Guys, Would You Marry Someone Who Has Been

[OneNoteSong]

I haven't, but there's a stigma against girls getting any action at all before marriage. And since things aren't working so well for me, I am beginning to wonder if I should do mutah with someone, just to tide me over until marriage. What do you think?

Edited March 20, 2011 by OneNoteSong

[Abbas.]

A Muslim (shia) male who frowns upon the practise of mutah by a muslimah is pretty much a hypocrite, but thats just my personal opinion and I intend no personal attack. We also have to bear in mind that we do not live in an ideal world nor do we have the Prophet P.b.u.H or the Immaculate Imams a.s (except for the One in Ghaybah) to issue rulings of Islam which are free from errors. From social standpoint, many shia Muslims (males) nowadays (that I know of) would not want to (permanently) marry a muslimah who has had relationships in the past. So as a matter of precaution (not from a religious point of view but from a social/cultural point of view), I'd suggest you practise precaution ....... and seek lots of advice and help from elders and (specifically) sisters in Islam before you decide to practise mutah.

[Fatima Hussain]

I would hope most guys wouldn't have a problem with it. Guys are usually the ones praising nikah mutah so it would be pretty hypocritical. There are always going to be some people though who see women who have engaged in mutah as "used goods"... :(

[OneNoteSong]

Let me clarify, I'm already 25, have made the effort to remain untouched for so long, and I'm still having a hard time finding a husband. So it's not like I haven't tried to stay away from guys, but after a certain point, you just want to give up.

Edited March 20, 2011 by OneNoteSong

[Fatima Hussain]

Don't do it. Don't listen to what everyone else on here will say; don't do it. I personally wouldn't marry a girl who has had 'action' before marriage, simply based on the priciple 'If i've made the effort to remain chaste before marriage, why should I marry somone who hasn't'. I think you should wait, and marry permanantly. It may take a while, but you'll end up with a much more honourable and religious husband than you will if you have a mutah beforehand.

My advice: don't do it, but if you want, take an istikhara. If it comes back positive for having a mutah, then go for it.

But girls who have engaged in mutah are just using the halal option and trying to do the best they can not to fall into haram. What if a girl had been in a long term mutah? Is that still absolutely disgusting to you? The fact that people are still so obsessed with virginity is just a sign of their own ignorance.

[Guest]

Don't do it. Don't listen to what everyone else on here will say; don't do it. I personally wouldn't marry a girl who has had 'action' before marriage, simply based on the priciple 'If i've made the effort to remain chaste before marriage, why should I marry somone who hasn't'. I think you should wait, and marry permanantly. It may take a while, but you'll end up with a much more honourable and religious husband than you will if you have a mutah beforehand.

My advice: don't do it, but if you want, take an istikhara. If it comes back positive for having a mutah, then go for it.

Mutah is halal and part of the Sunnat, and you should be ashamed of yourself for stigmatizing what the Prophet has made permissible. You sound more like a liberal Vatican bishop or Buddhist monk.

Only one track minds think it's exclusively for "action". Many women of the Basij for example, especially during the war time, engaged in mutah with wounded soliders in order to act as their nurses during combat. Fullfillment of carnal desire is just one of many reasons, but its not exclusive.

While not for everybody, engaging in a temporary marriage is halal and permissible, and if so called "pious" Muslim brothers want to put that over somebody's head and call that a negative or undesirable trait, then they go <beep> themselves.

Edited March 20, 2011 by comrade khodadad

[wayfarer.]

I haven't, but there's a stigma against girls getting any action at all before marriage. And since things aren't working so well for me, I am beginning to wonder if I should do mutah with someone, just to tide me over until marriage. What do you think?

Yes, I would absolutely marry someone who engaged in mutah instead of fornication. The very fact that she is/was cognizant of Islamic laws would make her even more attractive as a potential spouse.

[Abbas.]

Let me clarify, I'm already 25, have made the effort to remain untouched for so long, and I'm still having a hard time finding a husband. So it's not like I haven't tried to stay away from guys, but after a certain point, you just want to give up.

I think that many sisters (as well as brothers) are unfortunately facing such issues in life nowadays. The solution however does not lie in an unorthodox approach which also happens to be a taboo in our society. My main concern (regarding your situation) is that you may become an easy prey to an idiot who may view you as a potential target and use you for vested interest. So while we are allowed to practise mutah (in a number of circumstances), I think sisters (and ofcourse brothers as well) need to be aware of practical life (reality) and consequences of our actions........

How so brother? Why is hypocritical?

Because we (Muslim men) love defending mutah (generally speaking) as our divine right but unfortunately, it's a big issue for many of us (muslim men) when a muslimah has practised it.

[Guest]

Yeahhh, I can understand that, i'm 18, living in London, so i appreciate its hard. HOWEVER, this is what true Jihad is.

No, it's not, because it's self-imposed. God opens a door, but then closing it becomes "jihad"? I don't see how that's struggling in the way of God. Sure, we can refuse to go through the open door, but no more reward will be given. The struggle here is not in the way of God, but maintaining social and cultural status. Be honest about this.

The real jihad here is with those who engage in mutah properly and have to face the stigmatization and doubts from the so-called "community".

[OneNoteSong]

Yeahhh, I can understand that, i'm 18, living in London, so i appreciate its hard. HOWEVER, this is what true Jihad is.

You're 18....I'm SEVEN years older than you....that is a really long time to wait. I don't think you can understand how hard that is. At the beginning you're hopeful, maybe it'll happen next year...then next year....then next year....then next year....etc. How many times can you keep telling yourself that until you just stop believing?

[Fatima Hussain]

Well, i dont usually praise mutah. I accept that its halal, but I personally wouldn't. After all, it was originally put into practise for soldiers who had been away from home for years.

Well, would you want the knowledge that your husband had been with other girls before you?

Well, actually, I had to deal with that. The person I am betrothed to used to be non-Muslim. I had to deal with the fact that he was with other girls before he became Muslim. It was easy for me though to accept through because that is the culture we live in. I got over it.

You wouldn't be able to get over the fact that a great girl had been with someone else through halal options? I think that has to do with ego. Lol.

Well, actually, it is haram unless shes not a virgin to start of with. And she would need her fathers permission, otherwise again, it is haram. Long term mutah? LOL, sounds like someone is trying to think of ways of being in the same sort of 'long term relationships' which non-muslims love so much.

Its not ignorance sister, if chastity wasn't important, sex before marriage wouldn't be haram.

Long-term mutah that leads to marriage. Do you have a problem with that?

Edited March 20, 2011 by ohhcuppycakee

[OneNoteSong]

You're really misguided.

Jihad is overcoming temptation. Having sex because you're feeling horny is no more than temptation. Allah tells us not to have sex before marriage, therefore, NOT having sex is Jihad.

Real Jihad is those who enage in mutah?!

So its Jihad to go around having sex yeah?

Nice one(!)

Yeahhh i understand completely. But you can't do anything than trust in Allah, and pray. Maybe look at what's stopping you from getting married? Are you too involved in work, etc.

I'm just a student and I go out whenever I can.

[Guest]

You're really misguided.

Jihad is overcoming temptation. Having sex because you're feeling horny is no more than temptation. Allah tells us not to have sex before marriage, therefore, NOT having sex is Jihad.

Real Jihad is those who enage in mutah?!

So its Jihad to go around having sex yeah?

Nice one(!)

Yeahhh i understand completely. But you can't do anything than trust in Allah, and pray. Maybe look at what's stopping you from getting married? Are you too involved in work, etc.

You completely misunderstood my point.

Jihad is overcoming temptation ONLY when no permissible outlets for temptation are available. Sexual relations DO have permissible outlets. On the other hand, alcohol does not. The former is a relative or conditional jihad and the latter is unconditional. See what I mean?

Mutah is marriage, sexual relations within a marriage is permissible. This is an open door available for everybody, male or female. And you started off on this thread saying that's a negative trait in terms of your female spouse selection. Which I exposed as culturalist nonsense.

If marriage is possible, temporary or permanent, but people are reluctant because of cultural, social, personal reasons, that is NOT Jihad, and no extra reward will be given. It only increases the risk of failure on the macro scale.

However, if marriage is not possible, than abstaining is jihad.

Edited March 20, 2011 by comrade khodadad

[Layla40]

Why would any Shia have a problem with Muta? At the end of the day it's still a marriage. And if you're going to say "well people who practice Muta marriage are just in it for the sex" ... Well, the same could be said for a permanent marriage!

[Fatima Hussain]

Fair enough, but thats different. He probably repents for his actions before Islam.

Sometimes, yes it does. But most of the time, the guy just has sex with her for a few months, and then runs a mile at the mention of marriage. The girl is left feeling used, and then men won't go near her either.

Well then, the guy is the problem. NOT the girl!

Why would any Shia have a problem with Muta? At the end of the day it's still a marriage. And if you're going to say "well people who practice Muta marriage are just in it for the sex" ... Well, the same could be said for a permanent marriage!

EXACTLY!!

[Comprehending]

(salam)

To be honest I can understand why a man wouldn't. I'm much younger than you therefore I can't and won't try to understand how hard it is, but, I agree with Mushu. It's not impossible to resist temptation. It's hard, of course, but it is possible. Think of it this way, would you be comfortable marrying a man whose been with a few other girls before you and doesn't mind that?

(wasalam)

[Guest]

I'm glad we have so many taqlidis of St. Paul and Pope Benedict over here.

[OneNoteSong]

(salam)

To be honest I can understand why a man wouldn't. I'm much younger than you therefore I can't and won't try to understand how hard it is, but, I agree with Mushu. It's not impossible to resist temptation. It's hard, of course, but it is possible. Think of it this way, would you be comfortable marrying a man whose been with a few other girls before you and doesn't mind that?

(wasalam)

I honestly wouldn't mind if he had any previous relationships, just as long as he remained faithful to me during our marriage.

[YaSahebAZaman]

What if Imam of our time appear tomorrow or this year or next, what you will tell Imam Mehdi(ATF)?

[Layla40]

... You know what I've learnt in the past year? I've learnt that you could be an adulteress and STILL have a great, virtuous personality. Of course I'm not advocating adultery, obviously, but that's besides the point I'm making.

The point I'm making is that, It doesn't matter how many times a girl has been in a Muta relationship before. It doesn't affect her faith in any shape or form, neither does it represent a person with loose morales or tainted personality. So I dont see why anyone would have a stigma against girls who have done Muta before. There's no difference between a Shia Muta girl and Shia non-Muta girl. They're both the same in the eyes of God!

I hope you understand.

[Simba]

Here's my 2 cents...

Religious point of view : ITS ALLOWED if you can get your dad to agree with it.

Reality point of view: The muslim world, as liberated as it may be, is still not ready to accept girls that have done mutah with other guys. I'd rather live in reality.

Some common sense: If you're 25 and you can find a guy (who is probably 25 or older) to do mutah with you - why cant he do nikah instead???

[OneNoteSong]

Here's my 2 cents...

Religious point of view : ITS ALLOWED if you can get your dad to agree with it.

Reality point of view: The muslim world, as liberated as it may be, is still not ready to accept girls that have done mutah with other guys. I'd rather live in reality.

Some common sense: If you're 25 and you can find a guy (who is probably 25 or older) to do mutah with you - why cant he do nikah instead???

I don't know if there is anyone who would want to do nikah with me, but guys like the concept of physically being with someone without much of a commitment. So, it might be easier to find someone to do mutah with me than nikkah. Also, there is one ayatollah that I know of who is okay with an independent girl doing mutah without parental permission--I could do that since my parents don't support me. So, I could do mutah with someone, even if it's a Sunni, and then wait for a nice Shia boy to come along to do nikkah with me. How does that sound?

[Layla40]

I don't know if there is anyone who would want to do nikah with me, but guys like the concept of physically being with someone without much of a commitment. So, it might be easier to find someone to do mutah with me than nikkah. Also, there is one ayatollah that I know of who is okay with an independent girl doing mutah without parental permission--I could do that since my parents don't support me. So, I could do mutah with someone, even if it's a Sunni, and then wait for a nice Shia boy to come along to do nikkah with me. How does that sound?

Go for it, but don't get impregnated by the Sunni Guy ... ONLY SHIA

[Simba]

I don't know if there is anyone who would want to do nikah with me, but guys like the concept of physically being with someone without much of a commitment. So, it might be easier to find someone to do mutah with me than nikkah. Also, there is one ayatollah that I know of who is okay with an independent girl doing mutah without parental permission--I could do that since my parents don't support me. So, I could do mutah with someone, even if it's a Sunni, and then wait for a nice Shia boy to come along to do nikkah with me. How does that sound?

It sounds amazing BUT like I said, reality of this life might lean against you later on in life. Instead of giving up, maybe you should try on doing some amaals including reciting surah e yusuf every night and inshA you will get married quick. Plus, being active in the shia events held at your local community centre and volunteering there will not only make you well known but will make it easier to get married.

[Abu Hadi]

Salams,

I would say that anyone who has a problem with someone who has had a previous, 100% halal relationship (which is what mutah is) is astray and their Iman is in question.

Hymen worship is a cultural thing, and has nothing to do with Islam. I have challenged many br and sister on this forum to bring me a single, single authentic hadith that

says that we should only marry or give preference to marry only girls who are virgins. Noone has done this so far, and I have been on this board for 4 years and the challenge is still open.

There are many, many authentic ahadith that state that we should use Iman and Taqwa as the criteria for our spouse and nothing else. Because the majority in the community

don't follow this doesn't make it any less true just the same as the majority who believe that Rasoulallah (pbuh) left the decision of the Caliphate up to the people doesn't make that any more true or any less false. The ones who bother to learn about their religion and are sincere in following it know what the truth is, regarding both issues. That is the kind of spouse you want for whatever kind of marriage you choose to have. If they don't or don't care to know and would rather follow culture and ignorance, then Allah(s.w.a) has helped you by turning that person away from you.

There are many guys that are hypocrites, they condemn a girl for doing halal while they have done the same thing themselves or even sometimes they have done haram and yet will

condemn someone for doing halal. Again, that isn't the spouse you want and the fact that that kind of guy wouldn't want you is a blessing.

At the same time, you should have the same criteria for mutah as you would have for permenant marriage. You should choose a guy based primarily on Iman and Taqwa.

I wish you sucess and hapiness and remember that Allah(s.w.a) is so merciful to us that he gave us a solution for every situation, even if the 'masses' would rather follow ignorance

and not see it as a solution. It even says in the Quran that most people are far from the truth, so who cares what they think. Before you do anything, you sole criteria should be 'Does this action please Allah(s.w.a) or not'. If it does, and you're sure it does, go for it.

Edited March 20, 2011 by Abu Hadi

[YaSahebAZaman]

What about married men, who are away for few months from wives for work/job reasons in a different country, can they do muta?

[OneNoteSong]

What about married men, who are away for few months from wives for work/job reasons in a different country, can they do muta?

That's a whole separate topic, might require its own thread.

[Layla40]

What about married men, who are away for few months from wives for work/job reasons in a different country, can they do muta?

I think thats called "misyar" and in the Shi3 Fiqh, NO, that is not allowed, it's unlawful. It's a rather twisted idea too, as if the average wife would let their husband do such a thing , yh I know, L O L

[Bhooka_Bhairiya]

What about married men, who are away for few months from wives for work/job reasons in a different country, can they do muta?

Obviously!!

Read this: What makes a believer complete?

And this: Is mut'ah a sunnah? Did the Prophet (pbuh) practice it?

Even if wife is in same country living with you, you can still do mutah.

Man la yahdhuruhul faqih

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...........................Imam Muhammad al Baqir(as) said ".....................And for him to do mutah if he wants even if he has a woman(wife) and she(wife)'s residing with him in his location/country."

I have challenged many br and sister on this forum to bring me a single, single authentic hadith that says that we should only marry or give preference to marry only girls who are virgins.

Man la yahdhuruhul faqih

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^^^The Prophet(PBUH) advised a man to marry a woman who's a virgin and inclined towards righteousness and good mannerisms.

Authenticity: Authenticity of the ahadith in Man La Yahdhuruhul Faqih

[Comprehending]

(salam)

Picking up on a point made by Simba, it's all good to say that men shouldn't have a problem with it because mut3a has been deemed halal. No one is going to argue that it's haram. People may believe that using it just for relief of sexual desires is misuse. But that has nothing to do with this topic. She's not asking if mut3a is halal, if she can do it, if she should or shouldn't do it from a religious point of view. She's asking about the impact it will have on her later, realistically.

Unfortunately, realistically, many men do have a problem with marrying a woman has has participated in a mut3a marriage previously. Whether they should or shouldn't is a different issue. Many men do and that's not something that can be changed overnight. The OP has been arguing for mut3a which clearly shows your want to do it. If you really want to do it, go for it. But just acknowledge that it could be and most likely will be an issue when it comes to permanent marriage.

(wasalam)

[Guest]

Salams,

I would say that anyone who has a problem with someone who has had a previous, 100% halal relationship (which is what mutah is) is astray and their Iman is in question.

Hymen worship is a cultural thing, and has nothing to do with Islam. I have challenged many br and sister on this forum to bring me a single, single authentic hadith that

says that we should only marry or give preference to marry only girls who are virgins. Noone has done this so far, and I have been on this board for 4 years and the challenge is still open.

There are many, many authentic ahadith that state that we should use Iman and Taqwa as the criteria for our spouse and nothing else. Because the majority in the community

don't follow this doesn't make it any less true just the same as the majority who believe that Rasoulallah (pbuh) left the decision of the Caliphate up to the people doesn't make that any more true or any less false. The ones who bother to learn about their religion and are sincere in following it know what the truth is, regarding both issues. That is the kind of spouse you want for whatever kind of marriage you choose to have. If they don't or don't care to know and would rather follow culture and ignorance, then Allah(s.w.a) has helped you by turning that person away from you.

There are many guys that are hypocrites, they condemn a girl for doing halal while they have done the same thing themselves or even sometimes they have done haram and yet will

condemn someone for doing halal. Again, that isn't the spouse you want and the fact that that kind of guy wouldn't want you is a blessing.

At the same time, you should have the same criteria for mutah as you would have for permenant marriage. You should choose a guy based primarily on Iman and Taqwa.

I wish you sucess and hapiness and remember that Allah(s.w.a) is so merciful to us that he gave us a solution for every situation, even if the 'masses' would rather follow ignorance

and not see it as a solution. It even says in the Quran that most people are far from the truth, so who cares what they think. Before you do anything, you sole criteria should be 'Does this action please Allah(s.w.a) or not'. If it does, and you're sure it does, go for it.

Why are you guys ignoring this post?

This pretty much sums up the truth right here.

[Abdaal]

I don't know if there is anyone who would want to do nikah with me, but guys like the concept of physically being with someone without much of a commitment. So, it might be easier to find someone to do mutah with me than nikkah. Also, there is one ayatollah that I know of who is okay with an independent girl doing mutah without parental permission--I could do that since my parents don't support me. So, I could do mutah with someone, even if it's a Sunni, and then wait for a nice Shia boy to come along to do nikkah with me. How does that sound?

If a Sunni man is okay to do muta with a shia girl then that Sunni is dishonorable. Also, if a shia girl is is does not fall in love with the man she has a relationship then I personally would never trust that girl.

Once you put yourself in this hole don't expect a nice shia boy to save you in the end.

Edited March 20, 2011 by Abdaal

[Maryammm]

I don't know if there is anyone who would want to do nikah with me, but guys like the concept of physically being with someone without much of a commitment. So, it might be easier to find someone to do mutah with me than nikkah. Also, there is one ayatollah that I know of who is okay with an independent girl doing mutah without parental permission--I could do that since my parents don't support me. So, I could do mutah with someone, even if it's a Sunni, and then wait for a nice Shia boy to come along to do nikkah with me. How does that sound?

Salamu alaykum, I really would advise against Mut'a even though it is halal in certain circumstances. What methods have you tried to find a spouse? Have your parents tried t help you in your efforts? Have your friends and the respected elders in your community helped you? You mention that you go out, but what sort of places do you go to? Have you opened up your search to people of different cultures and ethnicities? Have you made scincere pro-active efforts to find a spouse? Or are you just waiting around for Mr Right? If you have exausted all efforts then and only then could you possibly resort to muta'. Finally 25 isn't that old, and if you are a good pious woman then have faith in Allah(swt) that he will provide soon inshallah. Please don't let impatience get the better of you!

[Gypsy]

(salam)

What about married men, who are away for few months from wives for work/job reasons in a different country, can they do muta?

How about his wife? What is she supposed to do?

[Photi]

Given my age (37) and the society in which i live, marrying a young virgin girl, though the thought of which is enticing, would feel out of place unless the girl were exceptionally mature for her age. A 30ish girl with some experience is probably about right for me. So my answer to this thread's question is "Yes."