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In the Name of God بسم الله

10w Pregnant With Sunni Mans Child Out Of Wedlock

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Salam,

I have never posted anything on here before, i am a 21 year old shia female and have an issue i really need help with.

I am 10 weeks pregnant with the child of a sunni man, and we are not married. My initial thought was- abortion, since the child is illegitimate and im told the child will have a cold heart, will be cursed ect. Also i would rather suffer my self than humiliate my family for giving birth to a child out of wedlock.

This was a big mistake i know, and i am praying for forgiveness from Allah every day. I am however very confused about what the right thing to do here is.

At the moment the ..egg ... has a heart beat according to my ulturasound. i am almost certain that i am commiting an act of murder by aborting, however i have herd that the soul is not present inthe fetus untill 4 months, and im just over 2 months.

What should i DO?? i need opinions, suggestions??

A ) should i abort as soon as possible (ie next week)-

B )should i perform nikkah as soon as possible, there fore the child be born in wedlock

or is that pointless since the child was still conceived unintentionally and illegitimately??

To me the anser is A, what can i do? if i go through with this abortion what should i do after? what is the proper way to go about this?? i am seeking advice here because i cannot go to any alim i know.

Any information will help me, ive kept this simple because i am confused about what is relevant so if you have any questions please ask.

Edited by ASZ
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You have already committed great sins, dont curse your self more by adding on the even greater sin of murdering your own child.

You have put your self in this situation, now you have to deal with it, have the child and do your best to raise it.

Marrying the individual now will not make the child legetimate, it will only (possibly) save face in the community, as at the very least the child will have a father when its born.

However if you dont want to spend your life with this individual, dont marry him.

Other than that, pray that Allah grants you a long life so that you have adequate time to repent for this great sin.

May Allah forgive you and grant you the shi'fa'at of ahlulbayt (as).

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  • Advanced Member

Abortion is absolutely haram in any case except if it will physically harm the mother without it. You need to take responsibility for your actions; that child is yours, even if it's illegitimate.

Edited by Jay
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You do not need any more advice than what is given.

Just repent repent repent as much as you can, zina, fornication is one of the most serious sins one could committ.

And please do not murder your child just because you both were idiots and could not keep your pants closed.

And please write a book, an article, an essay, whatever to tell the world about your lessons from a pregnancy out of wedlock. The bes which can come out of it is to show other mindless kinds of yours to learn that Allah has already given solutions to avoid zana by allowing nikah and muta.

[EDITED]

Edited by Basim Ali
No personal attacks.
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(salam)

Please do not kill the child. You will be committing a very big sin. Is it possible to go somewhere else, give birth and then give the child up for adoption?

The best is to raise the child yourself because you are the mother.

You should also see the child’s father and make him be responsible even you are not legally married.

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You cannot kill the child as said, you would be compounding sin with sin.

Beyond that though, I really hope you will not let the child's origins get in the way of your loving them as you would any other. The child didn't commit your sin, and a life is a life. In this case that life would be coming from you. So raise him/her well, and in sha Allah out of a mistake some good may come. Yes, there are certain laws that are different in this regard (e.g. inheritance laws), but keep these in mind as well:

In al-Kafi:

الحسين بن محمد ، عن المعلى ، عن الوشاء ، عن أبان ، عن ابن أبي يعفور قال :

قال أبوعبدالله عليه السلام : إن ولد الزنا يستعمل ، إن عمل خيرا جزي به ، وإن عمل شرا جزي به .

al-Husayn b. Muhammad from al-Mu`alla from al-Washsha from Aban from Ibn Abi Ya`fur. He said: Abu `Abdillah عليه السلام said:

Verily the child of fornication is required (or, asked) to work. If he does good he is requited (recompensed, rewarded, repaid) for it, and if he does evil he is requited for it.

And in Tuhuf al-`Uqul:

ولا يأخذ الله عزوجل البرئ بجرم السقيم، ولا يعذب الله الابناء والاطفال بذنوب الآباء وإنه قال: " ولا تزر وازرة وزر اخرى ". " وأن ليس للانسان إلا ما سعى " والله يغفر ولا يظلم. .

Allah عزوجل does not bring the innocent to account for the offense of the sick (at heart), and Allah does not punish the sons and the children for the sins of the fathers. Verily He said, “And no bearer shall bear the burden of another” (6:164 et al), “And that man shall not have save what he strives for” (53:40). Allah forgives and does not wrong.

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, however i have herd that the soul is not present inthe fetus untill 4 months, and im just over 2 months.

The above information is absolutely false. This is not true according to the Shia laws. I had Sunni friends that hold the above views.

Edited by Zareen
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She's asking for advice on WHAT to do, not your personal opinions or judgment of her.

Her deeds are between her and Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì, lets leave it that way.

Give advice if you got some, if you haven't click on the red 'x' on the corner of the page.

I would not sympathize with her if this is what you want me to do.

Its not like she has a cancer or AIDs that she needs sympathy. She has committed the gravest sin, hurt her Imam (as) if indeed she is Shia, hurt her parents, hurt his parents, hurt anybody in the family who would know about it, hurt her friends and community once they will know about it.

A fornicator does not only harm him/herself, they hurt any one around them, and most of it, they harm the future of their offsprings.

I'm truly tired of ppl feeling sorry for them, they are the corrupted ones of society who run around in their pretty dresses without hijab looking all sexy in the society. They make our righteous and modest sisters and daughters feel bad about themselves until something like this comes to light.

And no, this is not the sin committed between her and Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì, she is also criminal of all other humans who got aftected by her. And she needsmto repent to Allah and all those people as well.

(salam)

Please do not kill the child. You will be committing a very big sin. Is it possible to go somewhere else, give birth and then give the child up for adoption?

The best is to raise the child yourself because you are the mother.

You should also see the child’s father and make him be responsible even you are not legally married.

No do not give your kid for adoption. After comitting zana, do you want your kid now to be raised as a religion-less person. Who know who would adopt the baby and how would they treat him.

I would say live with your mistake, raise him/her the best Muslim you could, and hooe that Allah forgive you.

Edited by Waiting for HIM
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Salaam

You do not need any more advice than what is given.

Just repent repent repent as much as you can, zina, fornication is one of the most serious sins one could committ.

And please do not murder your child just because you both were idiots and could not keep your pants closed.

And please write a book, an article, an essay, whatever to tell the world about your lessons from a pregnancy out of wedlock. The bes which can come out of it is to show other mindless kinds of yours to learn that Allah has already given solutions to avoid zana by allowing nikah and muta.

Sister ImAli, sister One Note, Sister Beaverwhoever, with all due respect your continuous opposition of Allah's prescribed sexual relations does THIS to a human, bring them to act lkke pigs and dogs and bevome among asfalussafelen( the worst of creatures).

May Allah forgive you - and yes I am mad at you speciically because you were a Shia of Ali (as) and you did this and that your gender can rant and rant about how bad the muta and nikah are while doing zana. astaghfirullah...

I totally agree with this , you spoke my mind

if you are truly honest about repenting you have to go all your life spreading and teaching people about marriage and mut3a so they don't fall into the same trap that you fell in.

god forgives the mistakes when done out of ignorance and the reason you did not do mutah is because of your ignorance right ?

this ignorance is because people hate the law of god and demonize it so they never talk about it or promote it and infact they keep it away from their kids even tough they know about it

imam Ali said " each time one door of hallal is closed then a thousand doors of haraam are opened"

because the halal door was closed in your face you resorted to haraam and i am sure if some one had taught you about how simple marriage and mutah is you wouldn't have done what you did would you?

imam Ali said " if Umar didnt forbid mutah no one would commit zina except the very evil"

murdering the child is not an option unless you want to add to the sin of fornication a sin of murder which gods says :

"and whoever killed a believer on purpose has hell for eternity "

the child is illegitimate but doesn't mean he is a bad person or could not be a mumin

god did not close the door on the illegitimate children to be good people

dont kill

and do an action to fix the harm that you did

thousands of girls can fall in the same trap as you because they are ignorant about mutah

just make it your mission to teach the world about the islamic marriage system and the alternatives it provides to save people from such ugly situations.

if you like the man marry him quickly... if you don't have the ability just marry him temporarily (mutah) until you turn it permanent

salaam

Edited by alimohamad40
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  • Advanced Member

These are the fatawas from Sistani on abortion http://www.sistani.org/index.php?p=616687&id=1121&perpage=5

Question :

Is a mother allowed to abort the feotus, if she does not want it while the soul has not yet entered it and there is no serious danger to the mother’s life?

Answer :

She is not allowed to do that, except if the continuation of the pregnancy would harm her health or put her in an unbearable difficulty.

Question :

What is your ruling on aborting an “unwanted pregnancy” before 4 months into the pregnancy?

Answer :

It is not permissible.

Question :

My wife seems to be one or two weeks pregnant and we already have four children. We don't want any more children. Under what circumstances is an abortion allowed?

Answer :

Abortion is not allowed after the implantation of the [fertilized] ovum [on the lining of the womb], except if the mother’s life is in danger or the continuation of pregnancy will cause difficulty for her that is not normally bearable and there is no other solution but abortion. In this case, it would be permissible to abort the foetus as long as the soul has not entered into it; after the entering of the soul, it is not permissible at all.

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Sister, I refuse to be quiet and act dumb. I'll judge if this is what you meant. So many poeple do it because those so many spend so many hours finding faults with Allah's laws of marriage, i.e. Nikah and muta.

I can bet you my ipad on which I'm typing, you go and tell her, and all other fornicators that it could have taken a 2 sentence muta formula which could had made all this halal for her, and watch them going against it.

I for one will make this a case against those who spend no time crucifying those of us who support Allah's laws of nikah and muta.

I'll save this post and use it in my every topic where I will be defending Quranic nikah and mutah.

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Meh.

It's like talking to a brick wall with you.

Yes at least in this case I can't help but be the brick wall :)

This is what zani do to us:

1. They have no sense to recognize the wisdom of Allah's laws of marriage.

2. Being the agents of iblees, they deter others from nikah and muta too.

3. They run around looking pretty making our modest sisters feel inferior or deprived of fashion and vogue.

4. They bring bad name to their communities and groups they are associated with.

5. They bring shame to their parents who have given up so much to build this honor and status in society and community.

6. They get unwanted children who according to sharia can not lead prayers or become islamic leaders.

7. Their [Edited Out] children a generations down the road adopt the name of thier new daddy and cause the whole lateral generation messup.

8. Their [Edited Out] kids also live in complex if they know about the sins of their fathers and mothers.

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  • Advanced Member

Salam,

Where is the father? What's his position? Willing to marry? Please do not abort your child, and remember he had no part in what you did...may God forgive you, and may you and your children find the right path amen.

Ruling from Ayatulah Khameni

To Abort to Preserve One’s Dignity

Q: If my pregnancy proves shameful for me and would endanger my dignity and that of my family, can I terminate it during the 1st trimester?

A: Abortion is ḥarām in shar’ and what is mentioned does not justify the same.

Edited by Abu_Zayed
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not judging at all, and hope Allah (swt) keeps all of us from deep sins but dont forget the incident of one of the sahabi of Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) when commited a big sin and came to prophet. This is what Prophet said:

"“O Transgressor! Get away from me,” said the Prophet (S), “Lest your fire may burn me! How close you are to the fire!”

He repeated this sentence a number of times and the youth finally went away from there.

The reason Prophet (pbuh) said that was to make the person realize how big a sin he has committed. Our repentence is dependent on if we realize how big of a sin we have committed.

So sis Naz, its important for the sister to know its a big sin that she has done and will obviously be repulsive to people.

There is also no need to bring other sisters names in here, thats off topic. To the OP, sister what you have done is awful sin, and i really hope that you are more sincere in asking repentance then you were in posting this topic. You have a long, long test infront of you if you are willing to be sincere now.

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I always have suspicions about such threads and I'll tell you what mine are about this one.

The OPs account was created at the beginning of this year. She's 10 weeks pregnant, so say the deed took place in July. So between Jan and July (SIX months) it never once occurred to her to ask on these boards about any aspect of what she was doing? Hmm

She makes out that it is significant that the man is Sunni.

Again presumably she knew this from the outset. It clearly did not matter to her then, so why does it matter now?

The last time I remember something like his happened, we lost a very good member who commented on a thread in terms of Islamic law, so we should remember that such threads are not just about the OP, they are also about the community towards which they are directed.

If the OP does not want a judgemental approach and community-wide discussion, they are welcome to ask the sisters' consulting group in private.

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I always have suspicions about such threads and I'll tell you what mine are about this one.

The OPs account was created at the beginning of this year. She's 10 weeks pregnant, so say the deed took place in July. So between Jan and July (SIX months) it never once occurred to her to ask on these boards about any aspect of what she was doing? Hmm

She makes out that it is significant that the man is Sunni.

Again presumably she knew this from the outset. It clearly did not matter to her then, so why does it matter now?

The last time I remember something like his happened, we lost a very good member who commented on a thread in terms of Islamic law, so we should remember that such threads are not just about the OP, they are also about the community towards which they are directed.

If the OP does not want a judgemental approach and community-wide discussion, they are welcome to ask the sisters' consulting group in private.

True, brother. The OP is a new member, this is her first post! I feel something's amiss too, why would anybody care to come to shiachat only when in such a terrible mess of lives?

I've got a feeling that it's only a way to incite more hatred towards shias, by other sunnis on board when they read and say "Look how shia girls are...they like to talk about deen and then get involved in such deeds" Something's terribly fishy.

To the OP, whoever you are - Shia, Sunni, Buddhist or from a different planet - Do not kill the child. It is Allah who give him/her a life and it is ONLY HE who will ask for it again. Please let the child live.

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You have already committed great sins, dont curse your self more by adding on the even greater sin of murdering your own child.

You have put your self in this situation, now you have to deal with it, have the child and do your best to raise it.

Marrying the individual now will not make the child legetimate, it will only (possibly) save face in the community, as at the very least the child will have a father when its born.

However if you dont want to spend your life with this individual, dont marry him.

Other than that, pray that Allah grants you a long life so that you have adequate time to repent for this great sin.

May Allah forgive you and grant you the shi'fa'at of ahlulbayt (as).

Is this your way to help your brethren in faith? You have no right to judge Allah's servant, have you not read your book?

[24:4] Except for those who repent thereafter and reform, for indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.

[24:10] And if not for the favor of Allah upon you and His mercy... and because Allah is Accepting of repentance and Wise. [surat an-Nur]

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I would not sympathize with her if this is what you want me to do.

Salam Alaykom

Let the one free of sin cast the first stone.

Are you free of sin?

Salam,

I have never posted anything on here before, i am a 21 year old shia female and have an issue i really need help with.

I am 10 weeks pregnant with the child of a sunni man, and we are not married. My initial thought was- abortion, since the child is illegitimate and im told the child will have a cold heart, will be cursed ect. Also i would rather suffer my self than humiliate my family for giving birth to a child out of wedlock.

This was a big mistake i know, and i am praying for forgiveness from Allah every day. I am however very confused about what the right thing to do here is.

At the moment the ..egg ... has a heart beat according to my ulturasound. i am almost certain that i am commiting an act of murder by aborting, however i have herd that the soul is not present inthe fetus untill 4 months, and im just over 2 months.

What should i DO?? i need opinions, suggestions??

A ) should i abort as soon as possible (ie next week)-

B )should i perform nikkah as soon as possible, there fore the child be born in wedlock

or is that pointless since the child was still conceived unintentionally and illegitimately??

To me the anser is A, what can i do? if i go through with this abortion what should i do after? what is the proper way to go about this?? i am seeking advice here because i cannot go to any alim i know.

Any information will help me, ive kept this simple because i am confused about what is relevant so if you have any questions please ask.

Wa salam Alaykom Sister

Love this child, bring it up and do what is best for it, what seems like a bad thing now will insha Allah shed a light of happiness to your life. a child is a blessing and please be be strong. May Allah make you strong give you patience, and help you to the best with this child ameen and sister i would not recommend giving to adoption that child deserves it's mother.

Edited by AlMuttaqi
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Like I said earlier, its not like she has a cancer or AIDs etc that she needs any lovey dovey sister-ish comments.

This was an idiotic person who was comitting zana sleeping her pants out with another zani out of her free will, nobody raped her, and now she is looking for advice on how to apparently deal with her actions' consequences.

So my advice, put up with the baby, raise the baby as best as you can, repent, and stop publicizing about your haram act and your sin in front of the rest of us. It is also a sin to publicize your sins.

Allah is all mercyful so definitely repent and please learn the laws around Islamically naming the illegitimate child's surname. This is also important so that 25 yrs down the road, your bast-rd child is not pretending him/her as a legitimate child and marrying some one of more nobel birth.

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Salams,

Allah(s.w.a) forgives any sin except Shirk to whom he wills (Surat Nisa, Ayat 116).

Like was said above, if you want the chance that Allah(s.w.a) will forgive you, don't add one major sin to another by

having an abortion. The stories about how the child will have a cold heart, cursed, etc are garbage.

Just because a child is born out of wedlock doesn't place that child outside of the spiritual laws of cause and effect.

The ones who have a cold heart become that way thru their actions. If they act in a cold way toward others, they will

eventually develop a cold heart. To prevent this, you should raise the child in the best way possible and love and care for

the child and act as if the first events didn't happen. It is very possible that Allah(s.w.a) has made the caring for this child

as a means of forgiveness for you. It is possible and there are many who have done it. This will reduce

the possibility of the child having a cold heart and being cursed.

The child does have a father. Hopefully, he will 'man up' and accept his responsibilities. If you despise him to the point that

you cannot fulfill your duties as a wife and / or you believe that he will have a major negative effect on you child, then you

should not stay with him but this does not absolve him of his responsibilities toward his child. The child should know that

this is his / her father and should have a relationship with him, even if it is minimal. If you want to marry another man, I suggest

you do it soon. It is much easier for a man to accept a child who is not his own if he can raise the child from birth. When the child

become older, it is harder to accept.

If the community gives you too many problems because of this, you can always move somewhere else. I wish you the best and May

Allah(s.w.a) forgive you and help you.

Edited by Abu Hadi
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As ever Bro Abu Hadi has provided some excellent advice and on that note I think it is best to lock this thread.

If the OP wants to pursue the matter, then she can contact one of the Admin/Mods for referral to 1:1 help.

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