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I Am Always Crushing On People...

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(salam) sister

I reflected on your situation and found you 2 solutions that will work .

1) Put in your mind that every guy on the planet is already married,so there's no purpose on running after him

if that doesn't work ,go to the second option

2) Put in your mind that every man is secretely a woman ,you will have no attraction !

yea i know .. lame solutions ..But it DOES work trust me

Good luck !

one thing abt crushes is that the more u have them the faster u get rid of em... that happend to me ... :lol: :lol:

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one thing abt crushes is that the more u have them the faster u get rid of em... that happend to me ... :lol: :lol:

and the more sins u get ;)

and the more repentance you do

and the more deeds you recieve

and your chances to go in jannah are higher ; )

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(salam)

(bismillah)

Illal ul sharai

أبي رحمه الله قال: حدثنا سعد بن عبد الله عن محمد بن الحسين بن أبي الخطاب عن محمد بن يحيى الخزاز عن غياث بن أبي ابراهيم عن أبي عبد الله (ع) قال: ان المرأة خلقت من الرجل، وانما همتها في الرجال، فاحبسوا نساءكم، وان الرجل خلق من الارض، وانما همته في الارض.

.........................Imam Sadiq(as) said "Verily the woman has been created from man, and she's bent/interested/focused in nothing but the man. So lock up your women. The man has been created from land and he's bent/interested/focused in nothing but in land."

I just wanted to comment on the authenticity of this hadeeth. This hadeeth is SaHeeH, there is one issue with the naskh of the e-book. It isn't غياث بن أبي ابراهيم , but it is غياث بن ابراهيم (drop the أبي). If you look to the tabaqa of Ghiyaath, you will see that it is actually him. And my personal copy of `ilal al-sharaa'i` doesn't have this mistake.

Also, if you look to Hoor Al-`Aamilee's Wasaa'il Al-Shee`ah, he has narrated this hadeeth and he doesn't have this mistake.

وَ فِي الْعِلَلِ عَنْ أَبِيهِ عَنْ سَعْدٍ عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ الْحُسَيْنِ عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ يَحْيَى عَنْ غِيَاثِ بْنِ إِبْرَاهِيمَ عَنْ أَبِي عَبْدِ اللَّهِ ع قَالَ

There is a whole chapter in Wasaa'il Al-Shee`ah that discusses this very thing.

24 بَابُ اسْتِحْبَابِ حَبْسِ الْمَرْأَةِ فِي بَيْتِهَا أَوْ بَيْتِ زَوْجِهَا فَلَا تَخْرُجْ لِغَيْرِ حَاجَةٍ وَ لَا يَدْخُلْ عَلَيْهَا أَحَدٌ مِنَ الرِّجَالِ

“Chapter on the recommendation of locking the women (i.e. the wife) in her house or the house of her husband, and not letting her leave without a necessity, and not letting anyone from the men enter upon her”

  • Source:
  • Al-`Aamilee, Wasaa'il Al-Shee`ah, vol. 20, pg. 64, ch. 24

(salam)

Edited by Nader Zaveri

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Salaam

Remember that the first (unintentional) look is allowed to you. The second becomes Haram, male or female. So if you start developing feelings for another (opposite gender or not), you CANNOT look at them. How many have mastered the art of lowering the gaze?

Also kudos to those who have recognised the vices of the virtual world, a far more deceiving world than the real one. It has taken the shame out of women and men alike. In this world people seem to forget that they are still accountable toward their Lord. Flirting, use of obscene language, expletives and other such behaviour which they *might* not be indulging in in their real lives, they tend to exhibit with gay abandon here. And yet, these will be the most pious of the lot, doling out "advices" and whipping out the ayaat and the aHadith for you and speaking as if there was none worthier than themselves in the sight of their Lord.

Edited by phoenix

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Salaam

Remember that the first (unintentional) look is allowed to you. The second becomes Haram, male or female. So if you start developing feelings for another (opposite gender or not), you CANNOT look at them. How many have mastered the art of lowering the gaze?

Also kudos to those who have recognised the vices of the virtual world, a far more deceiving world than the real one. It has taken the shame out of women and men alike. In this world people seem to forget that they are still accountable toward their Lord. Flirting, use of obscene language, expletives and other such behaviour which they *might* not be indulging in in their real lives, they tend to exhibit with gay abandon here. And yet, these will be the most pious of the lot, doling out "advices" and whipping out the ayaat and the aHadith for you and speaking as if there was none worthier than themselves in the sight of their Lord.

subhanallah well said sister,

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LOVE Allah, AHLUL BAYT AND HIP HOP !!!!!!!!!!

There is so much wrong with that statement. =P

(salam)

^ It's true. It's much easier to forget boundaries when you're hidden behind a screen. Easier to say things you wouldn't say to someone's face.

(wasalam)

SO TRUE

Salaam

Remember that the first (unintentional) look is allowed to you. The second becomes Haram, male or female. So if you start developing feelings for another (opposite gender or not), you CANNOT look at them. How many have mastered the art of lowering the gaze?

Also kudos to those who have recognised the vices of the virtual world, a far more deceiving world than the real one. It has taken the shame out of women and men alike. In this world people seem to forget that they are still accountable toward their Lord. Flirting, use of obscene language, expletives and other such behaviour which they *might* not be indulging in in their real lives, they tend to exhibit with gay abandon here. And yet, these will be the most pious of the lot, doling out "advices" and whipping out the ayaat and the aHadith for you and speaking as if there was none worthier than themselves in the sight of their Lord.

One of the best replies ^ Absolutely amazing!~

I like how you type, very eloquently, that is.

Salaam

Remember that the first (unintentional) look is allowed to you. The second becomes Haram, male or female. So if you start developing feelings for another (opposite gender or not), you CANNOT look at them. How many have mastered the art of lowering the gaze?

Also kudos to those who have recognised the vices of the virtual world, a far more deceiving world than the real one. It has taken the shame out of women and men alike. In this world people seem to forget that they are still accountable toward their Lord. Flirting, use of obscene language, expletives and other such behaviour which they *might* not be indulging in in their real lives, they tend to exhibit with gay abandon here. And yet, these will be the most pious of the lot, doling out "advices" and whipping out the ayaat and the aHadith for you and speaking as if there was none worthier than themselves in the sight of their Lord.

Honestly Phoenix, you're advice is the best advice out of all. You have no idea how much of what you said applies to me.

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i never never never spoke to a man. I dont even speak to my own cousins.

i only speak to boys on Shiachat room , facebook chat or msn chat.

i think that chatting is a good hijab,(veil) cause you dont see the man in front of you .

Allāh (S.W.T) said:

"Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater purity for them: and Allah is well acquainted with all that they do."

[Reference: Holy Qur'ān, Al-Noor, verse 30]

sis (salam)

Yes but you are providing an un-realistic situation here. You can flirt just as much behind a keyboard.

Obviously you can cut down your interaction with guys and whatnot, but you will always come into situations where you have to speak to them. I'm not talking as in: "Hey you wanna meet up?" "Sure!" . I'm talking at work, school, mosques, whatever. It's inevitable & we have to be realistic here. Yes the quran al kareem says to lower the gaze, but looking twice is obviously what's haram, because your obviously looking again for another reason. Do you honestly believe we have to walk around with our heads down all the time and bump into everyone? SORRY SIS, I DIDN'T WANNA SIN *keeps head down*

Not enough interaction is dangerous, too much is dangerous. Too much interaction and not being modest about it will obviously cause some sort of sin, but refraining from interaction will make you insecure and unfamiliar with situations you will soon have to deal with. It's not hard to figure out the point where your doing something wrong, it's why we have a conscience. Just be smart about it and use your head and not your heart when interacting with the opposite sex. Allah swt did not say we can not talk to each other.

Also, I found this video helpful as well. He talks about why and how we should approach when marrying.

(wasalam)

Edited by Blissful

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and the more sins u get ;)

and the more repentance you do

and the more deeds you recieve

and your chances to go in jannah are higher ; )

how can u be sure that ur sins are expiated? its so full of doubts. and then if u repent sins with thought of performing it again, it wont work. :dry:

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how can u be sure that ur sins are expiated? its so full of doubts. and then if u repent sins with thought of performing it again, it wont work. :dry:

(salam)

I can be sure that my sins are expiated by this verse :

íóÇ ÃóíõøåóÇ ÇáóøÐöíäó ÂãóäõæÇ Åöäóø ãöäú ÃóÒúæóÇÌößõãú æóÃóæúáóÇÏößõãú ÚóÏõæðøÇ áóøßõãú ÝóÇÍúÐóÑõæåõãú ۚ æóÅöä ÊóÚúÝõæÇ æóÊóÕúÝóÍõæÇ æóÊóÛúÝöÑõæÇ ÝóÅöäóø Çááóøåó ÛóÝõæÑñ ÑóøÍöíãñ [64:14] O ye who believe! Truly, among your wives and your children are (some that are) enemies to yourselves: so beware of them! But if ye forgive and overlook, and cover up (their faults), verily Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

Also, many other verse ,so it's a guarantee that Allah will forgive us,no matter how much we are sinning.

And yes,I agree that if you repent with another thought,it wont work ..but usually,when somebody repents..it's honnest.Furthermore , we can ask forgivness ,instead of repenting . There is a difference between ''Towba'' and ''Al-Afou'' .The difference is that with Towba , you dont repeat the act again , but Al-Afou, you can repeat it without having the intention of it.

(wasalam)

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One of the best replies ^ Absolutely amazing!~

I like how you type, very eloquently, that is.

Honestly Phoenix, you're advice is the best advice out of all. You have no idea how much of what you said applies to me.

Hey thanks! You even quoted me twice :)

I wasn't really advising though; I was just paraphrasing the laws on this (difficult and harsh but they are what they are). You would have to figure your own way out of such situations (and I DO know what you are talking about).

May Allah grant you success.

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Finally found a solution

Imam Jafar as Sadiq asws said: If someone writes Surat an noor on a piece of paper and hang it on a wall in their house then no one living in that house will commit adultery.

Can't help with feelings but can atleast save a sister from a major sin.

Ya Ali Madad

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(salam)

(bismillah)

Imam Jafar as Sadiq asws said: If someone writes Surat an noor on a piece of paper and hang it on a wall in their house then no one living in that house will commit adultery.

Brother, why do you keep quoting aHaadeeth WITHOUT the Arabic or even the source? It would be more beneficial to the people to give the source to the aHaadeeth you quote, that way it'll give more yaqeen (certainty) to the people and the people will know more of our books.

Plus, it'll allow people to look these aHaadeeth up.

(salam)

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(salam)

(bismillah)

Brother, why do you keep quoting aHaadeeth WITHOUT the Arabic or even the source? It would be more beneficial to the people to give the source to the aHaadeeth you quote, that way it'll give more yaqeen (certainty) to the people and the people will know more of our books.

Plus, it'll allow people to look these aHaadeeth up.

(salam)

Yeah u are right bro butmosr of the time I m on phone and when I m home I feel like crashing

Wow! Way to presume what it will be leading a woman to!

bcos any sin which is done repeatedly be it small or big becomes a major sin and any sin after tauba doesn't remain a major sin (imam sadiq asws)

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Salam,

I always crush on the guys who show me attention... Even if they're just being nice.

I know it'll pass soon because it was a different guy last month and will be a different guy next month but... Should I just let it continue on and fade slowly, or try to not like him and resist?

Usually it goes like this:

He shows a little attention,

I start thinking about him,

and soon i get butterflies and all those "symptoms" around him,

get excited when i see him or talk to him,

can't stop thinking about him,

then soon... I notice a few things about him which are not perfect,

then I start not liking him.

Then start with the next guy.

Is it just that I'm desperate for attention from any guy?

Or maybe I have an unrealistic standard for guys and lose interest fast?

Or I have a romanticized image of men, as if they'll fall in love with me?

Or am I just lonely?

HELP PLZ

I think girls who dont get enough love inside the house, they usually look for it outside the house and it is not always safe

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Salam,

I always crush on the guys who show me attention... Even if they're just being nice.

I know it'll pass soon because it was a different guy last month and will be a different guy next month but... Should I just let it continue on and fade slowly, or try to not like him and resist?

Usually it goes like this:

He shows a little attention,

I start thinking about him,

and soon i get butterflies and all those "symptoms" around him,

get excited when i see him or talk to him,

can't stop thinking about him,

then soon... I notice a few things about him which are not perfect,

then I start not liking him.

Then start with the next guy.

Is it just that I'm desperate for attention from any guy?

Or maybe I have an unrealistic standard for guys and lose interest fast?

Or I have a romanticized image of men, as if they'll fall in love with me?

Or am I just lonely?

HELP PLZ

(salam)

Haven't read through all the replies so I apologise if this has already been said. Your problem is that you have no focus. Women naturally seek emotional comfort and attention and if you're not getting that from a husband then it's easy to soak it up from any other guy and cook up romantic notions in your head, unless you're focused. What I mean by focus is that you need to think seriously about marriage and the qualities that are important in a spouse and then come up with a serious set of criteria of exactly what you want in a husband (make sure that the criteria are both Islamic and reasonable). Once you've done that then it becomes alot easier to stay focused on that model and ignore guys who don't fit that criteria when they give you attention because you know that there's no point/future. And ofcourse as others have mentioned, try your best to avoid unnecessarily talking to guys in the first place coz it's not healthy and will just make you more unhappy in the long-term.

wasalaam

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Wow! Way to presume what it will be leading a woman to!

Ok relax. That person was being careful. No need to blow your top. And I AM a sister LOL

I think girls who dont get enough love inside the house, they usually look for it outside the house and it is not always safe

This doesn't help me in any way shape or form. Thanks. -.-

(salam)

Haven't read through all the replies so I apologise if this has already been said. Your problem is that you have no focus. Women naturally seek emotional comfort and attention and if you're not getting that from a husband then it's easy to soak it up from any other guy and cook up romantic notions in your head, unless you're focused. What I mean by focus is that you need to think seriously about marriage and the qualities that are important in a spouse and then come up with a serious set of criteria of exactly what you want in a husband (make sure that the criteria are both Islamic and reasonable). Once you've done that then it becomes alot easier to stay focused on that model and ignore guys who don't fit that criteria when they give you attention because you know that there's no point/future. And ofcourse as others have mentioned, try your best to avoid unnecessarily talking to guys in the first place coz it's not healthy and will just make you more unhappy in the long-term.

wasalaam

Niiiice answer!

Thanks =D

You know it's strange kuz I just thought of this myself a few days ago and now your response tells me the exact same thing =)

Thanks again!

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get to know one guy, get your heart broken, then im sure that will turn you off them for a while

besides if its within the boundaries its always good to experience these things, because you will eventually learn more about yourself, then you would otherwise

or you can just digg a hole and hide in it for the next 5 years ! ! !

Besides, being the flirtatious male that i am, i can assure you 9 out of 10 of these guys you speak to, might think they have good intentions, but in reality they still dont know their left from right !!!!

It took me 10 years to figure that out about myself, (and all the hearts i had broken, innocent girls like yourself) so take it from exp, these guys are still kids (as i once was)...

When Mr Halal comes along, he wont be on msn or facebook, he will knock on your door to speak to your parents !!!!

Salams

P.S for those who decide to say something silly about my post, at least i admit to it and im not in denial !!!

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Hun,

That seems normal to me. I don't know how old are you but that happens. Ofcourse try to avoid guys as much as you can. Keep yourself busy in other things (religion, family and friends). I personally would question myself and ask .. is this the person I am willing to spend the rest of my life with ? If yes ..proceed the Islamic way (get your parents involved). If not then just put a full stop right there.

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get to know one guy, get your heart broken, then im sure that will turn you off them for a while

besides if its within the boundaries its always good to experience these things, because you will eventually learn more about yourself, then you would otherwise

or you can just digg a hole and hide in it for the next 5 years ! ! !

Besides, being the flirtatious male that i am, i can assure you 9 out of 10 of these guys you speak to, might think they have good intentions, but in reality they still dont know their left from right !!!!

It took me 10 years to figure that out about myself, (and all the hearts i had broken, innocent girls like yourself) so take it from exp, these guys are still kids (as i once was)...

When Mr Halal comes along, he wont be on msn or facebook, he will knock on your door to speak to your parents !!!!

Salams

P.S for those who decide to say something silly about my post, at least i admit to it and im not in denial !!!

I guess thats a lesson.........................RULE 1: GIRLS STAY AWAY FROM THIS GUY :lol:

On a serious note yes thats exactly the way things are these days. What I want to know though is the limits a male can interact with a female prior to the "knocking on the door of the parents house" part? i.e. talking on facebook, msn etc. Are there any lectures or guidelines on how to do this in a halal way?

I think knowing to answer that will dispel most of the issues that occur because of haram interaction of the sexes.

Edited by slave.ofAllah

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Well from what i know, according to Sistani, you can talk to a girl as long as its within the limits ... limits being, as soon as lust and naughty naughty thoughts kick in, then you have to take a step back...

As for meeting up with the other person, that can be done too, as long as its a group meeting, ie you 2 are not alone in a room, and its a "public place" meaning there are poeple around you... whether it be friends or strangers... once again same rule applies, once lust and naughty naughty thoughts kick in you have to take a step back

then even when someone DOES knock on your door and see the parents and your speaking, you still abide by the same rules...

technically its common sense, anything at anytime out side of marriage , is kinda halal, but the second lust kicks in you have to take a step back

it doesnt mean if you thought a lustful thought ur going to hell no, its just a guideline, so you dont end up pregnant at 15, and your future husband still hasnt finished year 10 lol

so it alllllll goes down to common sense... thats the technical side of it all, other then that, the rest is up to you... if you fall for a sweet talker who bluffed you, well i hate to break it, but your stupid lol, and you will call yourself that after, this applies to males and females...

Yeah i might of broken many hearts, but i got mine done over too at the same time... its the wheel of life, these things happen, till one day, a thing called ikhlaq kicks in and you see the world as Tupac would say "Thru your review"

Salams

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