Need Help!

[14infallibles]

(bismillah)

(salam)

Uhh well.. I'm a teenage guy... <-- Yeah I may as well get that over with

Now, a few years ago I used to do all these haram activities with girls, etc. But now that I've learned a bit about my deen, I've realized I should just stay away from this. It's been going pretty good, al-hamdulillah, for quite a while, and I've been able to resist all the haram stuff like "dating" for a while now.

Recently, I chatted with this girl from my school on msn... And now I think she's onto me!

All right, I know I shouldn't have, and I completely regret even starting the conversation!

But now that she's onto me, how can I explain that I'm not like the other 50 guys she's dated (no she didn't actually date 50 guys), and I don't want any kind of relationship???

I want to know a way that isn't you know, offensive, mean, awkward, etc.

And please don't lecture me on why I shouldn't have even chatted with her... I know I made a huge mistake!

w/s

Thanks for your help

اللهم صل على محمد وال محمد

P.S: Now I know why you guys say that "a simple conversation will grow into a haram relationship"!

Edited February 7, 2010 by 14infallibles

[Shabbar-E-Shabbir]

But now that she's onto me, how can I explain that I'm not like the other 50 guys she's dated (no she didn't actually date 50 guys), and I don't want any kind of relationship???

I want to know a way that isn't you know, offensive, mean, awkward, etc.

And please don't lecture me on why I shouldn't have even chatted with her... I know I made a huge mistake!

Firstly, chatting with girls is perfectly fine, it is only wrong when you slip from the initial reason why you wanted to speak to the person and start getting into a more "intimate" discussion. So its best to avoid if possible.

If you don't want any kind of relationship, just tell her that, be straightforward. Say you are ok with being friends, nothing more than that. You also said you "think" shes onto you, so you may well be mistaken (I dont mean to harm your ego mister :P). If she makes a move, just say "quite honestly, Im really sorry, Im not interested in going into a relationship right now, Im sure its not the right time for me, theres nothing wrong with you, its just my plans, sorry" Job done :D

[14infallibles]

Firstly, chatting with girls is perfectly fine, it is only wrong when you slip from the initial reason why you wanted to speak to the person and start getting into a more "intimate" discussion. So its best to avoid if possible.

If you don't want any kind of relationship, just tell her that, be straightforward. Say you are ok with being friends, nothing more than that. You also said you "think" shes onto you, so you may well be mistaken (I dont mean to harm your ego mister :P). If she makes a move, just say "quite honestly, Im really sorry, Im not interested in going into a relationship right now, Im sure its not the right time for me, theres nothing wrong with you, its just my plans, sorry" Job done :D

(salam)

Thanks a lot for the reply

If she randomly told me after a bit of chatting with her that I owe her a hug, what does that lead to?

Hugging a non-mahram is haram, is it not?

I'm in a western country as well, so a quick hug between a male and female is something completely normal

So how can I avoid giving her a hug without seeming a bit awkward

And I'm really afraid that I'm going to get tempted to going back to my old days of haram, unless I'm able to stop it right now... :(

Thanks again for your help

w/s

Çááåã Õá Úáì ãÍãÏ æÇá ãÍãÏ

[Shabbar-E-Shabbir]

If she randomly told me after a bit of chatting with her that I owe her a hug, what does that lead to?

Hugging a non-mahram is haram, is it not?

I'm in a western country as well, so a quick hug between a male and female is something completely normal

So how can I avoid giving her a hug without seeming a bit awkward

1. Yes, Any physical contact is Haraam

2. When she asks for a hug, simply tell her its against my religion, she'll understand. Even better if she is a muslimah herself.

3. When girls try to hug me, I show to them that im uncomfortable with it, and give them a strong feeling of resistance, they normally understand - women tend to notice these little things :P and if they dont, just tell them that you're not comfortable. You need to spell it out for some.

[14infallibles]

2. When she asks for a hug, simply tell her its against my religion, she'll understand. Even better if she is a muslimah herself.

(salam)

Is this my only option?

Thanks

Çááåã Õá Úáì ãÍãÏ æÇá ãÍãÏ

[Shabbar-E-Shabbir]

Not really, but its generally most effective.

You could try avoiding her, but that would never get end with it.

I feel I have to get this across to you, dont burden yourself with this thought so much. Islam, particularly Islamic laws, are here to make our life easier, not harder, there is such a strict law inregards to male female interaction because females (mothers) are the fabric of society, its only to protect this sanctity do we have 'seemingly' strict islamic laws that leave people troubled im their minds. Think of it this way, this person will not be able to aid you in the day of Qiyamat, so dont worry about what she thinks of you, instead, please Allah s.w.t - if you are worried about your social status and what people will think about you, remember, it is Allah s.w.t who makes kings turn into slaves and slaves turn into kings, you may take a bit of a fall, but in the end, you will be the owner of a kingdom, when you follow Islam like this, you win both ways - In dunya and Akhira.

[14infallibles]

Not really, but its generally most effective.

You could try avoiding her, but that would never get end with it.

I feel I have to get this across to you, dont burden yourself with this thought so much. Islam, particularly Islamic laws, are here to make our life easier, not harder, there is such a strict law inregards to male female interaction because females (mothers) are the fabric of society, its only to protect this sanctity do we have 'seemingly' strict islamic laws that leave people troubled im their minds. Think of it this way, this person will not be able to aid you in the day of Qiyamat, so dont worry about what she thinks of you, instead, please Allah s.w.t - if you are worried about your social status and what people will think about you, remember, it is Allah s.w.t who makes kings turn into slaves and slaves turn into kings, you may take a bit of a fall, but in the end, you will be the owner of a kingdom, when you follow Islam like this, you win both ways - In dunya and Akhira.

(salam)

May Allah bless you

This is the most useful post I've ever seen on ShiaChat - And I've been here for a long time! (This is a new account)

Thank you - I now have the courage to just tell her straight up

Thanks a lot for your helpful posts

w/s

Çááåã Õá Úáì ãÍãÏ æÇá ãÍãÏ

[Leda]

(bismillah)

(salam)

Uhh well.. I'm a teenage guy... <-- Yeah I may as well get that over with

Now, a few years ago I used to do all these haram activities with girls, etc. But now that I've learned a bit about my deen, I've realized I should just stay away from this. It's been going pretty good, al-hamdulillah, for quite a while, and I've been able to resist all the haram stuff like "dating" for a while now.

Recently, I chatted with this girl from my school on msn... And now I think she's onto me!

All right, I know I shouldn't have, and I completely regret even starting the conversation!

But now that she's onto me, how can I explain that I'm not like the other 50 guys she's dated (no she didn't actually date 50 guys), and I don't want any kind of relationship???

I want to know a way that isn't you know, offensive, mean, awkward, etc.

And please don't lecture me on why I shouldn't have even chatted with her... I know I made a huge mistake!

w/s

Thanks for your help

Çááåã Õá Úáì ãÍãÏ æÇá ãÍãÏ

P.S: Now I know why you guys say that "a simple conversation will grow into a haram relationship"!

Okay, this is easy. Tell her about yourself, make it short, but tell her. She will understand and may have a great deal more respect for you once you did. Don't worry about anything because you are only going to GAIN rewards from what you do. We will all make mistakes on our journey to Allah but don't plan your stops. Allah will give you what you need, don't get twisted. And if you can't control your desire to be with women and talk, etc then get married. Simple isn't it. :angel:

(salam)

Thanks a lot for the reply

If she randomly told me after a bit of chatting with her that I owe her a hug, what does that lead to?

Hugging a non-mahram is haram, is it not?

I'm in a western country as well, so a quick hug between a male and female is something completely normal

So how can I avoid giving her a hug without seeming a bit awkward

And I'm really afraid that I'm going to get tempted to going back to my old days of haram, unless I'm able to stop it right now... :(

Thanks again for your help

w/s

Çááåã Õá Úáì ãÍãÏ æÇá ãÍãÏ

HAHAHAH no hugging it leads to heightened feelings and arousal , but then you know this. Shaitan is that "third" person involved in that hug bro. Keep your sense of humor and just be honest to her. "hey, I'm trying to stay on my deen, and hugging will definetly side track me." But anyway you know better, stay away, avert your eyes, and DONT CHAT> later

[FatimaZahra]

(salam) (bismillah)

about the hugging, tell her its against your deen, as others have said, she might<< ask in a mean way, "why" or may react in a rude way, but oh well, who do you care about more, you, or Allah, remember, the prophets avoided haraam and enjoined good, and they always had a BIG group of people against them, usually only a few of the people were on the prophets' side.

[14infallibles]

Okay, this is easy. Tell her about yourself, make it short, but tell her. She will understand and may have a great deal more respect for you once you did. Don't worry about anything because you are only going to GAIN rewards from what you do. We will all make mistakes on our journey to Allah but don't plan your stops. Allah will give you what you need, don't get twisted. And if you can't control your desire to be with women and talk, etc then get married. Simple isn't it. :angel:

(salam)

Thanks for this advice

As for the marriage part.. Well there is a problem... I'm 13! :!!!:

HAHAHAH no hugging it leads to heightened feelings and arousal , but then you know this. Shaitan is that "third" person involved in that hug bro. Keep your sense of humor and just be honest to her. "hey, I'm trying to stay on my deen, and hugging will definetly side track me." But anyway you know better, stay away, avert your eyes, and DONT CHAT> later

Good advice

(salam) (bismillah)

about the hugging, tell her its against your deen, as others have said, she might<< ask in a mean way, "why" or may react in a rude way, but oh well, who do you care about more, you, or Allah, remember, the prophets avoided haraam and enjoined good, and they always had a BIG group of people against them, usually only a few of the people were on the prophets' side.

(salam)

Thanks for the advice

In the end, she'll just move on anyways, right? I mean, don't girls think like that?

That if there's no chance of it happening, they'll just move on?

w/s

اللهم صل على محمد وال محمد

Edited February 8, 2010 by 14infallibles

[BintAlHoda]

Yes, just say "According to my religion, I'm not allowed to date." It worked for all of us in high school :)

[FatimaZahra]

Salaam,

ya, ^ i agree, many other religions also dont allow dating except to a certain age, so they have to tell people they dont date too, and no one usually has problems, though for islam, no dating, ever. Ask Allah to make it easy for you and that people wont treat you unkindly (though i doubt they will) because of this.

[14infallibles]

Yes, just say "According to my religion, I'm not allowed to date." It worked for all of us in high school :)

Salaam,

ya, ^ i agree, many other religions also dont allow dating except to a certain age, so they have to tell people they dont date too, and no one usually has problems, though for islam, no dating, ever. Ask Allah to make it easy for you and that people wont treat you unkindly (though i doubt they will) because of this.

(salam)

^ Thanks a lot for the help and advice

I've got it all figured out now anywyas

I'll just run away from home/school for like 2 weeks

by then the girl will have forgotten about me :)

Wassalam

Çááåã Õá Úáì ãÍãÏ æÇá ãÍãÏ

[fatima.19]

(salam)

Why can't you simply forget about her or ignore her ?

understand why doing - thinking about these love-desire stuff being haram - and to truly undertand why they aren't permitted in Islam:

Respect and common sense (!!!!)

Such girls probably don't respect themselves, most of them act desperately to satisfy themselves because they feel insecure or something.

Self respect too; you dnt hug girls not because it is against your religion, but because it might lead you to thinking - feeling - doing haram things - who aren't good for yourself and aren't permitted in your religion. Allah swt created these rules in Islam for our own well being ! - everything haram is haram for a reason and the same applies to halal things

Believe me - I've been ( well had close friends :P) go through these endless and pointless situations and they regret it all from the beggining.