Jump to content
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!) ×
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!)
In the Name of God بسم الله

Lover Of Lovers

Rate this topic


Blissful

Recommended Posts

  • Advanced Member

O lover of lovers

I have drunk from thy cup of wine and soaked my soul in intoxication.

Who cannot but crave thy beauty, whose face humbles the hungry eye?

O lover of lovers

Thou has pushed me off the ends of the earth and has left me falling

Clothing me under thy cloak of velvet, removing the cloak of pride.

O lover of lovers

Thy heart must be elated

For I sway in ultimate bliss, whilst in my hands embracing the cup of sweet, sweet wine.

Thy heart must be one that cannot forgive the drunkard

Because with every sweet sip, I float in ecstasy and remain in oblivion

O lover of lovers

Your touch is one I cannot fathom

What else can grip the wrists with such ease that no struggle can let free?

That soft embrace and tempting stroke bewilders every fiber and tousles every strand of hair

Entwining my vulnerability and encompassing my awareness.

O lover of lovers

How can I bask in thy light and not be sun-kissed by thy tender complexion?

Nay, your love cannot be as blinding as they say

For they have not seen your radiance, which only true lovers can witness.

O lover of lovers

Woe unto me, for the day I accepted thy sweet bribe.

(wasalam)

Edited by Blissful
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Fabulous, great, and touchable words, although it takes me 4 different dictionaries:

-English-Arabic dictionary.

-Philosophical dictionary.

-Psychological dictionary.

-Feeling dictionary.

"Isma7i lee an an7ani 5'ale3al 8aba3ati le 8alameki almobde3",, keep it up

Cheers :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member

Fabulous, great, and touchable words, although it takes me 4 different dictionaries:

-English-Arabic dictionary.

-Philosophical dictionary.

-Psychological dictionary.

-Feeling dictionary.

"Isma7i lee an an7ani 5'ale3al 8aba3ati le 8alameki almobde3",, keep it up

Cheers :)

kello men al 3irfan! da7aktni men e5er wa7di :lol: w kellak zo2, shokran ktir!

(wasalam)

Edited by Blissful
Link to comment
Share on other sites

<3 woah masha'Allah thats some deep stuff. I have a strong feeling your 2 latest poems will have a place in the hall of fame of poetry.

The part of accepting the bribe is picturesque.. I would go with invitation or bondage though :donno:

And "Your" not your..

May Allah keep the light of your faith ever bright. I re love this poem!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member

<3 woah masha'Allah thats some deep stuff. I have a strong feeling your 2 latest poems will have a place in the hall of fame of poetry.

The part of accepting the bribe is picturesque.. I would go with invitation or bondage though :donno:

And "Your" not your..

May Allah keep the light of your faith ever bright. I re love this poem!

I apologise with not putting the capitals :donno:

It was posted without any editing or looking back, but thankyou sis..I'm humbled with your comments :wub:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member

I am always perplexed by the use of “intoxication” and “wine” as a metaphor by Islamic writers. It works though, and is used by the best, for example Rumi, yet, I try to refrain from that metaphor. It has wrought much devastation on my family. Please don’t take this blurb as part of my critique of your poetry or a moral judgment. I’m just sharing a personal curiosity.

I love the way “O Lovers” gives order to your write without stanza breaks.

Love the strong ending and the emphasis put on it by our one stanza break.

Also, I just love the poem. I do read these things for pure enjoyment and you can’t do that while in a red pen mentality.

Now the grammar Nazi insists on saying something: Double negatives are a no no. “Nay, your love cannot be as blinding as they say.” He thinks you could drop “Nay” and your poem not lose a thing in meaning.

Personally, I think every grammar rule can and should be broken as long as it does something for the poem. In this case though, no.

Now that the critique is out of the way I can re-read for the enjoyment J

Ha, just noticed that Nay and say rhyme. Sometimes critiques can be fun as well. Anyway, now I have to ask, is this rhyme important to the message of the poem or is this a forced rhyme? I'm not a fan of rhyming for rhyming sake or structure for structures sake, the important thing is the message and what carries the message. I"m picking up two, a young person in love with love and new convert who has found the source of love. I love any poem that can tell two stories at once, as this one does...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member

I am always perplexed by the use of "intoxication" and "wine" as a metaphor by Islamic writers. It works though, and is used by the best, for example Rumi, yet, I try to refrain from that metaphor. It has wrought much devastation on my family. Please don't take this blurb as part of my critique of your poetry or a moral judgment. I'm just sharing a personal curiosity.

I love the way "O Lovers" gives order to your write without stanza breaks.

Love the strong ending and the emphasis put on it by our one stanza break.

Also, I just love the poem. I do read these things for pure enjoyment and you can't do that while in a red pen mentality.

Now the grammar Nazi insists on saying something: Double negatives are a no no. "Nay, your love cannot be as blinding as they say." He thinks you could drop "Nay" and your poem not lose a thing in meaning.

Personally, I think every grammar rule can and should be broken as long as it does something for the poem. In this case though, no.

Now that the critique is out of the way I can re-read for the enjoyment J

Ha, just noticed that Nay and say rhyme. Sometimes critiques can be fun as well. Anyway, now I have to ask, is this rhyme important to the message of the poem or is this a forced rhyme? I'm not a fan of rhyming for rhyming sake or structure for structures sake, the important thing is the message and what carries the message. I"m picking up two, a young person in love with love and new convert who has found the source of love. I love any poem that can tell two stories at once, as this one does...

Salam Sprigleaf.

Yes..using the whole wine metaphor isn't liked by many. You were right in picking up the 'young person in love with love' theme of the poem, because ultimately that's what it is. A very raw poem I have to admit, I didn't look twice about the techniques, it was just written as is. The rhyming was not forced at all. I am not fond of rhyming either and have only done it twice.

Thanks for the critique, much appreciated and insha'Allah advice taken for next time :)

(salam)

SubhanAllah you might've been able to teach Rumi a thing or two. Nevertheless it really is nice to see an Aussie intoxicated with the love of our Lord(the best endowment in existence in both the material and spiritual world)

Thanks akhi, your comment is much appreciated. Nice to see more Aussies on sc :)

(wasalam)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member

Lots of people love rhyming and this is enough reason to use it by itself. I use rhyming every time I can get away with it and not force a rhyme. It really can make a poem sing. Even though I can't say it does anything for your message, it does do something that I can't identify. The best way to edit a poem is with the ear and ignore the grammar Nazi if want too.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...