Mutah Experiences

[Ruq]

Id like this thread to only be about ppls actual experiences of Muta and not about the technicalities of halal/haram/makruh/mustahab ways of going about it.

My experience was a positive one. My hubby and i had a 1 year muta when we first met. It enabled us to live together and be emotionally, mentally and physically intimate and get to know each other properly whilst we decided if we had something that we could make permanent. We said the marriage formula under a tree in a park (the botanical gardens were closed) on a beautiful spring day. My dowry was that he read to me at least once a week, preferably religious texts, although more often than not it ended up being silly stories, which i love also because he does all the voices and is very expressive.

Anyway, it worked for us. It was a healthy, practical, responsible and positive way to go about things in my view, there was no deception involved or manipulation, just 2 ppl who were falling in love and wanted to get to know each other in a deeper sense and experience the dynamics of living together before making a serious long term commitment to one another with all the responsibilities that entails. We both saw it in this circumstance as a way of halal 'dating' if you like and im very happy that this option was open to us.

Please post if you have an experience of muta and say whether it was a positive/negative/neutral one.

[Çåá ÇáÈíÊ]

Your experience is beautiful. It's a fantastical fantasy come true. I really like it.

Let me be just tell you something, before this thread goes on till kingdom come. Negative or Positive experiences are all relative to the type of partner you contract the marriage with. The outcomes are all dependant on this single fact.

[Gotham]

My dowry was that he read to me at least once a week, preferably religious texts, although more often than not it ended up being silly stories, which i love also because he does all the voices and is very expressive.

sorry for going a bit off topic, but darn thats cute :)

[Çåá ÇáÈíÊ]

lol I was seriously expecting this thread to be chock-a-block full by now. I guess most of us that lurk in the Mut'ah threads are hyped up bunnies about Mut'ah, yet have never contracted it ever. I speak to myself, first and foremost. But, hey, i'm still young.

By the way, I really respect you for practicing Mut'ah, Ruqaya. Your sins have been wiped away, according to a tradition. Are you still in Mut'ah or has it ended?

[kadhim]

My ex-wife and I married in muta'a before marrying in nikah. We were seeing each other before becoming Muslim, and had already been talking about marrying in the future. When we became Muslim, both around the same time roughly, we entered into muta'a to be able to continue our relationship in a halal way. We set a muta'a contract of 18 months, to last through to the time when we would contract a nikah. (Some time needed to prepare the two families for the idea of marriage - in the Western world, it's not a normal thing to get married before dating for a few years, and we had been seeing each other only a little more than a year at that time)

It worked well. It provided a realistic, practical solution to a real world situation.

[Awaiting_for_the12th]

I had a terrible experience and it only lasted a week when the agreed time was 2 years. Hit rock bottom during that and lost everything financially, emotionally, health. Lol but it was worth it to experience one of His mercy

[sunrise_786]

I had a terrible experience and it only lasted a week when the agreed time was 2 years. Hit rock bottom during that and lost everything financially, emotionally, health. Lol but it was worth it to experience one of His mercy

Im very sorry for that. but can anyone answer whther Mutah marriages have to complete the term?.. whats if someone wants to break it before the time limit is up?.. whats the ruling?

[Ruq]

lol I was seriously expecting this thread to be chock-a-block full by now. I guess most of us that lurk in the Mut'ah threads are hyped up bunnies about Mut'ah, yet have never contracted it ever. I speak to myself, first and foremost. But, hey, i'm still young.

By the way, I really respect you for practicing Mut'ah, Ruqaya. Your sins have been wiped away, according to a tradition. Are you still in Mut'ah or has it ended?

Yep me too xD im hoping it will be more of a positive thread to show how its actually working for ppl rather than the hypothetical debates that tend to dominate the mutah threads and get so negative. Ours was from april 2010 to april 2011, i forget the exact date, seems so long ago now.

[sunrise_786]

I would get shot If I did mutah lol. they say its not for syedas?.. but thats culture, not religion right?!

[ireallywannaknow]

Im very sorry for that. but can anyone answer whther Mutah marriages have to complete the term?.. whats if someone wants to break it before the time limit is up?.. whats the ruling?

Yes the man can end it before completing the term by telling his wife "I give you your time back" and then it's over

[Hameedeh]

(bismillah)

(salam)

Although I don't have time to write something now, I am following this topic.

[Uwais al-Qarni]

Thank you for this topic ; your experience is good machallah.

Please post if you have an experience of muta and say whether it was a positive/negative/neutral one.

Inchallah, I'm getting married...but I put a condition: -I absolutely do mout'a (Reviving the Sunnah).

the technicalities of haram/(...)

It's koufr akbar...^^

wa salam

[ImAli]

My wedding date was set, but my husband and I wanted to stay together a week or so before, so we contracted mutah. I didn't have any problems from my family....probably because I was 26 and even though I was living with them I could have easily been financially independent if I wanted to. It was a non physical mutah (I stayed in a bedroom with my mother in law LOL). It was a good experience and it helped us to become best of friends before the permanent marriage even took place.

[Ruq]

My wedding date was set, but my husband and I wanted to stay together a week or so before, so we contracted mutah. I didn't have any problems from my family....probably because I was 26 and even though I was living with them I could have easily been financially independent if I wanted to. It was a non physical mutah (I stayed in a bedroom with my mother in law LOL). It was a good experience and it helped us to become best of friends before the permanent marriage even took place.

Its good to see you get on so well with your mother in law :P

[haniyeh]

I did muta and it was a positive experience. i never intended it to be temporary in the sense that i wasn't aiming for a nikah by the end of the mutah period. i knew i wanted to marry him but we needed that time period mainly for our families and the issues surrounding us getting married.

[Praetorius]

(salam)

Not sure if attempts at trying to contract Mutah would go off-topic, but here goes.

The first one was a Jew, and after explaining to her the concept of Mutah, she was in a state of awe that such a system existed in Islam. She was more than ready to go ahead with it, but the catch was getting the father's permission. Since she was from a conservative anti-Zionist Jewish family, her father was arranging a marriage for her, and he refused on that ground. Well, that's where I had to part ways with her. She's still learning about Islam, and leaning toward it just because I introduced her to the concept of Mutah. However, we've agreed to keep our contact minimal, for both our sake.

Second one was a not-so-practicing Christian (you could say the Sunday-only Christian, like the Muharram/Ramadan-activated Muslims). She was prepared to go through with it, seeing how honest I was about it with no secrets. But the catch was the same, i.e. getting the father's permission. The father refused on the grounds that he did not want a shame on his family, and preferred a Christian dating his daughter (apparently he was more religious than his daughter). Strike two.

The third... well the father refused on pretty much the same grounds as the second, but what's interesting is that I found out through a third party that the girl already had a boyfriend, and was gonna two-time on him.

After these three attempts, I just gave up. We all know how hard it is to do Mutah with a Muslim woman in this day and age, especially in Pakistan... So yeah, just threw in the towel.

[Praetorius]

Its good to see you get on so well with your mother in law :P

The one thing that most of us fear is a mother-in-law turning into a Monster-in-law, especially when you've grown up watching Pakistani dramas :donno:

[Çåá ÇáÈíÊ]

(salam)

Not sure if attempts at trying to contract Mutah would go off-topic, but here goes.

The first one was a Jew, and after explaining to her the concept of Mutah, she was in a state of awe that such a system existed in Islam. She was more than ready to go ahead with it, but the catch was getting the father's permission. Since she was from a conservative anti-Zionist Jewish family, her father was arranging a marriage for her, and he refused on that ground. Well, that's where I had to part ways with her. She's still learning about Islam, and leaning toward it just because I introduced her to the concept of Mutah. However, we've agreed to keep our contact minimal, for both our sake.

Second one was a not-so-practicing Christian (you could say the Sunday-only Christian, like the Muharram/Ramadan-activated Muslims). She was prepared to go through with it, seeing how honest I was about it with no secrets. But the catch was the same, i.e. getting the father's permission. The father refused on the grounds that he did not want a shame on his family, and preferred a Christian dating his daughter (apparently he was more religious than his daughter). Strike two.

The third... well the father refused on pretty much the same grounds as the second, but what's interesting is that I found out through a third party that the girl already had a boyfriend, and was gonna two-time on him.

After these three attempts, I just gave up. We all know how hard it is to do Mutah with a Muslim woman in this day and age, especially in Pakistan... So yeah, just threw in the towel.

Dude, I feel sorry for you. You do know that the parents permission isn't really necessary? Especially, if they reject on unislamic grounds. You could have just done it secretly, and you wouldn't be at fault. Of course, if you were considering long-term with these women, then I guess it wouldn't be possible without the parents acknowledging. But don't give up a Sunnah.

Yep me too xD im hoping it will be more of a positive thread to show how its actually working for ppl rather than the hypothetical debates that tend to dominate the mutah threads and get so negative. Ours was from april 2010 to april 2011, i forget the exact date, seems so long ago now.

Well, that's good, overall its been positive, but of course the experiences don't reflect on the marriage constitution itself. I've been thinking of opening a mut'ah thread, but i've completely run out of ideas. It really has been discussed ad nauseum. I guess this thread is unique.

One year is a long period. Now that it's ended, are you planning to take a break from each other or are you just friends? Will you contract mut'ah with somebody else now? Sorry, i'm just curious.

[5a49]

You guys being that open in your "experience" with temporary marriage is wierd.

Seriously you guys. Close that topic and delete it.

[keys2paradise]

You guys being that open in your "experience" with temporary marriage is wierd.

Seriously you guys. Close that topic and delete it.

Nope, it's not that weird. I'm guessing the vast majority of people on here who have contracted a temporary marriage have done so with a view to permanently marrying that person, and they have gone onto permanently marry them. That use of muta is perfectly normal and common in our communities, in fact many parents will not allow their kids to get to know someone for permanent marriage without that being the set up. People don't think of muta as a temporary MARRIAGE for that reason, they think of it as a formality.

Hardly anyone on here will have done it for the purpose of "I fancy a short fling no strings attached", so don't worry.

[Ruq]

One year is a long period. Now that it's ended, are you planning to take a break from each other or are you just friends? Will you contract mut'ah with somebody else now? Sorry, i'm just curious.

Its ok, after the year we decided tobe together permanantly. I think my biriyani swung it =D

You guys being that open in your "experience" with temporary marriage is wierd.

Seriously you guys. Close that topic and delete it.

I think thats unfair, how is anything here shameful?

[kadhim]

You guys being that open in your "experience" with temporary marriage is wierd. Seriously you guys. Close that topic and delete it.

I'm sorry open discussion about the religion you claim to follow offends you.

[Awaiting_for_the12th]

Nope, it's not that weird. I'm guessing the vast majority of people on here who have contracted a temporary marriage have done so with a view to permanently marrying that person, and they have gone onto permanently marry them. That use of muta is perfectly normal and common in our communities, in fact many parents will not allow their kids to get to know someone for permanent marriage without that being the set up. People don't think of muta as a temporary MARRIAGE for that reason, they think of it as a formality.

Hardly anyone on here will have done it for the purpose of "I fancy a short fling no strings attached", so don't worry.

agreed. That has always been my intention

[5a49]

I think thats unfair, how is anything here shameful?

Read my post over and over again. Did you find the word "shameful" any where?

[Hameedeh]

Quote

You guys being that open in your "experience" with temporary marriage is wierd.

Seriously you guys. Close that topic and delete it.

(bismillah)

(salam)

^ Brother, the people who said they did mutah are being open because they want to explain that mut'ah is a good thing. As long as everyone stays calm, the topic does not need to be closed or deleted. I have not written my mutah experience yet, because I have not had time.

InshaAllah those who dislike muta will someday understand that mutah is a beautiful and pragmatic practice. In Shia Islam Aslah means the most beneficial, and this word is used to describe the actions of Allah. Everyone please remember that Allah can do no wrong, Allah does nothing without a purpose, and all the actions of Allah are intended for the ultimate benefit of His creatures. Allah SWT made mutah for the benefit of all mankind, but it is the Shias who accept it and are blessed by it. Alhamdulillah

[5a49]

On 1/18/2012 at 5:50 AM, hameedeh said:

(bismillah)

(salam)

^ Bro, the people who said they did mutah are being open because they want to explain that mut'ah is a good thing. As long as everyone stays calm, the topic does not need to be closed or deleted. I have not written my mutah experience yet, because I have not had time.

InshaAllah those who dislike muta will someday understand that mutah is a beautiful and pragmatic practice. In Shia Islam Aslah means the most beneficial, and this word is used to describe the actions of Allah. Everyone please remember that Allah can do no wrong, Allah does nothing without a purpose, and all the actions of Allah are intended for the ultimate benefit of His creatures. Allah SWT made mutah for the benefit of all mankind, but it is the Shias who accept it and are blessed by it. Alhamdulillah

1st. Ofcourse you don't mean me.

2nd. Mutah is marriage. Why doesn't everyone talk about his marital life with his/her wife/husband, or past experiences after divorce or so? Because marriage stays between the two. Temporary or not temporary, experience is to be stayed between the two.

[Hameedeh]

(bismillah)

(salam)

^ You've convinced me, brother. I'm gonna shorten my mutah experience and not tell anything romantic.

[Hameedeh]

(bismillah)

(salam)

Alhamdulillah, we were at the same university and had two classes together, so we would talk to each other before and after our classes. I was a Christian and found out he was a Muslim. He explained that Muslims don't date, but if they want they can get married temporarily. He said later they can marry permanently OR break their temporary marriage IF they can't get along. He never tried to hold hands, hug or kiss me, so I knew he was a complete gentleman. His piety was impressive, and this made me more interested in him and his beliefs. I felt that I could trust him and he would never harm me.

He shared a house off campus with three other guys, and I lived in the woman's dorm with another girl. He and I used to go for a walk and just talk, to get away from our roommates. We set the time of our mut'ah marriage as four years. We thought this would be long enough for both of us to earn our bachelor degree. Four years made me feel secure that he was not just using me for a few days or a few weeks. I'm sure that if he had wanted a shorter time, less than one year, I would have been reluctant to marry him by mut'ah. We both agreed on the four years time limit and everything was good. On the weekends we began looking for an apartment. After six months of mut'ah marriage, we found a place near the campus and started living together.

Our life became really pleasant. I no longer had to say goodbye in the evening and watch him walk away. We walked to the university in the morning and came back to the apartment for lunch. We went to the university in the afternoon and came back later. We had homework to do, of course. We had chores to get done, but it wasn't difficult because we helped each other. We cooked dinner together and saved half of it to eat for lunch the next day. After dinner we would sit and talk about anything we wanted, but usually it was about Islam.

Sometimes we would discuss the Bible and the Qur'an. He was always patient to answer questions that I had about Islam. He translated some of the writings of Dr. Ali Shariati for me. I particularly liked his translation of the Four Prisons of Man, because it was not like anything I had read before. Later on, we bought his Hajj book and I thoroughly enjoyed reading that in English. One day I was ready to say my shahada and after I repeated the words, he took me to the sink and taught me how to take ablution. Then he taught me how to pray. Elahy shukr!

To make a long story short, we were married permanently and now we have three sweet kids, mashAllah. If my experience sounds like a fairy tale, I can only say that Alhamdulillah, it was, because my husband was a momin. Ok, that is all. Don't ask me any personal questions! I've said too much already. I want to remain anonymous at ShiaChat! I just wanted to explain to those who don't believe in mut'ah that it is halal and is a blessing for couples.

[Gypsy]

2nd. Mutah is marriage. Why doesn't everyone talk about his marital life with his/her wife/husband, or past experiences after divorce or so? Because marriage stays between the two. Temporary or not temporary, experience is to be stayed between the two.

Marriages are not private and secretive things that need to be hidden. If people feels that they are educating the rest of us by sharing their stories so be it. Not even a single reply in this topic is crude or vulgar. Everyone is mostly telling their general experience and not sharing their bedroom secrets.And we are all anonymous here.

Edited January 18, 2012 by Gypsy

[Replicant]

It's quite refreshing to see a thread like this.

[kadhim]

1st. Ofcourse you don't mean me.

2nd. Mutah is marriage. Why doesn't everyone talk about his marital life with his/her wife/husband, or past experiences after divorce or so? Because marriage stays between the two. Temporary or not temporary, experience is to be stayed between the two.

Because no one goes around questioning or criticising permanent marriage, or trying to say it's obsolete or for perverts or disgusting, or just about lust or anything of the sort.

Muta'a has this absurd taboo in the community. Lots of misconceptions. This is about taking this taboo topic that people have huge misconceptions about, and tactfully showing some real examples of this form of multifaceted human relationship.

I'm not sure what's so hard to understand about that.

No one is revealing any particularly intimate details. It's pretty broad strokes material that is perfectly acceptable for public discussion.

Edited January 18, 2012 by kadhim

[Praetorius]

On 1/18/2012 at 6:33 AM, hameedeh said:

(bismillah)

(salam)

^ You've convinced me, brother. I'm gonna shorten my mutah experience and not tell anything romantic.

 

You just did so in your story haha

Anyhow, your story among others is one of the reasons I like converts more than born-Shias (no offence intended here), because they almost always more devout and dedicated. I wish you all the best in raising your family Inshallah.

[Çåá ÇáÈíÊ]

I hope this doesn't sound weird, considering that I'm a guy, but the Mut'ah experiences of Ruqaya and Hameedeh made my heart melt.

[kadhim]

I hope this doesn't sound weird, considering that I'm a guy, but the Mut'ah experiences of Ruqaya and Hameedeh made my heart melt.

People being able to have meaningful human companionship that makes them happy and fulfills their emotional needs rather than being sad and alone should make everyone's heart feel warm. Edited January 18, 2012 by kadhim

[Waiting for HIM]

You just did so in your story haha :D

Anyhow, your story among others is one of the reasons I like converts more than born-Shias (no offence intended here), because they almost always more devout and dedicated. I wish you all the best in raising your family Inshallah.

Don't jump the gun bro, Sister Hameedeh's husband is a born-Shia and he appeared to be such a sincere Momin as well.

Again no offense intended, born-Shias are coming with a legacy of their ancestors being Muslims too, so its an added hasanat if they are practicing momin since Islam is running in blood as well as in brains. Revert or Born, both kind of Muslims are worth more than the gold in friendship once they are practicing Momins. Obviously as far as having a high status in front of Allah, blood lines do not matter at all, the only criterion there is "taqwa".

(bismillah)

(salam)

Alhamdulillah, we were at the same university and had two classes together, so we would talk to each other before and after our classes. I was a Christian and found out he was a Muslim.

Sister Hameedeh, mashAllah Allah bless you that you found such a practicing momin. You must have done really good to be rewarded with such a nice companion. As far as identity, I think I know your husband.. I won't say more bcause that would reveal my identity... But your husband is one of the finest Momins I've known.

Edited January 18, 2012 by Waiting for HIM