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In the Name of God بسم الله

Celibate In Islam

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Hi,

I'm a single woman who has a "problem". Sorry I hope my words don't be an offense. I need to know why celibate is haram in islam. I started studyin islam by myself but I never made my shahada because I have a problem with my sex, I cannot have sexual relations, I don't have sexual instincts, I 'm able to love a man,but I cannot with the sex. I tried to force myself to accept sex but I fall onto depression and I tried to suicide. I'm asking why can not be a muslim, I wont fornicate, I cannot grow a family and I'm very sorry for that, I pray Allh to help me.

Please, I ask for ans answer from somebody who knows about that, I'll apreciate all opinions but I want and answer from somebody "wise in islam".

Thanks

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Hi,

I'm a single woman who has a "problem". Sorry I hope my words don't be an offense. I need to know why celibate is haram in islam. I started studyin islam by myself but I never made my shahada because I have a problem with my sex, I cannot have sexual relations, I don't have sexual instincts, I 'm able to love a man,but I cannot with the sex. I tried to force myself to accept sex but I fall onto depression and I tried to suicide. I'm asking why can not be a muslim, I wont fornicate, I cannot grow a family and I'm very sorry for that, I pray Allh to help me.

Please, I ask for ans answer from somebody who knows about that, I'll apreciate all opinions but I want and answer from somebody "wise in islam".

Thanks

Celibacy is discouraged in Islam because it affects individuals as well as the society as a whole. However If you are experiencing a genuine problem whereby you are physically/emotionally unable to accept the practise, then I believe Islam is flexible towards exceptional cases.

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Salam alikum,

Celibacy is not haram, however it is discouraged as a general rule. If you wish to have sexual relations but are unable to do so because of some physical problem, then you can seek help from a doctor who will be able to treat your condition. If your problem is not physical but emotional (e.g., lack of sexual drive, fear of sexual relation etc) you can still seek professional help.

If your problem does not get solved in any way, you should still try to get married. That's because it is not obligatory to have sexual relations in marriage if both parties have mutually agreed upon a no-sex marriage.

And if you decide to remain unmarried all your life, believing that is best for you - then you can rest assured that celibacy is not exactly haram and Allah judges each individual according to his/her personal circumstances - not according to general or standard rule applicable to all.

Edited by Liggel
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Thanks for you answers,

I seeked for professional advice but did not help. I must try again. I pray Allah to help me. I'm a muslim in my herath but I have a trauma with that issue, I feel other muslims will look me like a "strange muslima". Thanks for the answers again. May Allh bless all you. I'll keep learning on Islam.

Was salam

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Salaam 'Alaikum,

I seriously hope if you are trying to go down this whole path of celibacy for the rest of your life.

I hope..

A.) You let you future husband know before you get married what are your intentions in relation to not having sexual relations. (I'm sorry I don't think many men are gonna want that)

B.) You do not have any issues with him marrying another woman because he is going to want his desires to be quenched. (Therefore he WILL look elsewhere!)

C.) When he does have relations with another woman (via Mut'ah or Nikkah of course), I hope you don't have a puzzled look on your face wondering, Why is he wanting another women?

I'm sorry Muslims aren't Catholic Priests, we are only human and Islam is not against the suppression of desires it only wants us to control our desires and channel those emotions and desires in a Halal way.

If celibacy was the cure to be closer to Allah, then Lady Fatima (as) would never have married Imam Ali (as) She would have stayed celibate and Lady Khadija (as) would have never married the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh).

Edited by zzaveri
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Brother zzaveri, by the sound of things she has suffered some trauma in her life that has lead her to feeling this way. I don't think it is just some choice she is making for the sake of it. But yes, obviously should she to get married she would have to tell her future husband in advance.

To sister Valima, if you believe that there is not god but Allah, and Muhammad is His Messenger, then take your shahada. The issue you have is something you can work on later, and is not something that decides whether or not you are a Muslim. As to what other people will say, just ignore them. Your aim is to please Allah, not other people, and He will understand if you have a genuine problem that you are doing your best to cure yourself of.

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Brother zzaveri, by the sound of things she has suffered some trauma in her life that has lead her to feeling this way. I don't think it is just some choice she is making for the sake of it. But yes, obviously should she to get married she would have to tell her future husband in advance.

I agree with you, but Celibacy is not the cure for this trauma.

She might get rid of one trauma by not having sexual relations and acquiring another one (trauma) by falling in love with a man, getting married to him and then getting divorced because she cannot fulfill his sexual desires and he finds someone that will. Its a lose lose situation unless she overcomes fears and trauma of her existing issue.

To sister Vilma,

Please sister, Seek some sort of medical or psychiatric council to help overcome your trauma. It might not happen over night but the path you should take is to conquer your worst fears that are there about having sexual relations. Because this is not normal. I pray that Allah (SWT) gives you strength and patience to overcome this nightmare! Aameen!

Edited by zzaveri
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(salam)

I would just like to point out that there have being studies done into "Asexuality". There is alot available online about it http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality

SIster Vilma, I pray that you can get over this, but if you can't, there is no reason why you still can't become a muslim.

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Where did you read celibacy was Haraam in Islam? You're allowed to remain single all your life. I'm confused as to what you mean exactly. If you mean why cannot a Muslim woman marry but abstain from sex with her husband? Then it's not really haraam, it depends on your situation, if sex harms you then you're not obligated to have intercourse, however this "problem" should not be hidden from the person you want to marry in the future, he must know about it and then you never know maybe it's treatable and if it's is not then no religion ruling say that you have to despite the harm it brings to you.

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It's haram, if you're capable of conceiving in a capable way, or marrying without having problems.

But if there are situations like i.e. paralysis, mental retardation, severe psychological/physical disorders, then of course it's natural that you can't get married..

But in your situation, it seems like intercourse is an impossibility and something terrifying. With that said, hmm not sure what I can say. You can always adopt children, which is one alternative, but the sex part is harder. You'd have to find a spouse that doesn't enjoy sex.

Edited by ShiaBen
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Dear poster,

I understand your predicament. At any rate, still I would like to encourage you to get married with a person who is in similar situ as you, although I suspect that the probability of finding the person may be tough but please do not be discouraged. The issue is when one gets old. Believe me, old age is quite a painful experience. Body aches, arthritis, immovable and so forth. Unless you are contented to be at the old folks home in later stage, having a spouse around may be helpful. Then again your spouse may go earlier than you. Lastly, my attitude has always been that Allah SWT is my Provider and Protector. Just be sincere to Allah SWT. He understands your predicament and He will find a way for you to lead this life inspite of any shortcomings.

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(salam)

Is this true? If u don't want to marry ... u don't have too ohmy.gif Really?

Marriage is mustahhab, it is highly recommended that all people get married. However, it is not wajib, and it can be excused if there is a physical, mental, or economical obstacle that hinders your ability to get married. Thus, to the OP: celibacy is not haram in Islam; it is discouraged, but acceptable. In your situation, if psychiatric or medical help cannot alleviate your problem, then I think remaining celibate is a valid option. If you do want to get married, and these problems still bother you, be sure to discuss these issues with your husband-to-be. Otherwise, celibacy is not haram.

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Salam alaykum,

thanks all you for your answers. @Calm :A sister told me celibate is haram in Islam, I explained her I had some problems wich "sex issues" but she told me is haram. I didn't explained all my problem because it hurts me. I read too some hadices where the Prophet (saws) talked on celibacy.

I want to be a muslim, I believe that there is not God but Allah, and Muhammad (saws) is His Messenger. I hope in the future I can solve my problem, I think will be difficult to marry with a man who don't want to have sex, I think is better be patient, perhaps I'm not ready to tell to a possible husband my problem and hi refuses me, I think it would be very difficult he accepts. I have to accept myself has a muslim, perhaps I have a little missconception of me due to this issue but I must be strong and seek for solutions. Please pray for me.

Initially I subscribed this forum only to ask this question, but I will remain in it to learn more, thanks a lot.

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(salam)

Sister, just to make it clear - celibacy is not haram in Islam, nor is being married/sexually active a prerequisite to being a Muslim. The two are unrelated. Yes it's highly encouraged in Islam to get married, but it's not mandatory, especially when legitimate problems exist. And even if it was mandatory, following a haram lifestyle does not take a person outside the fold of Islam - it makes them a bad Muslim yes, but not non-Muslim. The only prerequisites to being a Muslim is believing in the one God and believing that Muhammad (p) was his prophet. Any religious scholar you ask will tell you this. Good luck sis :).

wasalaam

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(salam),

All the advice has been great so far; so I'll just add what I think has not been mentioned.

Keeping your problem in mind, the best solution would be to get married, but discuss this with your husband before you marry. You'll also have to keep an option for polygamy open for him (not that it would be closed for him, if you did not agree with it). What I'm trying to say, is that you shouldn't be saddened if he wants to have a second wife to fulfil his desires, be the wife from permanent or temporary marriage. It may also help if you agree to have children with your husband through artificial (lawful) techniques like AIH and IVF.

I don't know if this can work out that well and is it all that practical, but it is religiously the best thing to do for you, since completely avoiding marriage is very much discouraged (and since it's intercourse you have a problem with and not marriage, you should try your best to get married). Read this.

Good luck, and may Allah help you. =)

wa (salam)

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On 11/5/2010 at 5:06 AM, Vilma said:

Salam alaykum,

thanks all you for your answers. @Calm :A sister told me celibate is haram in Islam, I explained her I had some problems wich "sex issues" but she told me is haram. I didn't explained all my problem because it hurts me. I read too some hadices where the Prophet (saws) talked on celibacy.

I want to be a muslim, I believe that there is not God but Allah, and Muhammad (saws) is His Messenger. I hope in the future I can solve my problem, I think will be difficult to marry with a man who don't want to have sex, I think is better be patient, perhaps I'm not ready to tell to a possible husband my problem and hi refuses me, I think it would be very difficult he accepts. I have to accept myself has a muslim, perhaps I have a little missconception of me due to this issue but I must be strong and seek for solutions. Please pray for me.

Initially I subscribed this forum only to ask this question, but I will remain in it to learn more, thanks a lot.

Salams,

If you believe (and your belief is strong) that there is no God except Allah(s.w.a) and Muhammad(p.b.u.h) is the Messenger of Allah, then you should do your shahada and become muslim, and actually if you have this belief then you are already muslim but you should do your Shahada as this is a requirement in the Hukm Shariat (Islamic laws) in order for you to be treated as a muslim by other muslims and also a requirement for making your Hajj, etc.

The celibacy is a seperate issue, and don't let this affect your decision to do Shahada. Celibacy is not haram(forbidden), but it is discouraged (some would say highly discouraged). I realize from your post that you are not advocating for celibacy, but would rather remain celibate yourself due to some personal issues. I think the solution for you is to find a muslim man who is willing to enter into a temporary marriage (mutaa) with you. That way, you are in a relationship and if the condition does not improve and it becomes unacceptable to him, then there is no divorce, you just let the set time period for the temporary marriage expire. You should explain to him from the beginning about your issue, so that he will accept this. I say this because I think it will be difficult for you to find a man who will accept this condition for a permenant marriage and if it doesn't work out, you will have to go thru a divorce which is never good or easy for anyone. It is important that you find a muslim man with strong Iman(faith) and good manners and morals. It might be that during the course of the relationship, if he is a good man, you may regain your ability to trust a man and with trust and respect between you two, the other issue may solve itself. If it is a medical issue, you need to see a doctor.

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salam alaikum

The type of celibacy which is looked down at is "Suppressing one's desire" not the lack of desire like in your case,,, in the case where the human has no desire there is no problem if they dont marry or if they marry but only have a nonsexual marriage life, I mean marriage in not compulsory for everyone and hence if you refrain from marriage for valid reasons you will not be sinning,

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hypo-sexual desire disorder can sometimes be treated with testosterone cream/patches in females. Most common when a ooverectomy has been performed. If it is a hormonal imbalance then this should be checked. Women suffer from hypo-sexual desire disorder silently because they feel embarrased talking about it.

My advice is check out the condition on the internet and read more about it then consult a GP who will probably refer her to a specialist. Wikipedia has a section on it and may be a good starting point.

Edited by A true Sunni
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Salam alaykum,

Thanks all you for your answers, I was really obsessioned with my problem, I'm a little better. Thanks all you who have praied for me.

@ A True Sunni thanks for your help :) , I don't have suffered ooverectomy; I have been asexual all my life, I don't have sexual desire at all, but is more than this: I feel real fobia for sex.

Thanks all you, I'll take my shahada . At the moment I'll be celibe , I want to settle down and feel well with myself again, I need to forget the problem for some time, knowing that is not haram I'm in peace. In the future I'll will try theraphy again and then perhaps appears my husband :) .

Allahu akbar!

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Salam alaykum,

Thanks all you for your answers, I was really obsessioned with my problem, I'm a little better. Thanks all you who have praied for me.

@ A True Sunni thanks for your help :) , I don't have suffered ooverectomy; I have been asexual all my life, I don't have sexual desire at all, but is more than this: I feel real fobia for sex.

Thanks all you, I'll take my shahada . At the moment I'll be celibe , I want to settle down and feel well with myself again, I need to forget the problem for some time, knowing that is not haram I'm in peace. In the future I'll will try theraphy again and then perhaps appears my husband :) .

Allahu akbar!

No i said Hypo sexual desire disorder is common in ooverectomy not exclusive to Ooverectomy. I only mentioned that because one of the treatments post ooverectomy id testesterone patches. However the smpotms you describe seem to me more Hypo sexual desire disorder rather then asexuality. Read the definition on wikipedia and it describes your smptoms.

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  • 8 years later...

I’m 34 and am practicing semen retention, I guess for a woman it’s different, but I’m abstaining from muta or permanent marriage for the foreseeable future because it’s to difficult to marry because of financial reasons, there is incredible benefits from retention of the male fluids, I don’t know why I can’t find much sayings of Imams on semen retention 

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