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Ali Hussain

How To Tell Someone You Love Her

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Salaamun Alaikum,

There is this friend of mine that I truly love and I have been in love with for 8 or so months/almost a year. I can't stop thinking about her; day and night she's on my mind. She is intelligent, has a great personality, and so on but the only problem is that she is non-Muslim. I want to tell her that I love her, but I am not ready for marriage. If i wanted to I can easily ask her out but, I want to go about this the halal way. I have done several istikharas which have come positive with the intention of marriage in the future. I am not sure as to whether she likes me or not b/c i've never stepped up to her to express my own feelings for her. What should i do? Are there any duas that will increase the love b/w us? Any duas that help her find the Noor of Islam? Any duas that will give me sabr? I've had many crushes in the past that would come and go, but i don't know what it is about this girl.

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(salam)

I want to tell her that I love her, but I am not ready for marriage. If i wanted to I can easily ask her out but, I want to go about this the halal way.

It's probably not a good idea to tell someone you love him or her and then not have a good idea of what you want out from a relationship.

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I caught you in a "miss truth" there is no way you could do ishtikara and have it come out positive for you to marry a non-muslim girl. No way partner. So you have the hots for a girl who isn't muslim, go for it. Who cares. I can see the future you come back to this forum in a few years complaining that she wants the kids to be pagans and you want her to wear hijab and it's not working. Oh well no amount of advice helps the men who work so hard to destroy their lives. Muslim women take note, we should keep count of the numbers of men who write here about their failed attempts to make a Muslimah out of a _____. :Hijabi: :shaytan:

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Salaamun Alaikum,

There is this friend of mine that I truly love and I have been in love with for 8 or so months/almost a year. I can't stop thinking about her; day and night she's on my mind. She is intelligent, has a great personality, and so on but the only problem is that she is non-Muslim. I want to tell her that I love her, but I am not ready for marriage. If i wanted to I can easily ask her out but, I want to go about this the halal way. I have done several istikharas which have come positive with the intention of marriage in the future. I am not sure as to whether she likes me or not b/c i've never stepped up to her to express my own feelings for her. What should i do? Are there any duas that will increase the love b/w us? Any duas that help her find the Noor of Islam? Any duas that will give me sabr? I've had many crushes in the past that would come and go, but i don't know what it is about this girl.

I am sure you have misused Istekhara. Please do some research on the topic. Secondly go and ask her if shes willing to convert if you were interested in marriage. If she is not and you are not willing to marry a non muslim then just move on. You will get over it in a couple of weeks. Trust me, women are not worth all this trouble.

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Salaamun Alaikum,

There is this friend of mine that I truly love and I have been in love with for 8 or so months/almost a year. I can't stop thinking about her; day and night she's on my mind. She is intelligent, has a great personality, and so on but the only problem is that she is non-Muslim. I want to tell her that I love her, but I am not ready for marriage. If i wanted to I can easily ask her out but, I want to go about this the halal way. I have done several istikharas which have come positive with the intention of marriage in the future. I am not sure as to whether she likes me or not b/c i've never stepped up to her to express my own feelings for her. What should i do? Are there any duas that will increase the love b/w us? Any duas that help her find the Noor of Islam? Any duas that will give me sabr? I've had many crushes in the past that would come and go, but i don't know what it is about this girl.

(bismillah)

(salam)

you are not in love with her. "Love comes after marriage" but we wont understand that fully until we get married. You think you are "in love" with her because you are not surrounding yourself with someone who is better. Put a schedule and follow it and in couple of days, you will realize that you are so busy that you wont even think about loving yourself , yet loving another person.

:D

Edited by youssefnayef

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AWWWW love love love how sweet

ok you can't just go up to the girl and be like I LOVE U! lol.. that would just freak her out

how about you get to know her more.. like ask her out.. go on a date in a public place and no touching.. talk to her and get a feel of what she's like.. and what she wants.. and after FEW dates or something.. tell her abt your good intentions and see what she says.. and if she's on the same page with you tell her that you truly like her.. don't use the L word till she's positive abt u! :D

good luck! :)

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bro this is a really bad idea. how old are you? are you financially stable enough to consider marriage? are you mentally ready for children? spiritually ready to battle your potential mother in law?

one poster made a good point, are you sure you dont just "like" her because she is THERE and there isnt a better replacement? and on top of that not even muslim???

bad idea dude. start running. you are probably really hormonally charged. take a few cold showers, play a game or two of footie, get your mind off her. come back again in a few years when you are a man in the sense that you can support yourself, your wife and family in all ways, and then look at her again. marriage is for life man, not just for muta.

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thnx for the advice.... but the istikhara did come out pos.

Istikhara should be a last option when you have exhausted every possible logical endeavour. This isn't a difficult situation logically, just emotionally. Sorry to say this bro but you need get a grip. She is a non-Muslim. Even putting aside the religious aspect of marrying a non ahlul kitab person (unless she is?), you aren't thinking about the difficulties after marrying her. Don't you want you children to be on the path of the Ahlul Bayt? Using an istikhara here was a lazy cop-out bro. Use it when you are really in a state of confusion. This is not confusion, this is letting your emotions get the better of you.

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Salams,

If you can keep yourself away from haram (and please be honest with yourself about this) then I would suggest you forget about her and try to stay as far away as possible. If you are not around her, then your emotions will go away, eventually, and it will not be a problem for you. It is close physical proximity that generate emotions and not the other way around. Knowing yourself is the key to wisdom and if you know yourself and know that you will not be able to keep away from haram without having a physical relationship with a women, then do mutah. At the same time, don't think about building a future and a family with her, unless during the course of your mutah, she accepts Islam. This may or may not happen, but don't start planning until she becomes muslima. At the same time, treat her very well and nice, buy her presents, talk nice to her and make her feel special, but don't invest your future with her unless she accepts Islam (ok, I said that three times now, I think you get the point).

Also, there are many muslimas who are intelligent with a good personality, look for one of them if you are set on getting married. Non muslims are different from us on a very fundamental level. They don't accept the wahidat(oneness) of Allah(s.w.a) and they don't accept our Messenger, Prophet Muhammad(p.b.u.h) and Imams(a.s). So this may not seem like a big deal now, because in the beginning we all see with rose colored glasses, but it will make a huge difference eventually and you don't want to trap yourself in a bad situation. Think...Think...then act based on knowledge and not ignorace. Salams and good luck.

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In order to get over her, you'll have to stop all contact with her, and find ways to distract yourself when thoughts about her cross your mind. I agree with the other posts, it's better to go for a Muslim. Think about your future kids and your future life-- it won't all be peaches and cream.

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just because the istikhara came out positive doesnt mean that the action of professing your love to her is what Allah's will provides. the istikhara has underlying meanings which we will never know.

e.g. maybe if you profess your love to her, and she accepts.. then 1 yr down the road you realize how tough this is to change her into a muslim, you dump her, and within a few months time (with your new-found knowledge and experience) you meet a girl who happens to be the best muslimah you could have ever met and is 1000x better than this non-muslimah one. ..so in this case you ended up as the winner, and the istikhara could have for this reason.

so my point is dont just assume istikhara is for what u ask of exactly, because thats usually never the case.

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Salams,

I also wanted to say that Istikhara does not override logic and Sharia. If you can make a decision based on logic (akl) and Sharia, then Istikhara is not appropriate. It is only appropriate in certain cases where logic and Sharia won't lead you to a definite conclusion.

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ahh wat's up with everyone having crushes/soo called love these day (including me) lol!!

Brother ! Brother! this is your test from god ... that's all i can say stop thinking abt her... i knw it's easy for me to say n hrd for u to do but i'll tell it's not gunna give u anything... you'll regret it all your life..............PLEASE!! don't .... you can't marry her in first place becuase she's non-muslim second you can't tell her to marry n then tell her to become a muslim also... that's not how it works... if someone want to b a muslim then they should b it from heart rather something else or in other word to gain someone u need to sacrafice yourself to fufil there request.. or someting like that ........ this is the most isuess these days. SAVE your self ppl.!!!.. why r some guys r falling for non-muslims n then this stupid shytan curse him is bring you to the wrong path... OH please brother u have to pass this test... don not marry her....DON"T!!! i advice this to all my brother and sisters here.... please! please! just pray more n more n get closer to Allah(s.w.t.) n seek our Imam (a.t.f.s) guidence and belive in Allah (s.w.t) .... kick this stupid world n don't fall for shytan...this is how he traps us... *deep deep SiGH** :(

Edited by lover of imam(a.t.f.s)

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Salaam everyone,

Just an UPDATE:

So I did not get into any relationships with this girl. We kept it as friends and I slowly tried to distance myself from her. I minimized my contact with her and only saw her in the one or two classes I had with her. I haven't seen her for a long time now. I don't know what it was about her, but I was so attached to her. I had met her in Fall of 09 and started liking her. After making this original post in Summer of 2010 I decided that I should move on, but I had a really hard time this past year trying to get over her. I was depressed for well over a year and had suicidal thoughts for quite some time about 5 months ago. In the beginning, I was sad every day (summer 2010) and would cry almost every day. I thought that it's just a phase and I would get over it. But as the days went on, I kept everything inside of me and all these emotions bottled up and just got worse and worse. I used to weigh about 160lbs and went down to 140.

I know suicide is one of major sins, but I just couldn't live everyday the way it was going. I had planned several times to take my own life, but didn't have the guts to do so. I know my mother loves me a lot and I couldn't let her go through this. I started seeing a therapist, but I found it pointless and decided that the only way I can get better is that if I am willing to help myself. That dark cloud wouldn't just leave me. I prayed so much to God to help me, but yet again I felt that my prayers weren't being answered.--> I was starting to lose faith in God :( I started smoking too, became addicted. Everything was just going down.

I was just so hopeless. So about 5 months ago, I knew I needed to change. With the support of a couple of my really close friends I started working out and tried to change my outlook on life and that realizing that I have a whole world ahead of me. I started doing better. I felt better as days went on, but I would always have those relapse to depression days. But I worked hard on keeping myself happy. I stopped smoking daily too (I do so occasionally now, like maybe just 1-3 single cigarettes in a month).

I am still somewhat depressed and am trying to fight it naturally with exercise. I don't want to take any medications because I know they are very addictive and will become dependent on them. And plus, I am doing much better than before, but still feel down most of the time. I think girls are my main problem... I just can't keep them off my mind.

I am only in my early 20s, but considering that most boys hit puberty as early as 12 years, it is tough not being able to fulfill your "natural desires". What I don't understand is, why within our Muslims communities do we look down upon young marriages. I believe that young adults, especially once they're in college should actually be encouraged to get married. This would deter so many greater sins. I feel that my problems would be solved if I were to get married, but I'm not interested in any muslimahs nor would their parents want to give their daughter to someone that doesn't have a stable job. Why are we so much into materialism? Do you muslimahs really want someone with a 6 figure salary, but not be happy living with him? And is a $50K wedding with music (haram) and dancing (haram) and mixing of men & woman (haram) really necessary?

Ya Raab, help me and all of those that I know are facing similar situations! Ya Raab, Ya Raab, Ya Raab!

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(bismillah)

(salam)

you are not in love with her. "Love comes after marriage" but we wont understand that fully until we get married. You think you are "in love" with her because you are not surrounding yourself with someone who is better. Put a schedule and follow it and in couple of days, you will realize that you are so busy that you wont even think about loving yourself , yet loving another person.

biggrin.gif

what do u mean love comes after marriage???????????? u have to love someone to ask them to marry u.

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Running away from something like this or forgetting about it isn't necessarily the best option....

I mean, I know a few married couples where the husband is a good mu'min and the wife was non-Muslim before. Now, their wives are some of the best mu'minas I've seen...it could work both ways. Thing is, I'm not sure how to go about it really...

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Salam alaikum brother I have observe the whole thread

Brother alhamdulillah

Well done good job

There was a time before 6 months when I was in the same situation but any wayz I tackled with that

Just believe that Allah s.w.t will always do the best for you

Innallaha ma as sabirin

Patience dude keep patience

I will pray for you

N yóu also rmember me in your supplications

Wassalam

Naara haidery

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Go for it like this:

Broke a thawsand hearts, before I met uuUUuu!

I'll break a thawsand more, baybay, before I'm through!

I wanna be your's, pretty baybaaAAaay, your's and your's alooOOoone.

I'm here to tell honey I ... am bad-to-the-bone.

B-B-B-B-BA-BA-BAAAAD...

B-B-B-B-BA-BA-BAAAAD...

B-B-B-B-BA-BA-BAAAAD...

B-B-B-B-BA-BA-BAAAAD...

...

...

...

BAD-TO-THE-BONE!!!

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Running away from something like this or forgetting about it isn't necessarily the best option....

I mean, I know a few married couples where the husband is a good mu'min and the wife was non-Muslim before. Now, their wives are some of the best mu'minas I've seen...it could work both ways. Thing is, I'm not sure how to go about it really...

Yes brotherI was thinking the same myself. I know several couples myself that have married non-Muslims. And those Muslimahs are better Muslims than Muslims w/in our community... 10-fold better that is. But at the same time one of my uncles married a Christian and she hasn't converted... I don't think he's so happy with the choices he made. He is isolated from the rest of the family and live 1,000 miles away from the rest of the family.... I don't want to make the same mistakes. It's just SOOOOOOOO TOUGHHH!!!!!! :( :(

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The best thing to do is to accept that you guys are friends and cant a get married. This will help you, after you over come the pain, in removing yourself from a haram situation ask the girl her feelings about Islam and all. Still keep your distance lad.

You dont need to tell her you love her, you can say you adore and treasure you guy's relationship. If you must tell her, which is going a bit bad, you can hint it off to her that you what hurts her hurts you and whats her happy makes you and so on. She'll get it.

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This is clearly a case for muta. That you have allowed yourself to come to a point of suicidal thoughts over this is very disturbing, there is a reason why muta is mustahab in certain circumstances and I think your situation is one of them. Do the mustahab thing and get married to this girl temporarily. While you are married to her you can teach her about our faith and if God chooses to bless her with Islam then Alhamdolillah, if not then you have at least been saving your faith and again, Alhamdolillah. Let us all pray for this brother's success.

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