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In the Name of God بسم الله
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Barabika

The Lol Topic

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Cmon PPL! why dont you Cooperate! You know its thawab to make another muslim smile! :)

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The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their

parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next

day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved.

But

then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Janie was left.

"Janie, do you have a story to share?"

'Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine

pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over

enemy territory, and all she had was her service

.45 cal. automatic pistol, and a survival knife."

"She was very angry when her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi

troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of

bullets, killed four more with the

knife, 'til the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her

bare

hands."

''Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher. "What did your Daddy tell

you was the moral to this horrible story?"

"Don't mess with Mommy when she's angry."

Two bats are hanging in their cave.

One turns to the other and says,

"Oh, I'm really thirsty for some fresh blood."

The other bat is amazed and says,

"Well, it’s a bit late, Daylight is almost here, and we can't be exposed to any light - you know we'll die."

"Yeah, I know," says the first bat, "but I'm really starving for it."

So he flies out of the cave and returns five minutes later with blood dripping from his mouth.

"You lucky thing. Where'd you find blood that quick?" asked the second bat.

"You see that tree over there in the distance?" mumbled the bat, his mouth full of blood.

"Yeah, I think I do!"

Well, I didn't."

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A Muslim Student took admission in an American School.

Teacher: What is your name?

Student: Nadir.

Teacher: No, now you are in America, your name is Johnny from today.

Student went home and Mother asked: How was your day, Nadir?

Student: I am an American, now called me Johnny.

Mother and Father both got offended and beat him up.

Next day, he was back to school.

Teacher: What happened, Johnny?

Student: Madam, just few hours after when I became American, I was attached by two Muslim Terrorists.

this one was too funny

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TWO WOMEN TALKING:

Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute!

Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking?

Woman 1: No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.

Woman 2: Are you serious? Your face is adorable. You could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.

Woman 1: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from these football player shoulders of mine.

Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms, see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier...............

TWO MEN TALKING:

Man 1: Haircut?

Man 2: Yeah.

Source:3jokes.com

Cmon everyone! Help put a smile on someone else's face :)

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:D

Everything is always okay in the end, if it’s not okay, then it’s not the end.

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

— Douglas Adams

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

Hard work never killed anyone, but why risk it?

Help wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.

I can resist everything except temptation. — Oscar Wilde

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

I don’t care who you are! Get those reindeers off my roof!

I intend to live forever, or die trying. — Groucho Marx

I still miss my ex. But my aim is getting better.

I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can’t get my wife to go swimming. — Jimmy Carter

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. — Henny Youngman

I’m busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

3jokes

Edited by hossein

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~A Cup of Tea ~

One day my mother was out, and my dad was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift, and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my mom came home.

My dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' Mom waited, and sure enough, here I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy; and she watched him drink it up.

Then she said, (as only a mother would know), "'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water, is the toilet?"

source: Seven forums

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*Sign in a restaurant window: "T-bone steak $1 Then, in fine print underneath: With meat $12"

*A hardware store in Oregon has a sign that reads: "Today's special. Below it says: So's tomorrow."

*Sign on restaurant window: "Great food (50,000 flies can't be wrong).

*Billboard facing the road in front of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

*Sign in a Maine restaurant: "Open 7 days a week and weekends."

seven forums

******* Guys please help update this topic frequently. Thanx :)

Edited by hossein

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A man wanted to buy his son a parrot as a birthday present.

The next day he went to the pet shop and saw three identical parrots in a cage.

He asked the clerk: How much for the parrot on the right?

The owner said: It was Rs. 2500.

Rs. 2500, the man said, "Well what does he do?

He knows how to use all of the functions of Microsoft Office 2000, responded the clerk. He can do all of your spreadsheets and type all of your letters.

The man then asked: What the second parrot cost.

The clerk replied: Rs. 5000, but he not only knows Office 2000, but is an expert computer programmer.

Finally, the man inquired about the cost of the last parrot.

The clerk replied: Rs. 10,000.

Curious as to how a bird can cost Rs. 10,000, the man asked, what this bird's specialty was.

The clerk replied: Well to be honest I haven't seen him do anything”, but the other two call him "BOSS".

----------------------------------------------------

Q. Why is a Bachelor slim and Married Man fat?

A. The Bachelor comes home, takes one look at what is in the refrigerator and goes to bed. The Married Man comes home, takes one look at what is in the bed and goes to refrigerator.

----------------------------------------------------

A Girl was asked the meaning of Marriage.

She replied: Sacrifying the admiration of hundres of handsome men for facing the criticism of one idiot.

----------------------------------------------------

I would not be impressed with technology until I can download a pizza.

----------------------------------------------------

Women are like Electric Current, if handle with care, they will light up your life, but if mishandle, they will give you shock of your life.

----------------------------------------------------

Height of Geniousity:

When I was at school, someone stole my rough notes, now they call it as “Oxford Dictionary”.

----------------------------------------------------

Bachelor: I do not want to marry because I am afraid of all women.

Married Man: Get married, then you will be afraid of only one woman and start loving the rest.

----------------------------------------------------

An airline introduced a special package for businessmen, Buy Your Ticket, Get Your Wife’s Ticket Free.

After great success, the company sent letters to all the wives, asking how was the trip?

All of them gave a same reply…..

Which Trip?

----------------------------------------------------

A son sent the most expensive bird that speaks almost 40 languages as a birthday gift to his mother.

Next day he aksed about the gift?

Mother replied: It was so tasty.

----------------------------------------------------

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A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money. Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks,’ Did you see me rob this bank?

'The man replied, 'Yes Sir, I did.'

The robber then shot him and killed him instantly. He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, 'Did you see me rob this bank?’

The man replied, 'No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!'

Moral: When Opportunity knocks, make use of it.

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Why I sleep with a Teddy Bear.

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I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.

She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.

I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, Now you stay. Do you hear me?

Stay! Stay!

The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blonde young lady, gave me a strange look and said, Why don't you just put it in PARK?

:D :D :D

Telephone bill

At some day the telephone bill is extra high and Father calls the family together and said:

"A telephone bill cannot be that high! What are you doing? "I am not the one to blame" said Father. "Most of the time I make calls at work!"

Mother responds: "Yes, and I use the phone at work too. I am not the one to blame either."

The daughter says: "I am certainly not the one to blame, I always use the phone at my internship."

All their eyes are turning to the maid, that responds:

"Why are you looking at me, you also call from work, yes?"

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Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking.

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.

"Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.

"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.

"Now we eat everybody." And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked,"Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first?

Why did we swim around and around them?"

His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the poop inside!"

Now you know...Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking.

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Sevenforums :)

Edited by hossein

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Okay This one is so cool! And yeah! Thanks to everyone for NOT helping!

It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test.

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.

* * *

Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer.

OK, relax, clear your mind and begin...

1. What do you put in a toaster?

Answer: "bread."

If you said "toast," give up now and do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, bread, go to Question 2.

2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk." What do cows drink?

Answer: Cows drink water.

If you said "milk," don't Attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat! Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Readers Digest. However, if you said "water", proceed to question 3.

3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?

Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.

If you said "green bricks," why are you still reading these???

If you said "glass," go on to Question 4.

4. It's thirty years ago, and a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany (If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany.) Anyway, during the flight, TWO engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he can do so and the plane fatally crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury the survivors? East Germany, West Germany, or no man's land"?

Answer: You don't bury survivors!

If you said ANYTHING else, you're a dunce and you must stop. If you said, "You don't bury survivors", proceed to the next question.

5. Without using a calculator -

You are driving a bus from San Francisco to Santa Rosa.

In San Francisco, nineteen people get on the bus;

In Sausilito, six people get off the bus and nine people get on.

In Mill Valley, five people get off and four get on.

In San Rafael, eleven people get off and sixteen people get on.

In Petaluma, three people get off and five people get on

In Cotati, six people get off and three get on.

You then arrive in Santa Rosa.

What was the name of the bus driver?

Answer: Oh, for crying out loud! Don't you remember your own name?

It was YOU!!

/source: Sevenforums.com

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