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In the Name of God بسم الله

How To Find A Temporary Relationship?

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CuriousShia

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This is a topic that makes everyones eyes open up and makes every man smile, however, my concern is if its all hallal, and if this is what is allowed for us to do then why is it so hard to do? why are the men struggling to find woman to accept this process and why is it not looked upon in a positive way to help out each other? Our community has made it so hush hush and so difficult for the younger generation to understand to differences and the reasoning behind it. Instead of dating and having girl friends why not explain or have a process set up for both sexes to find each other easily. Either at locations or online to keep it discreet. I need to understand since this is a topic that everyone keeps light at heart but in every ones mind. Please respond appropriately and woman please feel free to share your thoughts as well. Thank you.

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This is a topic that makes everyones eyes open up and makes every man smile, however, my concern is if its all hallal, and if this is what is allowed for us to do then why is it so hard to do? why are the men struggling to find woman to accept this process and why is it not looked upon in a positive way to help out each other? Our community has made it so hush hush and so difficult for the younger generation to understand to differences and the reasoning behind it. Instead of dating and having girl friends why not explain or have a process set up for both sexes to find each other easily. Either at locations or online to keep it discreet. I need to understand since this is a topic that everyone keeps light at heart but in every ones mind. Please respond appropriately and woman please feel free to share your thoughts as well. Thank you.

Hello CuriousShia,

Well obviously I am not a man, because I am not smiling.

Temporary relationships? Why?

They are not the ideal. The ideal is what is written in Genesis 2.

As to sharing my thoughts about it, I am thankful that I am married to a wonderful man and I pray our relationship is not temporary, but rather lasts until I die. I hope if God wills, to have at least 50 years with the man I love and to raise children together and spend precious time with grandchildren too!

Temporary relationships = yuck!

Peace and God bless you

Edited by Christianlady
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Greetings.

I dont understand your Statement "temporary relationship = yuck"

Hello Abu Hadl,

The statement means that I find temporary relationships to be distasteful.

All relationships on this earth are temporary.

True, and a very good point. However, the temporary relationships that Curious Shia implies does not seem to be a temporary relationship of husband and wife who are committed to each other till death, but rather a more temporary temporary relationship.

Quoting Curious Shia: "why are the men struggling to find woman to accept this process and why is it not looked upon in a positive way to help out each other? Our community has made it so hush hush and so difficult for the younger generation to understand to differences and the reasoning behind it. Instead of dating and having girl friends why not explain or have a process set up for both sexes to find each other easily. Either at locations or online to keep it discreet."

In the above, I find it to be extremely distasteful and more temporary than committed relationships where the commitment runs for life (like parents/offspring) I also view Western ideas such as dating and even worse - friends with benefits - to be extremely distasteful in nature. Too temporary relationships are harmful to society and to raising children, as well as to family integrity/values.

The only difference with Mutah is that the end of the relationship is defined by the couple (unless it is renewed) whereas in a traditional Christian marriage the end of the relationship is undefined by the couple but it does end as soon as One of the Partners dies, They divorce, or One of them just decides to leave.

Christians believe that God created marriage to be a life-long commitment. Yes sad to say, many marriages end in divorce, but it's not ideally supposed to be that way. Ideally, a married couple is supposed to bless and help each other and travel the journey of life together from the time they marry to death parts them.

In Islam as in Christianity marriage is at the core a contract between the man and women that is sanctified by God thru the scriptures. In Islam we have two types of marriage contracts whereas in Chritianity There is only One. The two types are the Type where the end of the contract is undefined (zawaj tul nikah ) and the Type where the end of the contract is defined by the couple (zawaj mutah). Both These types of contracts are sanctified and defined in the Holy Quran. The contract of mutah is a mercy for those couples who dont have the means or the Intention to stay with each other indefinitely but want to be in a divinely sanctioned relationship where They are living in obedience to God and their responsibilities are defined and rights are protected and any child born of the relationship is legitimate

Thank you for the above explanation. However, I believe that most women of any culture or belief dream of having a life-long commitment with a wonderful man who loves her and wants to be with her throughout their lives, to have children together, and to grow old together.

Peace and God bless you

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salaam may you all be filled with love blessings...curious shia you are in my shoes...exactly what i had on mind

alhamdulliah im trying to change and become a good muslim....desires sometimes takes me over i am not going to lie this is why i thank Allah for creating temporary marrigage yes theres alot of ifs and buts but youve got to be very alert especially if you are doign taqleed im looking to do mutha but its very hard but inshallah with the right intentions Allah s.w.t will help you ameen x

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salaam may you all be filled with love blessings...curious shia you are in my shoes...exactly what i had on mind

alhamdulliah im trying to change and become a good muslim....desires sometimes takes me over i am not going to lie this is why i thank Allah for creating temporary marrigage yes theres alot of ifs and buts but youve got to be very alert especially if you are doign taqleed im looking to do mutha but its very hard but inshallah with the right intentions Allah s.w.t will help you ameen x

Hello Timeout,

I am curious... why can't you get married and have a life commitment relationship, instead of a temporary temporary one?

Peace and God bless you

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Because not everyone is like you.

Hello,

I am sorry I have no idea how to write your screenname.

Many women are like me... it doesn't matter if they're Christian or Muslim or Hindu or Atheist... many women do dream of marrying one man who loves her very much, who she loves very much, and who she can share the journey of life with, as well as have children with and spend time with her grandchildren with... this is a pretty much universal dream of women around the world. Many men also have this dream, of marrying one woman who loves him very much, and who he loves very much, who he can share the journey of life with, as well as have children with and spend time with his grandchildren with. My parents, who have been happily married for 35 years, my grandparents who were happily married (My grandmother died of cancer) for 49 years, and others realize this dream. I am sure there are Shia people with this dream and who are realizing this dream to be realiity right now, yes? However yes you are right, not everyone is like that.

Peace and God bless you

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Hello,

I am sorry I have no idea how to write your screenname.

Many women are like me... it doesn't matter if they're Christian or Muslim or Hindu or Atheist... many women do dream of marrying one man who loves her very much, who she loves very much, and who she can share the journey of life with, as well as have children with and spend time with her grandchildren with... this is a pretty much universal dream of women around the world. Many men also have this dream, of marrying one woman who loves him very much, and who he loves very much, who he can share the journey of life with, as well as have children with and spend time with his grandchildren with. My parents, who have been happily married for 35 years, my grandparents who were happily married (My grandmother died of cancer) for 49 years, and others realize this dream. I am sure there are Shia people with this dream and who are realizing this dream to be realiity right now, yes? However yes you are right, not everyone is like that.

Peace and God bless you

Yes, I comprehend this universal dream very well. But you're not looking outside the box to see the great practicalities of temporary marriage. Instead of having an engagement, which is a non Islamic practice, you can replace it with temporary marriage because at least this way you can live together and touch each other lawfully for a set period of time. After the period of that contract is over, you can properly decide whether you want to move this relationship to the next level (permanent marriage) because you'll have enough experience in order to ascertain whether or not your partner is long-term material and, from the experience, extrapolate a conclusion whether or not it will really work out.

As for others, they are simply not ready for permanent marriage or don't want it for personal reasons, and so they opt for successive temporary marriages. Nothing wrong with it. It's a legitimate constitution and there is a mutual agreement by both parties.

Hopefully, you have now got the hang of it.

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salaam thanks for your reply...

to be honest i am young and not every ones parents are easy to talk 2 when it comes 2 these situations what u got to realise we are in such a society....its hard when we work we see shaitan when we go out shaitan facebook interent shaitan its hard 2 let some things go if u can do mutha and find a irl maybe u myt even get married 2 her etc its 2 much 2 discuss and argue about i would like 2 do mutha and before yes i would get 2 know the girl backround i respect alot of girls and if they have a valid reason im very happy 2 reply just like ures ....2 keep away from this bad stuff and commit adultery or zina then ure getting punished thats why i want 2 find a girl whos interested...yes alot of people say mutha for sex etc but even 2 be with a girl i would like do mutha because if i neva i would be commiting sin as she is my na-mahram understood x

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"Hello CuriousShia,

Well obviously I am not a man, because I am not smiling.

Temporary relationships? Why?

They are not the ideal. The ideal is what is written in Genesis 2.

As to sharing my thoughts about it, I am thankful that I am married to a wonderful man and I pray our relationship is not temporary, but rather lasts until I die. I hope if God wills, to have at least 50 years with the man I love and to raise children together and spend precious time with grandchildren too!

Temporary relationships = yuck!

Peace and God bless you"

I appreciate your response Christian Lady, I have no bad intentions here nor do I think that Its a must for all woman to except it since its available to men in our religion. I just wanted to get some insight on this topic. You can see that there are many men who have some great insight on this topic. This concept is made so that men and woman can carry an act together making it Halal instead of dating and have sexual intercourse without the permission or acceptance of the two parties. See many of times the couples carry this act and end of with some consequences like having a kid... Now if the couple is not married then what does that leave the child to be? In our religion we can not have [Edited Out]s running around not knowing who the parents are. I agree to your response and your concern towards marriage and finding your life partner, however, the difference is that not everyone is lucky like you (alhumdulillah) I myself am very confident in my looks and have no issues finding a lady but did not come across the right lady which will fulfill my desires, and be my queen for the rest of my life. Im still looking but in the mean time I still have the urge since everyman who is living in this society is very vulnerable due to media, and the woman in public. If you live in Toronto, and in the summer you drive downtown or even close to the beach you will understand that its a cruel world for us since our desires go rushing through the roof. What can a muslim guy do in those circumstances? I appreciate what you mean find the right lady and once I do I will settle to having all my desires fulfilled like how you are with your husband (mashallah).

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What if a wife is left at home while her husband travels abroad for a year? How can she manage to fulfill her desires and not indulge in sin? Is the only way temporary marriage for her, or does she have to wait it out while he frolics with his girlfriends?

You would have to divorce first and then you could have mutah. Then remarriage later? There are ways to do these things.

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^I think the better method to approach a problem like this would be to discourage such a travel at all. If his job necessitates such a travel, the husband should make it a point to return at least once or twice every two or three months in order to maintain the reciprocal exchange of intimacy with his wife.

It's basically an "if" situation as you describe it. There may or may not be different parameters involved.

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Salam sister. If this is a real issue for someone, then I suggest you pm one of the sister mods and discuss it that way. I don't like to talk about issues like this publically and I'm not the most knowledgeable on this subject but there is a solution. Divorce is not one of the solutions that I know of. Our Imams never encouraged divorce except for very specific circumstances that don't apply in this case.

Edited by Abu Hadi
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So basically, you are encouraging divorce just for mere sex?

I am not encouraging anything. You asked how your needs could be fulfilled. You can only have sex if married and you cannot be married to two people at the same time. To have sex with another, you would have to be divorced from your husband. I know what you are saying but I dont know why it is hard for women and easy for men.

Another way would be to have mutah marriage (as opposed to nikah) if you know that your husband would be away for extended periods of time so that you could marry another while he is away.

Edited by forte
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Once apon time their was a man that was ungratful with what he had , he wanted to tasted all the fruits on the tree. He was married to a beatiful lady ,yet he had the whuasaa so he want off and told his wife he had work to do outside the country. But in reality he want of with another woman.

After two weeks he comes back. Opens the door smelling good , acting normal with a gift in his hand, walks up to the bedroom. He opens the door * booom his wife is with another man.

Wife: shocked face

Husband: drops the gift and freezes

Man: ready to knock out the husband

Husband: says why did you cheat on me?

Wife: he looked like you , with her soft voice....

Husband: fights with the man, then the man leaves the houses

Wife: laughing " you thought I dont know?"

Husband: know what?

Wife: you been cheating on me from day one

leans forward and looks in his deep watering eyes and says "I thought I show you how it feels", kisses him on the cheek and whispers in his ear slowly and softly " everytime you cheated I cheated"...

Husband: freezes, heart beats hevaily gets flash back of all the good times they had, cant move his body or his hand , cant hold her back , cant slap her know, the words wornt come out his eyes are in tears right know....

She looks at him sees the pain in his eyes , shes pleased right know....

Then she walks away.....

Man wakes up its all a dream.......

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  • 3 weeks later...
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Hello,

I am sorry I have no idea how to write your screenname.

Many women are like me... it doesn't matter if they're Christian or Muslim or Hindu or Atheist... many women do dream of marrying one man who loves her very much, who she loves very much, and who she can share the journey of life with, as well as have children with and spend time with her grandchildren with... this is a pretty much universal dream of women around the world. Many men also have this dream, of marrying one woman who loves him very much, and who he loves very much, who he can share the journey of life with, as well as have children with and spend time with his grandchildren with. My parents, who have been happily married for 35 years, my grandparents who were happily married (My grandmother died of cancer) for 49 years, and others realize this dream. I am sure there are Shia people with this dream and who are realizing this dream to be realiity right now, yes? However yes you are right, not everyone is like that.

Peace and God bless you

And how many Christians practice sex outside of marriage? Islam, well Shia Islam at least, has a way to mitigate the issue of premarital sex. For most Christians, marriage is to one person for all one's life. If it doesn't work out, there isn't much chance for a religiously-sanctioned divorce. What then, abstinence for the rest of one's life? (The majority of Christians being Catholics, where Church-authorised divorce is rare.) That sounds like a good environment in which to raise children. Or not.

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Salam u alaykom all,

Sorry to be a bit off the topic. But, I'm actually looking for a true Shia revert wife.

Please feel free to contact me for more details:

a.shia.muslim.brother.110@gmail.com

assalam u alaykom

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Temporary marriage is not an end(objective) in itself. The ultimate thing is the permanent marriage. Temporary marriage is the procedure to keep oneself away from getting into something not legitimate in Islam. furthermore dont just take temporary to be just a way to fulfill sexual desire or to have some variety. Thats the misconception which creates the stigma attached to it.

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Temporary marriage is not to be conceived as a sexual relationship. However many are driven (primarily) in both permament and temporary marriage with the goal of fulfilling their sexual needs

No doubt that the marriage "is" after all, the only halal way of responding to this specific need. So why does it look wrong if many are thinking as you say?

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In the modern world it is hard and easy at the same time, but the reality is that it is a modern necessity and in case of a male it is a Fitri issue as I believe that Man is polygamous in his nature and that's why Allah (SWT) accommodated mans nature, I think in the modern day the most halal way to meet someone for mutah and permanent nikah is through internet.

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In the modern world it is hard and easy at the same time, but the reality is that it is a modern necessity and in case of a male it is a Fitri issue as I believe that Man is polygamous in his nature and that's why Allah (SWT) accommodated mans nature, I think in the modern day the most halal way to meet someone for mutah and permanent nikah is through internet.

+1

Sunni marriage sites (which as far as I have seen are basically 'dating' websites anyway), the only problem is most of them are perfectly willing to have boy friend - girl friend relations, but don't want to do any kind of marriage.

Of course it doesn't help that when they google 'temporary marriage' they read hate articles from every school of thought out there (ours included) - but still...I really don't see how a person can think they would have more security in a non-fixed time relationship, than in a fixed time one, big self confidence issues, big application of simple logic issues.

Edited by Ali_Hussain
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Salam Aleikum!

I do not know if anyone knows this webpage and if it is totally legit site, but here is one option, InshAllah it helps those who eant to stay away from haram and revive the Sunna of the Prophet (SAWS)

http://www.mutahmatch.com/

Edited by Hoper
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  • 8 months later...

But there came after them successors who neglected prayer and pursued lusts; so they are going to meet evil [19:59]

And among them are men who listen to thee, but in the end, when they go out from thee, they say to those who have received Knowledge, "What is it he said just then?" Such are men whose hearts Allah has sealed, and who follow their own lusts. [16:47]

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I kinda find this topic dodgy. Maybe it's the idea of even asking a girl to do it, it's like saying can I temporary use you. Tbh I think it's not worth getting knocked out, id rather wait a few years.

That's fine, as long as you can stay away from haram, all haram, for a few years.

That includes porn, masturbation, sexting, indecent online chats, physical relationships with girls short of intercourse (that you're not married to)), strait zina, etc. That's very difficult to do. If people here were honest with themselves, you would find 98% of them (I am talking about Shia muslims / as now) have done or are doing one or more of those haram things. I find that much more dodgy.

Edited by Abu Hadi
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I have a question for the poster. Do you really REALLY not know the answer to your question? I don't mean offence by it but it baffles my mind why you wouldnt.

First of all, I would like to know the reasoning behind why you are wondering why there arent more women who just want to have open sex with you? I mean sure its a nice fantasy...but I am pretty sure that every man in every religion in every country in the world is wondering why women wont have sex with him easily? with no effort? :P lol

But on a serious note, if you boys are truly scratching your heads as to why.....here is my opinion as a girl who would never ever do it. I don't mean to be judgmental or angry or anything about it I am just expressing how I TRULY feel about the issue (and suspect other girls may feel about)

1) Double standard : I think it is because men generally have a double standard on the issue and either play dumb about it or dont fully realize it. Let me ask you this. If you were looking for a life partner, for someone to marry and have kids with and grow old with....I am assuming you woudl want a virgin. Even if you didn't....how would you feel if your potential life partner says "Yah I have slept with 25 other muslim guys....but dont worry! It was mutah! So its ok!!! :) " Would you still want to marry this woman? Its obvious that you would not. Why? Because our religion praises purity (for BOTH sexes). Its funny because you say that in this day and age living in the western world mutah should be more easily accessible because of the temptation. I think thats just stupid. What you are saying is "I want to find a girl, assure her that once I have used her body I do not intend on having a serious relationship with her".....you basically want a one night stand (or many nights :P) So tell me how is this different than the 'western' standard of picking up a girl at a bar? Its NOT. You may not be doing it at a bar but its the same principle. You want mutah as a way to avoid temptation...yet you are giving in to temptation....Then we go and look down on such practices and deem them sinful and bad when they do it....yet you want to do basically the same thing....under a thin mask of 'oh but its ok religiously'

No. its not. **see last point**

The best/worst part of it is that a 'western' girl who goes to a bar and gets picked up and goes through the one night stand thing....it doesnt 'ruin her reputation' or chances of remarriage. Sure if she does it constantly it could but honestly a lot of western men dont CARE. THATS the major difference here. A white guy bangs a random girl every weekend....but when he settles down he doesn't give a damn if the girl did the same thing. Even guys who arent like that dont care about how many sexual partners the girl has had.

But for muslims its COMPLETLY different! The girl doesnt bounce back from something like that.

And as a side note, how would you feel if a random guy wanted to sleep with your sister/mother/daughter....same feelings?

2) NO EFFORT? But what is even worse is that what you propose " Instead of dating and having girl friends why not explain or have a process set up for both sexes to find each other easily. Either at locations or online to keep it discreet." is so very degrading to women....do you not realize that? Instead of DATING AND HAVING GIRLFRIENDS you just want sex. At least the poor western guy has to buy the girl dinner, has to woo her, take her to coffee, listen to her blah blah blah about everything etc in the HOPES of getting sex. You are saying ok, listen, I dont care who you are I just want sex.....but I dont want to put time/effort/energy etc in it I want it hassle free. I'll find you online. I'll have sex with you. Then I will keep it discreet. If I see you in public I will ignore you....I wouldnt want that good pure girl I am thinking of marrying and having a family with know that I slept with you. Again, how would you feel if a man did that to your mother/sister/wife?

Because reality check guys....girls dont want guys who have had premarital sex either. Well I can't speak for other girls but I can speak for myself. I would not want to marry a man who has done that....now I know some of you will whine and say 'BUT ISLAM SAYS ITS OK WHY ARE YOU SAYING IT ISNT" My answer? Islam also doesnt MAKE me marry a man I am not attracted to. And I for one am not attracted to the idea of marrying a guy who has had premarital sex. If I was able to preserve myself for marriage I expect that of my spouse. If I myself had sex before marriage I wouldnt mind it if the guy did too....but thats just the thing....muslim guys dont want girls who have had sex before marriage. simple as that.

3) Emotional Connections - Women, unlike men, form deep emotional connections every time they have sex, while men do not. Its a scientific fact. Womens brains give off a hormone that triggers deep emotions/love for the person they are having sex with ...yet that does not happen to the guy. Once the guy has had his fun he can walk away with no attachment...much different story for the girl.

4) Lazy Men Boys - Finally I think the biggest issue with mutah the way most young men want to use it these days is the INTENTIONS behind them. I dont know you who posted this and I will not make the judgment that you fall into this category. Many men dont...but many men do. I think the whole 'intention' behind temporary marriages has been greatly skewed and misrepresented in today's society. Going back to the time of the prophet men would only take on a temporary wife because, say, for example, he was at war.....hundreds of kilometers away from his wife......or away for work etc. In that time there were no cars or trains or planes to get you from point A to B. Perhaps going home was a weeks journey....not something that could be done often. Now if this man had no way to go home, and was tempted.....he may have gone to a brothel. He may have slept with multiple women to fulfill his desires. In this sense it makes sense for the general 'health' of the community (imagine all the STDs he would bring back to his wife) for him to not sleep with prostitues. It seemed like a better idea for him to marry 'temporarily' (and only have sex with one woman). Before returning back. This, however, was not a 'only helps the man' agreement....the women who would usually participate in mutah were usually widows, many with children. For the say 6 months that man was temporarily married to her he would provide for her and her family. Win / Win

When you look at those original intentions it is easy to see why they may have been more permissible in such context. But now? Not so much. I agree there may be times where that is necessary but the majority of guys who want it now want it for what I like to call 'lazy' reasons. These guys just want sex without the hassle. I wish to ask of all those single guys who want free sex this: Why will you not get married? Like legit married? Then you can have all the halal sex you want? Why? because they are lazy. Of the boys that I see in my community they do not want to accept responsiblity. In order to get married you have to man up and provide for your family. You need to get a job, work hard, provide housing, food and other necessities for your wife (another thing Islam has said to do ;P) SOOO many Aunties that I know have complained that they cannot get their sons to marry. One of them...it was hilarious.... at the age of 25.....his mom says why wont you get married? He replies "But mom Im stil a kid.....I can't handle that! I need time to mature more". Yet same guy...if you ask him if he wants to participate in online discreet fast and easy mutah sex....I doubt he would say no :P

Half our deen is focused on getting married. We all know it. Yet more and more men boys are not willing to take up that responsiblity in this day and age. They have their excuses: "But I am still in school, But I dont have a good job, but I need to find myself first, but there are no decent girls out there" etc etc

SO ...to make a REALLY long story short...for me...as a girl....when I see an unmarried young guy want mutah....well I feel really disgusted. Sorry but thats just how I feel. why are you spending all your time looking for a girl to have a temporary relationship with when you could be putting that time into marrying a girl and making an honest woman out of her? Why dont you put that time into completing half your deen?

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