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In the Name of God بسم الله

Praise Of Marriage

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SoRoUsH

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(salam)

As most of us know marriage (and marrying) has been highly praised in Islam. For example, prayers of a married man are valued much higher than the prayers of a bachelor.

Now, my question is, when marriage is praise, is it Nikah or Mutah? Is Mutah just as praiseworthy? If not, why not? How do we know this?

Are the prayers of a man in a mutah marriage on the same level as the prayers of a man in nikah marriage?

Is Nikah better than Mutah? If so, why?

Thank you

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On 8/1/2010 at 7:14 PM, SoRoUsH said:

prayers of a married man are valued much higher than the prayers of a bachelor.

This is an important statement and undoubtedly correct, but what is the philosophy behind this? Is this meant in a literal and actual sense ? 

Is it because a married man doesn't commit sexual sins whereas an unmarried person does? If this is the reason, then a bachelor who doesn't commit sexual sins should be considered superior to the married man because the bachelor is showing much more patience, self-control, battle against self and immense will-power in controlling his sexual desire - whereas the married person simply enjoys sexual relation with his wife without having to go through such intense struggle.

The unmarried, whose struggle is far greater and who has to show much greater patience should be rewarded more for his prayer than the married man who lives a life of complete sexual comfort. But the opposite is true... That married man's prayer is superior... So how do we explain this apparent discrepancy? 

If a man gets married but is unable to live with his spouse for a long time (they both live in different countries) would his prayer still be of higher value than that of an unmarried person? 

If a married man commits sexual sins despite having a wife, would his prayer then become inferior to the prayer of an unmarried man who doesn't even think about ever committing any sexual sin despite having no wife? 

If the reason for married man's prayer being superior is that he has to go through far more struggles, difficulties and hardships in raising a family, then does this mean that these hardships are far, far greater than the hardship an unmarried man faces in controlling his sexual desire? 

If a bachelor wishes that even before he is able to get married(temporary or permanent), Allah raises the rank of his prayer to become equal to the level of a married man, what should he do? What can he do that his prayer does not remain lower in value even though he is unmarried? 

If a man gets married, what does he need to be careful about, to ensure that the value of his prayer does not fall below the level of unmarried? 

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Marriage, if done correctly, with a permissible person, and for the right religious reasons, changes the (ontological) state of your being, to a state more pure and spiritual. 

Think of the difference between your pre-wudhu state and post-wudhu state. Without wudhu, even if you perfectly enact the motions of the prayer, and say the words perfectly, your prayer isn't accepted, even if you had showered and were physically very clean. The change that wudhu causes is internal, ontological. It doesn't have much to do with your outer state of being. 

Similarly, the change that marriage causes is internal, ontological. Your (internal) state of being changes, and in this post-marriage state, your prayers are more valuable, perhaps because your post-marriage state of being is now more receptive to divine guidance and influence.

Edited by SoRoUsH
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26 minutes ago, SoRoUsH said:

Think of the difference between your pre-wudhu state and post-wudhu state.

Good point. However, doing wudhu is something which is in man's own control, whereas getting married is something over which a person may have very little control of his own. 

21 minutes ago, hasanhh said:

Yeah, the ontological experience of Hell-on-Earth."

Jokes apart, the hardships of married life may be so difficult and so full of burdens and complexity and challenges that it is only befitting that they are rewarded by sexual pleasures and comfort in return for the burdens. Also explains why sexual pleasure is forbidden outside marriage - one has to pay a price to become eligible for it. Also would explain why the rank of prayer is higher.....there is no comparison between the lack of any responsibility on the shoulder of an unmarried man and the multitude of responsibilities and divine tests that a married person has to undergo. Marriage is one of the greatest divine tests of life; who would enter it if its hardships were not balanced out and overshadowed by the pleasures of sexual comfort that come with it? 

That's why people who feel free to get sexual pleasures outside marriage think of marriage only as the life's greatest burden and nothing more. For them, marriage can really be hell on Earth - devoid of Allah's blessing and perhaps a life of even greater sin than their pre-marital lives. 

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On 2/4/2020 at 7:20 PM, SoRoUsH said:

Marriage, if done correctly, with a permissible person, and for the right religious reasons, changes the (ontological) state of your being, to a state more pure and spiritual. 

Think of the difference between your pre-wudhu state and post-wudhu state. Without wudhu, even if you perfectly enact the motions of the prayer, and say the words perfectly, your prayer isn't accepted, even if you had showered and were physically very clean. The change that wudhu causes is internal, ontological. It doesn't have much to do with your outer state of being. 

Similarly, the change that marriage causes is internal, ontological. Your (internal) state of being changes, and in this post-marriage state, your prayers are more valuable, perhaps because your post-marriage state of being is now more receptive to divine guidance and influence.

So does this "post wudhu state" elevates you even more spiritually when you marry the second and third time ?

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1 minute ago, Panzerwaffe said:

Wow I swear ( in a halal way) we have a group of "farooqi" sisters club here on ShiaChat which are on a anti Mutah crusade.

I feel like it gets WAY TOO MUCH attention 

l do not and will not "listen in" on uhties posting only among themselves.  Shame on you!

And yeah, muttiness does get "WAY TOO MUCH attention".

Come-on boys, sex ain't that big a deal.

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1 hour ago, Panzerwaffe said:

Wow I swear ( in a halal way) we have a group of "farooqi" sisters club here on ShiaChat which are on a anti Mutah crusade.

I feel like it gets WAY TOO MUCH attention 

I imagine very vocal pro-mutah males would quickly change their opinion on Mutah if their sister, mother, or daughter was considering a Mutah marriage. 

Edited by Lilly14
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1 hour ago, Lilly14 said:

I imagine very vocal pro-mutah males would quickly change their opinion on Mutah if their sister, mother, or daughter was considering a Mutah marriage. 

If they are true momins they would not change their opinion because one of our Imams was asked the same question...a man asked him, if you are so pro-mutah will you let me marry your daughter in mutah? The man was thinking the Imam would get angry. Instead, the Imam welcomed him by saying that how could he forbid what Allah had made halal, but he also said that he would not give his daughter in mutah to a man like him (because he was a hypocrite). 

This shows that if a man's sister wants to do mutah or his daughter, he would not get angry at all if he is a true momin. Whether he approves the mutah with a particular man is a separate matter. 

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2 hours ago, Anonymous-Male said:

If they are true momins they would not change their opinion because one of our Imams was asked the same question...a man asked him, if you are so pro-mutah will you let me marry your daughter in mutah? The man was thinking the Imam would get angry. Instead, the Imam welcomed him by saying that how could he forbid what Allah had made halal, but he also said that he would not give his daughter in mutah to a man like him (because he was a hypocrite). 

This shows that if a man's sister wants to do mutah or his daughter, he would not get angry at all if he is a true momin. Whether he approves the mutah with a particular man is a separate matter. 

No one is saying Mutah is wrong, but there are logical reasons why many people prefer nikah over mutah. Women have more rights granted to them by Islam in a nikah marriage than in Mutah marriage. Not to mention, if it brings shame to the girls family, like in the society they live in, it makruh for virgin girls to partake in Mutah, or if the source of shame would be due to her having intercourse with the man, they can do Mutah, but shouldn't have intercourse.  https://www.al-Islam.org/nikah-al-mutah-zina-or-sunnah-toyib-olawuyi/5-practice-mutah

Edited by Lilly14
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On 2/4/2020 at 10:46 PM, Lilly14 said:

I imagine very vocal pro-mutah males would quickly change their opinion on Mutah if their sister, mother, or daughter was considering a Mutah marriage. 

That would be their double standards and you can call them out on it 

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21 hours ago, Lilly14 said:

No one is saying Mutah is wrong, but there are logical reasons why many people prefer nikah over mutah. Women have more rights granted to them by Islam in a nikah marriage than in Mutah marriage. Not to mention, if it brings shame to the girls family, like in the society they live in, it makruh for virgin girls to partake in Mutah, or if the source of shame would be due to her having intercourse with the man, they can do Mutah, but shouldn't have intercourse.  https://www.al-Islam.org/nikah-al-mutah-zina-or-sunnah-toyib-olawuyi/5-practice-mutah

"Logical" reason is most Muslim countries are oppressed by European style family laws that promote monogamy discourage polygamy.And western powers have outlawed the traditional style slavery of the medieval era that provided males of that era with other alternate routes to mutah / polygamy I.e the practice of owning bonded slave girls and concubines.

This has led to mass of frustrated youth towards sin or adults

stuck in loveless and sexless marriages.Thank God there are some who realize that this dilemma can only be solved by avoiding either of the extreme situations [ I.e of involuntary celibacy and marital indentured servitude]

Edited by Hameedeh
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17 minutes ago, Panzerwaffe said:

"Logical" reason is most Muslim countries are oppressed by European style family laws that promote monogamy discourage polygamy.And western powers have outlawed the traditional style slavery of the medieval era that provided males of that era with other alternate routes to mutah / polygamy I.e the practice of owning bonded slave girls and concubines.

This has led to mass of frustrated youth towards sin or adults

stuck in loveless and sexless marriages.Thank God there are some who realize that this dilemma can only be solved by avoiding either of the extreme situations [ I.e of involuntary celibacy and marital indentured servitude]

My logical reasons were all based on Islam. Also, I updated my previous response with a source.

 I'm not sure you realize, but in the west in the past, women in slavery were often raped against their will. Their children that were conceived were not entitled to inheritence and were often seen as the abomination of the family and were bullied by the main family, or at least by society. Often the mistress or slave woman was also ridiculed too. 

If I'm not mistaken, I believe children born from Mutah are also not entitled to inheritance unless the man decides to grant it himself. 

Edited by Lilly14
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7 hours ago, Anonymous-Male said:

If a man gets married but is unable to live with his spouse for a long time (they both live in different countries) would his prayer still be of higher value than that of an unmarried person? 

If a married man commits sexual sins despite having a wife, would his prayer then become inferior to the prayer of an unmarried man who doesn't even think about ever committing any sexual sin despite having no wife? 

Salam it said that married man saves half of his faith as intact deposit also simple prayer of married man has higher reward than congregation prayer & his sleep has more reward than Salat al Layl of  single man even he can't be with his wife due to some reasons.

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6 minutes ago, Lilly14 said:

My logical reasons were all based on Islam. Also, I updated my previous response with a source.

 I'm not sure you realize, but in the west in the past, women in slavery were often raped against their will, and their children that were conceived were seen as [Edited Out]s and were not entitled to inheritence and were often seen as the abomination of the family and were bullied if the child lived with his father and his main spouse and kids.

If I'm not mistaken, I believe children born from Mutah are also not entitled to inheritance unless the man decides to grant it himself. 

Ok so virgins should not do mutah even if we follow the source you quoted dosen't mean others cannot 

Hate to burst your bubble but rape in slavery, economic exploitation,  abuse of orphans is not just a western thing.These things were endemic worldwide.

But what's your point? This is unrelated to question at hand 

No your reasons are based on sensationalism and not Islam. If that was the case why would mutah be permissible? 

Edited by Panzerwaffe
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3 minutes ago, Lilly14 said:

If I'm not mistaken, I believe children born from Mutah are also not entitled to inheritance unless the man decides to grant it himself

it's not true the children of Mutah are same as childs from permanent marriage that their right can't be neglected by father.

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1 hour ago, Panzerwaffe said:

Ok so virgins should not do mutah even if we follow the source you quoted dosen't mean others cannot 

Hate to burst your bubble but rape in slavery, economic exploitation,  abuse of orphans is not just a western thing.These things were endemic worldwide.

But what's your point? This is unrelated to question at hand 

If you go back, I said there are logical reasons (less rights, not ideal for virgins) why many people prefer nika over Mutah, not that it is always the less preferable option.  

You were talking about the west's previous practices in terms of female slavery etc so I just pointed out the negative aspect of what you stated. So no, you did not burst my bubble, I know human rights abuses have gone one everywhere and in every time.

I looked it up, kids born from mutah get 1/2 the inheritence nikah born kids get, and since no contraceptive is 100% effective, that's a pretty big logical reason why a woman and/or her wali would perfer normal nikah over Mutah.

And I do know for sure know that women do not inherit from the husbands in Mutah marriage, which is understandable considering it's meant to be temporary, but it's still not as financially enticing for a woman. 

Edited by Lilly14
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20 hours ago, Ashvazdanghe said:

it's not true the children of Mutah are same as childs from permanent marriage that their right can't be neglected by father.

Their rights can't be neglected, but the rights of his Mutah kids and his permanent marriage kids are somewhat different according to this source, unless this source is wrong... children born from Mutah do get much less inheritance than a permanent marriage child. 

"There is also the question of inheritance by a child born as the result of a temporary marriage: its inheritance from its father is one-half of that of a child by permanent marriage"

https://www.al-Islam.org/muta-temporary-marriage-Islamic-law-sachiko-murata/statutes-muta

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20 hours ago, Lilly14 said:

If you go back, I said there are logical reasons (less rights, not ideal for virgins) why many people prefer nika over Mutah, not that it is always the less preferable option.  

You were talking about the west's previous practices in terms of female slavery etc so I just pointed out the negative aspect of what you stated. So no, you did not burst my bubble, I know human rights abuses have gone one everywhere and in every time.

I looked it up, kids born from mutah get 1/2 the inheritence nikah born kids get, and since no contraceptive is 100% effective, that's a pretty big logical reason why a woman and/or her wali would perfer normal nikah over Mutah.

And I do know for sure know that women do not inherit from the husbands in Mutah marriage, which is understandable considering it's meant to be temporary, but it's still not as financially enticing for a woman. 

no but many are 99% effective and you can use combinations of two most effective ones

plus we have hysterectomy or menopause 

no mutah is not ideal for everyone , Muslims living in the west is DEFINITELY not ideal either ...but it happens 

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PRAISE OF SINGLE LIFE

1. You can eat crisps in bed...at midnight... and chew as noisily as you like.

2. Can get rid of the meaningless total waste of time social events you have to attend as a couple.

3. Eat, sleep and bathe when and how you like. 

4. Room temperature and TV remote 100% within your control.

5. No headaches thathe come from inlaw interaction. 

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4 hours ago, Panzerwaffe said:

...but it happens 

Which reminds me of some of the men around here laughing a few years ago.

This idiot in a city near us has four wives. l don't know his name, but the others were laughing about how any guy would be so dumb.

Hopefully, they's all mutes.

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Guest Real talk

All of this Mutah talk is irrelevant for most men in the 21st Century. If you look at biology, a small percentage of men are granted the most 'mating' opportunities. This makes sense - a woman has far more to risk in carrying a child, and nature has encouraged female hypergamy, whereas for men, standards are much lower in what they would be happy with, given they have less to lose and do not carry the child. For most men, the struggle would be in finding a 'temporary' partner even if you went about it in a harram way - which is unacceptable to do. 

Some people like to liken Mutah with dating. This is utterly wrong. However, similar dynamics play. If you study the socio-cultural dynamics with respect to harram dating apps, a small percentage of men have the majority of female interest for 'dating'. 

I have seen people suggest approaching non-Muslim women for Mutah, I.e. Christians or Jews. This isn't going to work in your favour, unless you have status, or are somewhat genetically gifted. If you are genetically gifted and or have status/wealth, you shouldn't struggle in having a larger selection of Shia women for permanent marriage. 

Most non-Muslim men are virgins, and the rate of virginity is increasing rapidly. Harram dating apps has now led to women wanting to spend some of the time with a more genetically gifted man, than settle for a less genetically gifted man. There's even a hadith in Sunni books about two men approaching a woman for temporary marriage, and her choosing the poorer, but more handsome one. Well that's a surprise.

If what I say sounds ridiculous, I highly recommend you look at the studies in this area, none of this is controversial in the least. 

The solution for men in this day and age is to focus your time and effort into making yourself desirable to many women (meaning gaining qualities, working on yourself - without performing haram) but choosing one for long-term permanent marriage. 

If you want to conduct your own experiment, just click on the ShiaMatch link, and compare the male to female ratio, and just see how ridiculously skewed it is. Women of fertile age have many options, and men only begin to gain ground once they are financially secure in their 30s , or when a woman begins to approach and pass that. It's no surprise that men are made to pay on that site, and women go freely. This makes sense when you look at biology for many reasons, some that have already been touched on.

Gone are the days of arranged marriage and having a restricted pool of people you know, or meet through friends. Technology has exacerbated biological realities and irregularities, and add that to overpopulation, sky-high house prices, and a world that is less world and more rat-race. 

In short, for most men, this seems like a topic they enjoy discussing but ultimately have absolutely no bearing on their material reality. 

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12 hours ago, Guest Out of moisturizer said:

PRAISE OF SINGLE LIFE

1. You can eat crisps in bed...at midnight... and chew as noisily as you like.

2. Can get rid of the meaningless total waste of time social events you have to attend as a couple.

3. Eat, sleep and bathe when and how you like. 

4. Room temperature and TV remote 100% within your control.

5. No headaches thathe come from inlaw interaction. 

It's not a joke. A person has to give up and sacrifice the independence and conveniences of unmarried life when he gets married. If the prayer of a married man has more reward than that of the unmarried, there are reasons for this. One has to make sacrifices in life to reach a higher level of faith. 

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19 hours ago, Panzerwaffe said:

no but many are 99% effective and you can use combinations of two most effective ones

plus we have hysterectomy or menopause 

no mutah is not ideal for everyone , Muslims living in the west is DEFINITELY not ideal either ...but it happens 

Unfortunately, some women react horribly to the pill or other hormonal birth control. Major weight gain, severe mood swings, etc. I knew someone who developed a fibroadenoma as a result, though thankfully in her case it was harmless. And many of us know women who used the IUD and had horror stories.

So menopausal women or women with their tubes tied would least have to worry about this. 

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46 minutes ago, Lilly14 said:

Unfortunately, some women react horribly to the pill or other hormonal birth control. Major weight gain, severe mood swings, etc. I knew someone who developed a fibroadenoma as a result, though thankfully in her case it was harmless. And many of us know women who used the IUD and had horror stories.

So menopausal women or women with their tubes tied would least have to worry about this. 

Very small minority yes 

Other "side effects" are subjective and easily fixed by switching to another form either implantable or pills.

At any rate esp in this day and age fear of pregnancy should hardly be a deterrent.Biggest issue for men would be financially supporting their partner.

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1 hour ago, Anonymous-Male said:

It's not a joke. A person has to give up and sacrifice the independence and conveniences of unmarried life when he gets married. 

I am not joking!! These are little everyday annoyances one has to suffer in married life. 

Jeez! Which side are you on? 

1 hour ago, Anonymous-Male said:

If the prayer of a married man has more reward than that of the unmarried, there are reasons for this. One has to make sacrifices in life to reach a higher level of faith. 

I totally agree. One has to work for it. Mere signing on Nikkah papers doesn't elevate one's faith by default. Being a neglectful, abusive or oppressive spouse isn't going to make the rewards of one's salat 70x.

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2 hours ago, Panzerwaffe said:

Very small minority yes 

Other "side effects" are subjective and easily fixed by switching to another form either implantable or pills.

At any rate esp in this day and age fear of pregnancy should hardly be a deterrent.Biggest issue for men would be financially supporting their partner.

The pill's various side effects effect more than just small percentage of women. And some women have a difficult and long time find BC that works for them. 

Well even a small chance is is a deterrent for some women, if the situation isn't prime for having kids

2 hours ago, Anonymous-Male said:

Non penetrative sex, like clothed sexual outercourse is 100% effective. 

Then that would have to be stipulated on the Mutah contract so there would be no he said she said arguments about it afterwards.

Edited by Lilly14
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