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Bismilla2010

So Lost

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Asalaamu Alaikum,

I am a sister who has come to find and accept Shia Islam, alhamdulillah. I am 100% content with this decision, i know its the truth. However, everything has been so overwhelming lately. My family is Sunni and my mom cries so much when i try to tell her... it seriously feels like i'm ruining her health. She wont talk to me and she cries so much, so i tell her that i changed my mind and that shi'ism isn't right for me. Some time has passed since this last happened and i've been content with just hiding my Shi'ism from everyone who isn't Shia, but now I can't stop thinking about my future.

I've had both sunni and shia guys offer marriage proposals... and I don't want to marry a Sunni. But my parents wont let me marry a Shia ( and his family was even against marrying into my family). I feel like nobody wants me... the shia side doesnt and the sunni side doesnt either because they are suspicious of me being Shia.

I feel like i'm about to throw in the towel and just become "just muslim"... be nothing... stop caring. what else am i supposed to do...........

I try and try but i just can't gather the courage to talk to my family about this again. Sometimes i wish i never found it.

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HMMMMMMM.. yah that's tough :squeez:

I would just stand for what I believe in no matter what.. and if a guy loves me.. and cares for me.. he'd marry me no matter what everyone else say.. and both families will get over it eventually

good luck :yaali:

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Alaikom Assalam,

Congratulations with finding the truth. Their anger and pain is due to not knowing, having been fed lie after lie from the media around them about us, and not seeking the truth for themselves. Most of those who call themselves Muslims merely followed what their fathers (ancestors) told them to follow. It is exactly the thing we have been warned from doing in the Qor'aan. You are a special person in that something in you wanted you to find out the truth, and you found it by the grace of Allah (swt).

There are others here in a similar situation as you, some much more severe cases. Don't feel lost, that is merely a test you're going through and you will come out stronger than ever inshallah.

Having seen many shia/sunni marriages myself, I have seen them all go into disaster. It really is not a choice for anyone who takes their faith and future serious (especially their future children). The cases where the woman is the shi'a, she can even become oppressed because of it, regardless of what the guy promises before marriage, it never works.

The only way I think you can get through this is by pushing through. Your mother will have to get over it, and she will. Since many parents in such situations don't seem open for reason/logic, the only way to make them accept it by showing to them there is not a thing they can do to make you change and they only risk hurting their relation with you if they continue the way they do. Once you marry a shi'a man, everything will be alright.

Just don't let it get to you sister. There are western converts here who have even accepted that their parents never want to see them again for becoming Muslim. Or never want to walk with them on the street anymore. Many of such parents even got over that. Either way I think the best thing is to get married, so you have some comfort to return to, to help you through the struggle.

In what country do you live and what is your cultural background? I think it's very sad that the family of the shi'a proposer was apposed to your marriage with him.

Just in case: Another thing I think you should know is that Islamicly, if one is a girl, the father or the grandfather has the right to object to a marriage. However, if they ever object to you for marrying a shi'a man, they would have objected based on unislamic principles, which means their objections is invalid/void and can be ignored. Another thing you should know is that you can islamically never be forced into a marriage. Don't let yourself be forced into a marriage with some sunni guy.. Say NO, and that would void/invalidate any marriage... simply no marriage would take place if you say no.

I hope the best for your future, and I will pray for you inshallah. Be strong! :)

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salam alaikum sister

the internal struggle to find truth is always painful and requires the human to step outside the comfort zone.... no achievement is obtained without hardship.

calling yourself just muslim is not an option because you will have to pray in a certain way and follow certain laws and they will fall under one of the five or more schools of thoughts. If they dont then you have come up with a new school of thought and you have added to eth problem which you tried to avoid and defeated your initial purpose.

In issues like this there is no Taqyah because there is no fear for life or extreme hardship and the imam said " taqyah is to prevent the spilling of the blood,, if it is prevented then there is no taqyah"

this means you need to be open with your family and tell them the truth regarding your religion

the strategy that you could use to avoid angering them is to use diplomatic methods in talking with them

through good action your example will also effect how they look at you.... let them see that your conversion to the ahlulbait's school of thought has turned you into a better human with better manners and knowledge.

obtain a lot of knowledge so the arguments with them do not stress you out and cause you to say false information to them

they will try to argue with you to bring you back to their lifestyle but you can use this opportunity to convey your ideology through to them. this will make them realize that you are not just brainwashed but you are a free thinker who has a mind of her own and has come to her own conclusions and contentions willfully and freely and consciously.

I am ready to provide you with different resources relating to different topics that are typically the focus of debates between the schools of thought.

Walslam alaikum

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As salaam alykoum,

Congrats on findout the truth. I unerstand where you are coming from, I am a convert from catholism to Shiite Islam. My parents found it very hard when I converted and I thought that i was literally killing them. For about 2 yrs I hid from my family that I was muslim, and practised in the dark, finally the outside didnt match what was on the inside, I started to feel depressed, almost as though I was living a double life. I finally got it together and decided I had to do what was best for me and for the afterlife. I had to stand up for what I thought was the truth, despite how my family felt. Its very hard and I still struggle to this day with my family, but alhamdiliah at least the outside matches the inside. The best advice I can offer is to stand up for what you beleive in. Allah guides those He wills....and everyone has there own struggle in life, Allah would never give you something you cant handle. The worst thing you can do is "throw in the towel." as it will give you neither happiness in this life or the next. Thing of the struggles of the women who guide us, Lady Fatima (as) Zainab (as)...and you will come to realize that you are doing the right thing and life isnt so hard after all. May Allah keep you on the right path. Continue in your prayer and supplications and all will be fine inshallah. I will keep you in my prayers.

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(bismillah)

(salam)

Congratulations! Here's a story i heard: In the beginning of Islam, there was this young boy who had GREAT relation's with his mother. i wanna say it again: HE had GREAT relations with his mother. They liked each other a lot. But, they were Kafir.

Until one day, the boy becomes Muslim. When his mother finds out she gets really sad and knowing how much his son loves her, she threatened she wouldn't eat anything whatsoever, until he becomes kafir again.

The convert denied, so she stopped eating, hoping he will become Kafir once again. But that didnt happen. Day after day, the mother became weaker but the convert refused to give up Islam. He told his mother (smth like this): even if u die a hundred times I will not leave Islam!

When the mother heard that and saw it in action, she accepted that not eating is not a solution and her son has made his decision. So she braked her fasting and starting eating again but this time, she knew her son was gonna be Muslim forever.

It's a true story though i might of made it look like a fairy tale due to my poor english. :dry:

Important news: News came in just now that Hossein has confirmed he will pray for u!! OMG! U r sooooooooooo lucky!! :D

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Here's a crazy idea!

Threaten to leave Islam altogether and go with a Christian or an atheist. Then they'll realize their persecution just made things worse for them and they will be tearing their hair out. Of course you end up deciding to be Shia in the end, but first act like all this infighting between Sunni and Shia is just making Islam altogether taste bitter for you. They will probably stop trying to force you after that.

Edited by Shia Shahid

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I'll try and be short.

The fact that 'shiaism' needs mentioning is because sunnism exists and other sects do.

A human doesn't need a name unless another human walks this earth with him, then the need to put a name on him is important.

Shiaism is that "just being muslim" - you are holding tight to the prophet's command in hadith ul Thaqalayn. Explain your parents that you are just being muslim.

Good luck, congratulations once more!

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thats tough sis , may Allah help you

try to work on motherhood emotions , try telling her that forcing her to marry a man whom she can not agree with his religion would not makes you happy , in begging like way not the sharp confrontation way

the guy family would accept you after the marrige is done , specially if no trooubles happened due to this marrige

would not be easy either way

i know of a shia woman who married a sunni man in saudi arabia , he treated her fairly well but he died then her chidren were taken from her and she was denyed the right to see them ,the husband family were not as fair as their son but the point is that not always the sunni-shia marrige is trouble thing

you should weight things all togather

i'll pray for yu sis , that what i can do

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As salaam alykoum,

Congrats on findout the truth. I unerstand where you are coming from, I am a convert from catholism to Shiite Islam. My parents found it very hard when I converted and I thought that i was literally killing them. For about 2 yrs I hid from my family that I was muslim, and practised in the dark, finally the outside didnt match what was on the inside, I started to feel depressed, almost as though I was living a double life. I finally got it together and decided I had to do what was best for me and for the afterlife. I had to stand up for what I thought was the truth, despite how my family felt. Its very hard and I still struggle to this day with my family, but alhamdiliah at least the outside matches the inside. The best advice I can offer is to stand up for what you beleive in. Allah guides those He wills....and everyone has there own struggle in life, Allah would never give you something you cant handle. The worst thing you can do is "throw in the towel." as it will give you neither happiness in this life or the next. Thing of the struggles of the women who guide us, Lady Fatima (as) Zainab (as)...and you will come to realize that you are doing the right thing and life isnt so hard after all. May Allah keep you on the right path. Continue in your prayer and supplications and all will be fine inshallah. I will keep you in my prayers.

Your answer :)

Things will look better than they seem now. Your religion is worth fighting for, make no mistake.

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Here's a crazy idea!

Threaten to leave Islam altogether and go with a Christian or an atheist. Then they'll realize their persecution just made things worse for them and they will be tearing their hair out. Of course you end up deciding to be Shia in the end, but first act like all this infighting between Sunni and Shia is just making Islam altogether taste bitter for you. They will probably stop trying to force you after that.

(bismillah)

LOL!!! That is a crazy idea! I don't know how I feel about that. It's a little dishonest, but it could put things into perspective for the parents.

After I became Muslim my mom was really upset as well (she's hardcore Christian), but after a couple years she actually told me that she's happy that I found a religion and that I fear God and that's better than being an atheist or Satanist or even an Agnostic that just doesn't care. So overtime she realized it's a good thing for me - although she has yet to let up on trying to convert me back. :dry:

Anyway - sister just keep trying and keep struggling. Everyone has their tests and trials. Be firm and keep making a lot of du'a. The "shi'a" are on the right path, it took me 3 years after becoming Muslim to see that and alhamdulillah you eventually found that too. Don't let that go, you finally found the true Islaam. Fight for it like rasulullaah fought for Islaam, like Imam Husayn fought for Islaam, like the first marytrs Ammar and Sumayyah fought for islaam. Don't just let your faith go. This is the truth so be strong. Us shiachatters are here for you =]

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Congratz Sister on finding the right path. And like bi_thnillah and rajaa have said, you're not the only one to have gone through this. I know it's hard (almost had the same trouble with my mother when she found out and her strong opposition to me marrying a Shia girl). And I'll admit, it's probably harder for a sister to go through this than a guy, but like someone said, just stick it out. Like the Quran says "Verily with every hardship there is ease, with every hardship there is ease". InshAllah everything will work out, trust me.

I know it's tough on your mother, but if you really want to marry a Shia brother you pretty much have to be open with your family now that you are a Shia and that it is your belief that will never change. It may not seem like it at first, but that will actually be best for you AND your family.

Edited by Kirmani

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Being shia is rough on anyone who is not from a shia family, and that is a whole lot of people, unfortunately :blush: I have found it very isolating as well, keep your faith and try and find a social network of trustworthy people within the shia community

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I think you should not hide your being Shia from your family anymore. I guess it's high time you actually announced it publicly. How long do you think you can stretch this pretending to be a sunni thing? how long do you think it will go on? Sooner or later you have to face everyone when they find out about you being a Shia. So tell them straight away and be confident and tell everyone you're going to stand by what you believe no matter what! Maybe your family will boycott you for some time, but how long do you think they can live like that? They will have to face the reality and accept it some day. Besides, you are going to have to be strong enough to face rejections like that if you want to stand firm by your faith.

Edited by Not_a_Stepford_wife

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Assalaamalaykum

There are some really good comments here and I am sure you will be able to sort thru them and take solace from what resonates with you, laugh at some of them, perhaps, the one where you threaten to become something other than Muslim altogether lol! Instead of saying you will do that you could just laughingly say that as it is so hard to follow your heart and please Allah swt it could be tempting to just give up and become ..... non religious or something else!

I agree with the person who says be the best example of Shia you can be, seeking and praying to be better and better, just as we are all doing.

Keeping your parents happy will bring you blessings, so long as you do not do anything against Islam - I think marrying a non Shia would be unislamic so be patient, think of the sacrifices of our Ahlulbait as you pass through your test. Everyone is tested adn the harder the test the greater the reward from Allah swt.

How you feel, whether you feel driven to action or can be patient is something only you can decide.

I think from what you have said that there is conflict in marrying the Shia guy at present and it is understandable, as a mother ideally I would choose to have my children marry Shia spouses, from Shia families, but in the end I want my son to be happy (in the next life even more than this one) and so I would support him in what ever he did so as to maintain some influence over him rather than lose him altogether from the right path.

I would continue to pray for Allah swt. to guide him and his wife to the right path.

Marrriage in our cultures (rather than Islamicaly) can often be a matter where parents, in particular mothers can start dreaming from the moment their child is born of who they want their child to marry culturally, socially all of that can affect status/power within and out of the family.

I would advise patience, the passing of time can perform miracles, seek/pray for ways to make things better for you and your family, dwelling on misery, merely increases the misery (according to Hadith and also espoused in the law of attraction) find ways and reasons to be cheerful, we have so many blessings from Allah swt. and you have been blessed by the greatest - Mohib e Ahlulbait treasure and enjoy that.

Pray through the intercession of Janabay Umul Baneen mother of Hazrat Abbas, Janabay Nurjis Khatoun Mother Imam e Zamana A.S. you prayers will be answered soon, as soon as the time is right for you.... wouldn't it be great if your whole family was able to discover what you have discovered?

I add my prayers for you along with all the other wonderful people on this site.

Khuda Hafiz

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