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In the Name of God بسم الله
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Ruq

Mutah Experiences

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(salam)

Not sure if attempts at trying to contract Mutah would go off-topic, but here goes.

The first one was a Jew, and after explaining to her the concept of Mutah, she was in a state of awe that such a system existed in Islam. She was more than ready to go ahead with it, but the catch was getting the father's permission. Since she was from a conservative anti-Zionist Jewish family, her father was arranging a marriage for her, and he refused on that ground. Well, that's where I had to part ways with her. She's still learning about Islam, and leaning toward it just because I introduced her to the concept of Mutah. However, we've agreed to keep our contact minimal, for both our sake.

Second one was a not-so-practicing Christian (you could say the Sunday-only Christian, like the Muharram/Ramadan-activated Muslims). She was prepared to go through with it, seeing how honest I was about it with no secrets. But the catch was the same, i.e. getting the father's permission. The father refused on the grounds that he did not want a shame on his family, and preferred a Christian dating his daughter (apparently he was more religious than his daughter). Strike two.

The third... well the father refused on pretty much the same grounds as the second, but what's interesting is that I found out through a third party that the girl already had a boyfriend, and was gonna two-time on him.

After these three attempts, I just gave up. We all know how hard it is to do Mutah with a Muslim woman in this day and age, especially in Pakistan... So yeah, just threw in the towel.

 

Man, you must be some dude, teach me o' wise one!

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http://www.shiachat.com/forum/public/style_emoticons/#EMO_DIR#/bismillah.gif

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Alhamdulillah, we were at the same university and had two classes together, so we would talk to each other before and after our classes. I was a Christian and found out he was a Muslim. He explained that Muslims don't date, but if they want they can get married temporarily. He said later they can marry permanently OR break their temporary marriage IF they can't get along. He never tried to hold hands, hug or kiss me, so I knew he was a complete gentleman. His piety was impressive, and this made me more interested in him and his beliefs. I felt that I could trust him and he would never harm me.

He shared a house off campus with three other guys, and I lived in the woman's dorm with another girl. He and I used to go for a walk and just talk, to get away from our roommates. We set the time of our mut'ah marriage as four years. We thought this would be long enough for both of us to earn our bachelor degree. Four years made me feel secure that he was not just using me for a few days or a few weeks. I'm sure that if he had wanted a shorter time, less than one year, I would have been reluctant to marry him by mut'ah. We both agreed on the four years time limit and everything was good. On the weekends we began looking for an apartment. After six months of mut'ah marriage, we found a place near the campus and started living together.

Our life became really pleasant. I no longer had to say goodbye in the evening and watch him walk away. We walked to the university in the morning and came back to the apartment for lunch. We went to the university in the afternoon and came back later. We had homework to do, of course. We had chores to get done, but it wasn't difficult because we helped each other. We cooked dinner together and saved half of it to eat for lunch the next day. After dinner we would sit and talk about anything we wanted, but usually it was about Islam.

Sometimes we would discuss the Bible and the Qur'an. He was always patient to answer questions that I had about Islam. He translated some of the writings of Dr. Ali Shariati for me. I particularly liked his translation of the Four Prisons of Man, because it was not like anything I had read before. Later on, we bought his Hajj book and I thoroughly enjoyed reading that in English. One day I was ready to say my shahada and after I repeated the words, he took me to the sink and taught me how to take ablution. Then he taught me how to pray. Elahy shukr!

To make a long story short, we were married permanently and now we have three sweet kids, mashAllah. If my experience sounds like a fairy tale, I can only say that Alhamdulillah, it was, because my husband was a momin. Ok, that is all. Don't ask me any personal questions! I've said too much already. I want to remain anonymous at ShiaChat! I just wanted to explain to those who don't believe in mut'ah that it is halal and is a blessing for couples.

mashAllah mashAllah !! oh my ! this ws soooo sweet.. it actually melted my heart . u are a very lucky lady indeed .. i wish we too could get someone so warm and religious who supports us for lifetime and respects us.

i would like to ask Allah to always keep u happy and smilling. may you get closer and closer to Him day by day.. ameen ..

it's amazing to see such nice human beings like you .. mash.. :)

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An intersting pattern I am seeing is that the majority of mutahs here (if not all? I only read the first few pages) are those who start with the intention of having a permanent marriage in the end. In essence, its 'halal dating'. All of the girls here seem to say about the same thing "they liked the guy, he was a good muslim, and they loved getting to know each other before getting married".

 

I think this is a stark contrast to the types of mutah often discussed here - the 'I want a fling guy'. It is interesting to see that those who want it for that reason seem to not be as successful in getting it as those who do it with the expectation of getting permanently married in the end if it all works out.

 

It would be interesting to see the stats on who uses mutah for what reason (because often there are two veryyyy different intentions behind them)

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Assalaamu aleikum

I was reading through this topic and noticed how many don't know about mut'ah more than the fact it is a temporary marriage.

I advice you all to watch this lecture from Sayed Ammar Nakshawani:

http://m.youtube.com/index?&desktop_uri=%2F

And for those who don't usually watch these hour-long lectures, don't be afraid of it's lenght, it is very interesting from the beginning to the end. Ammar is a great speaker and scholar.

wa rahmatullaahi wa barakaatuh

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I'll put it in a sentence, because that's all you really need to describe the experience.

A lot of secrecy, a depleted bank account*, and venturing into unknown arenas of life. 


*Don't read into that and think that the woman's a gold digger, but you'll be going out quite a bit.


(wasalam)

Edited by Al-Afasy

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I never read this topic in detail so never shared mine.

Let me start and please don't judge:

1. Mutah 1: had it with a divorced lady who is a Muslima. She used to make halal food for me and later on as I became her more regular customer, we created this bond of respect and friendship overtime. Every time I would go pick up my weekly food basket from here, she would ask me why I was not marrying someone, I guess a habitual topic for most of the ladies. But finally one day while she was asking me about it and how I was keeping myself chaste, I offered her casually to contract mutah with me. I made it clear in the beginning that it will never be able to turn into a perm because of cultural, age, and family differences and she after pondering for a few minutes said yes. So we contracted a weekend long no strings attached mutah. Except for a limited physical contact immediately after mutah, most of time I spent with her was about listening how abusive her ex was, how this complicated her life by marrying her ex, and so on. We ended up talking about Shia Islam more than having any of the other benefits of mutah lol. We never made any extremely serious physical contact because I kept detaching myself from her recognizing she was already in this emotionally fragile state and I didn't want herself to hurt more by later regrets. End of the weekend she had 50% converted to Shia Islam, at least usool ud deen wise, she had totally converted. Most of the furu she later picked up. Of course I did not make much contact after this episode except for keeping a minimal contact to answer all of her repeated Sunni to Shia conversion questions. She is a good momina now but more likely still unmarried.

2. Later on I contracted another mutah a couple of times, every time with the intention of getting married in permanent, all of these mutah were non physical mutah, mostly on my request because I didn't want to ruin my intimacy experience for possible permanent nikah, if it ever turned into one. Both times I didn't had a luck to find someone compatible, both times I made good friendships out of these, probably because I had respected their personalities and didn't go after their bodies albeit the offers made.

My mutah experiences opened up a lot of windows for me in understanding complex human dimensions, the experiences women go through in daily lives, how things which seem so trivial for us men have such deep meaning for women, and how their hearts attract to Islam, the only natural system of belief, once they feel respected and cared as humans beyond as women. Contracting mutah made me a better person too in many ways by seeing in people lives from very up close and in never taking advantage of the situation immersing myself in their sufferings and how carelessly and cheaply humanity treats other humans specially the womenkind.

Every time I came out thanking Allah for granting us the naima' of his Prophet and the guidance of prophet's Ahlulbayt.

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Im assuming all the ladies here who say theyve practised muta have all gotten their fathers permission? if so, wow on being able to convince ur old man. Im not able to do it because ill never be able to get daddys permission...lol if i even ask him he'll throw me out of the house. sounds like a positive experience though!

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Except for a limited physical contact immediately after mutah, most of time I spent with her was about listening how abusive her ex was, how this complicated her life by marrying her ex, and so on. 

 

Lollollol

 

I had 2 of them. Both were horrible experiences and felt I was cheating god. that is when i decided that god doesnt reward u for having sex and u shouldnt have a conception of religion that in any way rewards sex. 

 

many other details about them being bad. but this was the main takeaway. i wouldnt advise it for anyone. Both of these were short, and we didnt enter into them with any marriage intention.

 

first was actually good and i have fond memories (duh) besides feeling it was theologically absurd. 

 

second one was just stupid.

 

that's all!

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Lollollol

 

I had 2 of them. Both were horrible experiences and felt I was cheating god. that is when i decided that god doesnt reward u for having sex and u shouldnt have a conception of religion that in any way rewards sex. 

 

many other details about them being bad. but this was the main takeaway. i wouldnt advise it for anyone. Both of these were short, and we didnt enter into them with any marriage intention.

 

first was actually good and i have fond memories (duh) besides feeling it was theologically absurd. 

 

second one was just stupid.

 

that's all!

Thanks for sharing your experiences.

 

In Islam Sex is neither taboo nor its bad. In fact Allah swt rewards, some hadith say as much as 70x of a salat, once a person even kisses his/her spouse. Making love in Islam is highly recommended act between husband and wife and Allah swt showers special mercy and blessings on the couple who make love often.

 

Haram sex is of course highly discouraged and has extremely serious consequences in this world and the next.

 

Islam does not prohibit from sex, it actually encourages it, but it also regulates it. Nothing absurd about that!

Edited by Waiting for HIM

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In Islam Sex is neither taboo nor its bad. In fact Allah swt rewards, some hadith say as much as 70x of a salat, once a person even kisses his/her spouse. Making love in Islam is highly recommended act between husband and wife and Allah swt showers special mercy and blessings on the couple who make love often.

as i said, based on experience, this is a ludicrous way to relate to ur religion. i know well what hadith say.

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So here goes my story..

I am happily married with children and have a wonderful life however my job does entail me to leave the country for 2 months at a time and sometimes more. Taking the family along on these trips is impossible for obvious reasons.

Recently during one of these trips i came across a muslim woman who was an orphan and divorced with 4 children. I got to know her really well and she was a very religious and decent human being. After a while after getting to know each other I had proposed to her to get married temporarily through mutah so that we get to know each other even more and explained to her the concept as she was from the ahlul sunnah faith.

She was reluctant at first but she understood the benefits and agreed to perform the mutah with me for the duration of my stay in that country. I had made her fully aware about myself and my family and she had no problems with that whatsoever.

Our time together was great and we had become really close however we were both dreading the fact that it might come to an end when I have to go back to my hometown.

I reassured her that I would be coming back to the country again but not sure when. However when the time did come to say goodbye, it was very difficult for the both of us to part ways.

My intention of performing mutah with her was mainly for 2 reasons:

1. To help support her considering her circumstances of being an orphan, divorcee and a mother of 4 kids, in whatever way i could, either financially or morally.

2. For me to stay away from haram and have a companion with me during my time in the foreign country.

We did not see any problem in this at the time and it was a very healthy relationship. However once I came back to my hometown, she felt very lonely and she felt cheated.

I know that the shia faith encourages mutah in these situations however, I am now in a dilemma as I know what I did was for the right reasons but for some reason I do feel guilty for making her feel that way as well.

There is no way I can marry her permanently as I do not have the resources nor the capabilities to have 2 wives

I would like to hear your views on my situation

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There is no way I can marry her permanently as I do not have the resources nor the capabilities to have 2 wives

I would like to hear your views on my situation

 

I am not in favor of married men doing mut'ah unless his first wife consents because the consequences could destroy your married life.

If you are not man enough to tell your wife, look God allowed me to do mut'ah so I am not saying I am going to do it but if I want I will do it otherwise

we may divorce because I can not accept a mortal taking away my God given rights. It is a matter of principle.

 

If you are not man enough to tell your 1st wife something like that, don't dare ever do mut'ah or cheat on your wife because you risk losing the joy you already

have in your first marriage. When you lose it it rarely comes back bro. Trust me, I know of a few brothers who do mut'ah with women behind their wifes back and got busted and suffered for that. 

 

It might not be a sin but in relationships things are delicate.

 

Urinating all over your furniture in the house in front of your wife may not be haraam but will your wife treat you the same after that? Mut'ah behind wifes back is worse than that.

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Mine was a failure, she took the mahr (£500) and sort of disappeared, I am going today to see if she actually works where she told me she works.

Kind of disheartening, I am still hoping she had family issues or lost her phone, excuses such as this until it is proven to me otherwise.

Well congratulations to those who succeed, pray for my success. 

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[Edited] Sorry I posted a recent news article but it got deleted by Mods.

[MOD NOTE: This topic is strictly for ShiaChat members to post their own experiences with mutah. Any tawdry news stories will be removed as off-topic.]

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Salam,

Young Shias might simply be concerned about "meeting the legal criteria" for a "Halal relationship".  If people only think in terms of meeting legal requirements then this Inevitably leads to abuses of Mut'ah (or any other law).    But, as we have seen in some of the aforementioned successful stories, a relation, whether temporary or permanent, requires a high level of responsibility, trust, genuine empathy, integrity, and maturity (one should respect their partner and love him or her as made in the image of God).  Having such a character may not be part of the legal requirement but for any of those having any sense of dignity and respect for themselves and for their partners will always be concerned about it.  

We should ask ourselves if we would allow our own sons and daughters (if and when we do have them, inshallah) to temporarily marry anyone.  Would you be worried?  Why would you be worried? These are are the real issues.

Ethereal

Edited by eThErEaL

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Guest Kamran

How do you feel if it comes to your own families...your sister or mother after the death of your father going through several muttas, would you accept it for your family..

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On 8/8/2012 at 3:31 AM, Ali_Ibn_Hussein said:

I have been in mutah for 3 years (me and my wife renew every year for 1 year)

She is a Shia revert from Sunnism, it has been well. A great source of Islamic inspiration for both of us (and great friends when all other friends disappear for university). Will be getting permanent marriage in the near future, insha'Allah. Al-Hamdulilah

That’s beautiful kind of a dream for me. Nice brother.

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