A Little Help?

[lost89]

hi i need some serious advice and help. im going to make this as brief as possible

i met a guy over the internet around 3 years ago. he was a syed shia. we met in person and after a while he proposed. however, because we were still too young and studying, we couldnt get it formal. we didnt meet often. once or twice every two months. we did hold hands, and we web-cammed alot.

we did a nikah ins ecret, of which our parents did not know. he broke off an engagement with hsi cousin for me.

in a while, both out parents came to kno of the relationship and our likin for each other, however, not the nikah.

recently, when after alot of insistence he went to talk to his aprents seriously about the relation, his parents refused flat and got him engaged forcefully (or so he says) to the same girl with whom he had broken up the engagement earlier.

i couldnt hold on to him so i let him go.

there are two problems:

i realy cant get over him. we were emotionally very close and i have grown dependednt on him. my life feels empty and as if a big black hole has been palced there. i wake up every morning ccrying like hell and feel wretched the whole day.

i had prayed desperately for 2 years or smthng for our marriage and i feel rejected now that my prayers have been turned down

the secod one, he hasnt gotten the divorce seegha done. i dont think he intends to.

please help and advice

[Hamzi]

why did he get engaged to this girl again, doesn't he have a say on who he wants to get married to.

will if he loves you he can convince his parents and thats it.

inshallah u will feel better inshallah

[lost89]

thanks

he has been trying to convince his parents for one week apprently, but to no use.

his parents' are emotionally blackmailing him acc. to him, and have gotten him engaged to this girl again to resolve some family enemity

as of now i have stopped all contact with him

but it stil doesnt help my situation. i just dont know what to do! :s

[Gypsy]

(salam)

Lost89,

Are you a virgin? If you are then you cannot do Muta without your parent’s permission.

BTW, what is the length/duration of the contract?

[Waiting for HIM]

You need to ask your marja' opinion on the validity of mutah if you are indeed a virgin. Inf not and that from a halal experience then still you need marja opinion.

Besides why would you ruin your life for a person who could not stand up for you when the push came to shove. He got engaged "forcefully", its not like feeding forcefully, there is a whole mind and heart and consent involved. One can not get engaged forcefully. My suggestion, take your losses and run. Run means leave him. Don't physically run anywhere - lol. You need all the love, affection, and support of your parents and family more than ever now.

BUT Allah showed you the reality of this person that he can not make his decisions on his own, is weak in his character, low integrity, and is confused.

Men like these are what women hate most. I'm a man and no matter what my age would have been, if I had contracted such a serious relationship as nikah, I would not have budged no matter who was forcing me... He forsaking you (that after nikah) is just shows a lot that this person has no integrity. Take this advice from a MAN and leave him. Just be happy that no harm was done.

[Naz_]

i couldnt hold on to him so i let him go.

there are two problems:

i realy cant get over him. we were emotionally very close and i have grown dependednt on him. my life feels empty and as if a big black hole has been palced there. i wake up every morning ccrying like hell and feel wretched the whole day.

i had prayed desperately for 2 years or smthng for our marriage and i feel rejected now that my prayers have been turned down

the secod one, he hasnt gotten the divorce seegha done. i dont think he intends to.

please help and advice

Salam alaykum,

The first 'problem' you have listed, isn't a problem. You only think you can't get over him but you CAN. Be strong!! You can do it! Your prayers of two years haven't been turned down, Allah (swt) knows what is best for you, He (swt) does nothing without a reason so don't feel rejected. Don't be dependant upon anyone but Allah (swt);

"And if Allah should touch you with adversity, there is no remover of it except Him. And if He touches you with good - then He is over all things competent." -Surah al-Anam (6:17)

Divorce seegha? Meaning he hasn't divorced you yet?

Say Alhamdulilah and thank Allah (swt) that you aren't in a worse situation, best of luck. ^_^

[Kamranistan]

Just remember Allah (swt) and move on, the love for Allah (swt) is true love, not the love of someone, the love of someone comes when you both are together for the sake of Allah (swt) and have islam as a basis. Otherwise it's just lust.

InshaAllah you get it sorted.

(wasalam)

[wonderer]

the way I see it.. he didn't work hard enough to stay with u.. ya family is a big pressure but a lot of ppl use it as an excuse..

and your prayers weren't turned down.. it only means God got something BETTER in store for you! :) God always does what's best for us .. I TRULY believe in this, and God always proven to me that every time a prayer isn't answered something WAY better comes along :)

All u need to focus on is if a person rejects you or not work hard to be with you, then simply you are better off :)

getting over someone isn't easy, BUT it can happen.. just keep busy and give it some time and he'll be something in the past :)

good luck! :)

[Ali_Hussain]

and your prayers weren't turned down.. it only means God got something BETTER in store for you! :) God always does what's best for us .. I TRULY believe in this, and God always proven to me that every time a prayer isn't answered something WAY better comes along :)

All u need to focus on is if a person rejects you or not work hard to be with you, then simply you are better off :)

These kind of situations always remind me of that aya 24:26

Vile women are for vile men, and vile men for vile women. Good women are for good men, and good men for good women; such are innocent of that which people say: For them is pardon and a bountiful provision.

It is what you have to tell yourself at the end of the day

Edited August 8, 2011 by ShahHussain

[wonderer]

^true .. I was thinking of another aya something along these lines: you plan, they plan, and God is the best of planners :)

[lost89]

<p>thanks everyone</p>

<p>and yes i am a virgin. i thank god that i did not commit any mistake or any action for which i wouldve had to pay now that he has left me, even if it was under the pretext of a nikah</p>

<p>thank you for your support</p>

<p>i hope this passes</p>

<p>and i do hope that god has something better planned for me :)</p>

<p>thankyou for the kind words and support</p>

[Sheraz]

It's quite saddening. I can relate to ur story very closey n know exactly wht u going thru. One feels so helpless n the pyshcal n mental drain is sickening to say the least. However I thank Allah my story does seem to hve a positive ending (unlike urs)

Brother Naz makes a vital point thnx Allah that you hvnt found ursefl in worse trouble.

As the guy he wasn't worth it cause I don't see how any guy after doing nikkah getting oppressed by his parents n giving in. One thing he will hve to admit his that ONLY after his consent his second niqaah make into fruitation.

Forgive n move on in this pious month.

[alimohamad40]

Salaam

was your marriage temporary or permanent ?

if temporary and the period is small you can simply wait the period

if its long period you need to ask him to " End the period" , he just needs to say " Wahbtuki al muddah"

if it was permanent marriage then he needs to read the seegha of divorce in the presence of two just witnesses

as many said his weak character is a bad sign and saying they forcefully engaged him is a shameful thing... i mean he might not like the girl and he will make her life hell just to satisfy his anti-islamic parents???

its anti islamic to force people to a mrriage because Islam demands the voluntary verbal acceptance as a prerequisite for the validity of any a marriage contract.

many people who are not involved will find it easy to tell you to leave him

now his problems are the weakness and he might cause transgression if he goes with his cousin and doesn't like her so he should make sure he wants her and not forced to take her because that will lead to transgression.

If you see a hope in him then islam allows him to have up to 4 wives so you can also marry him. but as they said he needs to man up and oppose his parents to protect the rights of others and his own right