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Ruq

Mutah Experiences

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Unfortuntely, most Shia families think of their young daughters, and especially if they are pretty, as products that they own and not as independent human beings that they have responsibilities toward and the most important of those responsibilities is doing whatever possible to assist them in preserving their deen. They know that if they allow their daughters to do mutah or even permenamt marriage before they secure their dunya out of it then their wealth will be decreased and / or their reputation amoung the other jahil people in the community and they will lose their one time shot to grab a big treasure from the guy unfortunate enoughto walk into.the trap. I think until people and families accept that marriage was created by Allah(swa) to protect us from corruption and not as a trading game that people play with their daughters not much will change.

Who have you been spending your time with? Many families are not like that. They don't keep their daughters locked up for a big payout on marriage. If you are referring to certain cultures or specificly the people from middle east, then please remember that Arabs are just minority among the Muslims. Please appropriately amend your posting to include a disclaimer stating that you are not attacking all the Muslims/Shia Muslims in your post. Just a group of people that you are aware of. I most certainty have seen very good parents raising their girls and getting them married to wonderful men. I have seen daughters from very wealthy Arabs family marrying poor students without all that money nonsense.

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It's not only Arabs and that's my experience. I am not going to amend my post. Also, I didn't say ALL families, I know there are some that are not like that, but it's very few in my experience, which is all I can talk about. I am glad that your experience is different, but what I am talking about is a major problem in many communities and it is leading to many of our youth turning to haram when the door of halal is closed to them. The problem is not being addressed or talked about, that is why I am bringing it up.

Actually, what you talked about couldn't be more evident in the Pakistani culture. Most parents of this culture, if not all, have a knack of forgetting that their daughters and sons have a will of their own and consider them "property". Societal collapse FTW...

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(bismillah)

(salam)

Thank you, doobybro. Just when I thought today that I will leave SC, you said this. :cry: Jazakallah

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: DON'T LEAVE PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHY DO YOU WANT TO LEAVE?

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(bismillah)

(salam)

Thank you, doobybro. Just when I thought today that I will leave SC, you said this. :cry: Jazakallah

Hameedeh, why are you thinking of leaving? Is something going on which you are not telling us?

And how come people are starting to leave all of sudden?

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some very nice stories here. I can aslo say that the community i come from look down upon mutah like its haraam and treat it like adultery. tbf i kinda had the sme view about it when i first heard but from looking at these wonderful stories has changed my decision. i dnt come on here much, but whenever i do theres always some ppl sayin spiteful things and arguing, which is very offputting. Ppl shouldnt be shunning these sisters, but instead should learn from them.

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Hameedeh, why are you thinking of leaving? Is something going on which you are not telling us?

And how come people are starting to leave all of sudden?

(bismillah)

(salam)

@Gypsy, I'm not leaving, but I wanted to leave SC today because of the reasons I spoke about above. Some people left temporarily because they have exams. Deeeeebo left because he is getting married. I'm sure he's gonna be busy with his new wife. Lucky him. InshaAllah she is a real loving, caring, emotional wife. :) Sorry for making you worry.

@everyone: Please don't misunderstand what I said above about the Women in Nahjul Balagha topic. I love that book. When I open it, it makes my heart swell with pride that we have this book and the words of our Imam Ali AS. I am not against anything that he has said, because I know that whatever he said is from Allah SWT. It is my problem if I don't understand a sentence here or a word there. What I don't like is how some men want to bring up these anti-women topics at ShiaChat, over and over again. Also, I asked my husband about wife beating and that I read at some website that the man is supposed to beat his wife with a miswak, natural toothbrush. He said he is sure that it is only symbolic, that the man will spank the woman on the shoulder or back with a piece of rayhan. Basil or sweet basil. If you don't know what rayhan is, just imagine a piece of parsley. The man is not supposed to hurt his wife or bruise her or give her a black eye. It is just a simple brush against her clothing to shock her into thinking about what she did wrong. Nobody is supposed to beat their spouse into a pulp. Astaghfirullah. Sorry for being off-topic again. :blush:

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Hameedeh, why are you thinking of leaving? Is something going on which you are not telling us?

And how come people are starting to leave all of sudden?

People are leaving because most topics posted here are not what they used to be.

(bismillah)

(salam)

@Gypsy, I'm not leaving, but I wanted to leave SC today because of the reasons I spoke about above. Some people left temporarily because they have exams. Deeeeebo left because he is getting married. I'm sure he's gonna be busy with his new wife. Lucky him. InshaAllah she is a real loving, caring, emotional wife. :) Sorry for making you worry.

@everyone: Please don't misunderstand what I said above about the Women in Nahjul Balagha topic. I love that book. When I open it, it makes my heart swell with pride that we have this book and the words of our Imam Ali AS. I am not against anything that he has said, because I know that whatever he said is from Allah SWT. It is my problem if I don't understand a sentence here or a word there. What I don't like is how some men want to bring up these anti-women topics at ShiaChat, over and over again. Also, I asked my husband about wife beating and that I read at some website that the man is supposed to beat his wife with a miswak, natural toothbrush. He said he is sure that it is only symbolic, that the man will spank the woman on the shoulder or back with a piece of rayhan. Basil or sweet basil. If you don't know what rayhan is, just imagine a piece of parsley. The man is not supposed to hurt his wife or bruise her or give her a black eye. It is just a simple brush against her clothing to shock her into thinking about what she did wrong. Nobody is supposed to beat their spouse into a pulp. Astaghfirullah. Sorry for being off-topic again. :blush:

For wife beating verse Look at Nad_M post #29

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@everyone: Please don't misunderstand what I said above about the Women in Nahjul Balagha topic. I love that book. When I open it, it makes my heart swell with pride that we have this book and the words of our Imam Ali AS. I am not against anything that he has said, because I know that whatever he said is from Allah SWT. It is my problem if I don't understand a sentence here or a word there. What I don't like is how some men want to bring up these anti-women topics at ShiaChat, over and over again.

Since I made the thread, I'm guessing I must be one of those 'men', but in fact this the the only thread I've ever made that could even remotely be described as 'anti-women'.

Generally, I think you are overreacting a bit. This is a discussion forum, with people of many different views, and obviously we aren't all going to like what each other posts. However, as long as the discussion is kept respectful, then I don't see the problem. I think it's better difficult topics are discussed between Shias anyway, since sooner of later a person may very well confronted with a Sunni quoting this stuff, and then they won't know how to respond. Hiding these things away won't solve anything.

Also, I asked my husband about wife beating and that I read at some website that the man is supposed to beat his wife with a miswak, natural toothbrush. He said he is sure that it is only symbolic, that the man will spank the woman on the shoulder or back with a piece of rayhan. Basil or sweet basil. If you don't know what rayhan is, just imagine a piece of parsley. The man is not supposed to hurt his wife or bruise her or give her a black eye. It is just a simple brush against her clothing to shock her into thinking about what she did wrong. Nobody is supposed to beat their spouse into a pulp. Astaghfirullah. Sorry for being off-topic again. :blush:

I don't think anyone has argued any differently on those 'wife beating' threads. The only thing people are really arguing against are attempts to make the verse more politically correct by interpreting 'daraba' as 'to leave' rather than 'to hit'. However, all the rules on how you can 'beat' your wife have been explained many times.

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(bismillah)

(salam)

@Gypsy, I'm not leaving, but I wanted to leave SC today because of the reasons I spoke about above. Some people left temporarily because they have exams. Deeeeebo left because he is getting married. I'm sure he's gonna be busy with his new wife. Lucky him. InshaAllah she is a real loving, caring, emotional wife. :) Sorry for making you worry.

@everyone: Please don't misunderstand what I said above about the Women in Nahjul Balagha topic. I love that book. When I open it, it makes my heart swell with pride that we have this book and the words of our Imam Ali AS. I am not against anything that he has said, because I know that whatever he said is from Allah SWT. It is my problem if I don't understand a sentence here or a word there. What I don't like is how some men want to bring up these anti-women topics at ShiaChat, over and over again. Also, I asked my husband about wife beating and that I read at some website that the man is supposed to beat his wife with a miswak, natural toothbrush. He said he is sure that it is only symbolic, that the man will spank the woman on the shoulder or back with a piece of rayhan. Basil or sweet basil. If you don't know what rayhan is, just imagine a piece of parsley. The man is not supposed to hurt his wife or bruise her or give her a black eye. It is just a simple brush against her clothing to shock her into thinking about what she did wrong. Nobody is supposed to beat their spouse into a pulp. Astaghfirullah. Sorry for being off-topic again. :blush:

You are staying! YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D

As for thew verse on wife beating, one of our scholars - I can't remember who - had the opinion that this verse does not even talk about beating, He argues that the word used has more than one meaning in Arabic - beating being the literal meaning - and that one of the metaphoric meanings is to walk away or something like leave or separate. So, he argues that, rather than beating the wife, Allah (SWT) is asking the couple to separate so that, maybe, the separation may make them miss each other and get back together.

NOTE: By separate, I do NOT mean divorce but separate in terms of living away from each other like the woman could go to her parents' house while the are still married.

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(bismillah)

(salam)

@HH. I wasn't specifically talking about you. There are some men at ShiaChat who are consistently anti-woman. This causes other guys to be bold enough to say things that are hurtful. In the topic "What Is Shiachat For You ?" a man wrote this at ShiaChat and then deleted it from the website, but I still have it in my inbox:

Shiachat to me is a bunch of nonsense hijabis who despise mutah trying to fight nonsense males who can't live without it. I wish both of these nonsense crowds would mutah with each other and take their nonsense discussions to a nice cosy private setting of their choosing.

He didn't think that was good enough, so he changed it to this:

Shiachat to me is a bunch of nonsense hijabis who despise mutah trying to fight nonsense males who can't live without it. I wish both of these nonsense crowds would mutah with each other and take their nonsense discussions to cosy private warehouses with wife beating miswaks and romantic candles.

You might say, oh he was just joking. Maybe so. But if you search ShiaChat, just type wife beating and look at the topics with those words in the title, you will see that there are 10 topics about the disobedient wife in the past nine years.

Over and over we see the scorpion saying. Does anyone ever look at the other sayings of Imam Ali AS? Let's look at two of them, on either side of the scorpion saying:

60. Tongue is a beast, if it is let loose, it devours.

61. Woman is a scorpion whose grip is sweet.

62. If you are greeted then return the greetings more warmly. If you are favoured, then repay the obligation manifold; but he who takes the initiative will always excel in merit.

Isn't anyone interested to make a topic about Saying #60 or Saying #62? Since those are not exclusive to women, they are not very interesting?

Sorry, just being my emotional womanly self today, the way that Allah SWT made me. :donno:

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(bismillah)

(salam)

@Gypsy, I'm not leaving, but I wanted to leave SC today because of the reasons I spoke about above. Some people left temporarily because they have exams. Deeeeebo left because he is getting married. I'm sure he's gonna be busy with his new wife. Lucky him. InshaAllah she is a real loving, caring, emotional wife. :) Sorry for making you worry.

@everyone: Please don't misunderstand what I said above about the Women in Nahjul Balagha topic. I love that book. When I open it, it makes my heart swell with pride that we have this book and the words of our Imam Ali AS. I am not against anything that he has said, because I know that whatever he said is from Allah SWT. It is my problem if I don't understand a sentence here or a word there. What I don't like is how some men want to bring up these anti-women topics at ShiaChat, over and over again. Also, I asked my husband about wife beating and that I read at some website that the man is supposed to beat his wife with a miswak, natural toothbrush. He said he is sure that it is only symbolic, that the man will spank the woman on the shoulder or back with a piece of rayhan. Basil or sweet basil. If you don't know what rayhan is, just imagine a piece of parsley. The man is not supposed to hurt his wife or bruise her or give her a black eye. It is just a simple brush against her clothing to shock her into thinking about what she did wrong. Nobody is supposed to beat their spouse into a pulp. Astaghfirullah. Sorry for being off-topic again. :blush:

I don't think being brushed by a piece of basil would shock me into anything.

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@HH. I wasn't specifically talking about you. There are some men at ShiaChat who are consistently anti-woman. This causes other guys to be bold enough to say things that are hurtful. In the topic "What Is Shiachat For You ?" a man wrote this at ShiaChat and then deleted it from the website, but I still have it in my inbox:

You may not specifically be talking about me , but since you mentioned my thread a couple of times, then I have to assume I am one of the men you are talking about. As for the posts you quoted, the person seems to be attacking for extremes in the muta discussions. I don't see what is so 'anti-woman' about it.

You might say, oh he was just joking. Maybe so. But if you search ShiaChat, just type wife beating and look at the topics with those words in the title, you will see that there are 10 topics about the disobedient wife in the past nine years.

I did a quick search, and as expected, the vast majority of the threads were started by people that were concerned about the verse. In fact, I couldn't find any that promoted beating one's wife, but like I said it was just a quick search. 10 topics in 9 years doesn't sound like that much to me though, even if they are all promoting beating women, which seems unlikely.

Over and over we see the scorpion saying. Does anyone ever look at the other sayings of Imam Ali AS? Let's look at two of them, on either side of the scorpion saying:

Come on, how many threads are there on the parts of Nahjul Balagha dealing with akhlaq, and other such 'feel-good' aspects of Islam? There are loads, and this is what most people are fed on. That is why they react with such disbelief when something a bit different is presented.

Sorry, just being my emotional womanly self today, the way that Allah SWT made me. :donno:

There is nothing wrong with being emotional, but emotions need to be tempered with some rationality. If women admit to being emotional, and then a man quotes a hadith about women being emotional, then it doesn't make much sense to attack the person who posted the hadith, does it?

I think some people could also do with avoiding posting in the heat of the moment, and to calm down a bit before typing certain responses.

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Imagine Mutah like this:

You are hungry and thirsty lying near someone's doorway as a tired traveler. The doorman, who is a Muslim, opens the door, and you become his guest. Having pure Muslim upbringing, he considers you the guest from Allah, so he offers you everything for the night...food, water, whatever facilities you want, along with his own daughter for the night's companionship. The tired traveler, being considered the guest of God, finds Heaven within a moment.

Was my thoughts valid ?

While we said that Mut'ah has its benefits when used for purposes of getting to know one another to assess the prospect of permanent marriage, I don't think you could expect many Muslim parents to just give away their daughters for what you are essentially describing as a religiousely dressed euphemism for a one night stand and that is perfectly understandable of these parents.

Hence, when I advocate Mut'ah between Muslims it is strictly NO PHYSICAL CONTACT.

I suppose I would personally only contract a Mut'ah of the latter kind with a Jewish or Christian girl, because these sorts of relationships are norm in their societies.

Edited by Transient

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Salams,

Sister, Hameedeh, you kind of have to have a thick skin to be here. I know it's not for everyone. If you feel that SC is a positive influence in your life (i.e. you learn things, it increases your desire to learn about the religion and ahl al bayt, it makes you question your own opinions, in a good way, etc) then stay, if you feel it is a net negative then there are probably better ways to spend your time. Of course, personally, I don't want you to leave and I feel you have contributed positively in many ways to this community, but ultimately, you must decide for yourself if it is a net positive or negative on your life.

The greatest gift Allah(s.w.a) has given us is time, and we shouldn't waste it on trivial things or things that annoy us and there is no positive in them. I have been on SC since 2006 and I still feel it is a net positive for me mostly because I am constantly learning things from other members and challenging my own premises about the religion, and in a way that is healthy for me. It doesn't mean that I have never been insulted here (I have been many, many times). I have a thick skin, and I let alot of things slide off my back, as they say in the US, but I know not everyone is that way.

Back to the original topic, I am not going to share my mutah experiences publically, out of respect for my wife, but I think it is a good topic to discuss for those whos spouses are ok with it because it promotes Sunnah and shows people that there is a way out for those who need to use this option. For every problem, Allah(s.w.a) has created a solution, it is up to us to utilize it, in accordance with Islam.

(bismillah)

(wasalam)

Thank you for the message, brother. Every time I read a message from you, I learn from it. I appreciate it very much.

May Allah give us all ‘Tawfeeq’ to earn His will and pleasure. May our future be better than our past.

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Salam Aleikum!

Great real life experiences, MashAllah, May Allah bless you all for reviving Our DEAR Prophets (SAWS) Sunna. I will not go into detail, but coming into Islam from total jahiliya into Salafi path and now since over a decade ago into the school of the Quran and Ahlul Bayt (as) I really understand why Imam Ali (as) said that Mutah is a mercy from Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì. Our Imams do not come up with words out of the blue, there is a specific reason why he used that word, I think.

Done Mutah with Muslim women and non-Muslim, non-Muslim women are more rational about it and less ethnic/customary. Got to know my permanent wife through Mutah before deciding to marry her and married a women who is committed to Islam as a life-style, not mom and dads religion and I have her permission to do Mutah even now in order to properly channel the polygamous Fitra of a man. Alhamdulialh! As once I told one saudified Muslim, Praise be to Allah (SWT) who created a solution to every problem.

Edited by Hoper

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I have been in mutah for 3 years (me and my wife renew every year for 1 year)

She is a Shia revert from Sunnism, it has been well. A great source of Islamic inspiration for both of us (and great friends when all other friends disappear for university). Will be getting permanent marriage in the near future, insha'Allah. Al-Hamdulilah

Assalam man!

Hows it going? hope all is well...u keep dissapearing for a couple of months and then pop back in.

Good to see u are practising the sunnah and good like going permanent!

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Walaikum Salaaam,

Yeah I'm sort of a drifter when it comes to SC.. aha, I get caught up in school and work and forget about it! I was even put on mod review for suspiciously disappearing :donno:

All is well al-hamdulilah I hope the same for you!

Perhaps I'll stick around longer this time and work to gain some hikmah inshallah

Anyways, carry on back on topic mutah people! :yaali:

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I am Syed Shia and i have not doubt regading the importance of Mutah marriage. i know it is halal by the holy prophet. but my question is in our society (in Pakisan) women not agree to Mutah marriage. I am 38 but still unmarried. If i want to do Mutah to any divorce and widow how can i perform it. because when i offered a female for Mutah marriage she not only refuse but also give me bad words. i am from karachi my email address is kamran_ah_38@yahoo.com

Any one guide me,

Edited by inshaAllah
No need to provide personal details. We do not entertain match making on this forum.

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(bismillah)

Reading other topics, many people make me feel like I've done something 'wrong' when in fact I know I haven't. So maybe I should go ahead and contribute to this thread because the idea and intention of this thread is a good one.

I met someone and after some talks, we decided we wanted to pursue permanent marriage, but we thought it would be logical for us to do mutah first so we can talk more and get to know each other better. He asked my guardian, guardian said okay, and we set the time for 1 year. We were married for 6 months (a fragmented 6 months because we often had to go weeks without seeing each other) and towards the end of the 6 months, things got a little bit rocky and I asked for my time back and eventually he gave it back and that was the end. The entire marriage was a non-physically intimate one, which is the way I'd like it for myself.

Overall I'd say the experience was neutral. It was hard towards the end but in retrospect it taught me a little bit about myself and malekind so I'm grateful for it will hopefully do it again with the person I end up marrying permanently.

And inshAllah sharing my (lack-luster) experience did some good in the grand scheme of things.

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Ruq, I hope you dont mind me commenting here, I never commented before because I been waiting for a person that isint a convert, thats a born muslim shia,arab asian etc to comment and say it was great, specially a girl.

Imali experinces is fine in my view,for an arab to go through. Non sexual muta is fine.

Hameedah your story is great, I dont understand why they stopped talking to you for that reason alone. I know am one or maybe the only person that express or dislikes the concepte alot on this form but I am happy that it worked for some of you. However theirs a chain of converts here that found true love and long term marriage, through muta. What some need to understand is that converts, I mean the ones that change from a whole other deen to a new one e.g. Christain,jews,etc to islam, worint find the concepte difficult,to accepte and practise. Well thats what I believe, it well be good to see a born muslim to state it worked out for her with a born shia muslim. Theirs a difference between converts and born muslims going into this marriage, we have people that reject secerity marriages even though you have witness and nikah done,so can you imagen what muta will be to them.

Anyways I think its interesting to see that it works, but I need to see a born muslim,our cultures and upbrining is different to converts. If I was a convert I dont think I would be against the concepte completely because it would be similar to a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

True converts( the ones that convert purly for god) are different, and their more open minded,nicer and so forth and I have alot of respect for them, I even think your going to get much more rewards for everything you do.... They just follow the deen like it is and dont degrad no one.

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