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almusawi

Proposal For Enagagement From My Cousin

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i went to iraq december 2009 and my cousin proposed to me, i didn't want him but when i told my aunty (not his mum) that i dont want him she was upset with me so then i said yes okay i will accept him and i went on saying this for the duration of the time we were there, before we left iraq i told my aunty(not his mum) that i dont want him and she really got made so i told her i was joking and i do want him. when i came back to australia he kept calling me and all and i then told my mum that i dont want him anymore and that i never wanted him and im not sure if im in the wrong because it is my life and i cant see me having a future with him because he doesn't me anything to me other then my cousin and know my aunty his mum and the other one are angrey with me!!! what should i do? is this my fault??, am i in the wrong for not wanting him???

P.S: my mums friends brother proposed 2 me and i accepted (but were not engaged yet )and im not sure how to break it to them sinse they still think that they can persuade me to want my cousin. :unsure:

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(salam)

You can't marry someone just because you want to avoid your aunty/whoever getting angry at you. Marriage is serious, it's a life-long commitment - you're going to have to live with him for the rest of your life and he's going to be the father of your children. If you don't want him, tell them now.

You're not in the wrong for not wanting him, but you're in the wrong for playing games and telling them one thing and then another. If you don't want him just tell them straight out and stick to it - don't let their anger/upset sway you because it's your life and you will be the one living with the consequences.

wasalaam

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i agree it is your life, and you cant accept him just to make ur aunty happy think about your future

by the way, why do they still think that they can persuade you, you already said no :wacko:

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Salaam aleikoem

There is NO engagement in islam!!! You are married or you're not married.

Yes you have the right to say no when someone wants to marry you, but the way you played with his heart is not the very friendly.

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If you don't want to marry someone you should just say so and not feel bad about being pressured. And if there is pressure from family to marry a specific person, don't give in if you don't feel good about it. That's not fair to you or the person you would be marrying. And you have every right to choose among whoever you want. Giving into the pressure will only make you regret it later on and think 'what/only if....'

Edited by Forgotten

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i agree with everyone else's posts here.

you are right, it is your life, and marrying someone just for the sake of marrying someone is not right. marriage is something precious that you cannot just throw away like candy that you don't like. you should do what is best for you, so if you are not interested then just be frank about it. i know it can be hard considering its family but its better to be honest now than to be faced with problems down the line.

and also, be sure to be with someone who you AND your parents are happy with. seen so many couples that are just happy for themselves but do not care what the parents think.

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(salam)

If you don’t want to marry someone, you should tell them no. You should have never lied and accept any marriage proposal that you didn’t want to honor.

You don’t need to marry someone you don’t like/want. I suggest you come clean and tell them the truth.

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For God's sake what the hell is it with all these cousins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????????????????????????????????????????

And please don't bring in the imam ali and syeda fatimah evidence.

Is the world so small ????????????????????????????????? Well yeah I guess it is but in a different context, physically though it's huge!!!!! There are millions of people out there but you wanna marry your cousin!!!!

Don't get me wrong I'm not against those who mutually wanna marry each other..........ah I DUNNO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

'and have made you nations and tribes that you may get to know one another. ...'

^^ yeah !!!! Not ....made your family even more extended so that you can all inter-marry!!!!

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For God's sake what the hell is it with all these cousins!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????????????????????????????????????????

And please don't bring in the imam ali and syeda fatimah evidence.

Is the world so small ????????????????????????????????? Well yeah I guess it is but in a different context, physically though it's huge!!!!! There are millions of people out there but you wanna marry your cousin!!!!

Don't get me wrong I'm not against those who mutually wanna marry each other..........ah I DUNNO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

'and have made you nations and tribes that you may get to know one another. ...'

^^ yeah !!!! Not ....made your family even more extended so that you can all inter-marry!!!!

(salam)

uhh.. if according to you this ayah from the Quran prefers that people don't marry their cousins, then why did maula ali and sayyida fatima (ÚáíåãÇ ÇáÓáÇã) get married?

to islam, your cousin is a non-mahram, meaning they are a foreign lady

note that I am not encouraging marriage between cousins, however I think you shouldn't discourage it in this manner.

wassalam

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uhh.. if according to you this ayah from the Quran prefers that people don't marry their cousins, then why did maula ali and sayyida fatima (ÚáíåãÇ ÇáÓáÇã) get married?
And please don't bring in the imam ali and syeda fatimah evidence.

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Is the world so small ????????????????????????????????? Well yeah I guess it is but in a different context, physically though it's huge!!!!! There are millions of people out there but you wanna marry your cousin!!!!

Don't get me wrong I'm not against those who mutually wanna marry each other..........ah I DUNNO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

'and have made you nations and tribes that you may get to know one another. ...'

^^ yeah !!!! Not ....made your family even more extended so that you can all inter-marry!!!!

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :!!!:

I quoted the same ayah in the 'cousin marriage' section of family-marriage forum lol... I don't think anyone agreed there :(

but hey, good call

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SO SOLID SHIA, why is it that you say "And please don't bring in the imam ali and syeda fatimah evidence."

is this 'evidence' invalid? lol

like I said I am not saying we should all go and marry our cousins, but your post is making it look like it's such a bad thing!

`ajeeb, wallah

Wassalam

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Almusawi, are we cousins? LOL

This world is too small.

SOSOLIDSHIA, in some cultures marrying outside of one's culture is considered an insult to the parents, family and generation. I don't think you understand this. Especially if you're Iraqi from Najaf marrying your cousin is likely.

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