A Young Girl Caught Up In A Predicament.

[Strider]

Hello to anyone else who frequents here, I would love to know what you'd do in a situation like this. I'm not exactly looking for what's right or wrong here, just differing perspectives on an issue:

A young girl, entering her teens, would now like to stop doing hijab (and by hijab I mean no longer wearing a headscarf). Now I asked this girl why she wanted to stop doing hijab at this age. She had originally started it at the age of 9 when her mother "forced" her to do it. She had no problems, until now. Now, she claims that she doesn't want to do it anymore, that she was forced to do it as a kid without knowing what it truly meant. She wants to stop doing it but fear is preventing her from doing so - her father has indirectly threatened her to remain as she is, or else he will be very angry with her.

Her reasons are quite obvious and she told me directly, that she wishes to become a beautiful person now (be it physically only). I explained to her that what she desires is only external beauty and that will only feed her vanity BUT if she claims that she was forced to do it, does she have reason to stop doing it? Not to overuse a quote, but there is no compulsion in Islam, right? Yet I know that if this person would stop doing hijab, it would only make her more proud for all the wrong reasons.

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

[Ali_Hussain]

Sister, I was you, i'd keep it on, if when you are independant you want to remove it, its up to you. But if you do so now because of the reasons you gave, you may regret it later on.

On course it is a sad thing that parents force children into relogion, when as you said, the Qur'an tells us "there is no compulsion is religion" but it also says "the right direction os henceforth destinct from error"

So really you need to decide what is right.

But I am strongly against forcing and bribing children to practice islam, because the foundations of such an islam are weak and not genuine and hypocritical.

may Allah help you in your choice. ws

[Nouret_Alii]

(bismillah)

(salam)

I was eight when i started wearing hijab, i went to an islamic school where it was part of the uniform, and i liked it so i kept it on. But a few years later i switched to public school, i was the only sixth grader wearing hijab o.0

i kept it on and felt great in it up until grade nine,

when i first started wearing it, it was my choice, my parents didnt force me too, in fact they were alomst "against" it cuz i was so young, but i was a stubborn child and i wanted to keep it on, why? i have no idea :P

but as i entered high school i kept thinking about taking it off, thinking about how i missed out on showing off my hair as a child and all i could think about was taking it off, i was seriously considering. i talked to my mom about it and she said that if i dont feel strong about wearing and maintaining proper hijab then i should just take it off and be a teen, then put it back on when i've found myself ready. At the time, hijab was just a cloth on my head, i wore tight clothes so i found her point to make sense to me. in the end, i did not take it off, instead i did research on hijab and asked questions to "good" hijabs about how they deal with it, and instead of taking it off i improved on it.

no matter what it is your friend's decision whether she wants to keep it on or not, because honestly in my opinion if she is not going to do it right then its better not to do it at all. I'm not judging your friend byt im saying if she keeps it loose with her hair showing and wears tight or revealing clothes, it is better for her to take it off and not to make other hijabis look bad.

BUT if she is the type that keeps her image modest and composed but inside she feels she cannot continue wearing it, then she should really do some deep soul searching, she has to figure out the reasons about WHY she is wearing it, as you stated it was forced upon her, and from personal experience most of the girls i know that wore hijab as little girls are now living on their own, their lives are a mess because the took it off to be "free"

so its better for her tot ake it off now and keep her innocence then for one day for her to rebel and become the total opposite of a hijabi, a kufar.

im sorry this post is so long, i just feel strongly about this kinda stuff, hijab is so important and many people done appreciate its significance. if her dad will be angry at her, then yyou gotta tell her that her decision about hijab is between her and Allah, her father or mother or anybody else have nothing to do with that and should not be an influence. so yeah in conclusion just tell her its her decision, and that she's gotta really think about it and imagine herself without hijab.

what i would suggest, is tell her to try it for one day, maybe on a weekend, tell her to leave her house without hijab and take a walk somewhere (with a close friend of course to be safe), and let her evaluate how she felt doing that. weekends are best because if she shows up to school one day without it then next day have it on if she changes her mind.

best of wishes to your friend inshallah!!

(wasalam)

[wonderer]

well it's a normal for a teen to want to take it off and look physically desirable.. I would try and give her an ego boost, and tell her the real importance of the hijab, and the great ajer and rewards from God :)

[Strider]

Interesting. Thanks for all your thoughtful replies ShahHussain, Nouret and Wonderer. I appreciate it. And don't worry Nouret, your post was not only long but very helpful and in depth. :)

I think you guys have a good point that if it's forced on the child and if she felt that she had no choice over the matter, she will most likely rebel. I think it's completely fair because her mother had the choice whereas the child did not. How important is choice in this matter? If we are not given a chance to make the right choice then we feel more coerced and unwilling to accept whatever's imposed on us. But on the other hand, this can yield undesirable results as well. Ultimately the girl will grow up to be responsible for herself so she has to come to a decision about it herself.

[_jen_]

I agree with Nouret. Ask her to go outside without hijab and compare it to with what shes used to; the difference in reactions that she gets will make up her mind on if she should continue to wear it. I needed to test out both ways too...

[Hameedeh]

(bismillah)

(salam)

People who do not wear hijab should not advise sisters to take off their hejab. Please read the verses of the Holy Qur'an that make hijab compulsory for Muslim women.

Hijab, The Muslim Womens Dress (Islamic or Cultural?). http://www.al-islam.org/hijab/

Click on the book called On the Islamic Hijab under the Ethics topic. http://en.rafed.net/index.php?option=com_content&view=section&id=9&Itemid=965

Edited October 30, 2010 by Hameedeh

[Hameedeh]

(bismillah)

(salam)

There are many articles about hijab all over the Internet. Please read some of them and feel good about yourself. Hijab is a struggle that will bring you closer to Allah SWT. Fee Aman Allah

Summer Heat: Article on Hijab for Sisters. http://islamicinsights.com/news/community-affairs/the-summer-heat-setting-our-faith-on-fire.html

Summer Heat: Article on Hijab for Brothers. http://islamicinsights.com/news/community-affairs/the-summer-heat-melting-away-our-hijab.html

The Islamic Veil. http://www.alislam.org/library/links/00000133.html

The Veil Is Not Oppression. http://www.themodernreligion.com/women/hijab-chic.html

Video with music: The Veil (Hijaab).

[rashdah]

Hijab has a religious significance but it should be equally important that the wearer feels comfortable.

My daughter is 6 and wears a Hijab full time. I dont wear a hijab at all.

I have to say I do worry that she might turn to a teen and decide not to wear it....I would prefer her decision to be a informative decision which at age 6 is not a solid decision that she may stick by at age 16!

However for this particular teen I think that maybe she should look at other hijabis.....go to islamic events where there are other hijabis.

Since moving from a non muslim area to a more muslim area and I see more and more hijabis that add accessories and emphasise make up to make themselves more "beautiful"

It seems shallow but at an age when looks matter....it may help her feel more comfortable with her hijab....

On the flip side, the group of friends she is hanging out with may be affecting her decision.....I saw this fom Ahlulbayt TV and it highlights teens problems with hijabs....