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In the Name of God بسم الله

Things You Look For In A Potential Husband.

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Salaams,

i have a similar criteria as you do.

Firstly, he has to be religious, not militant religious but someone who does all his wajibaats and is always searching for knowledge to get closer to God and His Ahlul Bayt (as), and always puts them first before anything else.

Compatibility

Hes a decent human being, humble, kind, doesnt have a short temper, communicates well with me, is brave, isnt lazy, and can have a laugh with me. He has to be sensible, intelligent, committed and trustworthy/reliable.

Comes from a decent family, not wealth wise or how well they're known in the community, but his family should be good muslims and good people because you dont just marry the person, you marry the family. The Ahlul Bayt (as) have stressed marrying into a good family because the potential spouse will be a reflection of their family, and genetically its advisable which is why Imam Ali (as) looked for a wife from a brave tribe because that passed on to Hazrat Abbas (as).

:)

Edited by AlHamdulillah110
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Salams

I am similar to the posts above. i look for Deen and Akhlaq. If a person has those two, your a winner. Attraction is also important but it is not everything. You want to marry a person you are attracted to mentally and physically.

May Allah swt grant best naseeb for everyone.

ws :)

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(bismillah)

(salam)

Sorry for posting in the Sisters' section. Most of the times, I don't even see which section it is and if the name of the thread is intriguing, I just open it.

I just wanted to say, all your three's ^ criteria are nice! :D

It had become four by the time I posed!

Edited by Khadim uz Zahra
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First, define what a good family is. Second, please let me know how it's fair for somebody to have to bear the burden of their family member's sins or bad reputation.

I'm not saying it's a good idea to marry into any family, but I think this is taken a bit far. There are good and bad people in every family. Heck, there are good and bad characteristics in every person.

And I'm sorry, but I don't plan on marrying a whole family, I plan on marrying an individual.

Yeah I agree, so many people (parents) fall guilty into doing that...they have inflated expectations. Like you implied, it is important to look for certain criteria in a family, but just because your prospective spouse's family does not meet every single one of the criteria your parents desired, should it mean that the marriage should not take place!

Edited by jannahismygoal
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First, define what a good family is. Second, please let me know how it's fair for somebody to have to bear the burden of their family member's sins or bad reputation.

I'm not saying it's a good idea to marry into any family, but I think this is taken a bit far. There are good and bad people in every family. Heck, there are good and bad characteristics in every person.

And I'm sorry, but I don't plan on marrying a whole family, I plan on marrying an individual.

Marrying woman of a noble family among other qualities is mentioned in ahadith so this is mustahab. There could be a number of reasons for this, one being the possibility to ascertain about a woman as opposed to a man who will have more interaction in public. This may not be applicable so much in today's time but it still holds, for both genders.

"define what a good family is"

I will just give a real life example from a family that I know of here. Three cases in this family where the wives were sent back to their parents place, the children were stopped, nothing was or is given to the wives. Last year two of their newer generation broke years long commitment/engagements that were their own choice.

Very recently, the family goes to ask for someone's hand in marriage, the girl's family came to know about all that I mentioned and they refused so can they be blamed?

And there are exceptions of course but we have been given guidelines in ahadith so I don't think saying 'this is taken a bit far' would be right.

"And I'm sorry, but I don't plan on marrying a whole family, I plan on marrying an individual."

Just quoting habib e najjaar from an old topic with mention of clear ahadith:

(salam)

There are various ahadith related to this issue. I am quoting a few related to spouse selection (based on the effect on genes).

It must be noted however that there are always exceptions to general rules.

The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.s.) has given great emphasis on taking into consideration a good family background when we intend to marry.

He said, "Marry in the lap of a decent family, since the semen and the genes have effect."

The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.s.) also said, "Look very carefully and minutely as to where you are placing your child because genes and hereditary qualities are transferred in a concealed and unintentional way and have their effect."

"The prophet of Islam (a.s) stood to deliver a speech and said, "Oh people, beware of the greenery (growing) upon a dung hill. He was asked "Oh prophet of Allah (a.s), what is the greenery on the dung hill?" He replied, "A beautiful woman raised and brought up in a bad nursery (family)." Wasail al-Shia, vol. 14, p 29.

The Prophet (a.s) said in this connection:

إخْتَارُوا لِنُطَفِكُم فإنَّ الأبْناءَ تشْبهُ الأخْوالَ.

"Choose a proper and suitable place for your semen, because children become similar to their maternal uncles.

The prophet of Islam (a.s) said in this regard:

تَزَوَّجوا في الحِجْرِ الصّالِحِ فإنَّ العِرْقَ دَسَّاسٌ.

"Marry from a decent family, for genealogy affects very much."

At another place he (a.s) said:

اُنْظُر في إيِّ شَيْءٍ تَضَعُ وَلَدَكَ فَإنَّ العِرْقَ دَسَّاسُ.

"Investigate very carefully and minutely as to where you will place your child, for genealogy affects very much."

(wasalam)

Taken from: http://www.shiachat....ost__p__2211823

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  • 6 months later...

First, define what a good family is. Second, please let me know how it's fair for somebody to have to bear the burden of their family member's sins or bad reputation.

I'm not saying it's a good idea to marry into any family, but I think this is taken a bit far. There are good and bad people in every family. Heck, there are good and bad characteristics in every person.

And I'm sorry, but I don't plan on marrying a whole family, I plan on marrying an individual.

salaam sister,

I will repeat what i said: "The Ahlul Bayt have stressed marrying into a good family because the potential spouse will be a reflection of their family, and genetically its advisable which is why Imam Ali looked for a wife from a brave tribe because that passed on to Hazrat Abbas ."

this is partly what i meant by 'marrying into the family' because you want the husbands family to have good people in it with certain qualities such as the example above and it does influence the children. I know people who have got married to good spouses but its the family (in these cases the mother in law) who become too possessive and cause friction between the couple. In one case the marriage ended in divorce because of the way the girl was treated (more so abused) by the family, so you want your inlaws to be decent inlaws. The case with the divorce was a couple that fell in love and got married despite warnings that the mother in law was not a very nice person.

I dont know what its like in your community, but in mine the inlaws and extended family are part of your family and so influence a lot that goes in around the house. Furthermore, i work with women from BME communities who have suffered abuse at the hands of their inlaws who lived with them and the husband does nothing. So i think its a fair statement.

InshaAllah you will never face the problem but whats the harm in wanting to marry into a good family or to be cautious?

Edited by AlHamdulillah110
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  • 4 weeks later...
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The things I look for in a potential husband:

1: He has to be religious, but not a lot more religious than I am.

2: He has to be able to speak fluent or at least understandable english.

3: He has to be kind. This includes not getting angry quickly and not having an over-inflated ego.

4: He should not be materialistic.

5: He has to be fatherly and loyal and loving.

6: He must have respect for me and my family.

7: He has to like cuddling.

8: HE SHOULD KNOW HOW TO COMPLIMENT MY COOKING.

I could go on forever but those are the most important ones.

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Its sad, no one needs a passionate husband who has high ambitions, a zest for life. Girls are so selfish. lol. Their all demands starts from personal egos and end on personal gains. lol. ( Pardon me SC FEMINISTS ). For me if a lady has Motivation / Ambition , she has everything I want...because the other important things I want in a partner all branch from this characteristic.


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Its sad, no one needs a passionate husband who has high ambitions, a zest for life. Girls are so selfish. lol. Their all demands starts from personal egos and end on personal gains. lol. ( Pardon me SC FEMINISTS ). For me if a lady has Motivation / Ambition , she has everything I want...because the other important things I want in a partner all branch from this characteristic.


Well if a women works on herself and is a mominah, very educated, takes care of her body, helps the community, etc, she should expect the same from the guy she marries or more...

But I general, no one should expect to marry some amazing person if they aren't good themselves cuz a momin wont marry a Muslim who's careless about religion, a body builder won't marry a person who doesn't take care of their body, a charitable person won't marry a miser, etc

Which is why people say "don't worry about finding the perfect spouse, worry about making yourself a good Muslim first -insert Quran aya about how bad men are for bad women and good men and for good women-"

Edited by Raafiki
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  • 5 months later...
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:huh:

Are you serious? :/

I'd much rather base my decision (if I was a Sister) on how well this man would raise my children, love me and bring me closer to Allah. The last thing I'd be thinking about was whether or not he is a supporter of wiliyat al Faqih

What I meant was all the basic things every one look for in a man... plus this. Imagine being married to someone with TOTAL different views. Imagine how difficult it'll be to raise children with that person. That's why this is one of my top priorities :)

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Come on guys you should be proposing by now loool

Seriously though this site should have a section for people that want to get married, and can the makers of the site write in the terms and condition section that we promote "hocking you up with a wifey or husbeee ".........

You lot well be helping alot of people that want to play about and get married.......

Salam u alaykom,

agree with you, I myself prefer to marry someone from this site rather than online shia matching sites, since people here are active shia's but people who make only profile online, you dont know what they surf online!!!

Assalam u alaykom

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What I meant was all the basic things every one look for in a man... plus this. Imagine being married to someone with TOTAL different views. Imagine how difficult it'll be to raise children with that person. That's why this is one of my top priorities :)

This, I agree with. It annoys me when two people that are total opposites try to work something out. I tried it and it crashed and burned. Hard. Love doesn't trump all, you silly little people. :P

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Guest LadyNadine

Well My expectation isnt really a high priority.

1. He must pray

2. he must fast

3. Inshallah educated. I dont care what sort of degree. And no I dont care about money. I wasnt brought up rich so why should I care about that stuff.

4. inshallah he has the same mind set as mine and similar culture.

That is my list and like I said, not really high.

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