Should You Force Your Daughter To Dress In Hijab?

[2Timeless]

4 hours ago, Unknown user said:

She is to remain a Muslim even if it’s by force

That's wrong on so many levels. If she's reached an ahe of maturity, she has the free will to decide to take it off. It may be haram but it's certainly better than living a life of resentment towards Islam. Also, if someone wishes to leave Islam, (not that that's really majorly linked to taking off the hijab) that's their choice. We have free will. There is no compulsion in  religion and there are multiple ayahs in the Qur'an that suggest we should not impose or force our ideology on others. 

Edited July 16, 2018 by Amira00

[Soldiers and Saffron]

8 hours ago, Unknown user said:

Not wearing a diaper isn’t a problem because it doesn’t displease Allah. Not wearing a hijab should not be a choice for Muslim girls as it is wajib and not wearing it would displease Allah. Do you think there should be freedom to disobey and displease Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى? Allowing her to refuse to wear the hijab is like allowing to her to apostate because denying something wajib in Islam is apostasy. She is to remain a Muslim even if it’s by force

I think you misunderstood what I said.

What I meant is that a child does not know what is best for him or her, just like a toddler might resist to wear diapers, that does not mean we should refrain from doing what is right.

If I have a daughter, I will be her wali and as long as she is a child she does not have the option of not obeying me. That does not mean I will ask her to do something without explaining why but it means that her brain is not developed enough to intellectually make the best choice and mine is.

For example, if you would ask a child what they would want for dinner, they might say candy and ice cream, but of course I would make them eat healthy food. Just like I am responsible for their physical health so am I responsible for their spiritual health. 

Telling my daughter who is a child to obey the laws of Allahسُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى, the child that I am responsible for, goes under amr bil maroof wa nahi anil munkar, which is wajib for me to implement in this case.

[Ahmed_516478]

4 hours ago, Amira00 said:

That's wrong on so many levels. If she's reached an ahe of maturity, she has the free will to decide to take it off. It may be haram but it's certainly better than living a life of resentment towards Islam. Also, if someone wishes to leave Islam, (not that that's really majorly linked to taking off the hijab) that's their choice. We have free will. There is no compulsion in  religion and there are multiple ayahs in the Qur'an that suggest we should not impose or force our ideology on others. 

Freewill is not negated by being forced to do something. Freewill is a metaphysical concept not a legal one. Someone isn't allowed to leave Islam since the punishment for it in Islam is death which makes the whole idea of not coercing a girl to wear hijab redundant. Sometimes you need to set hard limits that are not tolerated being broken hijab should be one.

Edited July 16, 2018 by Shi3i_jadeed

[Unknown user]

1 hour ago, Shi3i_jadeed said:

Freewill is not negated by being forced to do something. Freewill is a metaphysical concept not a legal one. Someone isn't allowed to leave Islam since the punishment for it in Islam is death which makes the whole idea of not coercing a girl to wear hijab redundant. Sometimes you need to set hard limits that are not tolerated being broken hijab should be one.

I agree with you. She was born a Muslim and she is to remain Muslim. She has no other choice. If she was my daughter I would force her to cover up. Covering up identifies her as a Muslim and therefore closes the all the roads to haram stuff and transgressions against Allah. Yes her life will be a prison but she will be rewarded in the hereafter.

[coldcow]

On 7/15/2018 at 2:02 PM, Amira00 said:

I think that forcing the hijab on their daughter is horrible. Yes, it is wajib, but you could do more harm than good if you force your daughter to wear the hijab. She'll grow to resent it and possibly even rebel against it. Shed also start viewing it as an oppressive idea and start to generalise that Islam is oppressive and sexist which would eventually lead to her complete disassociation with Islam. There is a fine line between being firm and forceful. Forceful is very damaging and possibly abusive. 

Exactly.  A good parent will explain what they are doing and why, and why it is in the best interest of the child to do it.  I've seen plenty of sisters take off the hijab, with no resistance from the parents, only to come back to it later after they realized they should be wearing it.  I've also seen plenty that resented the idea of being forced to do things (hijab being one thing), that they only wore hijab when around family.  You can't force people to be religious, just like you can't force people to not be racist.  You have to open their eyes to the logic and reasoning and hope they accept the religion with their hearts.

Remember, she will one day leave your house.  It may be by marriage, or it may be by running away.  You can't control people.  What are you going to do if one day she takes off her hijab and walks out the front door?  Beat her?  Lock her in the house?  What if she endures the beatings and still refuses to wear it?  What then?  

On 7/16/2018 at 6:23 PM, Unknown user said:

I agree with you. She was born a Muslim and she is to remain Muslim. She has no other choice. If she was my daughter I would force her to cover up. Covering up identifies her as a Muslim and therefore closes the all the roads to haram stuff and transgressions against Allah. Yes her life will be a prison but she will be rewarded in the hereafter.

Umm... Yeah, I've seen hijabis with boyfriends, and even getting very physical, as early as high school.  Hijab by itself doesn't mean anything if their hearts don't believe what it stands for.

 

 

And why are we bumping up a 6 year old thread?

Edited July 18, 2018 by coldcow

[ali_fatheroforphans]

Modesty and hijab is something that needs to become a norm, especially in a society which normalizes nudity and sexual objectification of women.If a woman were to walk into an office with inappropriate/revealing clothes, then I'm sure the office wouldn't allow such a woman to work. It's simple, that there are rules which must not be violated.

Likewise Islam is a religion which provides us certain rules that must not be violated, and just because society deems nudity as something alright, it doesn't mean that a daughter should be given a position to rebel, and imitate people in society.

However we still need to set limits and not resort to violence, because that is simply going to make things worse. I know of ignorant and narrow-minded Muslims who would abuse, beat their daughters who won't wear hijab. The consequence is that the child will associate hijab with punishment. Hijab should be a gift and children should not associate beating and abuse with it. But, not every Muslim possesses wisdom. Some might refer to fiqh without even studying the consequences. 

Edited July 18, 2018 by ali_fatheroforphans

[Fakeha]

Section "Teaching Islam to Children" https://razavi.aqr.ir/portal/file/showfile.aspx?id='9b587573-4571-4522-8bd8-911b8e34ce4f&rnd=70954.91481866463 

[Hameedeh]

6 hours ago, Fakeha said:

Section "Teaching Islam to Children" https://razavi.aqr.ir/portal/file/showfile.aspx?id='9b587573-4571-4522-8bd8-911b8e34ce4f&rnd=70954.91481866463 

A quote from the link:

Inculcating good religious habits in children is a way to build and maintain their religious and spiritual health. As they grow enough to understand, we explain to them why we pray, why we fast, why we give charity, why we wear ḥijāb, and cultivate appropriate manners. Remember that it is only natural for children to seek out how to behave, to try to discover what is right and wrong. They look to us as models, and they look to us for guidance. If we do not guide them, they will look elsewhere. As the ḥadīth from Imam Ṣādiq (P.B.U.H.) says, “Teach your children Islamic sayings and advice (ḥadīth) as soon as possible, before opposing views overtake them.” What specifically should we be passing on to them? The Prophet (P.B.U.H. & H.H.) said, “Teach your children these three characteristics: Love for your Prophet, love for his household, and reading the Qur’an.

[Laayla]

Bismehe Ta3ala 

Assalam Alikum 

It is the duty of parents to teach girls at a young age of modesty and chastity.

If they are growing up with makeup, cosmetics, bratz, barbie going wild, 

 

Constant lonlies (selfies) with 100 different racy outfits, you think these girls are going to love or appreciate hijab?

It's not the 9 year old girls fault, it’s the exposure the parents have allowed their  daughters to see and actively participate in.

Why are girls looking for attention outside their homes if their fathers are not giving her the self confidence, love, warmth at home?

What a tragedy our girls are so concerned about their appearance and looks at a very young age because parents are busy doing other things except raising their daughters.  

Who are raising them?  YouTube makeup tutorials, music videos, magazines, peer pressure.  

Of course she will detest hijab, when she doesn't have any support from home or the Islamic congregation in her town.  Every year, communities should have taqleef parties.  Why not?  People think of sweet sixteen parties but why not do it at age 9.  What stops you from making a happy occasion and a memorable one at age 9?  

If you want to see hijab with myopic vision, then the shortcoming is on you and not on the religion of God.

M3 Salamah, Fe Amin Allah 

 

On 7/16/2018 at 12:19 PM, Amira00 said:

You clearly have no idea of the struggles women go through, in particular young girl of nine years. In addition to all the pressures and hardships of puberty little girls go through issues of insecurity and alienation especially in western countries. Don't try and say that insecurity isn't a good enough problem to cause the girl to rebel. Insecurity and the pressures girls undergo from western society could cause even greater issues linking to mental health which could turn major. So , it is understandable if a girl takes off the hijab if she was forced to wear it at such a young age, especially if she ended up struggling mentally because of it. Don't label this as "immaturity" because you have no idea how difficult it is to wear the hijab. You answered the question with fiqh but it's not as simple as that. Unless you spend 10 years of your life completely covered up in a western society don't judge a woman. 

You have made hijab hard according to your limitations.  Hijab is not a burden, it is a mercy and a blessing.

This is where patience comes in, patience in following God's laws, but unfortunately western culture doesn't teach that in the curriculum. 

God bless our convert sisters when they embrace our beautiful Deen, they face so many problems and they still don the hijab, Alhamd'Allah.

If hijab is seriously problematic for you, make duaa to help you complete your obligation.  

M3 Salamah, Fe Amin Allah 

[ali_fatheroforphans]

This is an extract from Principles of Upbringing Children by Ayatollah Ibrahim Amini. I hope people don't think that beating their children who don't wear hijab is the way to go.

A child cannot be reformed through physical punishments. Perhaps, it might have a temporary effect on the child, but will be very harmful in a longer run. For example:

1. When a child is beaten, he gets habituated of bowing down his head to torture and force. He may perhaps start thinking that force is the only key to success. He starts thinking that when one is angry, he should beat. By giving physical punishment to the children, the parents set an example for them to adopt the tyrannical laws of the jungle in their future lives.

2. The children who get beatings, develop hate and antagonism against their parents. The children never forget the harsh treatment they received at the hands of the parents. Such children might even become rebellious.

3. Repeated beatings can make a child timid and cowardly. The personality of the child can also be suppressed with physical punishment. He might later on become a victim of psychological ailments.

4. In most cases physical punishment seldom improves the child. It doesn’t create a wish in the child to correct his behavior. He might perhaps show some momentary signs of change out of fear of the rod and the beatings, but is no guarantee that he will not repeat the same act again. His basic failing will persist in his subconscious mind. It will manifest itself later on in some other form.

[Unknown user]

On 7/17/2018 at 11:03 PM, coldcow said:

Remember, she will one day leave your house.  It may be by marriage, or it may be by running away.  You can't control people.  What are you going to do if one day she takes off her hijab and walks out the front door?  Beat her?  Lock her in the house?  What if she endures the beatings and still refuses to wear it?  What then?  

There shouldn’t be any need for beating But if she refuses to wear the hijab she should not be allowed to leave the house until she wears it. If she runs away and takes off the hijab she will be punished on the day of judgement. We can all agree hijab is wajib which means its compulsory not optional and therefore there is no two ways about it, women have to wear it. I conclude that as long as she lives in her parents house it should be made clear to her that because hijab is compulsory she must wear it and in future she should be married to a Muslim man that also compels her to wear it because it’s not optional simple as that.