Love

[Jewell]

What's the Islamic perspective on this? I have been very 'in love' with a Muslim man for three years now. Initially he reciprocated this love (100% halal relationship) for a brief period of time. He then cut off all ties as he was not able to embark on marriage at the time due to personal circumstances. I respect that, but still love him for some reason despite cutting off all contact for nearly 3 years. I still think about him most days and want to be his wife. I realise this is destructive as I've not been at all interested in anyone else since I met him. At the time I prayed tahajud and made duaa that we would be married as I believed that that would be the most Islamic solution. Not sure what to ask Allah for now. I have tried to forget him but failed many times. It is not a lustful longing but I feel that I have found and then lost my soul mate. I was hoping that having cut off all contact I'd be over him by now but this doe not seem to be the case. Any advice?

[Awaiting_for_the12th]

salam alikum sister,

If the man couldnt contract a permenant marriage, then why didnt you try temporary marriage. My advice is to marry (permanent or temporary) another man. You are not giving chance to someone else and i believe if you do, it will solve the feelings you have.

[Jewell]

Wa'alaikumassalaam and thank you for your advice,

Temporary marriage was not an option either at the time and is not really what I am after anyway. I would feel as though I would be 'cheating on' anyone else I marry as my heart belongs to someone else. In any case, there are not many Muslims where I live and I am not exactly inundated with proposals.

[MGW]

Dont do temporary marriage

[rajaa]

Wa'alaikumassalaam and thank you for your advice,

Temporary marriage was not an option either at the time and is not really what I am after anyway. I would feel as though I would be 'cheating on' anyone else I marry as my heart belongs to someone else. In any case, there are not many Muslims where I live and I am not exactly inundated with proposals.

Salaam,

If I understand correctly, you have no spoken to him in 3 years? Yet you are still thinking about him regularly?

If I understood, I think sister its time to move on, what if he is already married and has a family? I really think you should continue in your sturggle to find someone else and inshallah get married soon, if he didnt commit before isnt that a sign enough for you that he wasnt serious?

Inshallah keep praying and making du'as and Allah (swt) will help you overcome this infactuation.....

[Jewell]

Salaam,

If I understand correctly, you have no spoken to him in 3 years? Yet you are still thinking about him regularly?

If I understood, I think sister its time to move on, what if he is already married and has a family? I really think you should continue in your sturggle to find someone else and inshallah get married soon, if he didnt commit before isnt that a sign enough for you that he wasnt serious?

Inshallah keep praying and making du'as and Allah (swt) will help you overcome this infactuation.....

Thanks, I realise it is time to move on and that it is completely illogical to keep thinking of someone but it's not something I seem to be able to control. He's not married yet, but I think it would help me to hear that he was!

Salaam,

If I understand correctly, you have no spoken to him in 3 years? Yet you are still thinking about him regularly?

If I understood, I think sister its time to move on, what if he is already married and has a family? I really think you should continue in your sturggle to find someone else and inshallah get married soon, if he didnt commit before isnt that a sign enough for you that he wasnt serious?

Inshallah keep praying and making du'as and Allah (swt) will help you overcome this infactuation.....

Thanks, I realise it is time to move on and that it is completely illogical to keep thinking of someone but it's not something I seem to be able to control. He's not married yet, but I think it would help me to hear that he was!

[La fata illa Ali]

Dont do temporary marriage

Why Not?

Nothing wrong with temp marraige, the question is does it fit this case in particular? prolly not.

[Iraqiah_Shia]

Why dont you get in touch with him again?

[Gypsy]

(salam)

You said something about him not being ready for marriage in the last 3 years. Is the case still same? If he has forgotten you (get over you) then there isn’t much point waiting on him.

The best is to find someone else. I know it seems hard to be interested (think) in another man especially when you love someone else, but to get over him, you need to love someone else.

[Elvis_King]

Im in the same situation,

But for me by time I started to forget about my past, I hope it does the same for you.

But if Allah(SWAT) wants then inshallah he will be yours.

¨With prayers for your succes

[Jewell]

Thank you all for your replies and kind support. I was wondering though if anybody knew the Islamic viewpoint on romantic love (with references if possible). Look forward very much to salah and duaa in Ramadan to help me achieve guidance inchallah.

Does anyone know of any duaa's to facilitate marriage? There isn't really a Muslim community where I live and my family have very limited connections.

[Luminary]

In Islamic philosophy, true love is reserved for the almighty, rest of the forms of love r an illusion. Nothing more. The love of the parent for the child would probably b the purest form of love that humans can muster.

[sister in islam]

In Islamic philosophy, true love is reserved for the almighty, rest of the forms of love r an illusion. Nothing more. The love of the parent for the child would probably b the purest form of love that humans can muster.

i agree with Luminary Masha'Allah, the highest form of love is to love Allah, the Propher (pbuh) and the ahlulbayt. This will also help you 'get over' the guy Insha'Allah. If u pray sincerely to Allah, know that He will have a better plan for you and help you through your tough time insha'Allah. Hope it works out for u sis :)

[Guest Monad]

"The innocent hearts will attach themselves to distant memories". Look ahead, there is a journey, by looking back you are missing the future, time to fly, plenty of birds and fishes.

http://www.duas.org/matri.htm

[sister in islam]

Life is like a book with many pages and chapters...some tell of tragedy, others of triumph. Some are dull and ordinary, others intense an exciting. The key to success in life is NEVER stop on a difficult page, NEVER quit on a tough chapter...for Allah (swt) says in the Quran, "After every hardship i give u ease...". So have the courage to keep turning the pages because a better chapter lies ahead and trust that with Allah (swt) nothing is impossible...

[Jewell]

Thanks again guys. Alhamdulillah things are much better as always in Ramadan. May Allah increase all our Imaan and piety inchaallah.

[Jay]

Don't marry the man you love, but love the man you marry.

[Fiasco]

Once you make an attempt to invest emotionally in another individual, alot of your feelings toward the previous individual will inevitably subside. Three years is a long time, and i'm guessing that your infatuation with this individual is partially or mostly because you've chosen to remain single.

Open your heart to another, it will allow you to heal your wounds and move on with your life. Time, as they say, heals everything.

[Gypsy]

Thank you all for your replies and kind support. I was wondering though if anybody knew the Islamic viewpoint on romantic love (with references if possible).

I was trying to reply to your post but clicked the like button accidentally.

In Islam, romantic love is viewed in matrimonial sense - husband loving his wife and vise versa.

[Waiting for HIM]

Try shiamatch.com and shiaspouse.com. But forget about this person and get over it. Do not waste your life. Besides there is none who is soul mate. Each one of us are different and unique. If you think he was your soul mate, he must have been a "talker" and would be agreeing with everything you would be saying. That's how human mind interprets a soul mate.

I've seen many marriages fail or turned into love-less marriages because one or the other spouse has invested a whole lot emotionally into someone else who they could not marry later.

For all brother and specially sisters, keep your love and romantic emotions concealed and protected in your heart like a beautiful flower if exposed to sun would dry out. In other words shut your heart out. Then open it all to your spouse after marriage.

Also read the meaning of the "nikah khutba". It is a dua' and a very strange one as this is one of the dua's which get accepted right then and there. Ever wonder how when two seemingly strange people marry, for at least first few months of their lives, they become "THE MOST" important persons for each other. And if they build on it, they remain that way.

Make it your motto and repeat it everyday - love after marriage, love after marriage, love after marriage, love after marriage....

Everything and anything before marriage is LUST and SIN.

[ImAli]

It is possible that you are in love with the idea of being in love with him (did you understand that?). Also if he hasn't spoken to you in 3 years he probably isn't even the same person anymore. Another thing, I don't want to get into details but is is possible he was hiding something from you 3 years ago? I know some guys here who are married back home and play with the hearts of unsuspecting girls here.

[mouradf]

Don't do temp. marriage

[Jewell]

Thanks, I know my post is somewhat short of detail but this is not a situation where temporary marriage would have helped anyway, so not much point discussing that.

"In Islam, romantic love is viewed in matrimonial sense - husband loving his wife and vise versa"

Do you have a reference for this? I am genuinely curious. My own life experience is that love for example (mother-child, child-grandparent, brother-sister, man-woman) can exist outside marriage. I am not suggesting that this compete with your love for Allah, but just that it is a phenomonon that has serious bearings on the way we feel.

"Don't marry the man you love, but love the man you marry"

Again, is there a reference for this? This is not always possible. Surely if love outside a marriage happens then it is most halal to make the relationship into a marriage as soon as possible. In my situation when this was not possible I cut off all ties to avoid any haram being committed. There are many examples of loveless marriages (and Allah in the Quran describes the marriages of Aasiyah, Nuh and Lot (as) ). Please understand that I am not talking about lust here, rather the genuine mutual feelings of respect and admiration for someone's deen and wanting to build a muslim family with someone.

I am only talking from experience and do not claim to be religiously knowlegeable. I am genuinely seeking advice. Alhamdulillah I have been doing well this Ramadan in trying to put the past behind me but it is still difficult. May Allah help all Muslimeen inchaallah.

Last query, I have never heard of 'nikah khutbah'. Does anyone have a link to this in Arabic?

[Hameedeh]

Last query, I have never heard of 'nikah khutbah'. Does anyone have a link to this in Arabic?

(bismillah)

(salam)

It is on this page, among other things about marriage: http://www.islamic-laws.com/marriagesiga.htm

[siraatoaliyinhaqqun]

(bismillah)

(salam)

It is on this page, among other things about marriage: http://www.islamic-laws.com/marriagesiga.htm

Those are mullah made sighas.

[Maula Dha Mallang]

What's the Islamic perspective on this? I have been very 'in love' with a Muslim man for three years now. Initially he reciprocated this love (100% halal relationship) for a brief period of time. He then cut off all ties as he was not able to embark on marriage at the time due to personal circumstances. I respect that, but still love him for some reason despite cutting off all contact for nearly 3 years. I still think about him most days and want to be his wife. I realise this is destructive as I've not been at all interested in anyone else since I met him. At the time I prayed tahajud and made duaa that we would be married as I believed that that would be the most Islamic solution. Not sure what to ask Allah for now. I have tried to forget him but failed many times. It is not a lustful longing but I feel that I have found and then lost my soul mate. I was hoping that having cut off all contact I'd be over him by now but this doe not seem to be the case. Any advice?

if i was to say to you "dont think of a white elephant", what would be the first thing you think of?

getting over emotional pain is the same thing sis. the more you try to avoid it, the more it will play on your mind (which is why you still think of him three years later).

theres not any easy advice or formula that you can follow in order to move on, if there was, there wouldnt be so many broken hearts in the world would there? there are tools you can use to manage what you are going through. its like if you have your back teeth removed, you can keep chewing the same way for as long as you want, you wont be able to eat properly, but if you accept your teeth are missing and adapt the way you eat to use your other teeth, you will almost be able to eat as normal. but every time your tongue touches the empty spot your teeth used to be, you will remember that the tooth is missing