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Istikhara- 2 Different Outcomes

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Salam Alaykum

I am writing in regards to the subject of Istikhara. I am a 28 year old Muslim woman and I have been talking to a man with the intention of marriage. We are compatible on so many levels, most importantly with Islam. We are both God-fearing individuals and share many of the same morals and values important to Islam and marriage. Furthermore, we both feel that Allah (SWT) has brought us to each other. I made Istikhara last week, through both the Quran and through offering two rakats of salat and dua, and both came out positive. This man informed me yesterday that his uncle had a sheikh in Lebanon do Istikhara with regards to us continuing to talk for marriage, and the result came out very bad. The main reason the man decided to do Istikhara is because, being divorced, he never did Istikhara before marrying his now-ex-wife and does not want to get hurt again.

We are both extremely saddened and confused by this news, as we thought that we were compatible on every level. I am just asking for guidance, as to what we should do in this situation. The man said that he is sticking to the istikhara, as he says it is not a game. I wholeheartedly agree that istikhara is not a game, yet I was told by a local Sheikh that istikhara should not be used if both sides are compatible and agree on most issues. The sheikh also suggested that if we decide to go forth in continuing towards marriage, we should just pay a sadaqa and inshallah everything will be fine.

Imam Khomeini (r.a) once used an example regarding Istikhara: He wrote of a girl and boy who were, in all ways, compatible with each other, yet after receiving a negative result through Istikhara, they ended their discussion for marriage. The Imam went on to say that, in instances such as these, only ones who do not have a correct understanding of Istikhara, who have no intelligence, and are defiant would perform it in these instances.

I am asking for any guidance that you may have regarding this situation, as to what this man and I should do. I feel that Allah (SWT) sent him to me and that we are naseeb for one another, despite his negative result. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Fe Amani Allah

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I would also like to add that he has not tried to contact me since he told me that he was going to stick with the istikhara, even though I told him that it was not advisable to do istikhara if two people are mutually in agreement with the important issues and share the same morals and values. I also suggested that we go to a sheikh and talk to him, yet he still says that he has to stick with the istikhara. I have been reciting Dua Tawwasul in hopes that he will change his mind and of course praying. Is there anything else that I can do? Should I try to contact him or just let things be? It has only been a few days since all of this transpired.

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Sister he sounds like he was finding a way to let you down easy. Even if I did Ishtihara and it came out with a negative response. (How do you quantify the response? Do you get it in a dream? Do angels deliver the news? How? It's all subjective isn't it? really)

Istihara is something advised, it's not something we have to do, so him doing it and then giving you negative news makes me feel he was just wanting a way out. However Allah has your back, because he saved you from this weasle. :Hijabi: :shaytan:

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Almost all of the marja'a say only resort to istikhara after you have contemplated the issue and consulted people of knowledge- which he did not do in the first place. I guess the way the istikhara came out very bad was though a verse in the Quran. (Meaning, obviously, the sheikh used the Quran for the istikhara.) Regardless, he should not have done istikhara if we were compatible and agreed on the important issues of Islam and marriage. Allahu Alaam... Allah knows best.

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The general implementation of istikhara by muslims these days is not only wrong but actually bordering on haram and falls right into it that category many a times. It is utterly disrespectful to make such a silly use of an important islamic concept. The whole point of istekhara is to urge muslims to use their heads, more significantly, if you cannot reach a conclusion through those means, you then have to consult people who know more about a certain situation and can advise you. It is your responsibility to conduct proper research and seek guidance and advice on these matters. If you are completely confused between two options after totally exhausting the above mentioned methods, you should then leave the rest upto Allah, that is essentially what istekhara is there for,

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(salam)

I am in a complete agreement with everyone here who pointed out that he (the man) has misunderstood the Isthekarah. Rather than resolving a doubtful matter, he has entered doubts in your relationship.

Since you are having a conflict of interest with him, I would recommend that you seek a neutral partner who may advice him about this matter.

Also, you may want to tell the man you wish to marry to ask his uncle to do the Istikarah again and again every week. Also, it is best if you can ask someone else to do it again. The result of the Istikerah has been known to change over a period of time.

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I always thought that Istikaara is good to do in any circumstance, but you can only do it for yourself... how can one do it for another he has never met (ie you). Also, i was always told that istikhara was not revealed in a dream or whatever, only through making the right path easy and the wrong path difficult, and also in conversations with peers... I think that I would try to get more information about istikhara, and find out what this person is basing his interpretation on.

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sister, you are probably correct in saying he shouldnt have done the istikhara - but the fact is, he did, and it was negative. Trust in Allah that this is whats best for you - he is obliged to follow through the istikhara, since he has already done it. whether or not he should have in the first place is irrelevant now thats its done...

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sister, you are probably correct in saying he shouldnt have done the istikhara - but the fact is, he did, and it was negative. Trust in Allah that this is whats best for you - he is obliged to follow through the istikhara, since he has already done it. whether or not he should have in the first place is irrelevant now thats its done...

You only need to do Istikhara in circumstances in which logic and fatwa do not solve your problem. In this case logically you two are well suited for each other so you should not have done an Istikhara to begin with.

I saw a show on TV a while back and there were some Hujjat ul Islam at a Marja's office in Mashhad who were tired of people calling for an Istikhara for every little thing that came up in life, it is best to use only in circumstances when clear logic or the fatwa of a Mujtiheed can not guide you.

Therefore if you can't see any problem with the person you wish to marry, don't look for one.

Edited by AlAwhad

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I had a similar encounter recently that resulted in the girl and I having two different istikara results. We both agree that we are well suited to each other though the moment she knew I was going to say yes she changed her positive attitude saying her istikara was negative. I have been quite disappointed in the sense that I feel led on; we exchanged messages over two years on n off via Facebook, met for a coffee to discuss marriage, I asked to go to her house with my family where she clearly quoted that the ball was in my Court. I even asked for a telephone number so that we could talk more now that I had made the move to officially bring my parents over. Initially she refused to give her phone number but later that evening she sent me her contact details via Facebook having changed her mind. I only spoke to this girl via telephone for two days and then she stopped talking. When I asked what was wrong she said "it was something I said that made her realise I had made my my mind up". Instead of feeling happy she felt bad.

I have tried to approach the girl to discuss things openly n come to a solution but she simply will not open up. I really don't know what to do? I feel that she has realised what YES means and had cold feet than her decision being based on her istikara. My heart tells me something is unfinished here n I should wait but it had been 3 weeks. I don't want to approach the girl again as it could seem desperate and needy. My intentions are clear and I am committed to complete my imaan yet thoroughly confused on what my next step should be. ..

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I had a similar encounter recently that resulted in the girl and I having two different istikara results. We both agree that we are well suited to each other though the moment she knew I was going to say yes she changed her positive attitude saying her istikara was negative. I have been quite disappointed in the sense that I feel led on; we exchanged messages over two years on n off via Facebook, met for a coffee to discuss marriage, I asked to go to her house with my family where she clearly quoted that the ball was in my Court. I even asked for a telephone number so that we could talk more now that I had made the move to officially bring my parents over. Initially she refused to give her phone number but later that evening she sent me her contact details via Facebook having changed her mind. I only spoke to this girl via telephone for two days and then she stopped talking. When I asked what was wrong she said "it was something I said that made her realise I had made my my mind up". Instead of feeling happy she felt bad.

I have tried to approach the girl to discuss things openly n come to a solution but she simply will not open up. I really don't know what to do? I feel that she has realised what YES means and had cold feet than her decision being based on her istikara. My heart tells me something is unfinished here n I should wait but it had been 3 weeks. I don't want to approach the girl again as it could seem desperate and needy. My intentions are clear and I am committed to complete my imaan yet thoroughly confused on what my next step should be. ..

 

If istikhara turns out bad, and her and her family value it greatly that means the decision is pretty much made. Although, in some cases the girl does want and the parents do istikhara and she becomes saddened but the parents still say because the results are bad we can not further pursue the case. In these cases, if the man truly wants the girl, he should again contact the family and ask them to just do another istikhara to see the results.

 

Unfortunately in your case, the girl just doesn't want to continue. If she doesn't want to, you also need to move on. I know it is difficult, but I have seen results of istikhara come true. I have seen marriages that the person did istikhara for 3 times and she said let me put sadaqa everytime, but after the marriage she got a divorce, leaving all her children.

 

I think what a lot of youth do not understand and can't see is that there are a lot of fish in the sea (as they say), i know you might have thought she was the one and everything, but there are others like her or even better. I think we need to be able to accept that if it didn't work out with this one, inshallah it will work out with the next.

 

Hope this helps!

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(salam)

 

Another thing not yet mentioned is that there are some days where Istikhara should not be performed because it will give either conflicting results or not the true result, and I have seen this myself and others I know. Unfortunately I don't have the sources that say when is the best time to do Istikhara, but I would recommend trying it again.

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I appreciate the comments. The opportunity to write my feelings down on paper has help tremendously as I don't really have anyone I'd feel comfortable discussing this with.

For future reference would you point me in the right direction to where I can get more details on istikara? One thing they had anyways confused me is the different results situation. Surely one person cannot be right for another While that same person is right for them.

My family does not seem to be well connected; and other than online singles site is there any other way to get connected? I hear mosqs often run a match making on the side, however it doesn't seem to be something well advertised at my local mosq;so assume its not available.

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Salam Alaykum

I am writing in regards to the subject of Istikhara. I am a 28 year old Muslim woman and I have been talking to a man with the intention of marriage. We are compatible on so many levels, most importantly with Islam. We are both God-fearing individuals and share many of the same morals and values important to Islam and marriage. Furthermore, we both feel that Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì has brought us to each other. I made Istikhara last week, through both the Quran and through offering two rakats of salat and dua, and both came out positive. This man informed me yesterday that his uncle had a sheikh in Lebanon do Istikhara with regards to us continuing to talk for marriage, and the result came out very bad. The main reason the man decided to do Istikhara is because, being divorced, he never did Istikhara before marrying his now-ex-wife and does not want to get hurt again.

We are both extremely saddened and confused by this news, as we thought that we were compatible on every level. I am just asking for guidance, as to what we should do in this situation. The man said that he is sticking to the istikhara, as he says it is not a game. I wholeheartedly agree that istikhara is not a game, yet I was told by a local Sheikh that istikhara should not be used if both sides are compatible and agree on most issues. The sheikh also suggested that if we decide to go forth in continuing towards marriage, we should just pay a sadaqa and inshallah everything will be fine.

Imam Khomeini (r.a) once used an example regarding Istikhara: He wrote of a girl and boy who were, in all ways, compatible with each other, yet after receiving a negative result through Istikhara, they ended their discussion for marriage. The Imam went on to say that, in instances such as these, only ones who do not have a correct understanding of Istikhara, who have no intelligence, and are defiant would perform it in these instances.

I am asking for any guidance that you may have regarding this situation, as to what this man and I should do. I feel that Allah ÓÈÍÇäå æÊÚÇáì sent him to me and that we are naseeb for one another, despite his negative result. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Fe Amani Allah

I as well did istikhara when i was going to marry but it was neg. I ended the marriage plans, know Alhumdulilah i am married to someone else. I am very HAPPY i listened to it and actually found someone i love more then anything.

Just thought i'd share my experience with you sis. i pray all goes well inshaAllah

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