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In the Name of God بسم الله

Islamic Wedding, Any Good Ideas?

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  • Advanced Member

Salam Alaykom brothers and sisters!

I´m a guy who is really looking forward tp the day I´m getting married. I dont have anybody right now, and have no interests in anybody either...I think...not really sure... :S

But I sometimes think about how me and my future wife could arrange a wedding that is not haram in any way but still not boring. What is allowed and not allowed?

Wassalam!

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wa alaykum salaam

Well, in my opinion, it’s not meant to be an exciting day, rather a special blessed day, where you complete half you religion. So what you want to do is stay as far away from cultural rubbish as possible and take the example of Imam Ali (as) and Fatima (as), keep it nice and simple, then I suppose you could organise some kind of dinner for afterwards. You know they are the best example to follow, all their actions are for the pleasure of Allah (swt) as all our actions should be insha Allah

I personally abhor these clown circuses that are really and truly, pagan rituals that we should steer clear of, when I see people throwing money around it makes me sick.

What can I say, I guess I’m no fun, but its best to be safe.

Good luck in the future

ws

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  • Advanced Member

Salam,

I attended a wedding recently that I found really well organized and in accordance with Islamic rulings, and not 'boring' :). The wedding was located in two halls next to each other- one for males and one for females, the evening included a slideshow, speeches by friends and family of the couple, and poetry. The speeches were really funny and so were the slideshows , I found it to be a very 'personal' wedding you really got to know the couple.

>May God grant you the spouse you are looking for

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Salam Alaykom brothers and sisters!

But I sometimes think about how me and my future wife could arrange a wedding that is not haram in any way but still not boring. What is allowed and not allowed?

Wassalam!

Wa alaikum salaam brother.

Actually, it is not only possible to have a halal and yet not boring wedding, it has been done several times both in the past and present. A few tips towards having a halal and memorable day:

1. Segregation of the genders. For this, you can either have separate/separated/fully partitioned venues with the events running co-currently, or you can have the events for the males and females on different events/days as we do here where the nikaah is done at the mosque ( a men-only affair) and after the nikaah the groom and a few close family members come to the girls house for dinner (men and women are served separately) and then the groom leaves with his bride. The ladies event is done else where or as a separate event where the ladies have nashid recitations, witty poems and advice to the girl, as well as interaction between ladies without hijab worries, which is always entertaining.

2. Extravagance: this is a big source of haraam in our weddings where you have excess food, expensive venues, expensive dowry, etc. Keep your costs within islamic reason and limits and remember: think of the blessings you will have if by cutting down on your costs for a wedding, you are able to assist another couple to have a wedding. A few hadiths on helping others to get married if you can:

The Holy Prophet (p.h.u.h.) said: "He who struggles to join two Muslim believers in lawful marriage that they marry under the divine law, Allah will give him in marriage from the black-eyed houri (damsels in Heaven), and there will be for him the reward of one year of worshipping for every step he takes or word he speaks."Bihar-ul-Anwar, vol. 103, p. 221

Imam Amir-ul-Mu'mineen Ali [a] said: "The best mediations is it that you intercede between two persons for lawful marriage so that they both marry under the law of Allah.AI-Tahthib, vol.7, p. 415 & Al-Kafi, vol. 5, p. 331

Imam al-Kadhim [a] said: On the Judgement Day, the Day in which there is no shade except the shade of Allah's Mercy, three varieties will avail of the shade of Allah's Throne: the man who caused the marriage of his Muslim brother, or he who served him, or the one who concealed his secrets for his sake."Bihar-ul-Anwar, vol. 74, p. 356

Imam Sadiq [a] said: "He who unites an unmarried person in wedlock will be of those on whom Allah will look at (mercifully) on the Resurrection Day."AI-Tahthib, vol. 7, p. 404

Imam al-Kadhim [a] said: "On the Reckoning Day, Allah has a special shade of Mercy to spread under which none will reside except the prophets, or their vicegerents, or a believer who frees a believing slave, or a believer who pays the debt of another believing one, or a believer who unites in wedlock a believing unmarried one."Bihar-ul-Anwar, vol. 74, p. 356

The Holy Prophet said: "He who tries to join two Muslim believers in lawful marriage so that they marry under the divine law, Allah will join one thousand Houries (damsels of Heaven with black large eyes) in marriage with him each of whom will be in a castle from pearls and rubies."Wasa'il ush-Shi'ah, vol. 20, p. 46

3. The Guest List: When making your guest list, keep in mind the Islamic principles on cordial relations with relatives, neighbors, friends etc while balancing this with what you can afford (naturally, if you keep your costs low e.g organise your own catering, decorations etc you will be able to invite more people. here our average wedding has 1000 ladies, and the costs are not even a fraction of what people spend in the west or parts of the middle east :unsure: ) . You should also keep in mind that the Mercy of Allah is far from a feast where not a single poor person is invited. [i don't know how this is handled in areas where i am told "there are no poor people" - perhaps donate some of the food for the wedding feast to a homeless shelter? ]

4. Hijab: Think both physical and social hijab. This way, when planning for the clothes [there is a wide variety of very hijabi bridal wear both eastern and western], make up, venue(s), guest list, seating arrangements (if you are totally unable to segregate), parking arrangements and entrances, how far voices will be carried, who is in the photos, who is allowed to take photos (you may want to limit use of cameras and phone cameras. I am sure you are aware of how dangerous technology has made it to relax ones physical hjiab - as often cannot be avoided with the bride in a ladies only event).

5. Halal alternatives: There are lawful and permissible alternatives for just about everything you need for a halal and enjoyable wedding. A few tips:

- Have a learned and witty guest speaker- I have seen several times how this really livens up a wedding while imparting good teachings. The scholar/speaker in this case talks on a issue relating to marriage for example: its importance for the youth, or rights and duties of the parties involved in a marriage (the spouse and their families) while putting witty and humorous comments here and there which serve not only to keep people paying attention, but are also providing practical examples for the teachings they are imparting.

-Have a beautiful recitation of the Qur'an of verses which people can ponder on (with a projector showing the verses and translations so that people are able to follow them). for this you can have a qaari (special reciter) or anyone who is able to recite well and will by his beautiful voice and pronunciations keep people listening (usually, this is done for about 10-15 mins here)

- Recitation of poetry and nasheeds in praise of Allah سبحانه وتعالى, the ahlulbayt (as) - you can have some common ones which many in the group will be able to join as a chorus. Here, there are special groups who do this and at a small fee (usually just a gift to the group for their effort) you will have provided lawful, beautiful, spiritual and joyful means of keeping the event enjoyable. You may also have presentation of witty poetry which captures advice to the couple.

- Don't drag the event for too long or you could run out halal things to do and the people who have lacked anything else to do could start engaging in less than halal activity which you may not have control over. A few hours at most should be enough to allow enough interaction between people/the guests (interaction is a good thing, so its not like they just race into the wedding, see the couple, eat and run out) while not over tiring the couple and their family.

6. Knowledge: Even before you have identified a marriage partner, make it your business to know the rules and islamic teachings relating to marriage, be it mutahiraat, or the mustahab/recommended acts on the wedding night, the mutual duties and rights of the spouses [they can during their engagement cover a reading list on these issues if they have not been able to learn these things before they got engaged].

7. The Engagement: A lot of halal weddings end up starting on a haraam footing because people are not aware of the rules relating to engagement (with no nikah or mutah). It may be easier to have a nikaah earlier and then the main ceremony much later, the period inbetween being the "engagement" in which they get to know each other better, plan their wedding etc). Having a mutah arranged is also a good idea where the parties want to have their nikaah later.

8. Gifts: If this culture is prevalent in your area, then think of halal and islamic gifts. At many weddings I have attended, there is usually a gift from the couple/family to all the guests. Here, a common gift is a tasbeeh, a small bottle of attar/perfume and a few sweets. There have also been a few who gave CDs of beautiful Qur'an recitations, with the label on the CD thanking the guests for attending and asking to be remembered in the prayers of the guests, some gave duaa books, some gave a compilation of islamic laws, duas, verses, hadiths on marriage. When giving a gift, think of something that will remind people of Allah (swt) and the ahlulbayt (as).

I´m a guy who is really looking forward tp the day I´m getting married. I dont have anybody right now, and have no interests in anybody either...I think...not really sure... :S

You may enjoy reading this book: http://www.maaref-fo...ction/index.htm

Hope that helps.

Wasalaam.

Edited by habib e najjaar
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  • Advanced Member

Thank you so much for your time writing this!

This was really great advice on how I make my future wedding halal and fun!

I don´t know how to get the book, but maybe someday I´ll try to order it from the internet.

Thank you again and may Allah bless you!

wassalam

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Thank you so much for your time writing this!

This was really great advice on how I make my future wedding halal and fun!

I don´t know how to get the book, but maybe someday I´ll try to order it from the internet.

Thank you again and may Allah bless you!

wassalam

Assalamu alaykum.

No worries :) And the book is available online on the link I gave you, you can just read it online, or print and read as you go ^_^

May Allah give us success on His path.

ws.

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Assalamu alaykum.

do you know how can i print it ? i didn't see any button...

thanks

Wa alaykum salaam.. You could copy paste each chapter to word document/pdf then print it out, or you could use this link: http://en.rafed.net/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=2858&catid=323:youth-and-spouse-selection&Itemid=965

then click on each chapter, and print using the print feature for each chapter/section of the book. e.g chapter 1: http://en.rafed.net/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=2839&catid=323&Itemid=965#1

Hope that helps.

(wasalam)

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