Jump to content
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!) ×
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!)
In the Name of God بسم الله
Sign in to follow this  
yasahebalzeman

Marriage & Nationality Dilemma!

Rate this topic

Recommended Posts

As-Salam Alaicom

I have a problem!

I have in 2 months talked to a girl almost every day and got to know her, she is very religious and everything I want in a wife (as long as I have got to know her). she is very respected, and she respects me also. very good hijab. and she has converted to shia islam, when talking to me. I am very interested in her, i have noticed that she is interested in me also, I even have heard this from her close friend maybe said that, and she winked that she is interested in me.

But the problem is that she has an origin from another country, I personally dont care about nationalities. but apparently she does. its not just another nationality but another language, another culture etc. So she told me very recently that she is only interested in a husband from her nationality. this really hurt me. I thought this girl was really Allah's gift to me. I elhamdo'lillah am a momin and wanted to have a momina as my wife. this momina.

My question is: Although she told that it is very important to her to marry someone who is from her own country, should I have further contact with her any more? and should I get to know her anymore so maybe she will change her mind.

She doesnt know that im interested, we have have only talked about religion, and of course kid around but within the borders of halal, like to get to know each other in the intention of marriage. PLEASE do not tell me that I should not talk to a girl, because this is haram etc. I know what my marji' says, so I dont want any lectures on this subject. Even if u disagree on this, answer me on the basis that this is halal.

Please just help me on this. It is REALLY difficult to find a religious girl like this girl. I really feel that her heart is pure. even though I have only known her for just 2 months, I really want to get to know her even more. I have feelings for her, because of her iman and appearance.

Thank you for ur answers

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

im iraqi and she's pakistani..

If she says she will only marry someone of her own nationality or tribe, then it's better for you not to pursue this relationship. You are just setting up yourself for failure.

Unfortunately, there are many places in the Arab world where the girls don't get to choose who they will marry. Even outside the Arab world, the attachment to their culture and lifestyle is very strong.

Edited by Gypsy

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If she says she will only marry someone of her own nationality or tribe, then it's better for you not to pursue this relationship. You are just setting up yourself for failure.

Unfortunately, there are many places in the Arab world where the girls don't get to choose who they will marry. Even outside the Arab world, the attachment to their culture and lifestyle is very strong.

The girl is not the Arab in this case.

@ OP: In anycase, I think it is wiser to know how realistic the prospect you are considering is before you get your feelings into the mix :donno: Also, are you sure that your own family would be ok with this? Let her know you would wish to propose to her parents, and if she insists that she will not marry a non pakistani, it would be wisest to move on.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

till the time you haven't propose her directly, you can't judge about her real intention.

as a girl I am telling you that it is possible that she wanted to see your reaction about this matter.

but if you ask her directly and she is not interested then as soon as possible forget her,

if you continue talking to her then after sometime you will get attached to her in the way that if she gets married with someone else , you will get terribly hurt.

I can understand that you are not able to even think of stop talking to her, but believe in me, it will hurt you in future. it is not possible to you to look at her as only a good friend, and with keep on talking to her, you just increase your feeling to her.

by the way, i think talking to someone in 2 month is not really enough to understand her real personality.

maybe you are still so young because of that after only 2 month you are sure about her and you are thinking of her in such ideal way .

differences in culture will cause so many issues after getting married , think of all issues first , then decide about her.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

did you really make your mind up that this is really what you want??, if yes, have a wise opinion, approach your family with your intention to marry this girl, then propose

the girl stated that she will better marry one from her place, is this what she like or what her parant like?? the girl may be worried that such marriage may not work because of this

diffrent cuture issue, so you address her worries, assure her that you wanna be good husband for her, support her, ect, then give her time to think and make her mind, if she says no ask her why?? and you can give her time to rethink!!, and all your attempts depends on how you really want her!!

Good luck and if it mean to happen it will happen!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

im iraqi and she's pakistani..

oh god, that sucks. take it from a paki, some of us are just bent on marrying in our nationality, i dunno why, we're not that amazing =.=

i think maybe you should try to strike up another convo with her on the subject of matter, and then hint that you're open to other cultures.

good luck, and keep it halal! :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I donno why all those ppl attached to this cultural stereotype!!, why can't they go easy with others!!, and those westerners are more open to ppl of different cultures and beliefs and far different!! and still they try out!! why can't ppl just break those stereotypes and live life diffrently why?? just dunno why!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I donno why all those ppl attached to this cultural stereotype!!, why can't they go easy with others!!, and those westerners are more open to ppl of different cultures and beliefs and far different!! and still they try out!! why can't ppl just break those stereotypes and live life diffrently why?? just dunno why!!!

It's a personal preference. Where is the problem?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So you say she's very religious and is a Shia correct??

(sayed ammar touches on this subject in this video)

The wife of imam al ridha is north African.

The mother of imam al mahdi is also an African...

You should explain this to her, and if she really was a follower of Ahlul bayt she will only look at your akhlaq and emaan. Good luck brother.

Oh and brother, you said she doesn't know you're interested so don't drop it until you've tried your best. Who knows? She might make an exception if you explained why she should overlook the whole nationalist ideology. Insha'Allah this video helps you. Btw I highly recommend you get someone older involved. You seem like you're serious about this girl so have your mother or someone older whom you trust get involved. I hope this helps :)

Good luck!

Edited by 3laweyaZainabiya

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I donno why all those ppl attached to this cultural stereotype!!, why can't they go easy with others!!, and those westerners are more open to ppl of different cultures and beliefs and far different!! and still they try out!! why can't ppl just break those stereotypes and live life diffrently why?? just dunno why!!!

personally I would like someone from my own country too....because I feel that if I married someone outside my ethnicity I would always long for that.....and probably would end up cheating.....so better to marry a lebanese....this is my personal opinion

Edited by LebanesePrincess

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Its cool to mix but it all goes down to who the person wants to mix with. I have seen iraq pakistans so ask her ....

Rember shes a girl so it may be harder for her to mix..

Yes just because she may want to doesn't mean that it is easy for her to do so. It is easier for a boy to mix outside of the culture......families can cause alot of problems, especially arab and asian families.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes just because she may want to doesn't mean that it is easy for her to do so. It is easier for a boy to mix outside of the culture......families can cause alot of problems, especially arab and asian families.

True its extremely harder , specily if the family wants to stick to one culture....

Pakistain usally marry their cusions am not saying they all do but alot do...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

personally I would like someone from my own country too....because I feel that if I married someone outside my ethnicity I would always long for that.....and probably would end up cheating.....so better to marry a lebanese....this is my personal opinion

Yes,I do understand .................

but we are going off topic lets start new thread LOL

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

but itd be cool if you guys did get married... if youd have kids they be iraqistani :D

i found this online:

When you stop searching for a prince and princess and make Allah the king of your heart, He will help you complete your fairytale.

so chin up brother! (:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As-Salam Alaicom

I have a problem!

I have in 2 months talked to a girl almost every day and got to know her, she is very religious and everything I want in a wife (as long as I have got to know her). she is very respected, and she respects me also. very good hijab. and she has converted to shia islam, when talking to me. I am very interested in her, i have noticed that she is interested in me also, I even have heard this from her close friend maybe said that, and she winked that she is interested in me.

But the problem is that she has an origin from another country, I personally dont care about nationalities. but apparently she does. its not just another nationality but another language, another culture etc. So she told me very recently that she is only interested in a husband from her nationality. this really hurt me. I thought this girl was really Allah's gift to me. I elhamdo'lillah am a momin and wanted to have a momina as my wife. this momina.

My question is: Although she told that it is very important to her to marry someone who is from her own country, should I have further contact with her any more? and should I get to know her anymore so maybe she will change her mind.

She doesnt know that im interested, we have have only talked about religion, and of course kid around but within the borders of halal, like to get to know each other in the intention of marriage. PLEASE do not tell me that I should not talk to a girl, because this is haram etc. I know what my marji' says, so I dont want any lectures on this subject. Even if u disagree on this, answer me on the basis that this is halal.

Please just help me on this. It is REALLY difficult to find a religious girl like this girl. I really feel that her heart is pure. even though I have only known her for just 2 months, I really want to get to know her even more. I have feelings for her, because of her iman and appearance.

Thank you for ur answers

Waalekum Salaam bro,

Although i am Indian, us indians and pakis have very similar if not exactly the same culture amongst shias. Basically i think when she said that she only wants to marry some1 from her country by that what she probably means is that her parents want her to do so. If you get to know her more and vice versa, i am sure you can beat this out of here ( i dont mean this literaly lol!). So my advise is that if you believe that she is a very good momina and is a good match for you then carry on getting to know each other and Inshallah i hope everything works out in your haqq.

Furthermore, dont even think about mentioning mutah .Although iam very pro muta and i'm aware of how strongly our Masoomeen a.s. have recommended it to us but the most unfortunate thing is that it is viewed as equivalent to prostitution in our culture if not worse. You have to trust me on this coz i know that my parents and many other parents that i know from my mosque have a similar view and look down upon people whom they know to have done it.

Personally i suggest you get your parents involved asap and get your mum to get to talk to her. This is how its done in our culture.

Good luck!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Waalekum Salaam bro,

Although i am Indian, us indians and pakis have very similar if not exactly the same culture amongst shias. Basically i think when she said that she only wants to marry some1 from her country by that what she probably means is that her parents want her to do so. If you get to know her more and vice versa, i am sure you can beat this out of here ( i dont mean this literaly lol!). So my advise is that if you believe that she is a very good momina and is a good match for you then carry on getting to know each other and Inshallah i hope everything works out in your haqq.

Furthermore, dont even think about mentioning mutah .Although iam very pro muta and i'm aware of how strongly our Masoomeen a.s. have recommended it to us but the most unfortunate thing is that it is viewed as equivalent to prostitution in our culture if not worse. You have to trust me on this coz i know that my parents and many other parents that i know from my mosque have a similar view and look down upon people whom they know to have done it.

Personally i suggest you get your parents involved asap and get your mum to get to talk to her. This is how its done in our culture.

Good luck!

(salam)

Iraqis are pretty much like that and the whole mutah thing? It isn't even mentioned in the communities. If I were to even bring up the word I would get death stares from everyone around lol the way desis think isnt much different from us Arabs.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ok I just read this again....I say go for it! Send your family to her house! The worst they can do is turn you down.....from there just move on. You never know! She and her family just might accept. Think about it....wouldn't a no be better than always wondering if it might have been a yes?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Coming from a Pakistani family I know how difficult this might be. Pakistani girls are very comfortable within the subcontinental culture, it would be difficult to adjust to an arab one. I am all for it though if the two of you are level headed and strong enough to make it work. Best of luck.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

(salam)

There is two ways you can deal with this , remind her that the prophet Muhammad (pbuh) married Bilal(Of black colour) to a white woman.

Or you can stop chasing ignorant minded people and find someone your level. Both ways brother , I hope you are happy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am american and my husband is iraqi. Everything fine our way, its just the matter of learning about eachother like any newly married couple must, just adding a little more learning when you marry a foriegner.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...