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In the Name of God بسم الله

Fear Of Love

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IraqLives1

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(salam)

I'm not quite sure where you're going with this topic, but I will try to answer your questions as best I can.

Do women in general fear a man who loves them?

Fear as in be afraid of this person? Or fear as in fear losing them? Generally, if a woman likes a man she will not be afraid of him - unless he's given her a reason to be, or she's incredibly shy.

Why do women play ''hard to get''?? Does this even exist? Or is it just a myth?

I don't think women "play hard to get". Some women simply are hard to get and some women just don't want to be got!

What possible reason could there be for a girl to say ''I dont want to hurt you'' as a means of rejecting you??

Gosh, the possibilities are endless. It usually means she's just not that into you and wants to move on before too many emotions are tied up.

I hope that helps in some way!

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Do women in general fear a man who loves them?]

I'm not sure what you mean by "fear him", can you please clarify.

What possible reason could there be for a girl to say ''I dont want to hurt you'' as a means of rejecting you??

.

It could be for many reasons. It could be that a woman loves another man but does not want to hurt your feeling and hence rejects you without telling you the real reason and just tells you " I don't want to hurt you". It could also be because she just does not have feeling for you and hence does not explain to you the reasons behind her rejection and just tells you she does not want to hurt you so you stop pursuing her. Women don't usually tell you directly the reason for rejecting you they rather you don't know so you don't get offended or hurt(sometimes they are very direct and clear when give you a rejection if the guy does not understand an indirect rejection).

Edited by Calm
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Salaam alaikum

Do women in general fear a man who loves them? Why do women play ''hard to get''?? Does this even exist? Or is it just a myth?

What possible reason could there be for a girl to say ''I dont want to hurt you'' as a means of rejecting you??

Wsalaam.

Salam,

For your first question, it depends on the relationship present between the two. For example if thy are married i dont see why women would 'fear' the love their husbands have for them, mainy because their relationship is offical and secure. However if its unofficial (man likes girl wants to ask for her hand) then, personally speaking, i'd see where this fear would come from, with regards to whether or not is genuine ect.

Playing hard to get isnt a myth. Generally speaking, from what i have expreienced, some women 'play hard to get' when they really like someone, to become more desirable to them and test them... i guess.

'I dont want to hurt you' is a red flag...nicer way of saying sorry im not interested...

Hmm i duno girls are complicated..

W/salam

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It could be for many reasons. It could be that a woman loves another man but does not want to hurt your feeling and hence rejects you without telling you the real reason and just tells you " I don't want to hurt you". It could also be because she just does not have feeling for you and hence does not explain to you the reasons behind her rejection and just tells you she does not want to hurt you so you stop pursuing her. Women don't usually tell you directly the reason for rejecting you they rather you don't know so you don't get offended or hurt(sometimes they are very direct and clear when give you a rejection if the guy does not understand an indirect rejection).

If I am ever on the receiving end, I'd prefer she directly told me the reason for rejection in plain words. Sometimes we don't realise our own follies and faults. It might help the one being rejected not to make the same mistakes again and improve on their character the next time around.

I'd still prefer a direct refusal with reasons stated plainly even if that was due to things I had no control over. For example, my looks; my person, or if she has no feelings for me.

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If I am ever on the receiving end, I'd prefer she directly told me the reason for rejection in plain words. Sometimes we don't realise our own follies and faults. It might help the one being rejected not to make the same mistakes again and improve on their character the next time around.

I'd still prefer a direct refusal with reasons stated plainly even if that was due to things I had no control over. For example, my looks; my person, or if she has no feelings for me.

I would have to agree with u Marbles. The key to avoiding such vagueness would probably be self-reflection, and analyzing what you do constantly. Sometimes, emotions may get the better of an individual... where they try to be "nice" not to hurt you, which may end up causing more damage in the long run (for instance, carrying on with a relationship that an individual is not interested in, but stay in it because they are looking for nice ways to ease out of it)...Though such an act is obviously not intentionally meant to hurt anyone.

This situation is probably best dealt with through conversing about feelings, and maybe even reminding an individual about the long term damage that could be done from holding back on true feelings. Sometimes a reminder is all that is needed for someone to self-reflect and correct their actions.

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If I am ever on the receiving end, I'd prefer she directly told me the reason for rejection in plain words. Sometimes we don't realise our own follies and faults. It might help the one being rejected not to make the same mistakes again and improve on their character the next time around.

True but women think it's better not hurting the man than hurting just so he does not repeat the same mistakes..Usually it;s not about mistakes though, mostly it's about compatibility, personality and looks. I agree with you though that if you have some follies that can be fixed , like say the way you address women , then you should certainly be informed of such reasons.

I'd still prefer a direct refusal with reasons stated plainly even if that was due to things I had no control over. For example, my looks[...]

Sometimes the woman does not find the man suitable for her for no known reasons, she just does not see him as a potential husband so she might not even know the reason that backs her off from accepting. Other times, she'd know very well but do you seriously expect a woman to tell you "I refuse to marry you because you look ugly to me", would you be able to say that to a woman who's interested in you? I think not. I know that's never the case but just to get the point across, put yourself in women's place, say we live in a time when it's women who propose and never men, would you be able to tell women why you refuse to marry them or would you rather not hurt them? ......I think as much as men prefer a direct answer for being refused sometimes they should understand that it's better they don't know.

Also keep in mind they can't always tell you the reason. I'll give you an example, a X woman you proposed to let's say, loves another man secretly, she does not want anyone to know just yet so she refuses you for this reason but can't tell you, what do you expect her to say other than "you're a nice person but we're not meant for each other".

That being said, some men don't back off unless you give them a firm and satisfying reason for refusing them, with these types, don't be afraid of hurting them.

Edited by Calm
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Guest Zahratul_Islam

Salaam alaikum

Do women in general fear a man who loves them?

Why do women play ''hard to get''?? Does this even exist? Or is it just a myth?

Most women play hard to get because they believe men will use their resistance as a tool to measure their worth. It is as simple as that. Either she does not like you and she is not "playing" hard to get but playing a game of "stop making me uncomfortable," OR she is just trying to be appeal to your Iraqi notions on female virtue and modesty, etc.

Some of the more revolting analogies include comparing a woman to fruit, cars, etc. The more you have to pay for a car, the more desirable it becomes- the higher the apple is on a tree the more you want it, etc. As politically incorrect as they are (and as morally repugnant) they still reflect a deeper psychological cat and mouse game that men and women have always played. It isn't a reflection on women as much as it is a reflection on the simplicity and moral bankruptcy of a lot of men. You might have a lovely wife of many years who is unwaveringly faithful and still find another woman attractive because she is harder to attain.

Some people fear commitment, not sure what you mean about fearing "love." Love is amazing :wub:

What possible reason could there be for a girl to say ''I dont want to hurt you'' as a means of rejecting you??

She doesn't want to mention something you cannot change. If you were obnoxious, arrogant, etc she would be more than happy to put you in your place because your behavior warrants that type of response. However, if you seem like a decent person with some failings that are entirely out of your control she might want to ease the blow.

Another way of looking at it is that she might know a relationship between you is doomed to fail (due to unattractive looks or mundane personality) and she wants to spare you the pain of investing in something that will never fully reach fruition. Either way, she is rejecting you.

You seem like a nice Iraqi boy. I suggest you speak to your mother if you want to get married instead of trying to understand women. You will never understand women. All you need to do is find one willing girl and figure out how to keep from offending her.

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SERIOUSLLLYY the girl should simply be straight up about these things. If you are an overly aggressive man who is out of control or if you spend 20 hours a day playing nintendo then the girl should be damn upfront about these shortcomings so a man can work on them. If a girl does not like the way you look or like the way you sound or if your nose totally puts her off, then she should DEFINITELY also come clear and let the man know. Girls dont need to play the "I dont want to hurt you" joker card, you are already hurting the man enough by rejecting him silly woman, if you want to ease the pain, PLEASE LET THE POOR BROTHER KNOW HIS NOSE PUTS YOU OFF so he CAN THANK THE LORD FOR RIDDING HIM of your shallow sorry self...

No man wants to understand females, we just want you to stop playing games.

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do you seriously expect a woman to tell you "I refuse to marry you because you look ugly to me",

No, not in this manner. She can carefully choose her words and still convey the point across. It doesn't have to be demeaning or insulting in any way if the girl needs to say that she is not happy with the looks/personality. She can say anything from "I am not interested in you" to "I am not attracted to you" - and I think girls usually say that.

Saying something along the lines that "I don't want to hurt you" or giving a totally false reason, such as the istekhara was negative [which would be a lie ] can be frustrating for the man and may leave him confused.

If the guy is rejected, he's going to get hurt regardless. So it's a good idea to tell him the reason(s). It can help.

would you be able to say that to a woman who's interested in you? I think not.

Interestingly, I was put into a similar situation once. I couldn't bring myself to take interest in her personality even though she was a fine person otherwise. Frustrating as it was, I still told her plainly that I wasn't interested in her - and that I didn't think we were compatible. I also told her that I wouldn't consider a girl who was a Star Plus addict LOL.

Also keep in mind they can't always tell you the reason. I'll give you an example, a X woman you proposed to let's say, loves another man secretly, she does not want anyone to know just yet so she refuses you for this reason but can't tell you, what do you expect her to say other than "you're a nice person but we're not meant for each other".

It is fine if the girl refuses due to personal reasons which have nothing to do with the proposer. She can make a general statement about the non-compatibility or non-interest instead of saying that she doesn't want to hurt him. That would be at least partially true because the man doesn't need to know the real reason, such as in your example, behind the girl's refusal.

Edited by Marbles
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wow thanks for the responses everyone.

I would agree with several people here...I should not try to udnerstand women. No point.

She doesn't want to mention something you cannot change. If you were obnoxious, arrogant, etc she would be more than happy to put you in your place because your behavior warrants that type of response. However, if you seem like a decent person with some failings that are entirely out of your control she might want to ease the blow.

Another way of looking at it is that she might know a relationship between you is doomed to fail (due to unattractive looks or mundane personality) and she wants to spare you the pain of investing in something that will never fully reach fruition. Either way, she is rejecting you.

I think you hit the nail perfectly. She said ''I am way out of your league'' and ''your amazing person'' soo many times wallah. I am not trying to be arrogant...I am jsut trying to solve this problem i am having.

However, She says many times ''Its not like i dont think about it''

I just dont know, really I dont...i am feeling sorry for her because I feel like i am stressing her, even though I REALLY dont want to, quite the opposite.

You seem like a nice Iraqi boy. I suggest you speak to your mother if you want to get married instead of trying to understand women. You will never understand women. All you need to do is find one willing girl and figure out how to keep from offending her.

I would sister...but unfortunetely my mom does not have the capacity to help me with this due to a permanent illness.

The strange thing is..this girl I am implying about gave me many signs and hints she even out of the blue asked me if im ready to get married financially. Yet later on she comes back to me confused and saying telling me she thinks about me all the time but she doesnt want to hurt anyone.

Edited by IraqLives1
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[quote name='Marbles' date='03 March 2010 - 09:26 AM' timestamp='1267626406' post='2023809'

Saying something along the lines that "I don't want to hurt you" or giving a totally false reason, such as the istekhara was negative [which would be a lie ] can be frustrating for the man and may leave him confused.

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See even YOU were vague in your answer " not interested" means "I refuse you" it's not a reason and "not compatible" is also vague because you're not stating a real reason that once said, will help you change, what is she going to change if she does not know what exactly is not compatible with you? Point is, sometimes you have to be vague with your answer. As for the last part, "Star plus addict" I'm not sure what that means.

What possibly can you say if there is apparently no reason for rejecting a person? There is a difference between disliking a person and not getting to like them. To use a common term for the lack of words, some of us just don't click even if everything seems to be okay. In this case, the only reasonable thing would be to give non-compatibility or non-interest as the reason for rejection. And I think it would be true. It isn't something the rejected could possibly change. However, one should be ready to spell out that can be changed such as Star Plus addiction. :D

Star Plus is an Indian Hindi TV channel famous for its notorious soap operas. The usual themes of the serials are family politics, domestic in-fighting, conspiracies between husbands and wives, mothers and daughters-in-law, wives and sisters-in-law and what not. These ludicrous soaps are mega popular among desi women who have nothing to do. There have been instances where women have taken inspiration from these operas and acted irresponsibly in real life. It's rotten.

This is just a guess I'm going to make , she might just might be naughty and want you to insist on her because I find no reason to tell a man she thinks all the time about him when she's not interested in him, it does not make sense.

Or, maybe she is enjoying the attention and feeling flattered but doesn't want to get serious with him. Maybe she is not sure about him yet, or just flirting.

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