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In the Name of God بسم الله

Casual Hug To Girl?

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S/A all!

Ok so im in a school where there are boys and girls mixed of different religions. The school is very good. Before reading my Question, note that changing schools is not an option.

Obviously, id make girl, FRIENDS, friends who are girls in this school. not girlfriend, but friends who are girls.

At school, for the past years ive tried avoiding haraam things with girls, like kissin, relationships, hugging, romatic affairs bla bla bla bla.

Now as we get older, hugs are ways people show to say goodbye. It becomes a 'normal' or 'casual' thing. Although always depending on how you take it.

When someone from our social group leaves, if they are a guy, give a hand or high five thing to everyone and exit. If they are a girl, they usually hug everyone and say goodbye.

So i was researching if the 'causal' hug is haraam, annd i found this, which seems 'dodgy', http://en.allexperts.com/q/Islam-947/2008/12/IMpoRTANTTTTTT-1.htm

It basically says, casual hugs with no romantic or evil desire are allowed, as they are just to show care. I follow sistani, so can someone clarify this for me???

Q1: Is the casual hug haraam or okay? It is very difficult to explain to them that i dont hug and stuff and i am very much ignored if i dont. I mean, i dont WANT TO, i just do it to not look stupid.

Q2: sometimes girls just come to me and hug me, for i dont know what reason, BEING honest -- when this type of hug occurs, yes ther is a split second of affectionate moment but seriously i never asked for it! Am i getting gunah for this?

There is a saying about the time when the 12th imam reappears or a sayin from imam husayn or something like that, dont know the exact words but something like "There will be a time in the world where what is good will be bad and what is bad will be good" (something like that)

The hug, nowadays in my school, at this age, 15 -17, a casual thing. is what im referring to...

Anyways, sorry if its complicated, but can someone PLEASE CLARIFY THESE ISSUES for me?? Its very important. I make sure i have no feeling of love or anything when i recieve a hug during the good bye ones.. My intention is clean, nothing dirty... is it allowed or no???

PLEASE AND THANKS!

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I have the same problem as you. Just display in some manner or form that you're uncomfortable with hugs and they'll get the message. If that doesn't work, when they're about to hug you next, just act as if you have to go somewhere, or quickly just nip out a bit, say hello to another friend and come back to your crew.

Somtimes you get those really annoying persistant ones that demand a hug, those are so hard to avoid, it gets frustratin :wacko:

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I think many young Muslims tend to hug members of the opposite sex when they're at school or college. While it's wrong since they're going to be non-mahrams I think you should make every effort to avoid getting into that situation. Girls do tend to hug a lot, but they wont take offence if you ask them not to hug you. At some point you have to make a decision on what's more important - Islam or being too friendly

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I think many young Muslims tend to hug members of the opposite sex when they're at school or college. While it's wrong since they're going to be non-mahrams I think you should make every effort to avoid getting into that situation. Girls do tend to hug a lot, but they wont take offence if you ask them not to hug you. At some point you have to make a decision on what's more important - Islam or being too friendly

Some young Muslims actively defend the practice. That's where the real issue comes from. Do you take the opinion of thousands scholars or a contemporary and friend?

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Some young Muslims actively defend the practice. That's where the real issue comes from. Do you take the opinion of thousands scholars or a contemporary and friend?

I think it's a case of them thinking that it's ok because they're "just friends".

My immediate concern isn't young muslims hugging - although it's worrying to see so many girls wearing hijab hugging, cuddling etc with boys - but that other muslim men have tried to hug my wife and have taken offence when she or I have objected. They don't see a problem as it's the norm here...

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Guest Zahratul_Islam

I actually got this link from one my evangelical Christian friends (her baking skills make her tolerable) about the Christian "side hug" that supposedly makes hugs less intimate and decreased the chances that a young, repressed virgin boy will make some poor girl incredibly uncomfortable. :lol:

You are a boy. Don't ever leave it up to your nonexistent ability to control yourself or your benign intentions. ;)

Edited by Zahratul_Islam
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(bismillah) (salam)

I am just straight up about it, say "my religion does not allow it" and then no one will bug you.

I agree completely. Being straight up early on is going to save so many difficult situations. Worst case scenario is they won't hang around with you, in which case you'll learn they weren't worthy of your friendship in the first place, and the right type of person who would want to be your friend would get to hear of this. Best case scenario is they'll want to know mor bout your religion; generally young people like others who are confident about their beliefs and have morals. Ponder on the words / 'lingo' you feel comfortable using to deal with this. Maybe even think of an alternative touch-free gesture to help fill the gap. The change may be uncomfortable at first but before long everyone will get used to it n you won't even remember you had this dilemma.

Look at it this way, if we're not even allowed to shake hands with the opposite gender, then hugging has got to be a serious no no right?! Even though you don't think you feel anything from hugging, Allah has a reason for everything he says. It could even be that the harm will only become apparent in your later life. It could be that you may not feel anything at the time but as a direct result of this you start to grow feelings for one of the girls - this is very possible. So do the right thing, it will make you stronger and a better person.

Wassalam

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I think it's a case of them thinking that it's ok because they're "just friends".

My immediate concern isn't young muslims hugging - although it's worrying to see so many girls wearing hijab hugging, cuddling etc with boys - but that other muslim men have tried to hug my wife and have taken offence when she or I have objected. They don't see a problem as it's the norm here...

I haven't seen that yet. It's never happened to my parents, but that is disturbing indeed.

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it's haraam and if they find it weird, just tell them that you're really into your 'personal space'. works for me.

I think it's a case of them thinking that it's ok because they're "just friends".

My immediate concern isn't young muslims hugging - although it's worrying to see so many girls wearing hijab hugging, cuddling etc with boys - but that other muslim men have tried to hug my wife and have taken offence when she or I have objected. They don't see a problem as it's the norm here...

really? that sounds weird.

are they the 'we hate islam but we're muslims by name so we're going to do everything against islam just out of spite' type?

maybe you should find other people to spend time with?

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I think many young Muslims tend to hug members of the opposite sex when they're at school or college. While it's wrong since they're going to be non-mahrams I think you should make every effort to avoid getting into that situation. Girls do tend to hug a lot, but they wont take offence if you ask them not to hug you. At some point you have to make a decision on what's more important - Islam or being too friendly

Islams always more important, ive tried the not to hug me thing before, but its failed a couple of times. Most the times its worked so yeah. probllem is i am excluded from social gatherings like lunches and stuff if i refuse>? its not about real friends or anything, im just talkin as in, they think im too different for them. . . . kinda hard to explain but, yah. I have community friends too from my madrassa who i go places with. But in my school ther very, very few muslims who take this issue seriously. And it is very frustrating to not have a school social group. As i spend more time in school than madressa.

If you have anymore advice il b happy to listen. I guess all i can do now is continue what i usually do, avoid the hugs by leavin the group for a second. But haha it gets kinda obvious that im avoiding the hug.

Life is so complicated and difficult. Urgh, .

Recite a quick muta before the hug and end it after. Problem solved.

haha thats a joke right? not realy possible. If it was id b doing it, mutah ther parents have to know and she has to knw wat im talkin....!?!?!? :o

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(bismillah) (salam)

I am just straight up about it, say "my religion does not allow it" and then no one will bug you.

I've done that many times, and i get questioned SO MUCH by the non muslims and non shias. There are many muslims in my year, but most of them i dont think are learned as much as i am, when it comes to social issues or simillar like this. Some are possibly learned but do not follow and show others that they do not follow.

Anyway, so if i do say that, they tell me "how comes all the other muslims do it". Then i tell them that i follow whereas they dont. In the end, i am treated differently by a lot of people, as news spreads.

School life burns.

:/

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Ok. Do you have anything to support this ? :S more detail would be helpful

Shaking hands with women is forbidden, so obviously hugs is a definite no.

It's difficult and tough to refrain from interactions with the opposite gender, especially when it is considered the norm, but hey, that's the struggle, and remember Allah is always watching.

I had to spend my breaks in the library because of this, as there was no one to socialise with at school that excluded the opposite gender being involved in some way or another. The interesting thing is that I found one or two Hindus more understanding to my social ideologies and preferences (non-mixing) than other Muslims and Shias in the same school!

And it seems to be getting worse. We can only pray for the future generations.

Edited by Sadiq M...
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Islams always more important, ive tried the not to hug me thing before, but its failed a couple of times. Most the times its worked so yeah. probllem is i am excluded from social gatherings like lunches and stuff if i refuse

Here's the bad news.

At the moment the decisions you have to make are relatively easy.

As you grow up you'll find that some people will swear blind that unless they behave in a very similar fashion to non-Muslims they would not have a worthwhile career. There are other people who somehow manage to stick to their principles and still do rather well commercially and financially.

Which of these paths you take will be up to you. But this experience should show you that in the West it is possible to put yourself in an environment where it becomes difficult not to conform, but believe me it is possible to choose environments where you can more easily do your own thing.

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it's haraam and if they find it weird, just tell them that you're really into your 'personal space'. works for me.

really? that sounds weird.

are they the 'we hate islam but we're muslims by name so we're going to do everything against islam just out of spite' type?

maybe you should find other people to spend time with?

no, I don't think so. They know it's wrong but don't think it's that much of a problem. To be fair, it's not that many people but it's still surprising when it happens. You don't need to understand intricate details of Islamic law to know that it's wrong.

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not hug a girl? people have done much more socially offensive things and have gotten away with it. sometimes it depends on how you "spin" things.

the fasiqeen get away with everything and we cant?

anyhow, if there is no way to solve this problem except by becoming friendless, then so be it. it will be over in a few years time when you leave that place.

Edited by Muhammed Ali
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S/A all!

Ok so im in a school where there are boys and girls mixed of different religions. The school is very good. Before reading my Question, note that changing schools is not an option.

Obviously, id make girl, FRIENDS, friends who are girls in this school. not girlfriend, but friends who are girls.

At school, for the past years ive tried avoiding haraam things with girls, like kissin, relationships, hugging, romatic affairs bla bla bla bla.

Now as we get older, hugs are ways people show to say goodbye. It becomes a 'normal' or 'casual' thing. Although always depending on how you take it.

When someone from our social group leaves, if they are a guy, give a hand or high five thing to everyone and exit. If they are a girl, they usually hug everyone and say goodbye.

So i was researching if the 'causal' hug is haraam, annd i found this, which seems 'dodgy', http://en.allexperts.com/q/Islam-947/2008/12/IMpoRTANTTTTTT-1.htm

It basically says, casual hugs with no romantic or evil desire are allowed, as they are just to show care. I follow sistani, so can someone clarify this for me???

Q1: Is the casual hug haraam or okay? It is very difficult to explain to them that i dont hug and stuff and i am very much ignored if i dont. I mean, i dont WANT TO, i just do it to not look stupid.

Q2: sometimes girls just come to me and hug me, for i dont know what reason, BEING honest -- when this type of hug occurs, yes ther is a split second of affectionate moment but seriously i never asked for it! Am i getting gunah for this?

There is a saying about the time when the 12th imam reappears or a sayin from imam husayn or something like that, dont know the exact words but something like "There will be a time in the world where what is good will be bad and what is bad will be good" (something like that)

The hug, nowadays in my school, at this age, 15 -17, a casual thing. is what im referring to...

Anyways, sorry if its complicated, but can someone PLEASE CLARIFY THESE ISSUES for me?? Its very important. I make sure i have no feeling of love or anything when i recieve a hug during the good bye ones.. My intention is clean, nothing dirty... is it allowed or no???

PLEASE AND THANKS!

(bismillah) (salam)

the situation your explaining results from hanging around with the wrong crowd, clearly if you don't hang around girls, or boys that hang around girls then there's nothing to hug, Am I right?

And yes it is haram because Zina dosent happen instantaneously it's little things like that lead one thing to another, that's how shaytan Approaches people

btw with a username like that I don't think you'll understand lol

(wasalam)

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Although many of us might have our own personal views on the issue, it is important to see what our Religious Authorities (Maraja Taqleed) have to say in this regard. Ayatollah Sayyid Ali al-Sistani represents the view of the majority of our scholars when he states that a Muslim man is not allowed to shake hands with a woman without a barrier, such as gloves, unless refraining from shaking hands will put him in a considerable harm or unbearable difficulty. In the latter case, he is allowed to shake hands to the extent of necessity only. Therefore, in certain rare circumstances, there are exceptions to the rule.

http://www.islamicinsights.com/news/community-affairs/to-shake-or-not.html

more

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=%22unless+refraining+from+shaking+hands+will+put+him+in+a+considerable+harm+or+unbearable+difficulty%22&aq=f&aql=&aqi=&oq=

"considerable difficulty" is quite subjective. What may be difficult for you may not be difficult for someone else. Would embarrassment and humilation be "considerable difficulty? I believe it could at times.

Lastly it says touching with a barrier is fine so wouldn't that include hugging? I believe it does.

Humor can also get you off the hook, from personal experience. You tell her, I am spiritually allergic to beautiful women. You don't want me to die do you? If she still insists on hugging you you tell her the spiritual antidote is mut'ah. I can't touch women unless they are my relatives or my wife. Mut'ah is a light marriage agreement. All we got to do is exchange a small gift, define a term for our agreement, say a few words in Arabic and then you can hug me all you want and I won't die, God willing. :)

According to most scholars there is no limit to the number of women you can do mut'ah with simultaneously. Mut'ah can be non-sexual too. Discussing mut'ah is a very good form of da'wah also. It makes people curious about your religous beliefs.

I am very proud of you that you care about your religion enough to ask the question. Mut'ah is a good solution for so many things like "adopting" children to make Mahram, do a non-sexual mut'ah with a daughter. Also it is a good solution for nurses touching you or even doctors or going physical therapy, massage, and even getting a hair-cut by a woman.

O ye who believe! If ye help Allah, He will help you and will make your foothold firm. 47:7

s/a, thanks for your reply. I personally would NOT call it difficult.. its just that i will slowly go towards the social outcast and i feel eventually il have nothing. U knw i use these non mahram girls help for work alot :D so, they are useful at times. but if the rule is if there is unbearable difficulty, then i guess ill just have to avoid it as best as i can.

This mutah thing, according to ayatulah sistani, dont parents need to know? or the girls parent or fathers paretn or anything? how hard or easy it is to do a mutah? if its temprorary marriage dont i have to live with her or something?? ... can you please clarify this for me? ive always tried to learn bout it but the websites make it so complicated. In short, what must be done, and how. ? thnks

(bismillah) (salam)

btw with a username like that I don't think you'll understand lol

(wasalam)

hahahahaha lol. i saw this advert on tv advertising imconfused.com, so i thought i mite aswell use it :D

Edited by imconfused
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S/A all!

Ok so im in a school where there are boys and girls mixed of different religions. The school is very good. Before reading my Question, note that changing schools is not an option.

Obviously, id make girl, FRIENDS, friends who are girls in this school. not girlfriend, but friends who are girls.

At school, for the past years ive tried avoiding haraam things with girls, like kissin, relationships, hugging, romatic affairs bla bla bla bla.

Now as we get older, hugs are ways people show to say goodbye. It becomes a 'normal' or 'casual' thing. Although always depending on how you take it.

When someone from our social group leaves, if they are a guy, give a hand or high five thing to everyone and exit. If they are a girl, they usually hug everyone and say goodbye.

So i was researching if the 'causal' hug is haraam, annd i found this, which seems 'dodgy', http://en.allexperts.com/q/Islam-947/2008/12/IMpoRTANTTTTTT-1.htm

It basically says, casual hugs with no romantic or evil desire are allowed, as they are just to show care. I follow sistani, so can someone clarify this for me???

Q1: Is the casual hug haraam or okay? It is very difficult to explain to them that i dont hug and stuff and i am very much ignored if i dont. I mean, i dont WANT TO, i just do it to not look stupid.

Q2: sometimes girls just come to me and hug me, for i dont know what reason, BEING honest -- when this type of hug occurs, yes ther is a split second of affectionate moment but seriously i never asked for it! Am i getting gunah for this?

There is a saying about the time when the 12th imam reappears or a sayin from imam husayn or something like that, dont know the exact words but something like "There will be a time in the world where what is good will be bad and what is bad will be good" (something like that)

The hug, nowadays in my school, at this age, 15 -17, a casual thing. is what im referring to...

Anyways, sorry if its complicated, but can someone PLEASE CLARIFY THESE ISSUES for me?? Its very important. I make sure i have no feeling of love or anything when i recieve a hug during the good bye ones.. My intention is clean, nothing dirty... is it allowed or no???

PLEASE AND THANKS!

(salam)

Color your face in black bro :).. and start wearing your old stinky clothes :).. they will stop hugging you ::P

Peace

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(bismillah) (salam)

I am just straight up about it, say "my religion does not allow it" and then no one will bug you.

Yeah and then totally drop out of American Society itself, slowly become an outcast

Edited by pakistanyar
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(salam)

Color your face in black bro :).. and start wearing your old stinky clothes :).. they will stop hugging you ::P

Peace

To Labbaik Khamenai,

Could you please clarify what you mean by 'colour your face in black..........and they will stop hugging you'

If you mean what I think you mean that's racist, so unislamic and frankly I'm disgusted! Asthaghfirullah!

May Allah guide you

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Yeah and then totally drop out of American Society itself, slowly become an outcast

(salam)

What's more important to you? Stopping yourself from sinning or being accepted by everyone?

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Both of you kids need to calm down.

Yeah and then totally drop out of American Society itself, slowly become an outcast

Will not hugging some girl make you an outcast? No. If you loudly proclaim that you can't do it because you might fall into temptation.. she might find you a bit creepy (who wouldn't) otherwise it is perfectly acceptable to just be the guy who doesn't really like hugs. There are plenty of people in high school who were super cool and yet unhugable (moi :angel: ).

Have you learnt nothing from Karbala?

I must have missed the Kerbala reference about hugging the girl from 3rd period biology class. You can't go around with the mentality of a martyr who is willing to sacrifice a social life for the sake of Islam... JUST LIKE HUSSAIN :yaali: No. There are appropriate ways of adhering to your beliefs and still having a healthy, active social life. We like to call it moderation, the middle ground, etc.

Edited by Zahratul_Islam
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.........So i was researching if the 'causal' hug is haraam.........

in my opinion HARAAM~~ even to touch, cause your intention is to touch her no matter its pure or not. no touching at all in my opinion.

Edited by shia_guy86
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I must have missed the Kerbala reference about hugging the girl from 3rd period biology class. You can't go around with the mentality of a martyr who is willing to sacrifice a social life for the sake of Islam... JUST LIKE HUSSAIN post-45373-1209287012.gif No. There are appropriate ways of adhering to your beliefs and still having a healthy, active social life. We like to call it moderation, the middle ground, etc.

I was referring to the extreme scenario and circumstances where you have to choose between your principles or conforming to the norms of society.

Never shall salvation reach the people who win the consent of the people at the displeasure of the Creator

Imam al-Hussayn ['a]

If you are able to do both at the same time, uphold your principles amidst society, then even better.

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"Abstain from an action which you will have to do covertly and secretly which you feel ashamed to do openly. Refrain from a deed

which you will have to accept as evil or bad, or for which you will have to tender an apology or excuse." Hazrat Ali Ibne Abi Talib (A.S)

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