I Want To Get My Christian Friend To Act Christian

[MuslimyMuslim]

Assalam alykum, i have a friend that troubles me, hes a Christian, but thats not the issue, when he acts like a Christian he is among the best Christian one can find, but on the other hand he is going through puberty and talks to girls on the internet and has made some statements i dont want to share. He respects me as a fellow monotheist and when he told me what i think of him "dating" and acting like a american teenager, my responce was," well, i would be like that to if i didnt have something restricting me, so i cant judge fairly, but i have a faith and its not allowed". I dont know if i influenced him enough though, i have influenced him to stop doing other things that where harmful for his health, but those where slightly more "major" in his opinion than lusting girls on the internet. Can anyone here who may be a Christian or a muslim with knowledge of Christianity tell me a good bible verse to help him stop these things.

[Saintly_Jinn23]

Assalam alykum, i have a friend that troubles me, hes a Christian, but thats not the issue, when he acts like a Christian he is among the best Christian one can find, but on the other hand he is going through puberty and talks to girls on the internet and has made some statements i dont want to share. He respects me as a fellow monotheist and when he told me what i think of him "dating" and acting like a american teenager, my responce was," well, i would be like that to if i didnt have something restricting me, so i cant judge fairly, but i have a faith and its not allowed". I dont know if i influenced him enough though, i have influenced him to stop doing other things that where harmful for his health, but those where slightly more "major" in his opinion than lusting girls on the internet. Can anyone here who may be a Christian or a muslim with knowledge of Christianity tell me a good bible verse to help him stop these things.

It would help, brother, if I knew exactly what it is you find objectionable. For example, I am a Muslim and I see nothing wrong with courting a female IF the prospect is to find out if she's suitable enough enough to you liking to become a wife, either through Mutah or a lifelong contract, but I don't know if you agree.

If your friend wishes to engage in affairs with the opposite sex with intention of sexual gratification outside of a marriage bond (or another permissible arrangement) then, as one who raised Christian, I recommend this verse in the Holy Bible attributed to Prophet Jesus (as) , may God hasten his return to us:

You have heard that it was said, "Do not commit adultery." But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. -- Matthew 5:27-28

Tell him that not is not becoming of either of your faiths to satisfy our sexual desires except within, most generally, the marriage bond and we are to treat sexuality as being something sacred and blessed and not degrade ourselves by talking nasty and so openly with the opposite sex or even the same gender. And we are not to engage with women except in the ways that Prophets like Jesus (pbuh) have shown us.

Edit: Also, if you REALLY want him to act Christian, give him a Quran, as one can only find the true teachings of Jesus through it. ;)

Edited September 16, 2011 by Saintly_Jinn23

[MuslimyMuslim]

no im talking about really weird things, like looking at gazing girls facebook pages and other stalkerish activitys... that i dont want to share...

Edited September 16, 2011 by MuslimyMuslim

[Saintly_Jinn23]

Ah, I remember I went through some of that weird phase. I would say that you should recommend that Jesus (as) would not approve of such behavior or talk and that as a Christian he should make a love for sexuality overstep the love for Christ. You should tell him that Christ called us to not love even our family above him:

Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; -- Matthew 10:37 (NIV translation)

So how much more so are we to not love women we are not related to above him so as to disobey his calls to chastity and other good behavior. You should tell your friend that he should be focusing more on trying to build a personal relationship with Prophet Jesus (pbuh) than any prospective sexual companion, if he is truly a Christian.

[Pascal]

You really can't get people to act the way you want. You're welcome to try it if you want but im sure most of us here, in our life, have seen people do things we find disappointing and try to tell them otherwise but almost all the time, they keep going on anyway.

If he's rationalised in his mind this is OK and had his mind set on it, in reality, theres very little you probably can do. Sad fact of life unfortunately.

People also assume he's a very strict christian that always reads the bible, always goes to church, always listens to the rules when the situation has shown to the contrary. Usually it isn't black or white, its shades of gray.

Edited September 16, 2011 by kingpomba

[ImAli]

It is beyond me how some people on this forum think it is OK to make someone act they way they want them to act as if the new behavior would be genuine instead of faked just to please them.

[MuslimyMuslim]

It is beyond me how some people on this forum think it is OK to make someone act they way they want them to act as if the new behavior would be genuine instead of faked just to please them.

Okay, why do you feel the need to criticize me on almost everythread i make that you comment on?, i just hav a concern for my Christian friend, thats it, im not trying to brain wash him or anything. Just help his own democracy not go to his mind. I know that it isnt "black and white", but for the sake of his god i swear my intentions arnt selfish, my friend has done things to hurt me like starting false rumors about that the class believes and other stupid stuff like that, if i really wanted to change him to my liking id make a thread titled "help my friend not be mean to me". And you probably would be sympathetic and give me some advise on how to "talk things out". So why are looking at me like the black dot on a white peice of paper?

[ImAli]

Okay, why do you feel the need to criticize me on almost everythread i make that you comment on?, i just hav a concern for my Christian friend, thats it, im not trying to brain wash him or anything. Just help his own democracy not go to his mind. I know that it isnt "black and white", but for the sake of his god i swear my intentions arnt selfish, my friend has done things to hurt me like starting false rumors about that the class believes and other stupid stuff like that, if i really wanted to change him to my liking id make a thread titled "help my friend not be mean to me". And you probably would be sympathetic and give me some advise on how to "talk things out". So why are looking at me like the black dot on a white peice of paper?

Actually I didn't even look who made this thread so it wasn't directed at you personally. While your intentions may not be selfish the only thing you can do is ask him what happened and tell him that Christianity doesn't allow this behavior. Most likely he will agree with you while he is saying buzz off to you in his mind (because that is what young teenagers usually do). Then if he has any shame he will make it a point to do a better job of hiding his hormonal adolescent behavior from you. In turn you will think talking to him helped but in reality it is all fake.

[MuslimyMuslim]

Actually I didn't even look who made this thread so it wasn't directed at you personally. While your intentions may not be selfish the only thing you can do is ask him what happened and tell him that Christianity doesn't allow this behavior. Most likely he will agree with you while he is saying buzz off to you in his mind (because that is what young teenagers usually do). Then if he has any shame he will make it a point to do a better job of hiding his hormonal adolescent behavior from you. In turn you will think talking to him helped but in reality it is all fake.

that makes more since. And no he dosnt have any shame.... Jakaz Allah khair for the advis

[Pascal]

if i really wanted to change him to my liking id make a thread titled "help my friend not be mean to me". And you probably would be sympathetic and give me some advise on how to "talk things out"

Thats because it actually affects and interferes with your own free will to live your life, the way you want. If he was being mean to you i would suggest something like that. Him doing things like this thought doesn't interfere with your freedom or your life so i think you have less of a right to make a fuss over it. Obviously, you can still speak your mind but i wouldn't agonise over it too much.

At a deeper level it almost suggests tricking him into being good, what you define as good as well. "I want to get..." it's almost like you're asking for suggestions for biblical material you can use as a salvo against him, to make him feel bad and "realise" what he is doing bad is wrong or try persuade him to change his mind. That's close to manipulation though and really, who knows, he might not even care. It might not be the morals he wants to subscribe to anymore. Why is it fine as you as a muslim to go up to him and try persuade him to follow what you think is right but its suddenly so bad and silly for a satanist or a polytheist to do exactly the same to you? What you think is good is just that, what you think is good.

I think unless he is in serious danger of causing existential harm to himself (doing seriously bad drugs, about to seriously injure himself or someone else, ect) i think you should just let him be. It *has* the potential to work, don't get me wrong but most of the time, these things don't work.

He already knew what was right or wrong and you're really no supreme being to help guide him, just let him make up his own mind. He knew what was right or wrong before, its not like he got a knock to the head and was suddenly confused and yet, he chose to do the things you speak of anyway. Either he's changed his set of morals (who are you to judge and try change them back to what you think is acceptable in this case) or he does the things anyway and knows they're wrong, in which case im sure he struggles with such problems with his conscience and heart on his own enough to make him think about it anyway, so again, no outside influence is warranted.

In my personal experience, most of the time when you get angry/preachy/tell someone what to do, most of the time, chances are, they just simply won't care. Especially when you get angry at someone(You slowly learn this the hard way). They might be impacted for a little but it just goes on and on and they don't care. Same here. Maybe a quick word will do but if you constantly bombard him, he'll just stop caring. He has a mind and he's not stupid and doesn't lack free will, he obviously had very good reason to act the way he does or he wouldn't do it. So, i think restraint is best in a situation like this. Quick word, just try look after him but i wouldn't try guilt/push/guide him to what you think is the right path. I wish (not really actually, freedom is awesome) i could make people see the way i do and live how i think is right, sadly i can't. C'est la vie, life goes on.

Again, you don't have absolutely strict Christians who follow the book exactly letter by letter and sinners. It isn't a black/white dichotomy like that. Shades of gray. I went to a Christian school and i observed first hand the various shades of gray. Lots of people do things that aren't exactly right on official church teaching but as obama mentioned in his book (the audacity of hope) and this is a good point, the catholic church condemns birth control but really, most catholics probably do use it. Hardly anyone, even extremists, follow things to a tee. Shades of gray brother.

Then you get into the whole conundrum of interpretation. Catholics think homosexuality is abhorrent, Anglicans (most) think its fine. They use the same bible too but totally different interpretation. Thats how most of these things work. So, i really don't think firing off bible verses in an attempt to get him to see your version of good is a successful path to choose. Just give him a quick word, maybe why you think such an act is bad, maybe even mention your concern but i wouldn't try twist his arm.

I do understand your situation though, i have many friends who make up a nice shade of the gray i talked about. Some do things i personally wouldn't do and i don't think that they're all that moral but theres nothing i can do. They let me live my life the way i want, according to what i think is right, without bringing me up on it, so who am i to do it to them? We aren't ones to judge. As the famous Bob Marley said:

“Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect and I don't live to be. But, before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean.”

Just some friendly advice :).

Edited September 16, 2011 by kingpomba

[ImAli]

that makes more since. And no he dosnt have any shame.... Jakaz Allah khair for the advis

Sorry if I came across as rude....I haven't had my coffee yet. I don't know how old you are but I think you are probably a teenager after reading this post. You just need to prepare yourself that some of the people you were once good friends with may start to change dramatically and lose the beautiful innocence of childhood since they are becoming adults. Focus on yourself, set a good example, and hopefully others will follow.

[La fata illa Ali]

Sorry if I came across as rude....I haven't had my coffee yet. I don't know how old you are but I think you are probably a teenager after reading this post. You just need to prepare yourself that some of the people you were once good friends with may start to change dramatically and lose the beautiful innocence of childhood since they are becoming adults. Focus on yourself, set a good example, and hopefully others will follow.

Angry Muslim Women.... :lol:

[MuslimyMuslim]

Thats because it actually affects and interferes with your own free will to live your life, the way you want. If he was being mean to you i would suggest something like that. Him doing things like this thought doesn't interfere with your freedom or your life so i think you have less of a right to make a fuss over it. Obviously, you can still speak your mind but i wouldn't agonise over it too much.

At a deeper level it almost suggests tricking him into being good, what you define as good as well. "I want to get..." it's almost like you're asking for suggestions for biblical material you can use as a salvo against him, to make him feel bad and "realise" what he is doing bad is wrong or try persuade him to change his mind. That's close to manipulation though and really, who knows, he might not even care. It might not be the morals he wants to subscribe to anymore. Why is it fine as you as a muslim to go up to him and try persuade him to follow what you think is right but its suddenly so bad and silly for a satanist or a polytheist to do exactly the same to you? What you think is good is just that, what you think is good.

I think unless he is in serious danger of causing existential harm to himself (doing seriously bad drugs, about to seriously injure himself or someone else, ect) i think you should just let him be. It *has* the potential to work, don't get me wrong but most of the time, these things don't work.

He already knew what was right or wrong and you're really no supreme being to help guide him, just let him make up his own mind. He knew what was right or wrong before, its not like he got a knock to the head and was suddenly confused and yet, he chose to do the things you speak of anyway. Either he's changed his set of morals (who are you to judge and try change them back to what you think is acceptable in this case) or he does the things anyway and knows they're wrong, in which case im sure he struggles with such problems with his conscience and heart on his own enough to make him think about it anyway, so again, no outside influence is warranted.

In my personal experience, most of the time when you get angry/preachy/tell someone what to do, most of the time, chances are, they just simply won't care. Especially when you get angry at someone(You slowly learn this the hard way). They might be impacted for a little but it just goes on and on and they don't care. Same here. Maybe a quick word will do but if you constantly bombard him, he'll just stop caring. He has a mind and he's not stupid and doesn't lack free will, he obviously had very good reason to act the way he does or he wouldn't do it. So, i think restraint is best in a situation like this. Quick word, just try look after him but i wouldn't try guilt/push/guide him to what you think is the right path. I wish (not really actually, freedom is awesome) i could make people see the way i do and live how i think is right, sadly i can't. C'est la vie, life goes on.

Again, you don't have absolutely strict Christians who follow the book exactly letter by letter and sinners. It isn't a black/white dichotomy like that. Shades of gray. I went to a Christian school and i observed first hand the various shades of gray. Lots of people do things that aren't exactly right on official church teaching but as obama mentioned in his book (the audacity of hope) and this is a good point, the catholic church condemns birth control but really, most catholics probably do use it. Hardly anyone, even extremists, follow things to a tee. Shades of gray brother.

Then you get into the whole conundrum of interpretation. Catholics think homosexuality is abhorrent, Anglicans (most) think its fine. They use the same bible too but totally different interpretation. Thats how most of these things work. So, i really don't think firing off bible verses in an attempt to get him to see your version of good is a successful path to choose. Just give him a quick word, maybe why you think such an act is bad, maybe even mention your concern but i wouldn't try twist his arm.

I do understand your situation though, i have many friends who make up a nice shade of the gray i talked about. Some do things i personally wouldn't do and i don't think that they're all that moral but theres nothing i can do. They let me live my life the way i want, according to what i think is right, without bringing me up on it, so who am i to do it to them? We aren't ones to judge. As the famous Bob Marley said:

“Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect and I don't live to be. But, before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean.”

Just some friendly advice :).

In all due respect i think people are blowing this up a little to much, I hardly ever see him so it dosnt really matter anyways, but each to there own, Honestly theres no reason to comdemn me for asking a question regarding for my friend to stop being stalkerish. You might as well laugh at this whole thread as a joke, we dont need to make this into a big philosophical deal .whether you intend it or not its making me feel uncomfortable. Its all pointless. Btw, why are you following this topic, there must be something interesting on this thread that you want to discuss or something, we could make a different thread make it for discussion.

Sorry for the harsh tone there,

Edited September 18, 2011 by MuslimyMuslim

[Shia_Debater]

In all due respect i think people are blowing this up a little to much, I hardly ever see him so it dosnt really matter anyways, but each to there own, Honestly theres no reason to comdemn me for asking a question regarding for my friend to stop being stalkerish. You might as well laugh at this whole thread as a joke, we dont need to make this into a big philosophical deal .whether you intend it or not its making me feel uncomfortable. Its all pointless. Btw, why are you following this topic, there must be something interesting on this thread that you want to discuss or something, we could make a different thread make it for discussion.

Sorry for the harsh tone there,

bambarambamdam You Murked It ;)

(what I mean by that is your reply was siik, as for the "bambarambamdam" part .. I just felt like doing a little tune at the beginning :))

Edited September 18, 2011 by Shia_Debater

[Son of Placid]

I think it's honourable to see a friend slip into sin and want to bring him back to a straight path. It's not always that easy and most attempts on your own will fail.

Your faith and prayers are your best alies.