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texas_muslimah

If Your Wife Gained Weight...

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Salaamalaikum,

Since the birth of our daughter, I had put on a bit of weight. My husband maintains that he doesn't care and can't tell, and he seems to treat me the same, but I wonder. I am A LOT heavier... when we first married I was really thin, and fit. But now, i had a c-section and back surgery, and have gained alot of weight, like 30 pounds, mainly from not being able to do alot, and so I know I am not nearly as good looking as before. My hubby always tells me it is no big deal, he says I am pretty, he loves me just fine... but I worry if he is just saying that so as not to hurt my feelings? I feel like he is an amazing husband... a great provider, sweet, understanding, helpful, and an AMAZING father, mashallah. I feel like I owe him a pretty wife. I am thinking about working harder to be better looking for him, but like I said, it is hard hard hard for me. (I have bad abs from c-section, and no back muscles from back surgery... so it can be painful to exercise). I cannot decide how I should handle it...

Please be completely honest. My husband and I have been together for eight years, so I know he loves me, and I will not be devastated by your answers. Do you think he is probobly saying it to make me feel better? Should I work to be better looking? Or do you think he means what he says?

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Salaamalaikum,

Since the birth of our daughter, I had put on a bit of weight. My husband maintains that he doesn't care and can't tell, and he seems to treat me the same, but I wonder. I am A LOT heavier... when we first married I was really thin, and fit. But now, i had a c-section and back surgery, and have gained alot of weight, like 30 pounds, mainly from not being able to do alot, and so I know I am not nearly as good looking as before. My hubby always tells me it is no big deal, he says I am pretty, he loves me just fine... but I worry if he is just saying that so as not to hurt my feelings? I feel like he is an amazing husband... a great provider, sweet, understanding, helpful, and an AMAZING father, mashallah. I feel like I owe him a pretty wife. I am thinking about working harder to be better looking for him, but like I said, it is hard hard hard for me. (I have bad abs from c-section, and no back muscles from back surgery... so it can be painful to exercise). I cannot decide how I should handle it...

Please be completely honest. My husband and I have been together for eight years, so I know he loves me, and I will not be devastated by your answers. Do you think he is probobly saying it to make me feel better? Should I work to be better looking? Or do you think he means what he says?

(salam)

He doesn't care. He is telling the truth.

(I am saying this on the basis that I myself would not care. And it is common knowledge that all men are the same.)

Ya Ali

Edited by baradar_jackson

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It is normal that after pregnancy and specially after C-section, woman put on weight, so dont worry, take good care of your health diet.

Alhamdulillah & MashaAllah, your husband really loves you.....after all beauty is not the whole thing and world.

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the only things i would be worried about are physical and mental health issues.  extra softness is no big deal.  

'sexy' is a state of mind. 

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Please be completely honest. My husband and I have been together for eight years, so I know he loves me, and I will not be devastated by your answers. Do you think he is probobly saying it to make me feel better? Should I work to be better looking? Or do you think he means what he says?

It's not just a matter of looks is it?

Think of the healthcare costs going into later life, being overweight will increase your susceptibility to a range of conditions. OK you may have insurance, but in terms of healthier lifestyles what you do, will have an impact on your kids as well.

Admittedly lifestyle wise things will be tough for all of you, given the average girth in Texas.

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(bismillah)

(salam)

Some guys like a little extra meat lol.

But seriously, a sign of a good couple is that they love each other no matter what happens.

What matters is that you guys are open and honest with each other. If he's usually honest with you, then take his word when he says it's all good :)

But if it bothers you, it doesn't hurt to try to lose a little, if you can; even if you just walk around the neighborhood a little bit every day.

<insert what Haji 2003 said here lol>

was salam

Edited by lotfilms

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(salam)

Your weight gain is natural don't worry a thing about it. Women usually gain weight during pregnancy (survival reasons) and when they breastfeed they keep that weight on (again survival reasons). But after you stop breastfeeding it should go away on its own, inshallah.

(wasalam)

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I'd be like this guy

16465-Caucasian-Man-In-Sweats-Swinging-A-Whip-While-Telling-His-Blond-Wife-To-Keep-Exercising-On-A-Treadmill-Clipart-Illustration-Graphic.jpg

This picture from a guy with sayyed hassan"s pc in his avatar...oxymoron....

i am a sister and have dealt with the same problem.....he IS telling the truth. but sexiness is from within.

look up the book fascinating "womanhood"....has loads of great info about marriage in general.

keep up the good work my sister!

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Dear Sis, What really matters is what YOU think of your weight - and it seems to bother you - so put the baby in a stroller and walk EVERYWHERE at a brisk clip and drink nothing but water - no sugar drinks or snacks - just fill yourself with water.

It is wonderful that you have such a great husband who loves you for yourself, be truly grateful for him, but until you take care of your body you will be filled with self doubt, no matter how hard he tries to reassure you. It is hard work taking care of a baby - it is easier if you are fit. Show your husband how much you love him (and yourself) and get back in shape. Life is happier when you can move with ease and have energy left at the end of the day.

Edited by Maryaam

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This picture from a guy with sayyed hassan"s pc in his avatar
It's good to see you know your islamic personalities ^_^ 'oxymoron'

the OP asked the question, and she got her answer, if she didn't like her answer, then that's just her bad luck.

if my wife is heading towards a heart-attack at 35, i'm getting her behind on a treadmill, i don't have time to look after the kids or look for someone else to look after them. and i'd expect her to do the same thing if i became a f@t @$ too

I feel like he is an amazing husband... a great provider, sweet, understanding, helpful, and an AMAZING father, mashallah. I feel like I owe him a pretty wife.

So go get him one.

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Guest Nargela

Salaamalaikum,

Since the birth of our daughter, I had put on a bit of weight. My husband maintains that he doesn't care and can't tell, and he seems to treat me the same, but I wonder. I am A LOT heavier... when we first married I was really thin, and fit. But now, i had a c-section and back surgery, and have gained alot of weight, like 30 pounds, mainly from not being able to do alot, and so I know I am not nearly as good looking as before. My hubby always tells me it is no big deal, he says I am pretty, he loves me just fine... but I worry if he is just saying that so as not to hurt my feelings? I feel like he is an amazing husband... a great provider, sweet, understanding, helpful, and an AMAZING father, mashallah. I feel like I owe him a pretty wife. I am thinking about working harder to be better looking for him, but like I said, it is hard hard hard for me. (I have bad abs from c-section, and no back muscles from back surgery... so it can be painful to exercise). I cannot decide how I should handle it...

Please be completely honest. My husband and I have been together for eight years, so I know he loves me, and I will not be devastated by your answers. Do you think he is probobly saying it to make me feel better? Should I work to be better looking? Or do you think he means what he says?

ok i just want to say be happy with how u look . if you want to lose weigh the easyest way is to *fast*

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Salaamalaikum,

Since the birth of our daughter, I had put on a bit of weight. My husband maintains that he doesn't care and can't tell, and he seems to treat me the same, but I wonder. I am A LOT heavier... when we first married I was really thin, and fit. But now, i had a c-section and back surgery, and have gained alot of weight, like 30 pounds, mainly from not being able to do alot, and so I know I am not nearly as good looking as before. My hubby always tells me it is no big deal, he says I am pretty, he loves me just fine... but I worry if he is just saying that so as not to hurt my feelings? I feel like he is an amazing husband... a great provider, sweet, understanding, helpful, and an AMAZING father, mashallah. I feel like I owe him a pretty wife. I am thinking about working harder to be better looking for him, but like I said, it is hard hard hard for me. (I have bad abs from c-section, and no back muscles from back surgery... so it can be painful to exercise). I cannot decide how I should handle it...

Please be completely honest. My husband and I have been together for eight years, so I know he loves me, and I will not be devastated by your answers. Do you think he is probobly saying it to make me feel better? Should I work to be better looking? Or do you think he means what he says?

Well I cant give you an opinion from a man's perspective...although I would hazard a guess that he would prefer you to be trimmer or at least fit, if not thin.

I totally understand how you feel, if you were thin and fit previously, and suddenly gained a lot of weight. You need to lose most of the weight for yourself at least...even if he apparently does not seem to mind. Most likely this extra weight will be an issue as you grow older...and what about when you want more children. You dont want to be at this starting point.

Walking, swimming will do the trick. Nothing heavy or strenuous is required, but be regular. All these can be fun even with the baby being around you...depending on how old she is. And of course take care of your nutrition. If you are still breastfeeding, then perhaps when you stop, a lot of the weight will melt away.

Good luck.

As for the whip and treadmill...just look at the guy himself!! "Only seen the back of a treadmill" type of guy! :angry:

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(salam)

If it was me, I wouldn't care, I would still think my wife's pretty. Beauty's in the eye of the beholder. However, I would want my wife to be healthy and happy. Being in shape and healthy does make people happy, nobody can argue against that. The question really is, not what does your husband think about you because he has already told you the answer. The question is what do you think about yourself and your situation? You should get in shape for yourself first, and if it's also for your husband, for him second. I'm sure that is also what your husband would want for you.

ws

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^

Also, continuing on from the post above you'd also want to set a good example for your daughter (with your eating habits etc) so that could be a reason on why you should be contemplating on loosing weight.

Edited by Hawraa29

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Well, changing your diet a bit can help you shed some pounds. And a person doesn't necessarily have to be slim to be appealing. I'm sure you can pretty yourself up at your present weigh.

You should know better than anyone else if your husband is being sincere about your weight not bothering him. I don't think that's a question anyone but you can really answer. Unless we go with the theory that all men think the same - cited earlier by Baradar Jackson - which of course is backed by serious scholarship.

Edited by Fiasco

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It would first depend on how tall she is, what her previous weight was and how much weight she has gained. I personally don't like twigs, I like a woman, and women have curves, so I personally wouldn't mind it but there is most definately a difference between a brickhouse and castle though, if you know what I mean. ;)

i had a c-section and back surgery, and have gained alot of weight, like 30 pounds,

That's not a lot of weight at all, nothing to fret over at all sis.

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salam.gif

I guess it's time to take the Special K Challenge:

POV_kg_specialk_pro.jpg

Wassalam

That Protein water looks good. How does it taste?

It would first depend on how tall she is, what her previous weight was and how much weight she has gained. I personally don't like twigs, I like a woman, and women have curves, so I personally wouldn't mind it but there is most definately a difference between a brickhouse and castle though, if you know what I mean. wink.gif

That's not a lot of weight at all, nothing to fret over at all sis.

It could be a lot of weight, depending on the height. Also if she feels satisfied that her husband is OK with it, she may become relaxed about it as well...and tend to accumulate more.

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So I will just say this: Alhamdulillah that my husband is more mature than some of the replies have been. It is as if you all only think fat=ugly. I will not get into my appearance or anything like that, I have nothing to explain. I simply wanted to ask a plain question and get a mature answer. I was not able to find that here (for the most part). SO lesson learned. Don't come here expecting help. Got it. I just feel like the whole c section/back surgery thing did not matter in your opinions. Who cares if the sister is in constant pain? She should be skinny and beautiful. I am very grateful that my husband is not that shallow. Alhamdulillah. I don't like the direction this thread has turned, and I think what has been said is sufficient, so is it possible to close the thread to avoid more insult? Jazakallahu khair.

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(salam)

So I will just say this: Alhamdulillah that my husband is more mature than some of the replies have been. It is as if you all only think fat=ugly. I will not get into my appearance or anything like that, I have nothing to explain. I simply wanted to ask a plain question and get a mature answer. I was not able to find that here (for the most part). SO lesson learned. Don't come here expecting help. Got it. I just feel like the whole c section/back surgery thing did not matter in your opinions. Who cares if the sister is in constant pain? She should be skinny and beautiful. I am very grateful that my husband is not that shallow. Alhamdulillah. I don't like the direction this thread has turned, and I think what has been said is sufficient, so is it possible to close the thread to avoid more insult? Jazakallahu khair.

If you read through the thread, you'll realize that you are the only one who seems to think that fat = ugly; which is why you even wrote "I feel like I owe him a pretty wife". Almost all the male members responded saying that your husband is not lying to you. Almost everyone said that if anything, you should be trying to lose weight because of your own health and well-being. So I'm not sure what else you want to hear?

Wassalam

Edited by Aal-e-Imran

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I don't like the direction this thread has turned, and I think what has been said is sufficient, so is it possible to close the thread to avoid more insult? Jazakallahu khair.

Topic Closed on OP's request

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