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In the Name of God بسم الله

2nd Marriage For Fun

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Salam Alaikum

May Allah be pleased with you.

Bismillah Al Rahman Al Raheem

I am posting this question for a friend of mine.

This is what she told me and asked me and I do not know what to say to her

as I converted to Islam about 7 yrs. ago and I do not have extensive knowledge about this topic.

She said;

Q.

I have an Issue about 2nd marriage.

I am living in U.S.A. with my husband and our 2 children.

My husband has recently told me he has married another woman secretly.

This woman was married 3 or more times before my husband- I do not know when

her and my husband got married.

I am alone I have no family because I came here from my country to marry my husband.

He is always with her and spends money and all his time with her.

He allowed her in my home and they both stole my gold and he gave it to her as dowery when

it is mine and he gave it to me as my dowery.

I asked for it back and she said she sold it and it is gone.

I am healthy, not sick. I help my husband anytime he asks.

I take care of the children and have never asked him to watch or care for them.

I am available for my husband anytime he needs me.

This woman controls him and she is known in the community as a bad woman- she has 2 children from a previous marriage.

She was pregnant and aborted the baby because the doctors said it had down syndrome.

I feel her and my husband our doing this to hurt and make me a joke because

the whole time they were together- they told me they are just friends.

I helped her many times and she has been in my home many times and they were having a relationship behind my back.

All the time they were married I was the only one that did not know and he was

with her whenever he left the home- they were enjoying that I did not know they were together

like a game.

I am the only one that did not know of the marriage and all the time

my husband has lied about his money, about his time with her, about

his relationship with her and about who he is.

I am so confused and hurt by this.

Can this second secret marriage --

(that feels like a game against me)

-- possibly be accepted in Islam?

Can my husband get married to another woman and not tell me and bring the woman

around my home and family

so that her and my husband can get so excited because

I do not know about the marriage because this is their plan to play this game of

a secret marriage?

Can my husband get married to another woman

just to have a secret marriage as a game?

Can my husband marry another woman so he can play a game against me?

Please I need an answer soon

thank you

Misalama

She feels so hurt by this and she has complained to a sheik that married her husband and the other woman and

the sheik said this is with the husbands feelings- he loves her and got married and he can

because Islam allows man to marry more than once.

He told her the marriage will not last and she should be patient and stand by him.

If the sheik knows that the husband just wanted to have a fast marriage for the excitement and knew it

was not going to last

can this marriage be accepted in Islam?

Can a married man

have small temporary marriages (mut'ah) on the side for the excitement and thrill?

Can they marry to fill their lusts? even though they have a wife and kids?

I feel this is what's happening to my friend.

They are both shia.

Her husband even runs the mosque and the major events like Ashura and prays and fasts.

ok

thanks again.

Misalama again.

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The marriage is accepted in Islam, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's moral. Furthermore, it is a condition of polygyny that the man must be fair and just with his wives. That doesn't seem to be the case here, and you feel the same way by the treatment you have describe. You could bring this up with him. If he doesn't correct this, then he is not fulfilling the conditions of the contract.

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It amazes me how a man can play games with Allah. Marriage either mut'ah are nikah is sanctioned by Allah but never will you find in Qur'an when Allah talks about who a man can marry that it does not follow by warnings to men to fear Allah. This man is in some stuff. He had better change his ways.

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Although this man is clearly dog for the way he has gone about this. If it was a mut'ah, there would have been some religious justification (for satisfying his urges), but making his wife feel like nothing, giving her gold away (that is haram, it is clear theft) and all the other things he as done are despicable.

If it was a permanent marriage, is it permissable to get a permanent second wife without the first wife's permission? either way you must try to treat them the same

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what can i say... it just sad to hear such story where one clearly displease Allah yet cleverly using His law to defend himself,

we can see the husband is very irresponsible treating his wife in that way, show lack of respect, lack of appreciation

wonder what sort of excuse he would give during his meeting with his Lord? (sigh....)

Islam put strong emphasis on akhlak, our moral..

and indeed what our Prophet said is true, that the best of men is the one with best of morals..

may Allah grant his wife patience,

no strength and patience save in Allah

siti

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One man one woman thats how is should be. I would be mad if i got maried and found out my wife somehow is already married.

How it should be is how Allaah has determined it should be. And that is one man and up to four permanent wives, as it says in the Qur'an. Women having more than one spouse is even scientifically very different than a man having many spouses.

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How it should be is how Allaah has determined it should be. And that is one man and up to four permanent wives, as it says in the Qur'an. Women having more than one spouse is even scientifically very different than a man having many spouses.

So a woman having more than one spouse i.e. having sex with more than one person is wrong? Scientifically and/or morally?

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How it should be is how Allaah has determined it should be. And that is one man and up to four permanent wives, as it says in the Qur'an. Women having more than one spouse is even scientifically very different than a man having many spouses.

Physiologically speaking, it's the other way round. It is possible for a (polyandrous) woman to have sex with more than one man in a short space of time but the same can't be said for a (polygynous) man.

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A is it permissable to get a permanent second wife without the first wife's permission? either way you must try to treat them the same

(bismillah)

(salam)

Never heard of getting permission from the previous wife to marry the next, so far as I know, there is no such a thing.

This man has taken undue advantage of his wife, and has done a lot of injustice to her. He should be pulled up and given a sound tongue lashing by the Moulana or Shaikh to mend his ways; he is supposed to treat all his wives equally, not one at the expense of the other. If he still does not behave in a gentlemanly manner, she should approach the Marjae in whose taqleed she is.

We pray to Allah The Almighty to bring this man to his senses soonest.

ali

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So a woman having more than one spouse i.e. having sex with more than one person is wrong? Scientifically and/or morally?

Yes, a woman having more than one spouse at the same time is wrong, but throughout her life (ie, married and then divorced and remarried) is not wrong.

Shakir interpretation of the Qur'an 4:23-24

"Forbidden to you are your mothers and your daughters and your sisters and your paternal aunts and your maternal aunts and brothers' daughters and sisters' daughters and your mothers that have suckled you and your foster-sisters and mothers of your wives and your step-daughters who are in your guardianship, (born) of your wives to whom you have gone in, but if you have not gone in to them, there is no blame on you (in marrying them), and the wives of your sons who are of your own loins and that you should have two sisters together, except what has already passed; surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful. And all married women except those whom your right hands possess (this is) Allah's ordinance to you, and lawful for you are (all women) besides those, provided that you seek (them) with your property, taking (them) in marriage not committing fornication. Then as to those whom you profit by, give them their dowries as appointed; and there is no blame on you about what you mutually agree after what is appointed; surely Allah is Knowing, Wise."

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I will make this Short, Sweet and Direct.

Women who act like this are the bigger snakes, and the men who follow them are the smaller snakes.

However a snake is a snake. And if it is not willing to reform, you should aim to cut the head of the snake [without mercy] off and out of your life. The longer you allow snakes to be slithering around you, the more likely it is you will get poisoned, and the more likely it is the more often it will happen, and get poisoned enough times by that poison coming from those snakes and it can totally destroy a human being. And only a fool plays with their life.

Edited by Glow
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Yes, a woman having more than one spouse at the same time is wrong, but throughout her life (ie, married and then divorced and remarried) is not wrong.

I see. But then, why does Islam allow a man to have sex with his married slave girl?

From Tafsir al-Mizan of Allamah Tabatabai (tafsir of verse 4:24, and those around it -- can be accessed here):

Nevertheless, it seems a bit difficult to say that it is 'marriage' which is implied by the word, 'forbidden', because of the exceptional clause coming later: except those whom your right hands possess.
Sexual intercourse with one's slave women is lawful without marriage
. Therefore, it would seem more appropriate if prohibition is taken to refer to sexual intercourse, and not to marriage alone, as will be explained later.

.

.

Consequently, the exceptional clause, "except those whom your right hands possess", will exclude one's married slave girl from this prohibition.
It has been narrated in traditions that the master of a married slave woman may take away that woman from her husband, keep her untouched for the prescribed term, then have sexual relation with her, and thereafter return her to her husband.

.

.

The preceding exceptional clause: and lawful for you is (all) besides that, if left at that, could be applied to three things: Marriage, possession by slavery and for­nication. This clause, "that you seek...",
forbids fornication and restricts permission to the remaining two: marriage and possession by slavery.

.

.

We have already described (while explaining the phrase, taking [them] with chastity, not committing fornication) that al-ihsan in this context means chastity, not marriage, because
the phrase covers union with one's slave girls as well
.

And I wasn't aware of this, but apparently one is not allowed to marry one's own slave girl in Islam, even though sexual relations are permitted with them (as explained by Allamah Tabatabai above). From the same tafsir section as above:

The words, "those whom your right hands possess", actually means slaves of other believers than him who intends to marry,
be­cause a man is not allowed to 'marry' his own slave-girl - such a marriage is void
.

And a couple of ahadith about having sex with married slave-girls from that same section of the tafsir:

Muhammad ibn Muslim said: "I asked Abu Ja'far (a.s.) about the word of
Allah
: and all married women except those whom your right hands possess.
He said: 'It is [like] this, that a man orders his slave (whom is married to his slave girl), and tells him, "Put aside your wife and do not go near her". Then he keeps her confined until she sees her blood; after that he touches her. Thereafter when she again sees blood after his touching her, he returns her to him [i.e., to her slave husband] without [any need of a new] marriage.'"
(al-Kafi; at-Tafsir, al-'Ayyashi)

Ibn Muskan has narrated through Abu Basir, from one of the two Imams (a.s.), about the word of
Allah
: And all married women except those whom your right hands possess, that he said: "They are the women having husbands except those whom your right hands possess. If you have give a your slave girl in marriage to your slave boy, you may remove her from him if you so wish." "I said: 'Do you see, if he has given her in marriage to other than his own slave boy?' He said: '(Then) he has no right to remove (her from him) until she is sold away; then if he sells her, her affair is transferred to other than him (i.e, to the buyer); then the buyer may separate (her from her husband) if he so desires, and may reconfirm (the marriage) if he so wishes." (at-Tafsir, al-'Ayyashi)

Just came across this.

Al-Kafi, vol. 5, page 481

(ÈÇÈ) * (ÇáÑÌá íÒæÌ ÚÈÏå ÃãÊå Ëã íÔÊåíåÇ) *

1 - Úáí Èä ÅÈÑÇåíã¡ Úä ÃÈíå¡ Úä ÚÈÏ Çááå Èä ÇáãÛíÑÉ¡ Úä ÚÈÏ Çááå Èä ÓäÇä¡ Úä ÃÈí ÚÈÏ Çááå (Úáíå ÇáÓáÇã) ÞÇá: ÓãÚÊå íÞæá: ÅÐÇ ÒæÌ ÇáÑÌá ÚÈÏå ÃãÊå Ëã ÇÔÊåÇåÇ¡ ÞÇá áå: ÇÚÊÒáåÇ ÝÅÐÇ ØãËÊ æØÆåÇ Ëã íÑÏåÇ Úáíå ÅÐÇ ÔÇÁ.

2 - ãÍãÏ Èä íÍíì¡ Úä ÃÍãÏ Èä ãÍãÏ¡ Úä ÇÈä ãÍÈæÈ¡ Úä ÃÈí ÃíæÈ¡ Úä ãÍãÏ Èä ãÓáã ÞÇá: ÓÃáÊ ÃÈÇ ÌÚÝÑ (Úáíå ÇáÓáÇã) Úä Þæá Çááå ÚÒ æÌá: (ÇáãÍÕäÇÊ ãä ÇáäÓÇÁ ÅáÇ ãÇ ãáßÊ ÃíãÇäßã) (1) ÞÇá: åæ Ãä íÃãÑ ÇáÑÌá ÚÈÏå æÊÍÊå ÃãÊå ÝíÞæá áå: ÇÚÊÒá ÇãÑÃÊß æáÇ ÊÞÑÈåÇ Ëã íÍÈÓåÇ Úäå ÍÊì ÊÍíÖ Ëã íãÓåÇ (2) ÝÅÐÇ ÍÇÖÊ ÈÚÏ ãÓå ÅíÇåÇ ÑÏåÇ Úáíå ÈÛíÑ äßÇÍ.

3 - ãÍãÏ Èä íÍíì¡ Úä ãÍãÏ Èä ÃÍãÏ¡ Úä ÃÍãÏ Èä ÇáÍÓä¡ Úä ÚãÑæ Èä ÓÚíÏ¡ Úä ãÕÏÞ Èä ÕÏÞÉ¡ Úä ÚãÇÑ Èä ãæÓì¡ Úä ÃÈí ÚÈÏ Çááå (Úáíå ÇáÓáÇã) ÞÇá: ÓÃáÊå Úä ÇáÑÌá íÒæÌ ÌÇÑíÊå ãä ÚÈÏå ÝíÑíÏ Ãä íÝÑÞ ÈíäåãÇ ÝíÝÑ ÇáÚÈÏ ßíÝ íÕäÚ¿ ÞÇá: íÞæá áåÇ: ÇÚÊÒáí ÝÞÏ ÝÑÞÊ ÈíäßãÇ ÝÇÚÊÏì ÝÊÚÊÏ ÎãÓÉ æÃÑÈÚíä íæãÇ Ëã íÌÇãÚåÇ ãæáÇåÇ Åä ÔÇÁ æÅä áã íÝÑ ÞÇá áå ãËá Ðáß¡ ÞáÊ: ÝÅä ßÇä Çáããáæß áã íÌÇãÚåÇ¡ ÞÇá: íÞæá áåÇ: ÇÚÊÒáí ÝÞÏ ÝÑÞÊ ÈíäßãÇ Ëã íÌÇãÚåÇ ãæáÇåÇ ãä ÓÇÚÊå Åä ÔÇÁ æáÇ ÚÏÉ ÚáíåÇ.

http://www.yasoob.org/books/htm1/m012/09/no0983.html

I don't want to do a full translation as it will take some time, so I'm summarizing the contents. The title of the chapter is: Chapter on a man who marries his (male) slave to his slave-girl, then desires her (the slave-girl). The three hadith basically say the same thing that Allamah Tabatabai mentioned in his tafsir--that an owner of a slave girl, who is married to his (male) slave, can separate the slave-girl from her husband until she menstruates (or separate her for a period of 40 to 50 days, according to the third hadith), and then can have sexual relations with her. And then she can be returned to her husband (the male slave) without any need to renew their nikah.

The gradings of these three ahadith according to Allamah Majlisi are: Hasan, Sahih and Muwaththaq.

From here: Link

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Whizbee

Free women are lowly creatures and slave-women are even more lowly (see how the condition is that SHE be separated from her slave-husband so that she may be "purified" for fulfilling the lusts of the master) and the man is the king and cruelty towards wives (consorts) is mustaHabb; so resign to the fact that this is the religion you espouse and move on.

A caustic truth, but truth it is.

(You MUST really go through the various threads where "aHadith" are being whipped out regarding the status of women in Islam).

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(You MUST really go through the various threads where "aHadith" are being whipped out regarding the status of women in Islam).

Why the inverted commas? Many of those traditions are authentic.

so resign to the fact that this is the religion you espouse and move on.

I am very well aware of the position of women in Islam.

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(salam)

Whizbee

Free women are lowly creatures and slave-women are even more lowly (see how the condition is that SHE be separated from her slave-husband so that she may be "purified" for fulfilling the lusts of the master) and the man is the king and cruelty towards wives (consorts) is mustaHabb; so resign to the fact that this is the religion you espouse and move on.

A caustic truth, but truth it is.

(You MUST really go through the various threads where "aHadith" are being whipped out regarding the status of women in Islam).

I just want to point something out, you will never find even a single verse that is insulting or demeaning towards the female race in the Holy Book. And as long as we have the book, rights of the women will always be protected through Islamic Sharia, theoretically if not in practical.

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You've already seen this thread, but for the benefit of other readers who may be curious about a previous discussion on that question:

Uhhh that is the thread that I linked to in my post too.

I see. But then, why does Islam allow a man to have sex with his married slave girl?

From here: Link

Are you referring to some specific post which is a reply to my question?

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Why the inverted commas? Many of those traditions are authentic.

Who exactly are we kidding here? The ones I am referring to are neither authentic by way of sanad nor by way of matn, so which is this new determinant of authenticity that we are talking about? I am loathe to call just anything a Hadith and ascribe it to the ma`Sumeen, hence you see the quotations marks around the word. And even if the sanad was proved impeccable, I would reject it if the matn was dubious and contrary to the Qur'an and its role.

I am very well aware of the position of women in Islam.

AlHamdulillah.

There was good reason behind stating what I did and it was certainly not to acquaint you with their position. So to clarify, to actively pursue a path of insincere questioning when the knowledge of the same is available to a person and not to another, and thus in this manner, try to corner the other for the statements they are making, is dishonest approach.

I just want to point something out, you will never find even a single verse that is insulting or demeaning towards the female race in the Holy Book. And as long as we have the book, rights of the women will always be protected through Islamic Sharia, theoretically if not in practical.

Wa `alaikumus salaam

I don't really know if you have any idea of how I work but anyway I am not a fan of the slogan of 'Hasbuna Kitab Allah'. Besides, yes we DO have "demeaning" ayaat in the Qur'an where women are portrayed as lesser beings than men. When the Qur'an mentions men being a degree above women, you should know that the difference of this single degree is the distance between the seventh heaven and the first layer of the earth. Regardless, all that should not be an issue to anyone, neither man nor woman, because everybody is supposed to be different for the world to function in an orderly fashion. The problem begins when the people who have been bestowed the faDeelah REFUSE to realise an elementary fact that when Allah favours someone with a position, He also invests equal number of responsibilities in them towards those in their subjugation. It is here that the problem takes root and this is the problem with the majority of the "knowledgeable" men of the Muslim ummah.

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"We" are not kidding anyone here. You should speak only for yourself.

Good for you. The ones I was referring to, however, are authentic in both ways.

Some kind of amusement this is. I had made a statement and you had questioned it. So when you question, it is MY statement and what I am referring to that you question. Where is the space to even talk about your own because I saw neither any such reference from you prior to my asserting it nor did I ask about it if there was (even though there isn't)?

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And what YOU were referring to were ahadith "regarding the status of women in Islam" that were posted on threads here, and many of those ARE authentic regardless of how you feel about them.

My dear sister!

Try.

to.

follow.

And try not to argue for the sake of arguing

Had I been considering my feelings and allowed them to prejudice facts, I would have put 'lowly' in "inverted commas" in my first post. Had I been considering my feelings, I would have put 'truth' in "inverted commas" in that post. And should that have been so incomprehensible to anyone that I was NOT intending the opposite of what I had stated, then my response to Zareen's remark should have been enough of a clarification.

As to why it was directed to you specifically, then I have already answered that.

However, after all that, I added something in parentheses and used quotation marks* for a certain term. Others do not have a right to dictate to the person making a statement what was meant by a certain term in it UNTIL the one who asserted it has responded and IF that response is found to be unsatisfactory. It was not a rhetorical question posed to me that you decide to answer it yourself. In fact you yourself KNEW that I was not referring to each and every Hadith (regardless of their authenticity by way of isnad) because your YOURSELF asserted that MAJORITY of what had been posted were authentic (I don't really care if they are authentic by whatever standards you are using to determine their authenticity because I am not easy with dismissing aHadith just because they seem dubious), which in itself implies that you agree that not all of them are.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----

*Quotation marks - a pair of marks ( ' ' ) or ( " " ) placed around a word, sentence, etc. to show that it is what somebody said or wrote, that it is a title or that you are using it in an unusual way

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----

If you had left the question at that (asking me why I had used inverted commas), instead of adding in the same breath that the majority of the traditions are authentic (and thus implying that the one I was referring to were authentic), it would have cut you a lot of slack. If you had asked me to substantiate my claim, I would have had.

If you still don't see where the issue was, there is little that I can do further.

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My dear sister!

Try.

to.

follow.

You first.

Others do not have a right to dictate to the person making a statement what was meant by a certain term in it

And I never did. You seem to be forgetting that you yourself clarified the usage of the term in quotations by describing it as the ahadith "regarding the status of women in Islam". And my post was directly in response to this clarification.

because your YOURSELF asserted that MAJORITY of what had been posted were authentic

Wrong, I said that "many" of those ahadith are authentic. Multiplicity does not denote majority.

which in itself implies that you agree that not all of them are.

Obviously. It would be absurd to claim that every single hadith about a particular topic is authentic.

If you had left the question at that (asking me why I had used inverted commas), instead of adding in the same breath that the majority of the traditions are authentic (and thus implying that the one I was referring to were authentic), it would have cut you a lot of slack.

I think you're having trouble comprehending the exchange that occurred between us. In case you've forgotten, you stated: You MUST really go through the various threads where "aHadith" are being whipped out regarding the status of women in Islam

My response was simply that many of these ahadith posted in those "various threads" "regarding the status of women in Islam", are authentic (which is a true statement). Now if you meant only a specific set of ahadith from this group that you referred to and not the entire group, then perhaps you should have clarified that before posting your reply. I can only reply to what you have explicitly stated, not what you are thinking about.

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