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I Am Always Crushing On People...

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Salam,

I always crush on the guys who show me attention... Even if they're just being nice.

I know it'll pass soon because it was a different guy last month and will be a different guy next month but... Should I just let it continue on and fade slowly, or try to not like him and resist?

Usually it goes like this:

He shows a little attention,

I start thinking about him,

and soon i get butterflies and all those "symptoms" around him,

get excited when i see him or talk to him,

can't stop thinking about him,

then soon... I notice a few things about him which are not perfect,

then I start not liking him.

Then start with the next guy.

Is it just that I'm desperate for attention from any guy?

Or maybe I have an unrealistic standard for guys and lose interest fast?

Or I have a romanticized image of men, as if they'll fall in love with me?

Or am I just lonely?

HELP PLZ

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Salams.

This seems rather normal, well to me. I dunno why, maybe its something which happens to most girls; especially if your young. Don't let it continue, try to resist him. When i say resist him, i mean stop speaking to him less, dont make an effort, only speak to him when you NEED to etc. Anyways, wish you the best of luck.

Wsalam.

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It's totally normal. I myself keep getting crushes on different girls all the time. But I don't get worried because I'm always aware that it's just a crush and nothing serious. So basically I'd be longing for a girl for a few months, then after some time the focus will shift to another girl and I'll totally forget about the first one. So no need to worry.

As we say in Urdu: Tu na sahi to koi aur sahi, koi aur na sahi to koi aur sahi

Rough translation (flavor would be lost though): If not you then someone else, if not someone else then someone else.

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(salam)

Just don’t think too seriously about that stuff (until you are ready to get married). Focus more on your study. I think it is normal to think you are in love with everybody when you are 17. Just avoid speaking or getting to know anyone (until you are ready to get serious/married).

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I always crush on the guys who show me attention... Even if they're just being nice.

From the Islamic point of view, you should not be mixing with boys to the extent that you seem to be. You should not get so close to them that they have the opportunity to be so nice to you.

The best way to solve your problem would be to try and adopt an Islamic attitude, that is, stay away from boys and men as much as you can.

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solution:

don't talk to boys,never never never never never

lool. That will only backlash on the person if they don't ever speak to boys. Too much integration with the opposite sex is wrong and no integration will inevitably lead to sin. You need to know your boundaries and your limits. If you've grown up never speaking to boys and suddenly you go to college where there are boys in your class then you'll want to dress to impress and you'll like ever boy in your class :lol:

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solution:

don't talk to boys,never never never never never

Lol impossible to follow advice tongue.gif

Sister, its very normal when you're young. Dont pay much attention to it and most important of all, dont let this lead to stuff you might regret later. So dont interact more than you need with the guy you have a crush on(thats hard, I know) and it will fade. As long as you do that and as long this doesnt lead to any haram act enjoy the feeling. Its not haram to have feelings, its about what you do with them.

Edited by Iraqiah_Shia

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(salam)

Just don’t think too seriously about that stuff (until you are ready to get married). Focus more on your study. I think it is normal to think you are in love with everybody when you are 17. Just avoid speaking or getting to know anyone (until you are ready to get serious/married).

Intelligent and islamically reliable advice!

From the Islamic point of view, you should not be mixing with boys to the extent that you seem to be. You should not get so close to them that they have the opportunity to be so nice to you.

The best way to solve your problem would be to try and adopt an Islamic attitude, that is, stay away from boys and men as much as you can.

This is likewise.

@OP to stop yourself from what you are doing, follow these advice.

EDIT: This is not normal at all, its a bad habit that should be stopped asap or else it can lead to committing unlawful acts

(wasalam)

Edited by Cosmos

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Salam to all:

This seems rather normal, well to me. I dunno why, maybe its something which happens to most girls; especially if your young. Don't let it continue, try to resist him. When i say resist him, i mean stop speaking to him less, dont make an effort, only speak to him when you NEED to etc. Anyways, wish you the best of luck.

Thanks, I know I shouldn't talk unecessarily, but it's so hard!

It's totally normal. I myself keep getting crushes on different girls all the time. But I don't get worried because I'm always aware that it's just a crush and nothing serious. So basically I'd be longing for a girl for a few months, then after some time the focus will shift to another girl and I'll totally forget about the first one. So no need to worry.

As we say in Urdu: Tu na sahi to koi aur sahi, koi aur na sahi to koi aur sahi

Rough translation (flavor would be lost though): If not you then someone else, if not someone else then someone else.

LOL i love that quote XD And yeah I agree with it and I agree with you too!~

(salam)

Just don’t think too seriously about that stuff (until you are ready to get married). Focus more on your study. I think it is normal to think you are in love with everybody when you are 17. Just avoid speaking or getting to know anyone (until you are ready to get serious/married).

Thanks Zareen... So hard not to talk to him though... ;D

From the Islamic point of view, you should not be mixing with boys to the extent that you seem to be. You should not get so close to them that they have the opportunity to be so nice to you.

The best way to solve your problem would be to try and adopt an Islamic attitude, that is, stay away from boys and men as much as you can.

Well actually, I go to a public school and I'm in his class so it's kind of impossible to avoid him... But yeah i agree with adopting an Islamic attitude...

lool. That will only backlash on the person if they don't ever speak to boys. Too much integration with the opposite sex is wrong and no integration will inevitably lead to sin. You need to know your boundaries and your limits. If you've grown up never speaking to boys and suddenly you go to college where there are boys in your class then you'll want to dress to impress and you'll like ever boy in your class :lol:

EXACTLYYYYYY Which is why I think I should keep talking to boys, just not flirting with them... Is that right? or what? :P

Lol impossible to follow advice tongue.gif

Sister, its very normal when you're young. Dont pay much attention to it and most important of all, dont let this lead to stuff you might regret later. So dont interact more than you need with the guy you have a crush on(thats hard, I know) and it will fade. As long as you do that and as long this doesnt lead to any haram act enjoy the feeling. Its not haram to have feelings, its about what you do with them.

Oh my God it really really is hard.... And thanks, this is some sound advice... Best out of all. LOL especially better than "Dont ever talk to boys never never never" LOL

Thank you everyone!~

So basically some of you are saying I should resist and avoid him at all costs... And some are saying I should enjoy it but don't get serious about it meaning that I can still talk to him, just no flirting and all that...

Am I right?

=)

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(bismillah)

(salam)

I would humbly like to disagree with the two sisters who said:

lool. That will only backlash on the person if they don't ever speak to boys. Too much integration with the opposite sex is wrong and no integration will inevitably lead to sin. You need to know your boundaries and your limits. If you've grown up never speaking to boys and suddenly you go to college where there are boys in your class then you'll want to dress to impress and you'll like ever boy in your class :lol:

Lol impossible to follow advice

Sister, its very normal when you're young. Dont pay much attention to it and most important of all, dont let this lead to stuff you might regret later. So dont interact more than you need with the guy you have a crush on(thats hard, I know) and it will fade. As long as you do that and as long this doesnt lead to any haram act enjoy the feeling. Its not haram to have feelings, its about what you do with them.

The rules of religion are well defined when it comes to segregation. It is entirely possible to not interact with the opposite gender (I have witnessed both males and females doing this at young ages as well as mature ages).

What I also want to mention is that one of our mistakes as a society is to unnecessarily delay marriage. Sister, I think you mentioned you were 17. It's a good time to look for a life partner. Marriage doesn't require you to move out and start a family straight away. You can continue studying, as can your husband (if he's a student), and both of your parents can continue supporting you as they would have if you were unmarried.

The social needs of companionship between males and females are natural, and catered for in Islam through correct methods (and not by interacting with non-mahrams).

EDIT: Iraqiah Shia, upon re-reading your post I think we mostly agree, except on the bolded part.

Edited by Mahdavist

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What I also want to mention is that one of our mistakes as a society is to unnecessarily delay marriage. Sister, I think you mentioned you were 17. It's a good time to look for a life partner. Marriage doesn't require you to move out and start a family straight away. You can continue studying, as can your husband (if he's a student), and both of your parents can continue supporting you as they would have if you were unmarried.

I agree with this and I like that this has become popular in Iran.

It is especially good for us brothers, because it allows us to marry young (instead of waiting until we attain financial self-sufficiency at age 60 or whatever).

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(bismillah)

(salam)

EDIT: Iraqiah Shia, upon re-reading your post I think we mostly agree, except on the bolded part.

(wasalam)

The sister had this advice

solution:

don't talk to boys,never never never never never

How is it possible to NEVER speak to a boy/man? Especially when someone goes to a public school or University? Its possible to avoid them or stay away from talking to them only when you really need to but how is it possible to NEVER talk to them when they are everywhere. I think its all about us girls and women knowing our boundaries and limits when it comes to interacting with men.

Oh my God it really really is hard.... And thanks, this is some sound advice... Best out of all. LOL especially better than "Dont ever talk to boys never never never" LOL

Thank you everyone!~

So basically some of you are saying I should resist and avoid him at all costs... And some are saying I should enjoy it but don't get serious about it meaning that I can still talk to him, just no flirting and all that...

Am I right?

=)

(salam)

Sister, you should challenge yourself to do this. This is your personal struggle and it will strengthen your Imaan InshAllah. You can talk to him but you should know your limits and make sure that one thing doesn't lead to something bigger you may regret. I know that, when you THINK you're in love this is hard but isn't it great to control your nafs and beat Shaytan who wants you to sin? Try it and InshAllah you will succeed.

Edited by Iraqiah_Shia

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(salam)

It's perfectly normal but just try your best to only speak to him when necessary. If he starts a conversation with you, don't entertain it, just give short and simple answers. Not in a rude way, but not in a way that encourages the conversation to go much further. About keeping talking to boys without flirting, it's very difficult to draw the line at what flirting is exactly. You can have indirect flirting which makes it a lot easier for you to convince yourself that you're not doing anything wrong, but deep down you know yourself that you are.

To prevent this continuous crushing, just adopt the same attitude with all males you come across. Don't engage in detailed, pointless conversations. Be respectable, kind, but don't go further and don't get the slightest bit close. Try not to start unnecessary conversations, especially if it's a problem you'll continually face. Even if you share the same interests or whatever, just try and avoid it. Though all this is probably easier said than done, that doesn't make it impossible and with time you'll find that acting in this manner is second nature.

I'm too young to comment on getting married, or looking for something serious, but the advice some members have given above seems sensible enough. And about "no integration inevitably leading to sin", I think it depends. If you grow up with ZERO communication, and have been led to think that even saying a simple hello is so haram and will lead you to hell, then you're bound to go to one of the two extremes. You'll go as far away from men as possible, which is the worst thing that could happen, or you'll jump like a lion the first minute you come into proper contact with them. Of course this is a generalisation, and in some cases, depending on the society in which you live, neither of the two will happen and you'll find yourself leading a happy life without any of these problems.

(wasalam)

Edited by Comprehending

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