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ASyeda

How To Go About Rishta In Islamic Way?

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Salaam Brothers and Sisters.

I am a 17 year old girl, and have recently received my first rishta (a young man and his family wishing for both of us to talk, in the eventual hope of marriage). This was a very early and unexpected situation that arose, but I am generally happy that it happened. He and I don't see eachother at all, but are talking on the phone about once a week, with the knowledge of our parents (though they don't listen to the conversation, and it doesn't seem that there is any need for them to). We have been talking on the phone for about a month, and before that we exchanged emails for a month. He seems like a very reasonable person, and I truly have started to develop feelings for him. I have been thinking of asking him how he feels and telling him of my feelings in return, not for a lustful reason, but because I think it's imporant to know the feelings of one another. However, I am not completely sure if this is a good idea - I have doubts about whether he has feelings for me or not, if I will just embarrass myself by asking, & if it's Islamic to do so. Also, any advice on how to keep this relationship within the limits of Islam as much as possible would be greatly appreciated.

I have opened this question for both Brothers & Sisters, so as to get a broader view on the topic. Thank you very much, Salaam.

Edited by ASyeda

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I think you 2 have done enough of email and phone.. so now should meet in person (either they could come to your house or you could go to theirs). After the meeting, you both will know where its going next. Ideally, if it clicks for him, they will officially express their interest. And if it doesn't click for him, then you will also know.

Best of luck!

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dear princess,

i personally feel you are too young for all this. its very easy to develop feelings at this age, is it a crush? can you wait until you complete your education or there is family pressure? i admire your courage for quest and consult. InshAllah you will be successful.

Wassalam

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I do realize how easy it is to develop feelings at my age, and believe that this may be a crush (in reality, I hardly know him in some ways). There isn't much family pressure, my parents were a little apprehensive about this also because I'm so young. If I were to want to back out, I would probably be able to. I just feel so bewildered/flustered when I think about this situation, and I'm not sure why.

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Asyeda,

You are very mature, disregard the comments about your age. You have been ready for marriage for sometime now. Just remember the nature of marriage is progress and growth in each other's faith. Chose your spouse with that intention. Allah will take care of the rest.

Many young girls have put off marriage and are now in their 30s longing for a hand to hold. Don't put yourself in that situation.

Wa Salaam,

Dhulfiqar

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dear sister, may i kindly ask how old this man is?

it is true what members are saying of course you are probably a mature lady by now. But i would prioritize your own wants. would getting married now or in near future stop you from furthering yourself i.e. education, islamic knowledge, career aspirations.

no matter how mature 17 is still very young, nobody is saying you must wait until your 30+, but there is nothing wrong or haram in waiting until you feel you are 100% ready for the committment.

inshallah i hope all goes well and good luck on whatever you decide

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The man is 20 years old, and this is his first rishta as well. Marriage is obviously the ultimate objective if everything goes well InshAllah, but for now we are taking it slower than rishtas would sually be taken since we are so young. Naturally, neither one of us has ever had true friends of the opposite gender, so that's whats we're working on right now. I believe I am mature, but marriage anytime in the near future is out of the question, even if this goes well, because I would want to atleat finish college first. Both of our families agree on the fact that the relationship should be taken slowly.

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The man is 20 years old, and this is his first rishta as well. Marriage is obviously the ultimate objective if everything goes well InshAllah, but for now we are taking it slower than rishtas would sually be taken since we are so young. Naturally, neither one of us has ever had true friends of the opposite gender, so that's whats we're working on right now. I believe I am mature, but marriage anytime in the near future is out of the question, even if this goes well, because I would want to atleat finish college first. Both of our families agree on the fact that the relationship should be taken slowly.

salam,

marry and continue your college life also , and make sure that he is ready to marry ask him and verify your self ,sometime it happens that the other side don't have any feelings at all , make sure what he want and his financial status..

slower rishta... i fear you will fall in love if it continue like this... before even anything is known..

regards,

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Sister, you seem to be a sensible girl. You should meet him once for the final approval from both ends. Once things are finalized, go for immediate Nikah (if Rukhsati isn’t possible soon) to avoid lustful thoughts. So you people can talk in Husband-wife scenario. After your Nikah, you can continue your college and after that you can start your married life.

Best of Luck

Wassalam

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