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Shaking Hands With The Opposite Sex

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Salaamun Alaikum,

We cannot shake hands with the opposite sex. Whats a good way to explain this to a non-Muslim? And how can we explain this to Muslims (ie. hadith, Quran). They (Muslims) claim its a personal idealogy. Please reply asap.

Wa Salaam,

Abbas

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[b:post_uid0][i:post_uid0]Shaking Hands With Women [/i:post_uid0][/b:post_uid0]

This is one of the issues where some social cultures have transgressed against the bounds of Allaah. Wrong customs and cultures have risen above the law of Allaah to the extent that if one refers to the ruling of the Islaamic law and established proofs, you are accused of backwardness, intricacy, severing of relationship and distrust in good intention etc. Shaking hads with cousins, maternal cousins, brother’s wife, uncle’s wife has become as common in our society as the drinking of water. If they ponder over it with wisdom and the danger of the issue in regards to Sharee’ah, they wouldn’t do it. The Prophet says:

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“It would be better for one of you to have himself stabbed on the head with an iron nail than to touch a woman that is illegal for him(56)”.

         There is no doubt that this is fornication of the hand as the Prophet says

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“The eyes commit fornication and the hands commit fornication. The legs commit fornication and the private part commits fornication.(57).

         Is there a heart purer than that of Muhammad? Even then, he has said:

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         “I do not shake (hands with) ladies.(58)” and again he said:

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I do not touch the hands of women

Sounds a lil weird ?

I got it offHere

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salam .. ok see

when u shake a woman's hand what do u feel? don't u feel her warmth? the softness of her hand, the touch of her skin! so does it sound fine for a guy to feel a non mahram to him like that?

second of all shaking hands is a way of exchanging feelings, when u hate someone and shake his hand that person can feel it, and the other way around, so by shaking hands u exchange feelings with the other party even if that sound weird to u. so do u think its fine for 2 namahrams to exchange feelings even if it was not intentional??

third of all, muslim men in general have gheera( jealousy ) in their blood, how wud they allow another man to touch their women even by just a hand shake! and how wud a muslim women be ok with her husband touching another women's skin! ewwwww NO NO NO!

see small things always leed to BIG sins, so if we start by shaking hands and start getting some thoughts about the person, then we will move on to the next level and do a bigger sin, u see what  i mean?

w'salam

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(salam)

Hi..Mr Dandy...here is what u v just said.....( when u shake a woman's hand what do u feel? don't u feel her warmth? the softness of her hand, the touch of her skin! so does it sound fine for a guy to feel a non mahram to him like that?)

( her warmth, softness & touch ) !!!! OH my dear Mr Dandy u must watch ur words ....thats too much

try this.. put ur words above in another context ....like a ROMANCE ...how would they sound to u !!!!! :P

Feemanallah.

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Salam Alaikoum...

I don't see anything wrong with what ''Mr.Dandy'' said, i mean he was only trying to explain the way you could feel when you shake a non-mahram's hand.

Anyways, i personally have always had this problem, not to avoid shaking a guy's hand but to explain to them why it's forbidden. When you tell them that a hand shake might lead to other feelings or intentions, they'll think u're being really pathetic, as in, how could you fall for someone by a simple hand shake...

And it's not always enough for them when you quote a hadith about this issue cause they don't even believe in our prophets...

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(salam)

sister Heaven ..see of course a society like that u

live in wont understand how a simple thing like shaking

hands could lead into ...,.., & then adultry because theyv  

gone so far in thier unconditioned liberty in relationships

between the two sexes that they can fall in love with

any passer by..

 

Feemanallah.

Edited By nada on 1033286976

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(salam)

Well i didn't mean for my words to be romantic or fancy all i wanted is to give a true picture of what's really going on when u shake a namahram's hand.

and being in the west doesn't give u a good excuse to shake hands coz simply ppl can't get why u r not shaking hands.

i remember once a friend told me that a friend of his refused to shake any namhrams hand, even during her graduation day when she was receiving her certificate. she said ,once u devote ur self to Allah then all human beings don't worth anything in ur eyes coz u won't be caring about anyone other than him(swt).( i just rephrased it coz i don't remember her exact words)

and limmie tell u a story that happened to my best friend's daddy. he works in a comp and had a meeting, and when he was there this lady extended her hand in front of him, so he was in such an embarrassing situation coz he was right there ! so he simply said i am sorry i can't, and he gave the reason why he couldn't shake her hand. so do u know what the woman replied?? she said: i am sure ur wife is so lucky , coz she will always be sure that u won't look at another women:) and by the way this lady was American, so being a westerner doesn't mean u can't get that a hand shake might lead to other stuff. Anyways i talked alot,...

tc.. (salam)

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Salaam alaikum,

I have a harder time with Muslims accepting you don't shake hands, then non Muslims.  I just tell non Muslims that in our religion we don't touch members of the oposite sex.  They usually apologize and accept my answer with no problem.

Muslims that shake hands sometimes act like I am insulting them.  Well I am insulted that they are Muslim and still want to shake my hand.  So after I give them the evidence from the hadiths, it's on them.  I'm not going to shake their hands no matter how silly they act.  In general these are the same Muslims that won't give me salaams or answer my salaams cause they don't want to look fanatical.  It doesn't matter what you say to these people, they are going to be that way.  

WaSalaam, Hajar

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(salam),

My male cousins shake hands with their female cousins. They have no concept that it is haram. They consider each other as brothers and sisters. Similarly, the girls may take the hijab when going out, but in front of the male cousins...the hijabs are off ! In Islam, a cousin is as na-mehrum as any other person out on the street. Why dont the muslims realize this ?

I admit that i reluctantly used to shake hands with my cousin who is 20 years older than me. Then I have my aunts (my father's brother's wives) who are obviously my na-mehrum but they can go as far as hugging and kissing me! For them, i'm like a son. But in the eyes of Allah, a na-mehrum is a na-mehrum....no excuses.

This problem had me worried for a long time. I talked to my parents but they too had no answers. Lately though, ive been extra conscious about this. I refused to shake hands with my cousin a few days back and she exclaimed...[i:post_uid0]" oh, youve turned into a very religious person !!"[/i:post_uid0]

I just wish and pray that the muslims of today would realize the importance of mehrum and na-mehrums.

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786-110

 (salam)

Absolutely right sister Hajar, the problem lies with Muslims, [i:post_uid0]ma3al asaf[/i:post_uid0] but thats the truth.

I've never had a problem with non muslims in this matter.

Wassalaam

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(salam)

Are we or are we not allowed to shake hands with the opposite sex? I have seen no reference to this and would like some help. But at times you can't avoid shaking hands say for like an interview or something. Mind you i once had an interview and this gentlmen offered to shake my hand but instead i offered him to shake my umbrella and that was totally humiliating. :(

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(bismillah)

Ok, here it goes.

I am in a predicament.

I consider myself a practicing Muslim. I will not mention what I do to consider myself that because I don't believe in extolling one's good deeds, but let's just say that I consider myself to be actively practicing the religion.

I was born in the US, raised here.

And I shake hands with naa-mahrams upon meeting them if they stick their hand out first.

Now here's a difficult situation:

  • 1. In this country there is nothing wrong associated with shaking hands.
  • 2. I never put my hand out first with a naa-mahram but will always shake if she puts hers out.
  • 3. I always dislike it when I'm not in that situation, but when it's hand-shaking time I completely forget my prior reservations and find absolutely nothing wrong with it, meaning I don't feel guilty when I'm shaking hands because I see it as normal, for that second.
  • 4. I have been scolded by family members before for complaining about shaking hands, and they say I shouldn't be an extremist and that there's nothing sexual or wrong about it.
  • 5. I feel that if a woman in hijab were to stick out her hand (just if) I would refuse and put my hand on my chest, but I wouldn't even care if she didn't have hijab...I'd just shake.
  • 6. I don't feel comfortable with the act of putting my hand on my chest....it doesn't come naturally and by the time I think of it it's too late.
  • 7. I don't know what to do :(

So please advise me, I don't necessarily see it as haraam since there's no bad intention from their side, but I must admit it makes me feel uncomfortable.

JazakAllah khair

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No need for a "semi-bow". Just put em' on chest.

Did any of you desis see Younis Khan (Cricket player) put his hands in the air when he was going for his man of the match award against England, to that woman who was handing out the cheque :lol:

Edited by Ali_Imran

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No need for a "semi-bow". Just put em' on chest.

Did any of you desis see Younis Khan (Cricket player) put his hands in the air when he was going for his man of the match award against England, to that woman who was handing out the cheque :lol:

But people here don't understand the chest thing, what should I say to accompany it?

I've heard people say "I'm sorry" or "Excuse me" or something like that.....

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...People 'here'....

I am also living 'here'; in the West in Canada :P Ya put your hand on chest and say Sorry with a smile. Or when you are near females or anything keep your hands in pocket or tied aroud chest; fewer chances of them attackin you. I'm not sure why you would be in that situation if it's a regular issue, it happens once in a blue moon...

Edited by Ali_Imran

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...People 'here'....

I am also living 'here'; in the West in Canada :P Ya put your hand on chest and say Sorry with a smile. Or when you are near females or anything keep your hands in pocket or tied aroud chest; fewer chances of them attackin you. I'm not sure why you would be in that situation if it's a regular issue, it happens once in a blue moon...

See, there's a total of 2 or so Muslims on campus. No one will understand what a hand on a chest and a sorry means....I don't think.

The problem is that I get placed in this situation a lot. I'm the president of one of the student groups here, and so I come into contact with a lot of people, especially meeting people for the first time, and that is usually accompanied with a handshake.

(bismillah)

(salam)

Always carry a pair of gloves in your pockets. Once you expect them to shake hands, quickly draw on your gloves. It's been working for me.

I don't know how realistic that is....I mean if my purpose and goal is to invite people to Islam, wouldn't this just push them away? From a Western perspective, it'd be very awkward....no?

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once in my last day at work, i came to work with my right hand wrapped up in bandages so as not to shake hands with anyone :D

it helped since noone wanted to shake my hand for last day goodbye, and i got a day off since my hand was "injured"

Edited by SayedMurtaza

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once in my last day at work, i came to work with my right hand wrapped up in bandages so as not to shake hands with anyone :D

it helped since noone wanted to shake my hand for last day goodbye, and i got a day off since my hand was "injured"

lol you're not helping :lol:

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Guest Elwiya

Abzi - I know exactly what you mean when you say it's hard not to shake hands. But it's just one of those things you have to do. In Islam, simply having good intentions doesn't make things ok - "the road to hell is paved with good intentions" (I got that off a documentary on the Amish, it's NOT Islamic). But this is one of the reasons being a Muslim is hard on akhir-u-zaman.

Besides - they're not gonna think you're a weirdo or mean if you don't do it. Just make sure you smile and say that it's a religious law and they should understand. If they overreact then there is something wrong with them and not you.

With this many Muslims in the West - I'm surprised people haven't caught that yet. And why is that? Because a lot of Muslims just shake hands!!! :angry: And then you have the ones who may not be so religious but who are very traditional who will absolutely NOT do it under any circumstances - it's just mind boggling. :wacko:

Edited by Elwiya

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(bismillah)

(salam)

Brother we are muslims. Be proud of your religion and tell people about it. One aspect is, mashallah, not touching na-mahrams. Just explain and i'm sure people will understand. See as a god given oppurtunity to teach people about islam :)

Eltemase dua,

Ali

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Thank you to all for your kind replies.

Now my next concerns in regards to this are boundaries and a family situation.

OK so in Iran and other places, older people tend to come and hug you. Not giving a hug to your grandmother's friend when she's a Muslim and comes towards you makes for a bad situation, everyone gets upset, and its often considered more disrespectful than respectful. So where should the boundary be? Or do people have no boundaries, and will not hug their 80-year-old grandmother's friend the same as they will not shake hands with a 16 year old?

And secondly, how should I deal with the most probable taken-abackness of my parents? How should I explain that it's not extremist? Just talk to them? Tell them this is something I want to do for myself?

Thanks again for your responses...

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