance or greed for materialism. u can get an educated person who is religious and an educated person who is not religious. just as u can get an uneducated person who is religious or unreligious. u cant make assumptions about someones level of eman based on their educational achievements.

what i will say is that in this day and age, in the west there are very few excuses not to gain a formal higher education. i think some of u were alluding to people who have made a purposeful choice not to engage in formal education and instead to pursue their own form of education through self directed study and learning because they value such self-directed learning to be better than the drawbacks associated with formal university education. these kinds of people are few and far between. the majority of people who have not striven to gain a bachelors (or above) do not fit into this category. i recognise that in a minority of cases, university may have not been attainable for someone in the west eg they needed to provide for their family financially by working because their parents were ill/deceased and other such rare circumstances. the vast majority of people do not fit into such categories. in this way, is there a valid excuse for someone not to pursue formal higher education? im asking this genuinely to al-mufeed, kadhim and kamran-syed..?

wanting to seek a partner who values education is not wrong in itself. restricting urself to people who have attained only medical degrees or masters/phd is silly because although a phd or masters can illustrate a fervor for learning and education, many people these days take up such degrees because they did not manage to find employment straight away and decided to further their education in the meanwhile. i dont think u can say that someone with a masters necessarily has a greater desire for learning than someone who doesnt.

also, there are issues of compatibility. generally, people seek spouses with similar outlooks and goals in life.

(salam)

You're right, there are less excuses to go into higher education, but what i meant was that you can't restrict your future partner to just 'phd' or 'masters' lol, don't you find that a little bit silly? Like i just graduated and that's it, i don't want to do masters or MBA because I want to start pursuing what really matters to me.. I don't want a normal 9-5 job and slave away for just myself, and in my opinion the youth will be asked as to why we didn't utilise ourselves for Islam more so. I want to pursue an 'islamic' career in terms of how benefitting it is for humanity, chariteable work etc. you may want to call me uneducated then because I want to turn down MBA.

Of course financial providing is very good thing alhamdulilah, and me getting a normal grad job is fine. But i shall try to elsewhere first, inshaAllah for the best. But seriously my job will just be my means, whatever it is. We are supposed to be men of action. I personally think that education has taken the number one spot in terms of spouse selection. Which is sad tbh, there are many 'less educated' (still graduates) pious and down to earth people out there, why limit to the 5-10%? Doesn't really add up to me..

P.S. these are my own plans lol i'm not saying don't get an awesome manager job or something. I just want something more beneficial for others. inshaAllah.

Edited by Kamran-Syed
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