Muakhr Only In Divorce

[piblicenemy]

I am a university student and I have some questions about mahr (muqadam" & "muakhar) that I hope you can answer. I have been hearing many conflicting viewpoints.

1. Some families put a high Muakhr in the case of divorce/death. Is this an Islamic tradition? I feel that in my understanding that Allah intended Mahr as a wedding gift from the husband to his wife. I don't think it was meant to be used as an insurance policy in the case of divorce. I don’t feel that Mahr should be mixed with the topic of divorce as it can make problems in the marriage process. It is also difficult to estimate future wealth, as only Allah knows the future. In the current situation, the bride’s family is asking for a Muakhr of $50000 in case of divorce/death. As a university student, the grooms current financial situation is rather strained. I don’t feel it is honest to accept as for example, if the groom was to decease, he currently does not have the funds to fulfill his obligation. Also it has caused much strain between the two parents as the grooms parents have been giving much thought of the possibilities and consequences of divorce due to the high Muakhr, while both the groom and bride say that they do not see divorce as even possible. I feel that is has made the process much less joyous and more difficult. While I can see the reasoning that this sum may the groom think twice about divorce, i also believe many marriages don't get consummated due to this practice.
   
2. In the quran it states :"And unto those who are divorced, a reasonable provision [is also due; this is] a duty [incumbent] on those who fear God." [Holy Quran 2:241] Can you expand more on this verse? Should it be stipulated in the contract that the wife will receive some sort of reasonable compensation in the event of divorce.
   
3. I have read that Islam provides many checks and balances against divorce, as it is the most hated halal thing to Allah. Can you give me some examples of the checks and balances in Islam against divorce?
   

Shukran

[alimohamad40]

salaam sir

it seems that you are very aware already but i will just add

that this is an extremely un healthy situation because the prophet has said

" the bigger the mahr of a woman the more of a bad luck she is"

now many people relate muakhar to divorce but in reality muakhar is just part of the dowry where the payment of it is delayed and hence the name (muakhar)

It becomes obligatory on your neck the moment you get married.... its just the payment time which is delayed to the end of the marriage..

the reason people link it to divorce is because when the relation ends both parties have to finalize and close their accounts as they will depart.

the time for payment of muakhar will depend on the conditions that they agree on

mahr can not be used as an insurance policy

In islam the divorce is in the hand of the man by default and if the girl wants to divorce but she has no good reason then she gets forced to seek khul3 where she will be forced to compensate him for unreasonably breaching the contract so she usually gives up the mahr to obtain the divorce.

$50 000 is a crime, and this amount will make bad luck for the pair , i mean he is free to give money as presents but to give such big money under the label of mahr is bad luck as the prophet said

divorce rates are as high as 75% in some places so putting such a big debt on your neck is not worth it at all

he should say to the girl that he will not put a debt on his neck ..

if they insist on big mahr i advice to leave them and look for a girl that is not materialistic .

it happened to me , i was stupid but also a big mahr was requested and divorce happened but the divorce was un reasonable so i asked her to give up her right to the moakhar to give her the divorce but i still lost thousands of dollars and and it put me years behind which until today i haven't fully recovered .

after that i married many times and the mahr i paid was allways very small

salaam

[Iman]

Salams OP

From what I understand..

The em'akhar is a cultural not an Islamic concept... it only became 'popular' when the gift was too much for the potential husband to afford so it was split in two as an em'addam and an em'akhar... $$ were therefore put on paper/in a contract without realising that they were always meant to gift it at some point.

Technically the wife should be able to access the money/gift she has received at any time during the marriage (she can save though if she wanted to). Ie the man should have the money at his disposal prior to the marriage taking place and she can use it at anytime for any reason. It is a gift.. since when does a gift come later?? Particularly in circumstances such as divorce! It definitely wouldnt be a wedding gift at that point, but the end of a promise they needed to fulfil anyway.

What people fail to remember is that when they get married, they are making a covenant with Allah (swt) about the person they are married to.. so, if they break anything in their contract... it's not between them and their spouse.. it's technically between them and Allah (swt) (for the wife in question)..... yes, heavy going! If the husband dies, and does not have that money available for his wife (lets not even go to divorce), than he has not provided for his wife as he promised he would. Obviously in those circumstances, the wife can choose to forgo that money, but it is important to keep in mind the magnitude of such a promise, especially one that cannot realistically ever be kept.

Whatever the agreed amount between the families should be kept between the familes.... what needs to be kept in mind is that the gift needs to always be at the husband's disposal - it is a gift and is NOT ONLY in the case of death/divorce... if it was, it would be a very morbid gift!

Edited September 19, 2011 by Iman

[icewizard]

السلام عليكم و رحمة الله و بركاته - Peace be upon you as well as Allah's Mercy and Blessings...

و لصلاة و السلام على خير خلق الله و حبيب قلوبنا، الرسول محمد، و آله الطيبين الطاهرين - And may the Prayers and Peace be upon the Best of Allah's Creations, the beloved of our hearts, the Messenger Muhammad as well as his Generous and Pure Family...

و لعنة الله الدائمة على أعداءهم و ظالميهم و التابعين على ذلك من الأولين إلى الآخرين - And may the permanent curse of Allah be upon their enemies and their oppressors and those who follow the trend from the first ones to the last ones...

In my own mind, a nice mahr would be the following:

1. A Quran (preferably a nice one, a collector or a special edition for example)

2. A Hajj

3. Some jewels (like a ring, necklace or stuff) but not too much...

Even number 3 can be stripped off...

What do you think people?

و عليكم السلام و رحمة الله و بركاته - And upon you be Peace as well as Allah's Mercy and Blessings...

[Gypsy]

(salam)

If you can't afford the Mahr now or in the future then please do re-consider the proposal. Please be honest and let the bride's family know that you are not in the position to give out the sum of money that is requested at Mahr.

Only commit to something that is within your limit.