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In the Name of God بسم الله

Wedding/engagement Party, Etc.

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(bismillah)

(salam) sisters (and brothers stalking these forums :shifty:)

I was talking to my mom when the topic of weddings / engagement parties were brought up. She was telling me about this one she recently went to that costed about $20,000 and was full of dancing, music etc. She told me she really didn't like the environment there and pretty much shouldn't of gone.

I said that spending that much money on something like that is certainly israaf (extravagance), and that I could not see myself spending either that much money on a wedding, or having / being in a haram environment such as the above mentioned. I mentioned that inshaAllah if I am to marry a pious girl, she would not even want something like that, and I would much prefer to have the wedding / engagement party in a masjid, in a halal, non-extravagant way. She basically told me then that every girl wants a wedding like the one mentioned above, even the pious ones, and I disagreed.

So now here I am sisters, hoping you can prove my mother wrong. :P

Would you prefer to have a large, extravagant wedding or a smaller, more "halal-oriented" one in a Masjid? Please explain your reasoning, and how much a girl expects a guy to spend on a wedding / engagement party.

Fi aman Allah

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If i want fatima Alzahra to attend my wedding .. i would never never put music or make it materialistic or spend 20000$ .. There are kids suffering from hunger in Africa and I have to think about the

Do not post such ignorant nonsense about Africa. This is not the first time I have seen this on sc. Yes they need to take initiative but it is not as if they have not been gang raped by colonial powe

Not all of them.

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That's a good question, looking forward for what other sisters would say, but personally I wouldn't even like to go to a wedding party where they're men and music let alone to have such a wedding for myself lol.. about the money spend on a wedding party, I think the number you mentioned is way too much... its crazy. most people who have such weddings actually start their married life in debt. what happened to sanity. your mum is right, most girls even the 'religious' ones would prefer to have a big wedding with all parties and music, its sad but i've seen this happening myself. they say i only marry once in my life so should enjoy LOOL anyways a muslim would only enjoy in what Allah loves not in what He S.W.T dislikes.

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SC is arguably the worst place to ask sisters for their honest advice on this issue.

All the 'pious' sisters on here would tell you they want the most basic, simplest and non-extravagant wedding without any fancy clothes, jewelery, four course meals, music and what not. When the time comes, they renege.

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Salam

I am happy to inform u your mothers wrong lol with all due respect to ur mother of course

Every girl is different most girls do want a great big wedding but not all

I personally don't want a weeding especially nt one of those big extravagant ones that waste time and money, the way I think of it is the couple can use that money for something so much better why waste it on something haram, and why start your life in haram anyway how does one expect Allah swt to help them in marriage if their first marriage night is spent with music and dancing, it's just not right.

And it's such a waste of time the girl spends so much time organising and preparing and stress ontop of stress ontop of stress for one night witch last for about 5,6 hours what's the point most brides aren't even happy on there wedding day because they are stressed thinking is everything running well,

To me it's all a waste it's all pointless , no offence to any of the girls that like those things but it's just my opinion.

:)

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Salam....

well bro honestly speaking your mother is actually telling you what is common in the society these days...... During our grooming in the today,s society, we see all these things happening in the very same way.thus we have lost to differentiate between HALAL and what is socially acceptable norms(mostly haram).Accordingly extravagance is very pronounced in the society.The most worrying factor is that the people have got hundred and thousand of reasons to do the very same thing which is prohibited in the ultimate code of life.....They have satisfied themselves by not calling it "a crime" anymore......etc etc

As regard your stance,you may consider me an ideological partner but then we must be ready to resist some negative G,s and out of the very few options one would be an anti-traditions kind of a girl.....Best of LUCK

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Don't believe what women tell you below, its all lies, they all fancy fancy/flashy things.

Real men just don't comply.

SC is arguably the worst place to ask sisters for their honest advice on this issue.

All the 'pious' sisters on here would tell you they want the most basic, simplest and non-extravagant wedding without any fancy clothes, jewelery, four course meals, music and what not. When the time comes, they renege.

Loll u twos re just scared ur future wife is going to want a $20,000 wedding trust me not all girls want that

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Loll u twos re just scared ur future wife is going to want a $20,000 wedding trust me not all girls want that

Those girls only exist on internet forums :P

As I said, they go back on their lofty opinions as soon as the time to put them into practice comes, either on their own or under pressure from the proverbial society.

The trouble is not to find a girl who would hold on to her opinions but the family/relatives of the girl who would make sure the wedding is a big money-depleting event for the fear of losing face in the proverbial society.

Edited by Marbles
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Those girls only exist on internet forums :P

As I said, they go back on their lofty opinions as soon as the time to put them into practice comes, either on their own or under pressure from the proverbial society.

The trouble is not to find a girl who would hold on to her opinions but the family/relatives of the girl who would make sure the wedding is a big money-depleting event for the fear of losing face in the proverbial society.

there is some truth in what you said but there's always an exception. don't be fool ^_^

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Those girls only exist on internet forums :P

As I said, they go back on their lofty opinions as soon as the time to put them into practice comes, either on their own or under pressure from the proverbial society.

The trouble is not to find a girl who would hold on to her opinions but the family/relatives of the girl who would make sure the wedding is a big money-depleting event for the fear of losing face in the proverbial society.

That's very true most girls that go back on their word are pressured by there family wich is pretty sad I dont understand why any father would allow their daughter to be dancing infornt of hundreds of non-mahrams it's just wrong the husband shouldn't allow it either no matter what but still some girls dont cave in to that pressure ,

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Loll u twos re just scared ur future wife is going to want a $20,000 wedding trust me not all girls want that

bwahaha

personally, i could care less about stuff like the mehndi, mayo, and all that. for the wedding ceremony, i dont want a whole bunch of people coming, half of them are prob. people that i dont like anyway -_-

for the clothes.. would a sari suffice? lol

i dont think music would be a problem at all, hardly anyone here has music playing at their weddings, and when they have, the maulanas who have attended tell them to shut it off.

food at weddings isnt great anyway, just have some saalan, rice, and naan.

Edited by haidernyc
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Salam

I am happy to inform u your mothers wrong lol with all due respect to ur mother of course

Every girl is different most girls do want a great big wedding but not all

I personally don't want a weeding especially nt one of those big extravagant ones that waste time and money, the way I think of it is the couple can use that money for something so much better why waste it on something haram, and why start your life in haram anyway how does one expect Allah swt to help them in marriage if their first marriage night is spent with music and dancing, it's just not right.

And it's such a waste of time the girl spends so much time organising and preparing and stress ontop of stress ontop of stress for one night witch last for about 5,6 hours what's the point most brides aren't even happy on there wedding day because they are stressed thinking is everything running well,

To me it's all a waste it's all pointless , no offence to any of the girls that like those things but it's just my opinion.

:)

and there is also a strong fixation with girls concerning white wedding dresses like this one:

wedding-gown-201.jpg

.. and notice she's wearing a 'veil' ..

and that bouqet that she throws and the girls stand there like a basketball game thinkink they're catching their husband as it flies towards them ..

i don't know how westernized y'all are .. but in the middle east it's like that .. my suspicions are that it's mostly for the photo ..

Arabic-Weddings.jpg

ok, ok .. we have some more covered up wedding dresses like these ..

2011_New_hot_sale_high_necked_sexy.jpg

but i still think it looks like a desperate attempt to be western and islamic at the same time .

i don't know .. i wish marriage was more simple than that ..

wishing you all happy marriage :)

(salam)

Edited by Philip
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even if I organise such a wedding I doubt many ppl would turn up... all my friends (save one or two) and relatives are sunnis who wouldn't even welcome my idea of marrying a shia anyway. what's a wedding without close relatives and friends :(

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That's very true most girls that go back on their word are pressured by there family wich is pretty sad I dont understand why any father would allow their daughter to be dancing infornt of hundreds of non-mahrams it's just wrong the husband shouldn't allow it either no matter what but still some girls dont cave in to that pressure ,

Donno about the bride dancig in front of the na-mahrams. This tradition hasn't permeated my circle yet. It's the bride's girlfriends, sisters, cousins, aunts and those of the guy who do the good deal of dancing, which usually is as good as a fat dowager's waltzing on a fragile wooden floor. :lol:

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i dont think music would be a problem at all, hardly anyone here has music playing at their weddings, and when they have, the maulanas who have attended tell them to shut it off.

For real? Probably only among the puritans of NYC!

A wedding is inconceivable without some music playing, soft and serene at times, blasting and hardcore at others for an all-guy bhangra.

The mulanas at our weddings would be shown the door if they said a word about the arrangements. Their job is to recite the marriage mantra and have a good meal wa bass. In the words of one of my friends, our desi weddings provide those maulanas a good break from their dull, colourless lives, and what more, they seem to enjoy it. How cruel isn't it.

for the clothes.. would a sari suffice? lol

Exquisite and classy - but so long as the one wearing that outfit isn't the bride -_-

there is some truth in what you said but there's always an exception. don't be fool ^_^

Of course there are exceptions. But the chances of finding our desired exception are as good as winning a $640 million lottery. -_-

Edited by Marbles
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not really. even the really showy ny-ers have had weddings without all that stuff.

Probably too expensive to arrange for all that.

why not the bride?

A desi bride would wear lehenga or gharara or something bridal. Sari is not considered bridal but you can set an example and the whole crop of NYC desi girls would follow you :P

To think of desi bridal dresses, though, I like the fact that there is one domain where we have completely rejected Western prototype: In our choice of weddingy outfits!

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Well, I spent about £200 on the aghd (walima) and then around £3500 on a wedding reception. That sounds like a lot of money to me but 1) things are not cheap when people know you are a bride and 2) we had the money so no debt.

My wedding was pretty low key and a quiet affair, I know of others who had something similar, if not more simple so people who are less extravegant do exist.

There was nothing stressful about it what so ever, I did most of the arrangements myself and it was a welcome distraction alongside my studies, finding a place to live and relocating to a new city.

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Donno about the bride dancig in front of the na-mahrams. This tradition hasn't permeated my circle yet. It's the bride's girlfriends, sisters, cousins, aunts and those of the guy who do the good deal of dancing, which usually is as good as a fat dowager's waltzing on a fragile wooden floor. :lol:

Lol well u should see the weeding that go on here I'd be shocked haha it's like a night club (literally I'm not exaggerating) but there's a hijabed women in white that people call the bride and run to take pictures with

Weddings are so pointless I hate them all of them even the small simple ones!

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(bismillah)

(salam)

What's a wedding without the remembrance of Allah (swt) and the Ahlul Bayt [as] :)

I remember hearing a hadith once, it goes like this:

There was a businessman whose economics were ruined and he had become bankrupt, he went to Imam Ridha [as] and said, "O son of the Prophet (pbuh) I have become bankrupt, please help me!"

The Imam [as] looked at him and said, "No, your condition is very good. You don't need any help."

He said, "O son of the Prophet (pbuh), I have lost my wealth, I am empty handed, the loan givers are standing at my door and want their loans back."

The Imam [as] said, "Your condition is very good, you don't need any help."

He said, "O son of the Prophet (pbuh) it seems I didn't manage to convey my problem properly, those who I used to help, I am now in need of their help for the food of my day, I am ashamed in front of my wife and children, I can't afford buying them bread!"

Imam Ridha [as] said, "Should we make a trade? You are a businessman, lets make a trade."

He said, "Ok."

Imam [as] said, "You know that I am the Imam and can do whatever I want."

He said, "Yes, I know."

Imam [as] said, "I will empty the entire earth of all gold there is for you, I will and can do this and I will give you it."

He said, "That would be fantastic, I will become the leader of all businessmen, what is the other side of the trade?"

Imam Ridha [as] said, "For all the gold of the earth I want one thing from you."

He said, "and what is that?"

Imam [as] said, "I will take away the love of Ahlul Bayt [as] from you, do you accept?"

He said, "O son of the Prophet (pbuh)! Never! Absolutely Not!"

Imam Ridha [as] said, "Then why do you say that your condition is bad? You have something so valuable that you are not ready to change for a world full of gold for it. Still you say your condition is bad?! You are the wealthiest person."

----

Now I know the hadith doesn't exactly apply to this situation, but my point is, a wedding with only a few people and the rememberance and love of Allah (swt) and Ahlul Bayt (as) in that wedding is worth much more than a wedding with all of your family and friends attending but the remembrance and love of Allah (swt) and Ahlul Bayt (as) not being present :)

(wasalam)

That was a beautiful hadith mashaAllah, thanks for it. of course nothing is compared to having Ahlulbayt AS in our lives. I still can't thank my Allah enough for letting me know of their beautiful names and way. Am very satisfied of what i do or did, I was just being honest when I said people that I know in my life most of them wouldn't attend my wedding if am going to have one, some of them even said I should keep my shia kids away from theirs in the future LOL... its sad but I wouldn't take it to heart InshaAllah. I will just have to make sure that Allah and Ahlulbayt are pleased of what I do and not others.

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That was a beautiful hadith mashaAllah, thanks for it. of course nothing is compared to having Ahlulbayt AS in our lives. I still can't thank my Allah enough for letting me know of their beautiful names and way. Am very satisfied of what i do or did, I was just being honest when I said people that I know in my life most of them wouldn't attend my wedding if am going to have one, some of them even said I should keep my shia kids away from theirs in the future LOL... its sad but I wouldn't take it to heart InshaAllah. I will just have to make sure that Allah and Ahlulbayt are pleased of what I do and not others.

Sorry if it came across as if I was trying to say that you weren't thinking about Allah (swt) and Ahlul Bayt (as) or if what I said seemed patronizing :blush:

I just wanted to cheer you up with the narration :)

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Sorry if it came across as if I was trying to say that you weren't thinking about Allah (swt) and Ahlul Bayt (as) or if what I said seemed patronizing :blush:

I just wanted to cheer you up with the narration :)

oh NO. don't worry it was all good mashaAllah:) you're too sweet.

Edited by Ismahan007
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calculate how many kilos of meat you can buy with that money ..

in the country i'm in now .. one sheep of about 30 kilos costs around $200 .. which could feed around 20 families .. let's say (am not sure about numbers here)

so for $20,000 .. we could sacrifice 100 sheep and feed about 2,000 families .. in peace and guaranteed blessing of Allah ..

.. but of course every country has different costs, so numbers will vary ..

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If i want fatima Alzahra to attend my wedding .. i would never never put music or make it materialistic or spend 20000$ ..

ive heard that if you want her, or one of the ahlul bayt to attend, you shuld hold a majalis before the wedding.. is that true? never really seen anyone around here do it tbh.

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(bismillah)

(salam) sisters (and brothers stalking these forums :shifty:)

I was talking to my mom when the topic of weddings / engagement parties were brought up. She was telling me about this one she recently went to that costed about $20,000 and was full of dancing, music etc. She told me she really didn't like the environment there and pretty much shouldn't of gone.

I said that spending that much money on something like that is certainly israaf (extravagance), and that I could not see myself spending either that much money on a wedding, or having / being in a haram environment such as the above mentioned. I mentioned that inshaAllah if I am to marry a pious girl, she would not even want something like that, and I would much prefer to have the wedding / engagement party in a masjid, in a halal, non-extravagant way. She basically told me then that every girl wants a wedding like the one mentioned above, even the pious ones, and I disagreed.

So now here I am sisters, hoping you can prove my mother wrong. :P

Would you prefer to have a large, extravagant wedding or a smaller, more "halal-oriented" one in a Masjid? Please explain your reasoning, and how much a girl expects a guy to spend on a wedding / engagement party.

Fi aman Allah

SC is arguably the worst place to ask sisters for their honest advice on this issue.

All the 'pious' sisters on here would tell you they want the most basic, simplest and non-extravagant wedding without any fancy clothes, jewelery, four course meals, music and what not. When the time comes, they renege.

Don't believe what women tell you below, its all lies, they all fancy fancy/flashy things.

Real men just don't comply.

@ AlAbd AlThaleel, since im married with two small kids and all my friends are also married, i went to diffrents kinds of wedding. I can tell you that wedding style differ from couples to couples. My wedding was held at my house, my husband, the sheikh and our family came here. The total of the wedding cost less than 100$. Some of my friends held their wedding at the mosque, had a small celebration with close relatives and friends. They had a really simple cake and the whole total was also less than 100$. They also didnt have any music and the men were seperate from the woman. Other wedding cost aurond 2000$ because thoses friends held 2 wedding night. One was for the girls only and it was very simple and the other was for family. Other wedding that i went it was like your mother said, music, and dancing but they were not mixed. It all depend on what you want and what ur wife want. You also need to be very strong agaisnt the family and the community if they dont promote that kind of wedding. For my wedding, some of my relative made big objections and some peoples talks in the community but we didnt care. All we wanted was a simple wedding with the peoples who care about us, and spend the rest of the money on a house and a car.

There was also some peoples i know, who did their wedding aurond 10 000$- 20 000$ with music, the sexes were mixed, some girls were not even in hijabs, and the reception cost a lot. So Marbles and Mutah_king you two are wrong that it all the women fault of this big expenses. I know their husbands and they were pushing the cost of expenses because they wanted to show everyone that they have a lot of money and it mostly for ego and pride. They did told my husband (in front of me) that they think less of the husbands/family who cannot give a good time to their guests with music, plenty of foods, decorations etc. So obviously the culture and the community play a big part in the kind of wedding you are going to have. So if they envcourage haram during the wedding, it both their fault since they agree on it and the husband is paying for it.

wa alikum assalam

Edited by Fatima_Batoul
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