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ImAli

Refusing Marriage Proposals

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I know a woman who is in her 40's, wears chador, and when she is not at work she spends the rest of the day praying and studying religion. She has been refusing marriage proposals from suitable men since she was in her late teens and she is still refusing marriage proposals in her 40's. Some people are saying it is wrong of her to have refused marriage proposals from so many men who are suitable, but her response is that she doesn't wish to be married. I don't see that problem in this, why are so many other people bothered by her doing this if it is her choice?

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ppl are excersing amar bil ma'roof and nahi anil munkar which is Wajib.

But if they are pestering her and talking badly about her thats not right.

They just say she is not normal. But what if she really doesn't want to be married but lives a good honest life...which she does. I mean no one should be forced to be married right?

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They just say she is not normal. But what if she really doesn't want to be married but lives a good honest life...which she does. I mean no one should be forced to be married right?

Salam,, its true by getting married u complete half your religion,, because if ur married u tend not to think about haram things,,,,, but wat ur saying gets u thinking because she is someone who doesnt intend to do those haram things,, like thats how Mariam,, P.Jesus AS was like

but if she was religious she should know wats best for her

WS

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There are lots of things that are widely recommended, seemingly for everyone (either in religion, general society, etc.) However, I think marriage isn't for everyone; it may be the best option for 90% of us, perhaps as many as (or even more than) 99% of us, but I don't think it's for everyone. Lots of people say they're not really interested in marriage and never plan on getting married (or in case of non-religious people, they say they're never interested in any romantic partners) in their 20s, or even in their 30s, but by the time an otherwise very mature and stable person says they feel this way even in their 40s, they probably just don't desire this companionship or have the same sexual urges that most of the population does, nor do they have an interest in starting a family. Sometimes this could be due to an intense fear of marriage, commitment, or even being intimate with someone; these fears or anxieties can come from abuse at an early age. But other times, there's nothing scary in the person's past at all, they just feel comfortable and fulfilled as they are.

Among other things, marriage should be a way of bringing us closer to Allah (swt) and strengthening us in our faith. For a small minority of us, it may not be an essential step in getting closer to Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì. If I'm wrong about this, and marriage is really a 100% recommendation, let me know.

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Muslims should marry.

1 – Muhammad b. Ya`qub from a group of our companions from Ahmad b. Muhammad from Ibn Faddal from Ibn al-Qaddah. He said: Abu `Abdillah ( عليه السلام ) said: Two rak`at that the married prays are better than seventy rak`at that a bachelor prays.

2 – And he added, and he said: The Prophet ( صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم ) said: Two rak`at that a married prays are better than a bachelor man rising up (in) his night and fasting (in) his day.

3 – And from `Ali b. Muhammad b. Bandar [from Ahmad b. Muhammad b. Khalid] * from Muhammad b. `Ali from `Abd ar-Rahman b. Khalid from Muhammad al-Asamm from Abu `Abdillah ( عليه السلام ). He said: The Messenger of Allah ( صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم ) said: The vilest (rudhall) of your dead are the bachelors.

4 – And from him from Ahmad from Ibn Faddal and Ja`far b. Muhammad from Ibn al-Qaddah from Abu `Abdillah ( عليه السلام ). He said: A man came to my father ( عليه السلام ), so he said to him: Do you have a wife? He said: No. So my father said: I would not like that I should have the world and what is in it, and I spend a night and there not be a wife for me. Then he said: The two rak`at that a married man prays are better than a bachelor man rising up (in) his night and fasting (in) his day. Then my father gave him seven dinars, then said: Get married with this. Then my father said: The Messenger of Allah ( صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم ) said: Get the family for verily it is more sustaining for you.

5 – And al-Himyari narrated it in Qurb al-Isand from Muhammad b. `Isa from `Abdullah b. Maymun al-Qaddah its like, and he added: No benefit has benefited a servant better than a righteous wife. When he sees her she makes him happy. And when he is absent from her she guards him in herself and his property.

6 – And from him from Ahmad from his father from `Abdullah b. al-Mughira from Abu 'l-Hasan ( عليه السلام ) its like. And he added in it: So Muhammad b. `Ubayd said: May I be your ransom, so I do not have a family. So he said: Do you not have slave girls (jawari) - or he said – ummahat awlad (mothers of children, meaning slave women who have born their masters children)? He said: Of course. He said: So then you are not a bachelor.

7 – Muhammad b. `Ali b. al-Husayn said: It is narrated that the Messenger of Allah ( صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم ) said: Most of the people of the Fire are the bachelors.

8 – And in al-Khisal he said: He ( عليه السلام ) said: Two rak`at that the married prays is better than seventy rak`at that the unmarried prays.

9 - `Ali b. al-Husayn al-Murtada in the treatise Al-Muhkam wa 'l-Mutashabih transmitting from the tafsir of an-Nu`mani by his forthcoming isnad (later inWasa'il) from `Ali ( عليه السلام ). He said: Verily a group from the companions had forbidden upon themselves women and iftar by day and sleep by night. So Umm Salama informed the Messenger of Allah ( صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم ) and he went out to his companions. So he said: Do you renounce women?! Verily I come unto women, and I eat by day, and I sleep by night. So whoso renounces my Sunna, then he is not from me. And Allah sent down “Forbid not the good things which Allah has made lawful for you, nor transgress; verily, Allah loves not the transgressors. But eat of what Allah has provided you lawfully of good things; and fear Allah, in whom you are believers.” (5:87-88) So they said: O Messenger of Allah, verily we have sworn that? So Allah sent down “Allah will not catch you up for a casual word in your oaths – up to His saying - That is the expiation of your oaths when you have sworn, and keep your oaths” (5:89)

http://www.*******.org/hadiths/marriage/preliminaries/dislike-of-bachelorhood

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it is 100% recommended

Muslims should marry.

...

I am aware of this, but I just believe that exceptional cases may exist, even though being unmarried is very disliked. After all, many people desire to get married but never due (perhaps because they died young), or have other circumstances which make it difficult to find a spouse. Although, that might not be fair to compare to the case discussed by the OP.

Also, some people may not be able to fulfill the typical expecations of a typical husband or wife, but they may just need to find someone like minded who does not have these expectations (for example two people who may both need a lot of "space" and time alone might be well suited for another but both will be not too well suited for average people who want to spend a lot of time with their partner). For example, those who are psychologically not well suited for intimacy (due to one of several rare conditions, that they are unable to be treated for), may just need to find a similar partner, or one with very little expectations in this area, who is like-minded and loving.

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Yeah, I'm so fulfilled as a single person.

habibity, inshallah soon!!

I know a woman who is in her 40's, wears chador, and when she is not at work she spends the rest of the day praying and studying religion. She has been refusing marriage proposals from suitable men since she was in her late teens and she is still refusing marriage proposals in her 40's. Some people are saying it is wrong of her to have refused marriage proposals from so many men who are suitable, but her response is that she doesn't wish to be married. I don't see that problem in this, why are so many other people bothered by her doing this if it is her choice?

Maybe she has a reason for refusing. Yemkin 3adha 3eb or something. Because if she refuses with out a reason it is kind of refusing god's blessing in a way. Allah ye7deha

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I know someone she has rejected marriage proposals all her life and she's in her late 60s. I would say she is pious, religious and she seems to have to no regret of her decision. But in my humble opinion I think until a person don't get marry he/she can't discover real person inside............... getting marry is personal choice, it depends upon how you see things and understand religion. I find most females unmarried than males point of consideration is, they are tend to be satisfied with their decision (only talking about women unmarried by choice). but can't say the same for the males. God bless her and all of us

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I know a woman who is in her 40's, wears chador, and when she is not at work she spends the rest of the day praying and studying religion. She has been refusing marriage proposals from suitable men since she was in her late teens and she is still refusing marriage proposals in her 40's. Some people are saying it is wrong of her to have refused marriage proposals from so many men who are suitable, but her response is that she doesn't wish to be married. I don't see that problem in this, why are so many other people bothered by her doing this if it is her choice?

She is entitled to her own opinion. It's her life, after all. It's HER choice.

People nowadays seem to have a problem minding their own business. People just

want to speak negatively of others and judge them, overlooking their circumstances

and their experiences.

It's really disrespectful..

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Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh

Human beings are social beings and have needs. You just need to look up Maslow's Hierarchy of needs, and you will find out that basic needs include food and 'tenderness'. This is force of animal and human survival on this planet. It's God given needs, because they bear fruit in a persons life. We may not feel it's necessary, but Ahlulbayt (as) has tought us that a marriage will fulfill our religion because it gives so much in a persons life - if one marry the right person. I'm not married myself but I truly think this is the reality.

I'm just curious. What would a reason be to not getting married? and what is the disadvantage in getting marriage?

I mean a reason that is healthy and rewarding not only for a person himself but also for the ummah. I also find it important that the reason takes into account that Allah subhana wa Ta'ala did only create man and jin to worship Him, as stated in the Quran al Kareem. So our choices should reflect this view of life i.e. that we only do things fi sabilillah. So when we choose to get married we do it in the name of Allah, and when we choose not to do then it's also fi sabilillah. I would appreciate a reason that is based on this view of life.

I hope you don't find my words judgemental, because it's not my intention. My post are not directed at the beloved sister you have mentioned, but are just in general. The sister seems to be religious, may Allah Subhana wa Ta'ala bless her.

Wa assalam

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(salam)

I don’t believe in celibacy. Marriage is really good if you marry a good man/woman.

I would ask the woman to at least see the proposal/man. She can see the man background. She doesn’t need to commit until she is sure.

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well I think it's up 2 her.. she might have her private reasons.. and ppl always want to get on other's bzns that's why they seem so bothered..

Yeah I was just annoyed when I posted this because she is a great friend of mine and the other day when her name was brought up someone made a face and said she is strange.....of course I wanted to punch them (most of you know I'm hot tempered by now LOL)

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I know a woman who is in her 40's, wears chador, and when she is not at work she spends the rest of the day praying and studying religion. She has been refusing marriage proposals from suitable men since she was in her late teens and she is still refusing marriage proposals in her 40's. Some people are saying it is wrong of her to have refused marriage proposals from so many men who are suitable, but her response is that she doesn't wish to be married. I don't see that problem in this, why are so many other people bothered by her doing this if it is her choice?

(salam)

Yes marriage is mustahab but tbh you never know,

I would give benefit of the doubt and even then 70 excuses before accusing her of abandoning a good mustahab for no reason

We shoudl remember that before we judge some1 that Allah is watching, and Allah knows their situation more than we do.

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Yeah I was just annoyed when I posted this because she is a great friend of mine and the other day when her name was brought up someone made a face and said she is strange.....of course I wanted to punch them (most of you know I'm hot tempered by now LOL)

awww! just ignore such comments coz the ppl who make them feel pleasure in finding faults in others

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