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DaSouljah

Shaking Hands With The Opposite Sex

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Ive made my decision a while ago,im just gonna decline the handshake, even if its for a job interview. I truly believe Allah swt will increase my rizq inshAllah, and i dont wanna do haram to get my job. Theyll have to accept my beliefs. And also its really not something they should fuss about and if they do then really i dont wanna work in such a closed minded evironment. Also i have the rght to decline. Its only loggical that i dont want men to touch me. I actually dont understand why this is such a common practice;

(bismillah)

(salam)

Masha'Allah. Beautiful response sister. Right now I'm still in high school, but I find myself in this situation a lot if I win an award or something. In this case I know that they're not just going to take my award away for not shaking hands or something. I just politely put my hand on my chest and whisper (loud enough for the one extending their hand to hear me) that I don't shake hands and I apologize. In other cases, if you know who exactly will be extending their hand, you could try and inform them prior to the event or such, so you are not "put on the spot."

Edited by AlAbd AlThaleel

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Salams

I just sent the following question to various offices of our scholars but would like to read the opinion of fellow members as well.

when Jeuss was walking on the earth He talked to a woman. one by one. face to face. it was not something bad to him. in fact He went a long long distansce just to talk to a single woman and tell her that He is the Messiah and He came to save her and the world.

when jews brought a woman caught at the very act of adultery - what did He dd? did He stone her? No. did He attack her? no. Did He insult her? no

He said to her: go and sin no more

Jesus showed her mercy....

because the Bible says that it is the love of God that bribgs people into repentance...

God is love and that is why He sent Jesus to die for you on the Cross

western women dont wear any hijabs and they are free and respected and not attacked because the problem lies in the mentality of muslim men.

also shaking hands is nothing wrong but islam creates this gender separation which is no solution to sin at all

morlaity is a choice

not blnd obedience

look what i found on the subject of hijab. i think it is so true:

The Veil as a Political Weapon

Que Pense Allah de l'Europe first presents the views of the proponents of the veil, such as Muslim women who say, "The veil represents my religion, my culture and my identity. It is a sign of modesty, of self-respect, of submission to God. It is a religious duty written in the Koran... [i wear it] out of my own free will..." Also presented are the opinions of European intellectuals who defend the veil on the basis of "the right to be different" and "religious freedom," and who ask, for example, "If body-piercing and displaying one's navel is allowed, how can the veil be banned?"

In response to this argument, Djavann points out that no regime has ever forced women to go about with their navels showing, whereas the veil is imposed upon several hundred million women around the world. She writes that the veil cannot be presented as a personal choice, disregarding centuries of Islamic history. She adds that it is inappropriate to probe the motivations of every young girl wearing the veil when what is at stake is a political agenda.

Djavann explains further: "The veil has never been innocent or innocuous. It has always signified the submission of women to men and the denial of legal rights to women in Islamic countries." She stresses that the Islamists did not invent the veil, but have turned it into a weapon and made of it the symbol of their cause.

Addressing the growing phenomenon of veiled women in European Muslim communities, Djavann points out its centrality to the Islamist propaganda: "The political, ideological, and psychological impact of the veil goes far beyond its appearance… If this weren't the case, why would the Islamists make it their main focus? [7]... It constitutes a constant call to order by Islamic law."

"The Spread of the Veil in Europe is a Very Clear Indicator of the Spread of Islamism": "Iran Has Imposed the Veil on All Women, Including Christian and Jewish Women"

The veil, Djavann argues, reflects a refusal to integrate, and its spread in Europe is a very clear indicator of the spread of Islamism. Therefore, intellectuals who defend it, in an attempt to be understanding and compassionate, are in fact promoting Islamism: "The French intellectuals who oppose the banning of the veil in secular schools must understand that they are supporting Islamic dictatorships," she writes.

Djavann stresses that Islam can exist without the veil, but the Islamist system cannot, because "the veil is the symbol, the flag and the keystone of the Islamic system." As an example, she presents Iran, which "has imposed the veil on all women, including Christian and Jewish women, and has deployed its paramilitary forces to enforce the wearing of the veil throughout Iran."

As for those young girls who insist on wearing the veil in France, she says that "they encourage oppression against all the women in Muslim countries who strive to escape the totalitarian hold of the hijab, and [even] risk their lives to do so."

in christianity men and women are equal

the Bible says men and women are all children of God, men and women have the same treatment and the same rewards in heaven

men are to submit to women and women to men

men are to serve women and women to men

men are to respect women and women men

"Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all [of you] be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. " (1 pe 5:5)

in islam men are everything and favored, women are degraded and humiliated

God is not unfair and unjust like in islam

shaking hands is nothinh wrong

God of the Bible loves all men and women alike

Jesus died for both men and women

the first person Jesus revealed Himself after He was raised from the dead was a woman

islam is so unfair to women

but in christianity men are to LOVE wives

in islam men are never told to love wives

but they are told to beat them...

women are treated shamefully by islam

it is satanic

but God is good and just

in cristianity women and men are equal and there is NO gender separation at all

which is a wonderful thing

look at women in christian countries - how free liberated they are

the choose if they want to get married or not

how many kids they want

whom they want to marry

if they want to work

islam limits women to home and kids

women cannot even leave the house without the husband's permission which is inconceivable in christian countries...

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I'm going to the hospital about 10+ days, and it is FOR CERTAIN that I will shake hands (and I have done this before) - and now I am like: I don't want to shake hands, so I will go, and put my hand on my chest and don't say anything, for I guess that they will have a knowledge on what is happening, and if they ask, that why I don't shake hands, I will say: It is not because I want to be rude, but my religion forbids this.

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Just put on a big smile and ignore the hand :) If they ask you about it then explain it's a religious thing. Most of the time people are cool with it. And when they're not - who cares? :D

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you can bow like Japanese or put your palm hands together near your nose like Indians or a composition of all of these !

but put your hand on your chest and a little bending can do the work well !!

if none of the above works for you, then you can escape !!!

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About refusing handshakes from the opposite sex I want to know what people actually say when they reject a handshake?

I say "Im a germaphobic, i saw you touch tha door knob" JK :) just tell them religious beliefs mos people are fine with that

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I've just been offered an interview next week for an internship through my University. Only problem is that the person interviewing me is a guy. What am I supposed to do when he sticks out his hand for me to shake? I don't want to look like a total weirdo and say, "Sorry, I can't," and leave a bad impression. In the West, something as insignificant as a handshake can make or break the interview. What would you guys do in a situation like this? 

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Just tell him "my religious beliefs require me to keep my physical contact with my significant other and close family", a smile, and change of conversation to something about the internship

Edited by Wisdom Lion

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If you need the job, take the handshake. You can explain permitted and forbidden contact later. If you don't really need it but just want it, tell him handshakes are against your religion.

This according to Ayt. Sistani.

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If you need the job, take the handshake. You can explain permitted and forbidden contact later. If you don't really need it but just want it, tell him handshakes are against your religion.

 

 

I guess I kind of do and don't need it at the same time? The only reason I'm applying for an internship is more because of the experience that it provides me. I'm not really in a financial crisis (Alhamdulillah) or in need of money. It's just the program that I'm majoring in looks at work-related/volunteer-related experience over education.

 

 

 

 

 

(bismillah)

(salam)

 

Dear hersheyskisses,

Before asking about jurisprudential (Feqhi) questions you must make chose your Marja'.

Who is your Marja'?

 

 

To be honest, I actually don't follow a Marja... Since Sistani seems to be the popular choice in the US and Canada, I guess I'll just follow his rulings for these type of questions.

 

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Take the internship, dont leave it..

You dont feel much thro a handshake. I shake hands in interviews, it happens way to fast for me to say oh I cant shake hands. But I do explain that direct contact with oppesite is not allowed. My boss was amazed at that. You can teach them a bit about your believes after getting that job.

If you have some sort of fabric in the way, it should be okay because it doesnt touch the skin.

I am going to try to refuse a handshake next time. Lol, I will probably say am a bit ill I dont want to pass the illness to you. And hold a couple if tissues in my hand.

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A Muslim man is not allowed to shake hands with a woman without a barrier, such as gloves, unless refraining from shaking hands will put him in a considerable harm or unbearable difficulty. In the latter case, he is allowed to shake hands to the extent of necessity only.
http://www.sistani.org/english/book/46/2068/

 

Question: In Western countries, shaking hands is considered as a means of greeting and salutation. Refraining from it could sometimes lead to losing job and education opportunities. So, is it permissible for a Muslim man to shake hands with a woman or for a Muslim woman to shake hands with a man in circumstances of necessity?Answer: When refraining from touching is not possible by wearing gloves or such like, then it is permissible, especially if not shaking hands would lead to considerable harm or great difficulty that is normally unbearable.
http://www.sistani.org/english/book/46/2069/

 

I'm not sure what's up with the format of the site, but it says what I said before - that if it is necessary it is permitted, but if it is not necessary it isn't permitted.


Salam

 

Can you please link the Fatwa where his eminence states that?

I paraphrased from memory.  See above.  

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I may be wrong, but I don't think your case warrants the need to shake hands. I know it seems difficult and scary, but try:

"I'm really sorry, it's against my religion/culture."

Or if you think religion will put him off to the extent that they'll not consider you for the internship based on that fact alone, try bowing with your hand on your chest or doing something like that that makes it seem like it's something you 'do in your culture instead of shaking hands'. Like the Japanese? They bow as a greeting. Could you pass for a Japanese? :D

Edited by RSA

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It's good to place situations in their proper contexts so as to gain a better perspective. There's no harm or sin that will result from a quick handshake in a professional setting. If you're still not convinced, I'm sure you'll find a scholar in the illogical system that we call taqleed who permits it or permits it with gloves on.

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I've just been offered an interview next week for an internship through my University. Only problem is that the person interviewing me is a guy. What am I supposed to do when he sticks out his hand for me to shake? I don't want to look like a total weirdo and say, "Sorry, I can't," and leave a bad impression. In the West, something as insignificant as a handshake can make or break the interview. What would you guys do in a situation like this? 

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BTW, popularity is not an accepted criterion to choose a Marja'.

 

Brother who says?

There are several paths one can take in order to identify the best jurist:

Either to make the judgement yourself by evaluating all the current jurists: their knowledge, legal reasoning, etc..and arriving to the conclusion yourself of who is stronger who is weaker. But, that is a very challenging task to do, for someone who is not a specialist themselves.

 

A more practical path is: confidence. Simply by having confidence that a person is the best. One of the ways, to build this confidence is, by observing if there is a majority of the muslims, and especially scholars doing taqlid of a particular marja'. That is a very strong indication that, that person (mujtahid) is indeed the most learned or at least one of the most learned. Majority of Shi'a today are doing taqleed of at least 3 possible mujtahids.

 

Even testimony, from someone you really trust (i.e. a scholar: who is really learned, careful in decision making, etc) and you have full confidence that he is on the right path, then that also, is an acceptable manner of choosing a marja'.

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Maybe I am in the minority opinion, but...most non-Muslims are not going to understand rejecting a handshake at first meeting.  It will just come off as rude.  There are people on here who would rather you blow a job opportunity and stay jobless than shakes hands...

Edited by Fatima Hussain

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Perhaps you can wear a glove? Like this one:-

 

553s.jpg

 

That should be enough to make him understand...


(WITH DUE RESPECT) To be more honest, you'd better follow a Marja'. BTW, popularity is not an accepted criterion to choose a Marja'.

Please, let's not get started with the "waajib to follow a Marja" bandwagon. If one doesn't follow a Marja' he/she does not need to be imposed upon like you are doing here...

Edited by Praetorius

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http://www.sistani.org/english/book/46/2068/

http://www.sistani.org/english/book/46/2069/

I'm not sure what's up with the format of the site, but it says what I said before - that if it is necessary it is permitted, but if it is not necessary it isn't permitted.

I paraphrased from memory. See above.

we should emphasize on the conditions of harm.

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we should emphasize on the conditions of harm.

True, what we see as 'harm' may not necessarily be seen as harm in the sharia. Unless, of course, it is one of those places where sharia allows you to see personal opinion. Or urf. Which (correct me if I'm wrong) is not true of this particular case.

 

Maybe I am in the minority opinion, but...most non-Muslims are not going to understand rejecting a handshake at first meeting.  It will just come off as rude.  

That may be true of where you live, Fatima, and if so, I'm sorry that's the situation. But personally I've found that not shaking hands doesn't have the consequences we imagine it to.

And even if they do think it's rude, the same may be said of all the other things we do that are considered strange - the ways we mourn for Imam Hussain as, covering feet...the list goes on, as we all know.

 

 There are people on here who would rather you blow a job opportunity and stay jobless than shakes hands...

Correction: there are people here who think you should have faith that a better opportunity will come along if you sacrifice for the sake of Allah.

 

It's good to place situations in their proper contexts so as to gain a better perspective. There's no harm or sin that will result from a quick handshake in a professional setting. If you're still not convinced, I'm sure you'll find a scholar in the illogical system that we call taqleed who permits it or permits it with gloves on.

The 'necessity and validity of Taqleed' debate merits a whole other discussion - I haven't checked, but I'm sure those topics exist on this forum. 

 

There are several paths one can take in order to identify the best jurist:

This is a catch 22, isn't it? Which jurist's rulings should be followed when selecting a jurist? Anyone? :)

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we should emphasize on the conditions of harm.

Harm to career might be an unbearable harm in some situations. The individual must decide what is a need and what is a want.

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LMAO reminds me of the time when this sales agent shook my hand and then offered to shake my mothers hand, who said nothing but just pulled her hand away into her pocket LOL!  It was so awkward but all the more hilarious.  Baha

Edited by King

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I'll be honest I never tried to refuse an offered handshake in a professional setting. I've never been in a position where I could afford to be misunderstood as rude. But once you have the job you explain your beliefs to your supervisors and colleagues and they will do awesome little things to help you avoid awkwardness and handshakes, for example asking you to set up displays while introductions to clients are being done, so a polite nod from across the room becomes acceptable, or asking you to go get so and so for the meeting. You can also keep your hands full and busy in many business meetings, but probably not in an employment interview.

Work is hard to come by. I'd suggest not taking any chances unless you can afford to take them.

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