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In the Name of God بسم الله
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Maryammm

Personal Marital Issues

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Salam all, I was just curious about a certain matter. Is it Islamically permissable for a husband or wife to disclose any private matters to other close family members, i.e. parents or siblings etc of the husband or wife? Say for example the husband and wife have an argument with one another, can one of them go to say for example their father and ask for his advice on this matter whilst disclosing specific things that were said in the converstaion or whilst disclosing the mood of the conversation or the attitude and approach that their spouse had towards this conversation? I can see in instances where the matter has come close to divorce and there is a need for mediation and both spouses feel it necessary and helpful to involve a close family member such as a wise family elder like a parent in order to resove the issues. However is it allowed for a spouse to go to a close family member and disclose day to day disagreements, arguments or personal issues, without the permission of their spouse that is involved in these issues too? As the qur'an says marital partners are supposed to be a garment for one another, in terms of how that relates to this issue, is it necessary for a marital partner to be a garment for their spouse in front of close relatives? (I know this verse doesn't just relate to the faults of a spouse, but also to their good attributes, and the personal issues between them, I just want to know whether that extends to the privacy of cnversations, arguments, and personal discussions) If anyone can post some fatawa, Qu'ranic ayat, or hadith on this issue, then that would be great. People's own experiences and views are also welcome ^_^

Salams and du3as inshallah and I look forward to your replies!

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In the case of an inability to achieve reconciliation, they should refer their problem(s) to an experienced, faithful, aware, trustworthy, and benevolent person. If such a person is a friend or a relative, it may be to their advantage because they can tell them everything and await their verdict. They should listen to him and take note of his advice given and intend to put it into practice.

Of course being faithful to the recommendations of a judge is not easy, but a person, who is concerned about his family and its stability, peace, and survival, should persevere and later enjoy its valuable results.

Parents of such couples, if aware of their children's family problem(s), should advise them to call on an experienced, faithful, and good intentioned judge. Parents should not take sides with either husband or wife. In this way, with the help of Allah their problems would be resolved.

Allah states in the Holy Qur'an:

"And if you fear a breach between the two, then appoint a judge from his people and a judge from her people; if they both desire agreement, Allah will effect harmony between them; surely Allah is Knowing, Aware." (4:35)

SOURCE

Discussing private matters (matters of the bedroom) is completely haram, whether "positive" or "negative" UNLESS it is a matter which impacts directly on the marriage, e.g impotence, or some other such issue.

On other issues, you should not discuss anything which will lower/reduce the esteem/honor of your husband, and ONLY discuss your arguments/problems with others (after you have failed to reconcile the issues between yourselves despite all efforts) for the purpose of reaching sulh/agreement or in simpler words, seeking help.

Another thing which may be discussed is a failure of a spouse to meet their marital obligations, in which such a person who has persisted in such behaviour despite all attempts at reforming them, then such a matter may be discussed with elders in the families of the spouses for advice/help, or an 3alim who can inform you better on your rights and obligations.

And Allah (swt) knows best.

Edited by habib e najjaar

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If you ask me, involving anyone into any quarrel one might have, will almost always result in a worse situation. Impartial people who mean well to both, genuinely want to solve a situation for the well being of both parties, while getting the most out of a situation for both sides... and also have the skills and wisdom to solve it... these people are very rare... It usually ends up with the daughters father protecting her daughter, regardless of how unjust she might be... and the husband's family supporting him, regardless of how unjust he might be... and let the fighting begin... lol

I wish you well... salam.

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If you ask me, involving anyone into any quarrel one might have, will almost always result in a worse situation. Impartial people who mean well to both, genuinely want to solve a situation for the well being of both parties, while getting the most out of a situation for both sides... and also have the skills and wisdom to solve it... these people are very rare... It usually ends up with the daughters father protecting her daughter, regardless of how unjust she might be... and the husband's family supporting him, regardless of how unjust he might be... and let the fighting begin... lol

I wish you well... salam.

Salam, thanks for your reply, I was just asking a general question for future reference inshallah. I agree with what you are saying totally! salams and du3as inshallah ^_^

SOURCE

Discussing private matters (matters of the bedroom) is completely haram, whether "positive" or "negative" UNLESS it is a matter which impacts directly on the marriage, e.g impotence, or some other such issue.

On other issues, you should not discuss anything which will lower/reduce the esteem/honor of your husband, and ONLY discuss your arguments/problems with others (after you have failed to reconcile the issues between yourselves despite all efforts) for the purpose of reaching sulh/agreement or in simpler words, seeking help.

Another thing which may be discussed is a failure of a spouse to meet their marital obligations, in which such a person who has persisted in such behaviour despite all attempts at reforming them, then such a matter may be discussed with elders in the families of the spouses for advice/help, or an 3alim who can inform you better on your rights and obligations.

And Allah (swt) knows best.

Salam, thank you for your reply, part of it about the matters of the bedroom wasn't really necessary to put in as I wasn't really asking about that... it's obvious that except in extreme cases these things are not talked about with anyone other then your spouse (although there are many who make this mistake ofcourse) As for your replies about the more general private matters, thank you, that is very helpful to know inshallah, it kind of confirmed what I already knew, but jazak Allah khayr for that confirmation.

Salams and du3as inshallah ^_^

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