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In the Name of God بسم الله
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Chipkali

How To Effectively Match-make

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Salaam alaikum,

I know we are all quite tired of topics on marriage (okay, maybe just some of us) but this is something that I genuinely need advice on.

I have a male cousin who is ready to settle down. And subhan'Allah he is one of the few jewels out there. I have been asked by his family to look for potential spouses for him. I know several sisters who would suit him well. His only request is that he somehow gets to know them before going ahead with the proposal.

However his parents don't know the families of these girls. My question is, how can I set up a way for the families to get to know each other without hinting on a marriage proposal? And how can I do the same between my cousin and these potential spouses?

For anyone who has effectively brought two people and two families together--how do you do it? I don't even know where to start, let alone what to say to the girls and their families. =/

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salam well i set peopel up all the times buuut i dont really get the parents involved right away i just set the two people up then they themselves decide how their going to tell there parents...

with the girls just i highly suggest you get your cousin to see them first from a distance then if his interested talk to the girl and tell her there is a brother that is looking to get married and is interested in speaking to you ..... i have set up 4 couples and hamdellah there all going well ones wedding is in three weeks and one is in getting engaged in april and one is going to speak to her parents next week so it does work loll

but then again maybe your communities or cultures way is different so i duno ...

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^You're a pro sis, haha.

A couple of hurdles for me are; I want to set up the parents as well. Also, there is no "seeing from a distance" option because we can't really do that at the mosque. I can get him a picture at best. I'm trying to encourage him to go to more youth gatherings which is the only place he can talk to and get to know some sisters openly and publicly.

But I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions other than community service events.

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Salam

If you would like for the mothers to meet, maybe you can host an Islamic event and invite them both at your place. Then introduce them to each other.

Does he have a sister close to the girls age? If so maybe you can invite them to restaurant or just hang out to introduce them to each other.

Allah yewafaqkom InshAllah :)

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salam alaykom

its hard enough for your cousin to meet the girl and your making it even worse by wanting to set up the parents :huh:

i am sorry but did i understood correctly: seems to me that either your cousin will only get to know a girl when his parents aprove of her....... or that you think the best way to go about such an issue is by setting up the parents.....

anyway, take it one step at a time, show him the potential a5awat through pictures and if you know them you can be of great help to him and his parents and the girls parents.......... its still too early for a parent get together, well at least that is how things are done in lebanon

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salam well i set peopel up all the times buuut i dont really get the parents involved right away i just set the two people up then they themselves decide how their going to tell there parents...

with the girls just i highly suggest you get your cousin to see them first from a distance then if his interested talk to the girl and tell her there is a brother that is looking to get married and is interested in speaking to you ..... i have set up 4 couples and hamdellah there all going well ones wedding is in three weeks and one is in getting engaged in april and one is going to speak to her parents next week so it does work loll

but then again maybe your communities or cultures way is different so i duno ...

Hook a brotha up! Lol

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(bismillah)

My question is, how can I set up a way for the families to get to know each other without hinting on a marriage proposal?

Question: why not hint on the marriage propasal?

My personal advise would be this;

Be honest with everyone, and tell them what you plan beforehand.

Its best to let everyone in so that people can be understanding.

If anyone has any objections they could speak before you do anything.

Its best that everyone knows the agenda from the start, so that there will be no confusion or awkwardness later.

This will make the whole processes much easier and smoother

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Salaam aleykom

interesting post, I will use it to hook up my cousins inshaAllah.

for me, I would first make him see her from a distance, definitely...maybe, without telling her all from the beginning, talk to her about ANYTHING ,just outside the mosque, I'm sure you can come up with something, have a 10 min talk just outside the mosque, he will be watching from a distance.

When he likes her, then talk to her, show her pictures and well, tell her about him.

when she likes him, ask her (and I think this is best to do), ask the girl how to approache her family, will she tell her mom first? will she prefer you ta talk to her mom? I think girls know what would work with thier families..

and then things will role on inshaAllah hehe Im already excited, I think I like my plan

Hope it helped

cheers

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Sorry for the late reply everyone. So they are officially getting to know one another via email/phone. Both the girl and guy were not comfortable talking to one another without the parents getting involved, so that had to be done. Let's see how things go. Fingers crossed!

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tbh..my own personal view, why doesn't he try not looking for a marrige and meeting someone through natural means like university, school, work ?

maybe it's me - and i know it is just me- but heck, i'd find it akward to attend a 'meeting' with someone i barely know with the intention of marrying them. i would act in a wierd way, and not be myself.

but in a real life context, i can be myself, no pressure, and interest builds naturally.

your way is probably better than my way, but i would just feel so akward in this, i'd go to my blanket and hide in it hehe

salam, hope it works out for him!

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