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imconfused

Help, Cannot Stop Sinning - Relationship!

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salaam

to satisfy your wants then NO

but to satisfy your needs then YES because a marja3 represents gods law and gods law in no way would deprive you from your need.

In this instance that distinction is artificial. Does he NEED to have sex with this girl? or are there ways he can avoid that which take more effort but are the better path? one could say i NEED to eat food that is full of fat, sugar and salt, if i dont i will feel bad for denying myself, but to indulge in things we want but dont actually need (this young man doesnt need to have sex with this girl, he will feel frustrated, but it wont harm him) isnt necessarily a good thing. I get the impression (from reading some of your other posts also) that you have very low standards for yourself. This is your choice, but to encourage others to aim so low also is a shame.

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salaam

to satisfy your wants then NO

but to satisfy your needs then YES because a marja3 represents gods law and gods law in no way would deprive you from your need.

Do you know what priority means? you must have priorities. one sin is bigger than another...

now your saying you dont want to jump from scholar to another. But sistani himself says something about mut3a with kafir girl which I vaguely remember and another poster has just mentioned to you about her needing to recite shahadatayn (not convert but just recite) and would make it acceptable to contract mut3a.

why do you dismiss it and dont investigate this option?

Im just scared that when i inshallah one day stop for good, like.... would the wise choice have been engage in mutah earlier the better --- or learn to avoid it and stopp it once and for all... one is like running away, and the other is liek fighting it... and suceeding after a very long time...

Future, i want to have a permenant wife in the future.... this.. imagine how bad my future wife would feel if she knew i did mutah with another girl, it kills the experience for her.. :/

In this instance that distinction is artificial. Does he NEED to have sex with this girl? or are there ways he can avoid that which take more effort but are the better path? one could say i NEED to eat food that is full of fat, sugar and salt, if i dont i will feel bad for denying myself, but to indulge in things we want but dont actually need (this young man doesnt need to have sex with this girl, he will feel frustrated, but it wont harm him) isnt necessarily a good thing. I get the impression (from reading some of your other posts also) that you have very low standards for yourself. This is your choice, but to encourage others to aim so low also is a shame.

agreeed.. mutah-ing, that too with a kafir just makes you seem so much weaker.... its a worst case scenario, im not an addict... i mean.. its hard to not but... like.. you can always try harder? there is no DOUBT id LOVE to have it all halaal...... but. thats not an option.. yet.. and i dont want it to be..

Edited by imconfused

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Im just scared that when i inshallah one day stop for good, like.... would the wise choice have been engage in mutah earlier the better --- or learn to avoid it and stopp it once and for all... one is like running away, and the other is liek fighting it... and suceeding after a very long time...

Future, i want to have a permenant wife in the future.... this.. imagine how bad my future wife would feel if she knew i did mutah with another girl, it kills the experience for her.. :/

I'm not recommending you do muta with a kafir girl, but in terms of this attitude of not wanting to 'kill the experience' of your future wife, I would advise you to forget it and read these ahadith: http://www.*******.org/hadiths/marriage/muta/desirability-of-muta, http://www.*******.org/hadiths/marriage/muta/desirability-of-doing-muta-even-if-one-has-vowed-not-to

Edited by Haider Husayn

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Mu'adh ibn Jabal was in tears when he arrived in the presence of the Noble Prophet Muhammad (saw) and greeted him. The Noble Prophet Muhammad (saw) replied to his greeting and asked: "What makes you cry?"

"At the door of the mosque, there is a good-looking youth who weeps as intensely as a mother whose young son has died, and he wishes to meet you," replied Mu'adh ibn Jabal

The Noble Prophet Muhammad (saw) agreed to meet him.

The youth entered and greeted the Noble Prophet Muhammad (saw) who returned his greeting and enquired: "Why do you weep?"

"Why should I not weep? I have committed sins which Allah (SWT) will never forgive and He is bound to hurl me into Hell," said the youth.

"Have you associated someone with Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì?"

"No."

"Have you killed anybody?"

"No."

"Even if your sins are of the magnitude of mountains, Allah (SWT) shall forgive them," said the Noble Prophet Muhammad (saw).

"My sins are greater than the mountains," the youth explained.

"Are your sins in the magnitude of the seven earths, the seas, the sands, the trees, all that lies on the earth, in the skies, the stars, the Throne and the Chair?" asked the Noble Prophet Muhammad (saw).

"My sins are greater than all of these things."

"Woe unto you! Are your sins greater than your Lord?"

The youth lowered his head and replied, "Allah (SWT) is devoid of all blemishes; it is my Lord, who is greater."

"Would you not relate one of your sins to me?" enquired the Noble Prophet Muhammad (saw).

"Why not?" responded the youth, whose name was Buhlul. "For seven years I used to dig up the graves of the newly buried, take out their shrouds and sell them. One night, a maiden from amongst the Ansar (The Helpers) died and was buried in the cemetery. When I dug open her grave to remove the shroud from her body, the Shaitan (Satan) tempted me and I committed a grave sin. As I was turning back, the body called out to me: "O' Youth! Don't you fear the Ruler of the Day of Judgment? Woe unto you of the fire of the Day of Judgment!"

Having narrated this, the youth wanted to know what he should do to avoid punishment.

Buhlul, the Gravedigger: Seeking Forgiveness (Al-Istighfaar, Istighfar)"O' Sinner! Stay away from me for I fear that I might burn in your fire too!" cried out the Noble Prophet Muhammad (saw).

The youth, Buhlul left, heading straight towards the mountains. He tied his hands to his neck and became engrossed in worship, supplications and seeking forgiveness.

For forty days, he wept day and night to the extent that even the wild beasts were affected by his weeping. After forty days he asked Allah (SWT) to either punish him by means of fire or forgive him, so that he might not have to face humiliation on the Day of Judgment.

Allah (SWT) revealed the following verse, which refers to the forgiveness of Buhlul: "And those who, when they commit an indecency or do injustices to their souls, remember Allah and ask forgiveness for their faults and who forgives the faults but Allah..." Noble Qur'an (3:135)

The Noble Prophet Muhammad (saw) recited this verse with a smiling face and then asked: "Who can take me to that youth?"

Mu'adh ibn Jabal agreed to take him. Accompanied with Mu'adh ibn Jabal, the Noble Prophet Muhammad (saw) went to the place where the youth was. The Noble Prophet Muhammad (saw) saw him standing between two boulders, hands tied to his neck and engaged in supplication. His face had become dark due to the scorching sun and all his eyelashes had fallen off due to the intense weeping. Wild beasts had gathered around him while the birds circled over his head, all of them weeping over his distressed and pitiable state.

The Noble Prophet Muhammad (saw) advanced towards him, untied his hands and cleared the soil from the top of his head.

"O' Buhlul! Glad tidings for you; you have been liberated by Allah (SWT) from the fire (of Hell)," the Noble Prophet Muhammad (saw) said.

Then, turning to his companion (Sahaba), Mu'adh ibn Jabal the Noble Prophet Muhammad (saw) said, "This is how you should make amends for your sins."

Wait, so if I purposely kill another man, not differentiating between believer or non-believer because the punishments are the same, could I be forgiven. I heard that you will never be forgiven if you do it for no reason. I heard the only way that murder is justifiable is killing an enemy of Islam, in self-defense or if you d it by accident.

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First of all you didnt understand the story..read it again, the sin was not murder.

Secondly its not my made up story...Its very much in riwayaths and ahadeeth...so if you have a question dont ask me bro.

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I've heard this hadith of forgiveness before and it really is a beautiful one!

The verse quoted is one which should be in our minds often!

قُلْ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَىٰ أَنْفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِنْ رَحْمَةِ اللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا ۚ إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ

[shakir 39:53] Say: O my servants! who have acted extravagantly against their own souls, do not despair of the mercy of Allah; surely Allah forgives the faults altogether; surely He is the Forgiving the Merciful.

as for our dear Brother,

You're right in doubting whether mutah with this girl is the right thing.. I would personally not advise you too.

However, that doesn't mean you shouldnt consider mutah or actually even permanent marriage very soon with other religious girls.

You sound like having a really good personality and I would recommend that you should stop all communication with this girl, and after about 6 months of striving and seeking forgiveness, you can start looking for a pious and religious shia girl, with whom you can start a halal relationship.

Tell Allah (swt) that your forgiveness involves cutting yourself from this haram relationship and He should help you find a halal relationship and as He (swt) says in the Quran, Mercy will pour on you like rain pours on a dead land and brings it back to life with beautiful trees and flowers!

:)

Edited by When will you be back?

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I think you need to be scared straight kiddo:

Imam Muhammad al-Baqir () says:-

“Fornication has six types of effects. Three are for this world and three for the Hereafter. The three evils which become evident in this world are:-

1. The face of the adulterer loses countenance.

2. He falls into depravity and destitution.

3. His death draws near.

And the three punishments for Hereafter are:

1. He is liable for Divine anger.

2. His reckoning is severe.

3. He abides forever in Hell.

Fornicator in the Barzakh

The fifth Imam (as) has also said,

“Whoever commits Fornication with a Muslim, Jew, Christian or Magian woman, whether she is a slave or a free woman; and dies without repenting of his sin, then the Almighty Allah opens three hundred doors of punishment in his grave. From each door many snakes, scorpions and pythons emerge from the fire and burn and torment him till the Day of Qiyamat.”

Fornicator on the Day of Judgement

Imam Muhammad Baqir (as) describes the fornicator in detail and says that when he would be raised from his grave on the Day of Judgement he shall be in a horrible state. The Imam says, “When a fornicator will rise from his grave the stink of his body shall hurt the people. The people will know what deeds he had committed in the world. Till the Almighty Allah would order him to be thrown into the fire.” Then Imam Baqir () continues, “Know that Allah has prohibited Himself the haraam things. He has also prescribed the rules and regulations of life. No one is more modest than Allah. It is His modesty that He has prohibited Fornication.”

I know you have stated that you haven't plunged into technical fornication but u are getting real close. Your death is drawing near if you keep this up...

Edited by La fatah ila Ali

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This reply is to everyone who's posted about my taqleed..

I follow ayatullah sistani because I believe he is the most knowledagly from what I have researched and I also know his rulings of mutah are only allowed, if the girl is ahle kitab... unfortunately, this girl is not jewish or christian or muslim, therefore this is not permissible..

I do not intend to change my marja, just for the sake of this girl, because once I have completed the mutah or, whatever you may call it, I will naturally change back to ayatullah sistani --- and I believe this is not 'allowed'.. or like, you can't just jump around different marjas just to satisfy your wants and needs.. I stick with ayatullah sistani..

From what I know, it is not allowed to contract any sort of marriage , mutah or zawajtul nikah, with a women unless she is muslima or ahl al kitab. If she is not either, like you said, then it is haram for you to have any contact with her whatsoever. Please, brother, don't deceive yourself into thinking that you can still 'be friends' with her. You can't.

I think pretty much every brother older than 25 on this site will back me up on this. The ones under 25 haven't been around long enough to realize this simple fact.

So the solution is simple. Cut off all contact with her. Lose her number, don't hang out where she hangs out. Don't IM, email, text, anything. Do you understand? This action is risking the anger of Allah(s.w.a) coming down upon you. There is nothing and noone that doesn't fear the anger of Allah(s.w.a) except those who are bound to be encompassed by it. So do a full stop, turn around 180 degrees and walk, or run away. NOW!!!

Next, keep doing dua and ask Allah(s.w.a) to forgive you. Allah(s.w.a) is the most merciful, but he also knows your intentions, your thoughts, and all your big and small actions. So before you do istighfar, make sure that you have cut all relationship with her and are not in contact with her in any way. Allah(s.w.a) forgives the sincere, and to show you are sincere in obedience to commands of Allah(s.w.a), you must first stop the haram act.

Next, you need to get married. This should be obvious to you after this incident. It is wajib on you at this point (according to your Marjaa and most marjaa that I know of) because you are falling into haram as a result of not being married. You are a textbook case, as they say. So ask Allah(s.w.a) to help you find a good muslima or ahl al kitab to marry. The best option by far is a mumina, shia girl but if one is not avaiable to you then find a muslima who is not doing haram (at least not open haram), and if you can't find that then find an ahl al kitab. Salams and I wish you luck.

Edited by Abu Hadi

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Don't despair so much. Saying that its unerasable or that you cant be forgiven is limiting Allah swt power, and that is a major sin. You can always be forgiven if you are sincere and strive to change with all your might.

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Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Allahumma Solli A'la Muhammad wa Aali Muhammad

salam brother,

how are u doing? I hope things are getting better,

i don't have much to say coz everybody has said everything :)

i just want you to know despite of ur past, ur stories etc, i still regard you as a good muslim brother

even if you do mut'ah now , trust me it's okay, it's much better than commiting sins

and, say one day you come and propose to me, and telling me all your past history

I still can accept you as i know n understand how hard it is for us weak human being to be like an angel - free from sins

i hope this few words may give you some hope, regain some confidence,

my advice is keep struggling, don't give up hope on Allah's infinite mercy, we love you, Allah love you much better than us :)

and I love this saying of imam khomeini,

"you always have the opportunity to improve yourself, as long as you're in this world,"

yep, i know you can change!

and about your past history,

always recite this prayer,

"O You Who Change Evil Deeds To Manifest Good Deeds! Please change my evil deeds to manifold good deeds!"

May Allah bless you, grant you the strength,

No success save in Allah's help,

Siti.

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Dear Friend,

As-salam-alaikum,

Take this advice from me.

You can't have the cake and eat it. If you can't do Muta nor Marriage with this person, then leave or move to another town. The power of biological attraction can overpower even the most pious of people unless they take action. After all Prophet Yusuf (as) didn't just stay in the rooom where Zulaikha tried to seduce him. He ran.

If you truly love Allah(SWT) and want to be free then you will do whatever it (Islamically) takes to free you from this burden. You can do it bro. I know you can. Recite Ziarat-e-Ashura with meaning for 4o days and inshallah you will get your answer inshallah.

Salman

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Salam,

After reading your post, here's your cure -

First ANALYSIS:

With your religious background, knowledge, and love of Allah and RasoolAllah (sawaw) and ahlulbait(as), Ibless is working over time on you. I had experienced exact similar cases like this before. I can tell you this - the more you try to do good, the more Iblees is making this haram act beautiful for you. The more he is possessing your mind, the more he is going to make you fall in this guilt until it permanently takes you over. In fact pretty soon you will be able to "see him physically" if he can keep carrying you on this path. Unfortunately "kafir" gals and boys are his special tools in his machinations.

<ever wonder why Hindu gals are always so salivating to get Muslim guys>

<and Hindu boys seem to be most interested in Hijabi gals>

This is the reason our Ulema tell us to stay away from "mushriks", and that the "mushriks" are najis.

So first understand that he is specially after you to take over your mind and to lead you to Hell.

WARNING - if you do not fix this problem fairly soon, he will soon mislead you into those "belief" related issues that you may end up forsaking your Islam. Be really really really warned !! I'm telling you from experience. People in this spiritual disease end up saying really really bad things about Ahlulbait. They start saying/feeling things about other "mahram" relations of their family members. I don't want to write more since many younger members are also reading this but expect the worst to come if you did not fix this issue right now.

Here's SOLUTION <Others under 18, please do not read below as some points are very extreme but this brother needs a jolting medication at this stage of his spiritual disease>

1. Say "Aoo'du billah hi minash-Shaitan-e-Rajeem" - the full text loudly whenever you come close to this girl. You can say it even loudly when you are alone with her. Try it. And see the difference from the day one. Understand that this one "kalma" gets Ibless hit with a lashing of fire. If your eyes could see it, you could literally see him running like a stray dog hit with a big rock.

2. Pray salat all three times (all 5 salat) daily. Read all suras loudly. Read all other dhikr loudly. Try to go to masjid/center daily specially since this is Ramadhan.

3. Remain in the state of wudhu at all times. Its very easy. If you pas gas, then quickly do wudhu again.

4. Start attending janaza of "only Muslims" in your area. Stay until thy have buried the dead. If possible help out in lowering the dead body into the grave. Help out in saying "talqeen". Imagine if the tons of dirt is dumped on you and it is your body lying in the grave. <until you find your cure, please do not attend the janaza of the non-Muslims, I'm saying it for a reason, don't want to explain>.

I can say with surety that inshAllah with in a week of this extreme therapy, you will rid yourself of your "masturbation/zina" habit with this girl.

Take advantage of this month of Ramadhan. He is enslaved literally. Still what he has interjected in your brains is still there. TO rid yourself for once and for all from his influence, really go for this extreme therapy. I wanted to write more but don;t want to. But I've an even more extreme cure but let's see if this above works.

May Allah's infintie blessing and rahma wrap around you and may the Lord of Time (atf) be your leader in defeating cursed Iblees.

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From what I know, it is not allowed to contract any sort of marriage , mutah or zawajtul nikah, with a women unless she is muslima or ahl al kitab. If she is not either, like you said, then it is haram for you to have any contact with her whatsoever. Please, brother, don't deceive yourself into thinking that you can still 'be friends' with her. You can't.

I think pretty much every brother older than 25 on this site will back me up on this. The ones under 25 haven't been around long enough to realize this simple fact.

So the solution is simple. Cut off all contact with her. Lose her number, don't hang out where she hangs out. Don't IM, email, text, anything. Do you understand? This action is risking the anger of Allah(s.w.a) coming down upon you. There is nothing and noone that doesn't fear the anger of Allah(s.w.a) except those who are bound to be encompassed by it. So do a full stop, turn around 180 degrees and walk, or run away. NOW!!!

Next, keep doing dua and ask Allah(s.w.a) to forgive you. Allah(s.w.a) is the most merciful, but he also knows your intentions, your thoughts, and all your big and small actions. So before you do istighfar, make sure that you have cut all relationship with her and are not in contact with her in any way. Allah(s.w.a) forgives the sincere, and to show you are sincere in obedience to commands of Allah(s.w.a), you must first stop the haram act.

Next, you need to get married. This should be obvious to you after this incident. It is wajib on you at this point (according to your Marjaa and most marjaa that I know of) because you are falling into haram as a result of not being married. You are a textbook case, as they say. So ask Allah(s.w.a) to help you find a good muslima or ahl al kitab to marry. The best option by far is a mumina, shia girl but if one is not avaiable to you then find a muslima who is not doing haram (at least not open haram), and if you can't find that then find an ahl al kitab. Salams and I wish you luck.

Excellent advice!

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You need to just man up and STOP. You are not "powerless", you wuss. If people used excuses like yours, every rapist, murderer, and thief on this planet would have allegedly been under the control of powers "too great to resist".

I've been surrounded by girls as well. I just knew where to keep my hands.

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Salam, If you are still reading and willing to try it, I came across this excellent post from a brave and resolute brothers of ours over Shia Chat:

<- its under Brother's Forum

In fact I've found this approach of the brother to help stop any addiction (smoking, flirtation w/t girls/boys, over spending, addictive shopping, watching as not lowering your gaze, any kind of fetish, over love for materials, cars, money).

I really love the underline idea -

1. Make your covenant with Allah,

2. Rid yourself of CHOICE to commit that sin

3. Know the repercussions of breaking that covenant [consecutive fast for two months]

4. Overcome the initial pain of committing to that covenant and then fill your life with peace and bliss

I read some hadith about "tasting the taste of Iman - halavat ul iman", I believe if you follow this brother's approach, you will literally feel that feelings.

This is Ramadhan, make it your ally and rid yourself of this satanic habit.

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I feel ur pain brotha :( But, you could have at least done muta in order to make it a lil less haram.

Be strong n get over her! And don't let any negative thoughts get into your mind b/c negative thoughts have a snow ball effect and just get worse. I was suicidal for quite some time :cry:

Take a look at my post and what I've gone through... hopefully you can make use of it and not go through the same:

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I feel ur pain brotha :( But, you could have at least done muta in order to make it a lil less haram.

Be strong n get over her! And don't let any negative thoughts get into your mind b/c negative thoughts have a snow ball effect and just get worse. I was suicidal for quite some time :cry:

Take a look at my post and what I've gone through... hopefully you can make use of it and not go through the same:

Brother Ali, there is nothing which is less haram or more haram, it is either haram or halal. You can not do muta with a mushrik and make it a little less haram etc. Lol...

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Asalamualaykum

I feel bad if I dn't reply to your post after I read it... I just want to say brother it'll be okay. Just be positive. You've been through alot and you've changed, you have started fasting and reading duas and committing good deeds, you want to please Allah and have devoted yourself to Him. You have become admirable. (Im paraphrasing) Imam Ali (as) said the deed which makes you sad and repentant is more liked by Allah (SWT) than the good deed which turns you arrogant.

You are a good person, your just in a tough place... AMERICA, the belly of shaitan. Sin is around every corner, that just means you have greater hardships meaning you'll get greater rewards when you overcome these hardships which you are facing.

I'll paraphrase a quick story... There was a monk and his entire life he had been in temple. He was super religious and very pious. His brother owned a bracelet shop and asked him (the monk) to watch his shop for a couple of minutes because he had an errand to run. The monk/brother agreed. As he is watching the shop a woman comes and wants to buy a bracelet, it was his job now to put the bracelet on the womans hand. When he touched her however sexual desires began to come for him and he became turned on. He didn't understand what was happening and why these feelings had occurred. His brother returned and he relayed what had happened, the brother was suprised and explained that he does this task everyday and has not experienced such feelings.

What Im trying to get across is this monk was pious his whole life and away from sin. But when he was confronted with sin he failed. In this sense you are great brother. You are fighting a sin head on and putting up a fight. A hardship which not many others have a chance to be tested with. Allah (SWT) has giving you a great sin to battle and when you overcome it, it will be a great victory. So dont be afraid of the sin you are battling, keep trying, you will win because Allah only tries us with those things which we can handle. If you fall again, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and fight again. Its not going to be easy but this is just the test you have been given. Keep that in mind and fight hard.

Whenever this temptation occurs within in your heart, thank Allah (SWT) for such a great hardship because Allah tries believers with hardships, (Praphrasing :shifty: again) "Do you think you can say I beleive and then not be tried." Just say to yourself that "yes Allah I will overcome this sin because I love you more than this sin and thankyou for this oppurtunity to let me show you how much I love you."

Keep smiling brother and fight yourself for Allah, you are putting up a great fight, hope you read this...

Sincerely,

Another Follower

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I am worried about you brother. Atleast your concious is biting you for now. Slowly you are becoming immune to the sins that you are commiting. But slowly it will not bite you and than you will feel normal to what you are doing. You are reasoning yourself to the sins you are doing. Satan is playing tricks with you and unfortunately he is winning. And the comments you are getting from SC are more harmful to you.

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